NinjaNeer's advice column

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Q: I'll make it as brief & clear as possible.

I am 19 and female. I live at home with my parents. My boyfriend and I are getting an apartment in a month or two (thank the Lord). But in my house, my parents always put me down and yell at me. I have clinical depression, and high anxiety. I am on lots of medication. I can't seek help b/c I am broke (just started working) and my parents think it's all in my head. My mom is an alcoholic so when she is drunk she likes to hit me, and yell at me. My dad doesn't drink [he's diabetic], but he yells at me and threatens me. Sometimes I have to go all day stuck in my room without food because my parents won't let me out.

I just started work at this bank. Well my manager has been very criticizing of me. I am a very emotional person. So when she does, I want to cry. And she says I need to be super happy with customers, like perky kinda happy. She got one complaint from a customer saying I didn't make her comfortable or something. I try my best to be happy. Yeah I smile.. but I can't be super happy. It's just really hard. At home I get all this crap, and I go to work. I feel depressed, and it's hard to be perky happy. I couldn't even pretend. I just feel so desolate.. I am trying to make everyone happy, but I don't know how.

Could someone please tell me what I should do.. how can I make everyone happy?

I feel your pain. I suffer from depression and anxiety as well, and I work in a very customer-service oriented job.

Your parents are a lost cause. The sooner you stop trying to make them happy, the better. They are toxic people, and you need to avoid that.

As for your job; you need to put on a happy face. Think of it as a mask. Whatever happens, you maintain that smile and that happy facade, no matter what you're feeling on the inside. Pretend. You need to, if you want to keep a customer service job.

Separate your work life from your home life. If you've had a bad day at home, then think of work as an escape; a chance to take a bad day and make it good. Take pride in your little accomplishments. If you made a miserable-looking person smile, or helped someone, give yourself a little internal gold star! You've done something good. If you have a bad customer, or your boss is in a pissy mood, it's their own fault. Pity them because they have to live with themselves, and you at least only had to spend 5 minutes talking to them.

You will need your boyfriend to get you through this. Make sure he is up to the challenge of helping you deal with work stress and home stress, especially when you move into the apartment. It's very difficult getting established in your first place, so that will be a source of stress, but it will be good stress.

Q: hi, im from the UK, im sure that will help. Ok, im wondering, when Prince charles becomes king, the money will change yes? like, the coins, and the notes will have the queens face on it, and the current money with the queens face on it, will be taken away right? So if i were to keep the money with the queens face on it (when prince charles becomes king) will it increase on value? as there will be less of it circulating?

thanks :)

I don't know how it is in the UK, but in Canada we have the monarchy on our money too.

This has happened in the past, and generally, they'll just stop creating new coins with that person's face. It only makes them more rare in the sense that old ones end up lost, and are replaced by newly minted coins with the new monarch on them. Every year a whole bunch of new money is printed to replace this loss. Eventually, the older stuff is harder to find.

Q: okay so heres how it is. for two days i would sit down and around there my uturs would hurt and sometimes its crampy i thought cuz i needed to fart. haha but idk. and my back hurt yesterday kinda. but its killing me. not really but its annoying.

Sounds like PMS to me!

I know that for me, my lower back gets really really sore when I'm anywhere from 3-14 days before my period. That's because your cramps can extend from your abdomen to your back. My uterus area gets all tender, and I feel all bloaty.

Try taking some Midol and see if that helps out. Keep hydrated, and avoid caffeine and chocolate.

Q: Hi, My name is Brittany well i wanna have sex with my bf he is so omg cute when ever i see him i feel nervous and i feel like ima have an orgasm just from looking at him and we spend a lot of time togehter alone cause no ones home or is sick and we kissed once but it was on accident and i wish it wasn't and whenever he just pokes me i wanna jump on him and rade though his parade and omg like i belive in marriage before sex.what should i do before i reveal myself in so many new ways to him.

Please i need advice fast!

What you've got to understand is that you're a teenager, and as a result you are composed of 90% hormones. That's what's telling you to jump his bones all the time!

Hold out for a while. I'm not saying that you have to wait until you're married, but wait until you know that you want to have sex with the guy because of the right reasons. The right reasons: because you love them (real love, not OMG LUV

Q: well im a 17/F and my bf he's 20 he wants us to live together i mean i do want to but idk if my parents are going to agree with it yeah of course my parents like him, but they're kind of over protective. and besides i havent finished high school yet im bearly a senior.What should i do?

Your boyfriend has to understand that you guys are at totally different stages in life right now.

Your priority should be school at this point in your life. Your next priority? Preparing for post-secondary education, whatever that may be.

Living with your parents gives you a ton of freedom. You don't need to deal with all the crap that comes with living independently; rent, paying bills, getting groceries, cooking, cleaning, etc. If you were to move in with your boyfriend, you would need to start taking on these responsibilities.

My suggestion is to wait it out. You want to have a chance at independence for a while before moving in with someone else. Things may be changing in your relationship. Over the next few years, you're going to change a lot as a person, and you shouldn't be locked into anything.

When you're 19 or so, and you've had a shot at living on your own (or with friends), if you still want to move in with him go ahead! You'll be able to handle the stresses of maintaining your own place, so all you'll need to deal with is the stress of moving in with someone (trust me... it's stressful).

When you move in with someone, you see the good, the bad, and the really ugly. Make sure you're ready for that and that you can handle it when it comes.

Q: Advice columnists give advice. This site is not for advice columnists.

Hear me out.

Most people here are concerned about their ratings or how many questions they've answered, to give themselves an illusion of being perfect.

When somebody actually comes along who needs some help, but its a touchy subject that would take too long to answer or might bring down your rating, there are a golden few who actually bother answering. And what if the person who asked really needs some serious help?

But it's safer to stick to your comfort zone, answer the easy questions such as "What color should I die my hair?" and "How do I get free Jonas Brothers tickets?"

For those of you with paid accounts, you can see what question I asked last. And you'll realize that as of right now, only one person answered. One person. And I was sincerely hoping for more guidance and advice because I don't know what else to do.

It seems unless the question is all-out shocking or all-out stupid, a question like mine will fly under the radar. And I'm used to by now flying under the radar. That's why I'm in such a mess with myself.

I'm just getting sick of this. Telling someone which stores carry skinny jeans and how to cheat on a test is not advice. Helping someone through a problem is advice.

Watch me get a million responses to this one.

I don't answer shopping questions.

I don't answer lyrics questions.

I've stopped answering "Could I be pregnant?" questions too.

I don't even try to answer the dumb teenager questions.

I try to stick to the hard ones. The ones where a person actually needs real advice. And you know what happens?

I get screwed.

I have received so many rude feedbacks to questions where I posted actual well thought out advice.

With that in mind, why should I bother answering them anymore? You don't get rude feedback for suggesting the wrong hair dye colour.

Just about any time I've tackled a difficult question (and you'd be surprised how much time, research and effort I put into some of my answers) I've received a horrible, ranting, nasty response. And that's if I get any response at all. Most of the time, the difficult questions are the ones that don't give you a rating or any feedback.

I'm not looking for a pat on the head. I'm looking for appreciation. "Thanks!" would suffice.

That's why people don't answer those tough questions anymore. Because people don't want the tough advice that comes with those tough questions, and they can't handle it. Or because they're too wrapped up in their problems to appreciate help when it's offered.

Q: i have been smoking a lot of weed and i recently have gotten migraines from it. is that possiable? because research shows that marijuuana relieves migraines.

This happened to one of my housemates. She stopped smoking and it went away within weeks.

You may want to see a doctor just in case. What with doctor-patient confidentiality, they won't have you arrested, and they'll be able to figure out if it's that or something more serious.

Q: i hav a 16 yrold daughter who has been living with me for 2 mth,and she tells me last nite she is 5 months preg.she is a below average student,with out a plan for the future.she wants to keep the baby and i am against it,i have told her my reason.i also told her she cant live with me with a baby.was i to hard on her?

Last I checked, you're not demanding that she have an abortion. You're saying that you want her to have a plan. That's not unreasonable. It doesn't sound like you're planning on leaving her homeless and pregnant, so you are not being overly harsh.

Your daughter was planning on pawning off all the responsibilities of being a young mother on you; food, shelter, etc. If anything, you are doing her a favour by teaching her about responsibility. You should not be punished for her poor decisions against your will.

If your daughter wants the freedom to have (and keep) a baby, she needs to have all the responsibilities associated with it. She needs to see how hard it is to care for an infant. Grown-up decisions have grown-up consequences, and that's a lesson that sheltered teenagers never learn.

Your daughter (and others) may think you're being too hard on her. In the end, she will be a better person for this, no matter which way she decides.

Q: Hi, I live in New Jersey.
I heard that in Michigan, for every bottle you recycle its a 10c refund. Considering Michigan is over 9 hours away from New Jersey, is it possible to ship out the bottles and get money shipped back to me? Thanks! How would I even begin doing that?

Even if you could, it would probably end up costing you way more in shipping fees than you'd make!

I did a quick calculation with a box a little bigger than a case of beer (because you'd need to allow for wrapping) and a 10 lb weight. (so about 40 bottles). Just to ship between Trenton and Detroit (again, picked at random) by regular mail would cost you $11. This doesn't include wrapping materials, either.

What would you make from the bottle sales? $4.00.

There are much better and less time consuming ways to make some extra cash!

Q: can you use nair "down there?" (for girls use) Has anybody tried?

You may want to try a sensitive Nair formula, as opposed to the regular stuff. I find that the normal Nair burns like crazy. They make one specifically for bikini maintenance that's much more easy on the skin.

Whatever you do, try to keep it away from the more sensitive areas of your lady parts. It can seriously burn, and that sucks.

Q: 16.F, Junior in high school to be.

Problem: I want to work out right after school so that I am energized to do all my homework and studying, but I would be sweaty after I work out and need to shower, chewing up valuable homework and study time; in any case, I would rather shower at night to relax my body and loosen up for bed.

Solutions that would not work:
- Working out at a different time. (I am most drained right after school. I can't work out in the morning since the elliptical is in my parents' room and I don't want to wake them up, and it wouldn't be healthy to work out after dinner since I would feel sick.)
- Taking two showers. (Again, chewing up valuable homework / study time, as well as water.)

Should I just stick on some deodorant, change my clothes, do my homework and studying, eat dinner, and then shower? Would this be okay? Is this hygenic?

It's perfectly okay to wait a while after working out to shower. Do you shower EVERY time you get sweaty in the summer? Likely not.

My suggestion would be to get something like Oxy pads for cleaning your face and freshening up after. You could even use baby wipes to give your body a quick wipe-down. You'll keep feeling clean without needing to hop in the shower right away.

Q: hi! i am a male of 20 and i have a very nice girlfriend who is very satisfying in sex and otherwise too. she knows that males love to have oral sex and i d too and so she does ti for me. but i have never done the same for her , if u know what i mean , means i have never given her some tongue action down there. although i want to do it but i am afraid how would it feel like.. i am afraid that it might make me feel a bit gross means i dont know how would it taste like and all. its not anything related to hygein. she has it very clean and nicely shaved up but still i dont know what to do... any helps...

If you're worried about taste, try using a flavoured lube. You can get them at drug stores really inexpensively in awesome flavours (like pina colada!). That way you can ease yourself into it. I find I like using it on my guy, too.

What you need to do is communicate with her. Try different things. Ask her to tell you when you do something that she really enjoys.

If she's not comfortable with telling you verbally, she'll be telling you with her body language. If she raises her hips or kind of grinds on you, that generally means good things. The more movement or noise she's making, the better.

Try to stick to one motion for moderate stretches of time. Don't switch between different movements, or she'll be over-stimulated. Keep a nice, slow rhythm and build as she does.

Q: Is there anything you can use as lubricant for sex, especially anal, that can be found around a house? Ive heard that some stuff can cause an infection or what ever but i really dont want to buy lube so is there anything safe i can use?

I know this isn't the answer you want, but you should NOT use household items for lubricant... especially anal lubricant.

Never use lotion; it can cause severe irritation and infection.

If you're using condoms, you should never use an oil or petroleum based product (like Vaseline). It damages the condom and makes it weaker and more prone to breakage. With anal, you probably should use a condom, since it does increase the potential for STD transmission (microscopic tears allow viruses easy passage)

I would even say that you shouldn't use regular lube for anal sex. It's fairly thin. Special anal lubes are cheap (about $10 for a bottle that lasts FOREVER since you only need a few drops) and they're much thicker than regular lube, so they stay put better.

If you're going to be going in the back door, you don't want to cheap out. If you don't lubricate properly, small tears can occur in the rectum (OUCH!) and they can get infected really easily.

Q: 16/f

people usually say im pretty skinny, but i have 36 D's and i have a hard time standing up straight and supporting them because i already have back problems without the boobs. im pregnant though, so theyll probably get even bigger...

i hate hate hate the thick ass straps, and bras that come up so high that i cant wear a v neck or spaghetti straps. and i really hate push up bras because i feel like thats just tryin to make them loook better.

so wear can i get affordable bras that i'd like that will pick them up and keep them up. (cuz a lot of bras hold ya at first then they sink through out the day).

thanks !

If you can get to a Hanes outlet, they have the best bras ever. And they're so cheap! They also have an online store.

http://www.hanes.com/Hanes/Categories/Women-Hanes/Women_ShopByCategory-Hanes/Women_Bras-Hanes.aspx

You will need thick(er) straps. Trust me, I can sympathize (40 DDD here). I know they're not cute. They're the only ones that can really keep supporting all day. Of course, decorative bras with cute little straps are fine for special occasions, but I would suggest the not so attractive but very practical bras for daily wear. Steer clear of demi-cut bras (to avoid quadra-boob), but feel free to go for plunge-cut.

Q: I know that looking good in public is important and that guys like good looking girls but my friends are getting on my nerves about it! They are so obsessed with having the "perfect" figure and make-up so that these "hot" boys will show interest in them. One of my friends finally told me that the rest of the group is upset with me because my boyfriend is "hot" and I didn't even have to "try" to get him. I did "try" though...I approached him at lunch after our science class and said, "Hey, I think you're neat. Would you happen to be free this weekend?" That was it! They're upset I didn't go to extremes like they did, I guess.

Yeah, I do my make-up and I dress nicely but I don't spend hours in the bathroom or need to "touch-up" multiple times at school. I don't do my make-up to look like a raccoon or a boxer with two black eyes. I do my (light) make-up in the morning for like 10 minutes and then go to school and be MYSELF. I don't spend a fortune on clothes because I know they're just not worth it. I don't flash my boobs or anything in front of boys to get their attention.

I tried to explain to them that the kind of attention they're getting isn't what they are REALLY after. I told them to just talk to boys and let it naturally flow but they're SOOOOO obsessed with appearance. All they're going to get is used and I keep telling them that! When they DO get used they seem so shocked. I'm so tired of them.

Should I just stop being friends with them and go my own way or what? They don't listen to what I tell them and they are so extreme. It's gotten to the point that I laugh when they have their hearts broken. Can this be fixed or are we just not compatible as friends?

You sound like me, 5 years ago.

There comes a point in time in every relationship (be that romantic or friendship) and re-evaluate. Sure, you may have had a ton in common with these girls a year or two ago. Have you changed? Have they? Do you gain anything by being friends with them?

People sometimes grow in different directions. You've grown up; they've grown stupid. That can cause a rift.

It's not like you have to either be best friends or never talk to them again. Just try to remove yourself from the thick of it while seeking some friends with more common goals to yours. Try joining an extra-curricular activity.

Q: Okay so basically,I am 19 & I had a misscarriage almost 2 months ago, suffered rape about 3 years ago and suffer with panic attacks and quite severe depression.
The other day I got into a conversation with a friend as I text him saying, are you awake. This was about midnight, he text back with yeah why, I said I feel down and sad, and just wanted to talk to someone.

He asked me what was up and I just said, I was watching a program on tv called ''Underage & Pregnant'', I knew I didn't wanna watch it but at the same time, I had this urge to, so I did. And it left me feeling low.

He basically said, your not the only one whos been through this, my girlfriend had a miscarriage too and we didnt even know she was pregnant, your always so low and upset and your not the only one, and hes pissed off with it.
I text back saying I have a right to be upset still though :( and he said your still doing it, you know i been through the same thing but your still saying about you being upset.''

At that point I felt utterly crap, I truely feel selfish and almost like I am not allowed to grieve for my unborn child. I dont know what to do, and this has made me feel really bad. Could someone expres their opinion on the matter,

I knew

What this guy obviously doesn't understand is that for some people, the only way to heal is to talk about what happened. He needs to realize that although you're not the only one to go through this, neither is he! People with similar experiences should be able to draw strength from one another, not wallow separately in their own grief.

Do you currently work with a psychiatrist? I would strongly recommend it, as someone who has dealt with severe depression. You just need to shop around, find one who you like and are comfortable talking to. You may not need medication, but you do need someone to talk to and to help you move on with life while dealing with your grief.

Failing that, is there anyone else that you can talk to? Any other close friends? This guy sounds like he's not very helpful to you. Are you friends with his girlfriend? If not, maybe you could try striking up a friendship. There's a great deal of comfort in shared experiences.

You're not being selfish; he is.

Q: Heyyy I need help! My razor (Venus Vibrance) just crapped out on me. What's the best kind of razor you've used? Price doesn't matter, I just need a good one. Thanks!

This will sound weird...

I actually like to use mens' razors. My favourite is the Gilette Fusion.

I find that they stay sharper longer (because mens' facial hair is coarser) and that they give a way closer shave. Also, they've got that individual blade, which is handy for bikini-area tidying.

Q: hi, i was just wondering if you ever majored in math in college (if you went.) Im horrible at math and I have always wanted to be a psychologist. Do you have to take intricate math courses in college for the psychology study?

thanks so much!!!!

I'm an engineering major, so I've got tons of math. I'm never going to escape! LOL

I asked my friends in psych, though, and they said that they only had to take one math class.

The class is a basic calculus class. They write the course specifically for social sciences students, so it's not on the same levels as what math majors are taking!

You'd learn a little about graphing curves and stuff like that. Nothing too weird.

Q: I'm 18/f and have wanted a tattoo for quite some time.

I've always wanted a short quote along the side of my foot, and there are only 2 things stopping me.

I'm not very pain-tolerant, and I know the foot is one of the most painful places to get a tattoo, and the easiest to get an infection. I've done my research. Also, the quote I used to want is much too long to get on my foot.

So here are my questions:

Does anyone know and good, short-esque quotes you could get tattooed along the side of your foot? [If you've seen a tattoo you think is awesome (small tattoo!) and it's not a quote, feel free to share that too]

And, just in case I decide that I'm much too pain intolerant to get it on the side of my foot, what are some other, less painful places to get a quote tattoo? Make sure it's a place that can be easily covered when I enter my career (I'm in college to become a teacher).

I'm not going to get one unless I'm positive, but there's nothing wrong with getting suggestions.

Thanks!

If I ever got a tattoo, it would be

"Veni, Vidi, Vici"

I came, I saw, I conquered.

Now that I think about it, the foot would be an appropriate place for it!

Q: how did u get the .5 dRock??

Do you mean this?

Drock = 0.5aTrock^2
= 0.5*9.81*Trock^2

It's an equation for distance travelled.

d = vt + (1/2)at^2

In this case, though, your starting velocity (v) is 0, since you're dropping it, not throwing it. 0*t will equal zero, so you can forget about that part.

The 9.81 comes from acceleration due to gravity.

bio

My Personal Forum

My name is Amanda and I'm 26 years old. I'm currently studying electrical engineering. Armed with a fairly odd sense of humour and a sunny outlook on life, I'll take on just about anything. I'm also cussedly stubborn, which has its ups and downs. Things get tough sometimes, and I've never been one to run from it.

In my last 8 years with Advicenators, I've gone from honours student to failing out of university (and getting back on top again!), from single to married, from tenant to homeowner.

Until lately, I have been struggling with a diagnosis of bipolar disorder and OCD, which had basically ruined my life and taken just about everything from me. I'm thankful every day for every experience I've had because of this ordeal, because it's helped to make me who I am today. Things like that really make you appreciate what you do have. Now that I'm back in work and school and starting to become myself again, I couldn't be happier. I credit Advicenators with saving my life back when I was a teenager, which is a big part of why I'm still here.

I won't necessarily give you the answers you want to hear, but I'll always be honest and do my best to help.