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Am I Selfish?
Okay so basically,I am 19 & I had a misscarriage almost 2 months ago, suffered rape about 3 years ago and suffer with panic attacks and quite severe depression.
The other day I got into a conversation with a friend as I text him saying, are you awake. This was about midnight, he text back with yeah why, I said I feel down and sad, and just wanted to talk to someone.
He asked me what was up and I just said, I was watching a program on tv called ''Underage & Pregnant'', I knew I didn't wanna watch it but at the same time, I had this urge to, so I did. And it left me feeling low.
He basically said, your not the only one whos been through this, my girlfriend had a miscarriage too and we didnt even know she was pregnant, your always so low and upset and your not the only one, and hes pissed off with it.
I text back saying I have a right to be upset still though :( and he said your still doing it, you know i been through the same thing but your still saying about you being upset.''
At that point I felt utterly crap, I truely feel selfish and almost like I am not allowed to grieve for my unborn child. I dont know what to do, and this has made me feel really bad. Could someone expres their opinion on the matter,
I knew
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Well you have been through a lot but you have to realize that other people have problems to. I'm not saying you shouldn't talk about it i'm just saying that sometimes you need to see if the other person your talking to is doing okay as well. I think he was a little insensitive about the whole situation and you had just watched the program so you had a right to be upset. I don't think you should feel guilty about the conversation, but the next time you have a conversation try not to be negative the whole time and make sure you ask how their doing. One more thing from what you told me you sound like you have had a troubled past and i think you might want to consider getting some help so you can try to move on with your life. Don't ever forget what happened but don't let it consume your life.
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What this guy obviously doesn't understand is that for some people, the only way to heal is to talk about what happened. He needs to realize that although you're not the only one to go through this, neither is he! People with similar experiences should be able to draw strength from one another, not wallow separately in their own grief.
Do you currently work with a psychiatrist? I would strongly recommend it, as someone who has dealt with severe depression. You just need to shop around, find one who you like and are comfortable talking to. You may not need medication, but you do need someone to talk to and to help you move on with life while dealing with your grief.
Failing that, is there anyone else that you can talk to? Any other close friends? This guy sounds like he's not very helpful to you. Are you friends with his girlfriend? If not, maybe you could try striking up a friendship. There's a great deal of comfort in shared experiences.
You're not being selfish; he is.
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I think it's not so much you being selfish as him being unwilling to sympathize.
I mean, to a point, we're all selfish. We all like to talk about ourselves and we all like to talk out our problems sometimes. Honestly, that's not that selfish.
I would only call you selfish if that was ALL you talked about to EVERYONE you knew. If it's not, then you're fine. If it's like 20% of your conversation or less, I think you're fine.
If you don't talk about much else, maybe you are selfish. But being selfish or not doesn't take away the pain you've gone through, and I think it's alright if you talk it out. It's natural.
--Jack
(17/m)
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wow.
im sorry :/
that's very sad.
some people take it harder on themselves then others.
you have a right to grieve.
id recommend writing in a journal or talking to a therapist.
this way it doesnt get your friends mad if they think your talking to much about it.
therapists are supposed to listen to everything you have to say, theyll listen.
try it out!
see if it works!
good luck!
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