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abortion
i hav a 16 yrold daughter who has been living with me for 2 mth,and she tells me last nite she is 5 months preg.she is a below average student,with out a plan for the future.she wants to keep the baby and i am against it,i have told her my reason.i also told her she cant live with me with a baby.was i to hard on her?
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As good as your intentions were, yes you were too hard on her. I fell pregnant at 16 years old and my then partner left me to have this child and raise it all on my own, I could never have done it without my family. The 1 thing that your daughter needs right now is the love, support and compassion of her mother. You need to both have a good talk, plan out what she wants to do with the baby and talk about plans for the future, you both might have different things you want but she needs to know how hard it will be to raise a child and plan it all out.
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I completely understand your concern, but yes, you were too hard on her.
You've got to remember that she is just as scared, if not more, than you are! It's scary being 16 and completely unprepared. You need to remember too that abortion isn't an option at this point, anyway.
You should try to just sit down and talk to her about how hard it's going to be and let her talk to you about how she's feeling.
Don't push anything on her, and be supportive. Whether she chooses to keep it or give it up for adoption, she needs guidance, love, and support.
Best of luck to you and your daughter!
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In a way yes I do believe you are I totally understand why you say this because my older sister got pregnant at 15 My hole family is Christains and we are all staying pure till marrage, My parents at first wannted her to give the child up for adoption but desided that they would let her keep it 4 years latter he is an amazing little boy and i love him so much she lives with our parents and so does my nephew. she never regrated keeping him and he is hereverything she is a wonderful mom, She goes to collage works and takes care of her child she works realy hard to graduate collage and pay for her bills she is always bissy but this little baby changed her life complitly in a good way please do not kick her out let her keep the baby if thats what she wants and help her rase it she still has a future she wont have a big social life but thats what you have to sacrifise i hope i helped messagee me if you have any qestion.:)
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Yes, you are being to hard. This is your child you are talking about and regardless of her grades, you should support her and let her know YOU think she's the greatest thing in the world. What motivation does she have to get good grades or want a good future when her mother's reaction to her is, "She's a below average student without a plan for the future" ??
One thing you must keep in mind is that having a child changes people. You may think she is a below average person, but having a baby is the best motivation in the world. Talk to her, and tell her how you feel. Legally speaking, you can't kick her out (she's too young) and you can't force her to have an abortion (she's too far a long and it's her choice). So talking to her is your only option. Until she is eighteen you are legally responsible for her.
If you honestly don't want her to have the baby, you can discuss adoption with her. Other than keeping the baby, that's pretty much your only option. But hear her out if she wants to keep it. Tell her she HAS to get a job, she HAS to support it, and she HAS to get her life on track. If you still don't want her living with you when she's eighteen, it's your option to kick her and her baby out. But why be hostile? This is the situation you are presented with, so you must make the best of it.
I'm sure hearing that your baby is pregnant is a big shock, and i'm sure it made you say things you didn't mean. Obviously you feel you were too harsh, or you wouldn't be questioning what you said to her now. So just talk to her and discuss the situation calmly and rationally. Good luck!
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um im sorry but you're not right abortions is killing something that is completely evil u don't even give it a chance to breathe now i understand that you don't want to take care of it thats understandable. But if she's below average grade level means that she isn't motivated and having a baby could motivate her to do the work so she can take care of it when she's older and have a better job when shes older. And then she could have something that she'll have a passion for which is taking care of that baby that she will love. Just please take this advice im only 15 m but i almost had a kid and my ex gave it an abortion and it broke my heart because i told her that i would take care of it without charging her for parental stuff.
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I know lots of people already answered but I want a piece of this :)
I understand you don't want to take care of her
& the baby. But kicking her out is a littleee harsh. Was she wrong? Yes. Was it stupid? (No offence..) Yes. Will she regret it? I think so. But, theres always adoption, where lucky parents that can handle and take care of the baby. Kicking her out would endanger her life and the babies... where would they stay? That's hard to say. I think the best option for you, your daughter and the baby would be to put the baby up for adoption. The baby will live and 2 lucky parents will be able to take care of the baby.
Good Luck!
-LivvyMarie
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I know that 7 people have already answered this, but I really want to put in my 2c. Yes, ninja neer is right, you arent exactaly directly forcing her to get an abortion, but on the contrary you are basically saying "its my way or the high way." Was she irresponsible? yes. But do you ever think that theres probably a reason she didnt tell you for 5 months? Everyone knows she made a mistake, and shes known for 5 months now. At this point, you should just support her decision. Its her body quite honestly, not yours. If that sounds harsh, I really dont mean for it to be, its just the way I see it. If I were her I wouldnt get an abortion either, not because I would deliberately want a baby, but because I do feel morally like I am murdering someone. To directly answer your question, yes, I do feel as though you are being too hard on her. Right now you should just support her the best you can, its overwhelming enough that shes having a baby and about to be a mother, she doesnt need the worry of her own mother kicking her out or hating her.
Good luck, if you need any more help or advice, Im here for you if you want to talk. Just inbox me.
xosodapopx3
ps
everything will be okay, it just seems a little wierd right now.
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Last I checked, you're not demanding that she have an abortion. You're saying that you want her to have a plan. That's not unreasonable. It doesn't sound like you're planning on leaving her homeless and pregnant, so you are not being overly harsh.
Your daughter was planning on pawning off all the responsibilities of being a young mother on you; food, shelter, etc. If anything, you are doing her a favour by teaching her about responsibility. You should not be punished for her poor decisions against your will.
If your daughter wants the freedom to have (and keep) a baby, she needs to have all the responsibilities associated with it. She needs to see how hard it is to care for an infant. Grown-up decisions have grown-up consequences, and that's a lesson that sheltered teenagers never learn.
Your daughter (and others) may think you're being too hard on her. In the end, she will be a better person for this, no matter which way she decides.
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While I agree with the your house, your rules thing, I don't think you'd be right to kick her out. She is too far in to have an abortion, but she can give it up for adoption. So yeah, you were a little hard on her.
I don't like assuming, but I'm going to have to with this one. Did you by chance tell her NEGATIVELY that she is out if she keeps it or did you tell her calmly? If you told her negatively, chances are she is going to disobey you because for one, you're screaming at her and not listening to her side.
You need to sit her down calmly & explain anything you think you need to say, and let her know how you feel. Chances are, if you tell her calmly what's up & then listen what she has to say without screaming at her, she'll be more likely to listen to you & see your side.
I think you need to re-think this whole thing though. I understand that your daughter has not made a smart decision with unprotected sex & whatnot, but you cannot penalize the baby for your daughter's mistake. The baby is not at fault & kicking your daughter out would also put the baby out onto the streets. Is that something you want for someone who's innocent? Maybe there is a way that if she cannot/will not give the baby up for adoption that you could help her raise it? I know you're not entitled to because it's not your doing, but I think at least trying to help her (but not doing everything for her) will make things a little better.
Also, do not assume that just because your daughter is slacking in school that she is not going to make it in life. I was the same way your daughter was (except I wasn't going out & getting myself pregnant), and I've completely turned my life around. So, it is possible for her to turn her life around & shock you - do not doubt her. I know the chances are slim, but there's always that possibility.
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No you were not too hard on her, However at 5 months it is too late to have an abortion as the baby is now a fetus. It is your house you make the rules, I would of done and said the same thing because I personally do not approve of young people having babies..If you are against it seeing she is a minor and you are the adult you can put the child up for adoption which might be her best option at this point concidering abortion is now not an option.
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heyy!..if your daughter is 5 months pregnant then its too late for an abortion and even if she had one it will mentally ruin her. i think she also knows that shes too young for a baby and didnt do this on pupose but she wants to bring something of her own into this life and by telling you it means she wnats you to be there for her, she wants the grandmother of her child to be there for the altra sounds, labour, first baby steps. think of it as a good thing not a bad thing. its happened and shes going to have the baby either way it may aswell be around you where you know how shes doing. shes family and we stick by our family through the tuff and the worse. i guess shes got to learn by her experiences that life isnt going to be easy for her and a baby is a responsibility. you a really great mum to ask for advice, most mums wouldnt do that so i respect you alot and good luck
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As Cux said, your house your rules. If you refuse to have your daughter living under your roof with a child, that is completely your decision to make.
However, seeing as it is her child, be prepared for her to do whatever she wants. If that means she has to leave your house, she may very well do so. You will not be able to tell her what to do with her child, since it is that: her child. If you begin to fear your daughter going out on her own, you may want to rethink your refusal.
Honestly, no one can really tell you what best for you and your daughter on this website. Everyone comes from different backgrounds and has different reasons for raising their children in certain ways. There is only one point I'd like to raise to you: if your daughter does go through to term and decides to keep the baby, rather then put it up for adoption, kicking your daughter out also puts your innocent grandchild in danger. Think about this before making any final decisions.
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You can't force your daughter to give up the baby. Whether it be abortion or adoption, it's all up to her. Maybe try sitting down with her and start asking her questions on what she is planning to do. Of course, a lot of girls don't want to hear this...but, tell her it's very important to understand how many things she is going to have to give up because she has a child and all. Make sure you ask her what she plans to do as a job to support the baby, ask her about what she's going to do about high school, etc. You basically have to make her understand what's going to happen when she has this baby (prices of the baby, her needing a job, not being able to be a normal teen, etc). A lot of teens just think "oh, well my mom/dad will take care of everything for me so I don't have to do anything.." You have to make sure she understands that the baby is going to be her responsibility.
Were you too hard on her?: I think you were, somewhat. Why? Because honestly, the baby is going to be your grandchild..wouldn't you want to keep them safe? And she's your daughter! She's 16! Take all of this into consideration before you tell her to leave. I know how upset you must be..teen pregnancy is definitely something that should not be happening. I've seen so many girls (and I'm a teen myself) who have had babies at a young age. But remember, she is your daughter and that baby is going to soon be your grandchild. If you let them stay with you, at least you'll know they are both safe.
Here are a few links to sites that may help you out:
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[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
Hope I helped!
Good luck.
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Your house, your rules.
But personally, I think you should consider the option.
But, she can't likely get an abortion being 5 months in... that's too far.
Have you thought about adoption?
--Jack
(17/m)
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