about

I sometimes take long breaks from the site. I'm more than happy to answer anyone's questions, but just make sure they're not too time sensitive. :)

Facts about me:
*happy
*employed
*married
*large extended family
*bisexual
*advanced college degree
*no kids (yet)

advice

I'm 19 and married..I have been with my husband since I was 15--and he is the only person that I have ever had sex with. Recently there has been this really dark little blister like thing develop near my vagina. What is it?

Don't go running to a gyno, that's silly. It's probably just a pimple, cut, or ingrown hair. If it doesn't get better in a few days, or more sores appear, that's the time to see a doctor. Try to relax and take this one step at a time. Good luck. :)

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So me and my boyfriend have been together for almost a year and a half. We have been through some tough times but have made it and are happy. We tend to fight over stupid things and he can be pretty immature at times. Well recently the subject of marriage came up again. We have talked about it and I said that someday if things worked out and we both were ready that it would be a good idea, because we both can see eachother being together. But out of the two of us, I am better at handling money and I am very clean. He can be sloppy and doesnt always spend his money wisely, so I could see how being married to someone like that oculd cause some major problems right away. Well he is joining the Marines and is trying to ask me to marry him this summer! And I don't feel ready but feel like he pressuring me too or else! So please help me figure out what to do. Cause I am so lost...

My fiance told me something once that is very appropriate here. He learned it in a Marriage and Family class. "There are no incompatible personalities, just unwilling people." If both of you want it to work it will. Don't worry so much about your differences. You can work them out.

If you are not ready for marriage tell him that. Do not agree to marry him if you are not absolutely sure that that is what you want to do. Marriage is a big thing and being pressured into it will only cause problems. You have to be fully ready to commit yourself completely to him.

You see it all the time in the movies. Of course it's Hollywood, but it still rings rather true. The guy asks the girl to marry him in front of a bunch of people or doesn't even ask her at all, he just puts the ring on her finger and she isn't sure that that's what she wants, but accepts it anyways. It never ends up working out. Most of the time instead of just taking the engagement back, the entire relationship falls apart.

Talk to him about this. Tell him everything you are feeling. You should be able to after a year and a half. He may be a little disappointed, but it's better to disappoint him now than hurt him in the future. It was very respectful of him to talk to you about this. You've got yourself a really great guy. Be a great girl back and let him know what's up. :)

Good luck.

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Okay, to make a long story short I got bit by an ant, it swelled up, I'm allergic to them, I went to the doctor, and they gave me an antibiotic. There are red lines on my skin sticking out from the area of the bite. The doctors said that they can get in my blood stream and go to my heart. I have to go back if it's worse tomorrow and they have to give me a shot. I'm freaked out now. What happens if it gets to my heart?

Just as long as you are seeing a doctor about it you'll be fine. My dad got bit by a spider once and one of his veins turned black all the way up his arm. He went to a doctor and everything was just fine. Try not to worry so much. They know what they are doing. Good luck! :)

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I've had a terrible head ache since Friday and it's been off and on. I was looking in the mirror and my pupil was slightly bigger than the other one. (My left one was larger. My right one was smaller.) No matter where I am, I'm either shaking from being cold or sweating from being hot. Does anyone have an idea what this is?

You have a concussion, you need to see a doctor immediately. Good luck. :)

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Has anybody here ever had a yeast infection? I'm afraid that I might... I'm 17 and I haven't ever experienced one. I have a very small, round bump on my vulva (imagine what a really round pimple feels like). It feels a little sore but I think that's because it started out as a little cut. Might it just be an infected cut? I don't want to do anything without being sure... and I absolutely am terrified of hospitals and I'm not too interested in telling parentals anyway. So... advice? Thoughts?

You don't have a yeast infection. It sounds like you just have an infected cut or pimple. Don't worry about it unless it doesn't start to get better and go away in a few days. Good luck! :)

http://www.coolnurse.com/yeast.htm

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everyone always says that you should be totally comfortable before you have sex, and that if youre nervous youre not ready.. but then people always say youre gonna be nervous your first time. so how can you tell?

This website will answer your question. :)

http://www.coolnurse.com/sex.htm

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Alright so I'm dating this guy for about a month. I really really care for him and he's so amazing to be around. I don't know whether I love him or not...but I feel like I do. I don't want to say anything, though, because I don't want to scare him away. I was just wondering what period of time do you think should elapse in a relationship before you say that you love someone? What's the "norm"?
thanks.
EM

If you love someone tell them. Love is just an emotion. Emotions can change. It's not like by telling you that you love him you have to marry him. It should make him feel really good to know that you love him. Only positive things can come of this just as long he doesn't feel pressured into saying it too. That would be your only problem.

My advice to you would be to tell him that you love him, but don't just leave it at that. Have a conversation with him about it. Before you even say it, let him know that you are nervous about what you're about to say because you don't know how he will respond. After you say it, let him know that you just want him to know how you feel and you're not looking for him to say it back if he isn't sure if he feels the same way. If he is scared away, he's not ready to be in a relationship with you yet. Love isn't something that people should be afraid of.

I'm not sure what the norm would be, but the first time my fiance told me that he loved me was before we started dating and the first time I said it back was at the end of our very first date. I wasn't scared away by what he said. It made me start to care for him even more. I think that most people will react this way. Don't be afraid, be confident. It's ok to be a little nervous though. :)

Good luck!

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OKay, so about....3 or four weeks ago i slept with a guy...at a party. We used protection, and he didnt actually...'come'
but, ive now skipped my period...its like a week late and i am really worried i am pregnant. should i give it a few more days...or should i take a test and find out?
Also, if i am pregnant...what can i do? do abortions cost money?
thank you so much for your help

It's very unlikely that you are pregnant. There are many reasons why you may have missed your period other than pregnancy. Take a home pregnancy test to set your mind at ease. Don't start worrying about abortions before you even know whether you are pregnant or not. One step at a time. Good luck. :)

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i skipped once now i can't stop! its an evil circle! and now i can't get a way!

i skipped school because i had a test i hadn't studied for that day, and then it kept going from there, i skip whenever there's a test, which means i miss what they teach us in school, which makes me skip the next test because i dont have enough info to make it, and now im stuck in this circle! i cant go back,cause theres too many hw's i havn't done, but the more i skip, the more i miss, and the more homework i have to do, and my grades! goshh im too afriad to think about because ill start crying, and nother thing! = where i live.. the system is... the more absence you have, the less they pay your parents - they are gonna kill me when they get they paychecks! i know my grades are falling apart, and im messing up stuff for my parents are for my family.. BUT I DONT KNOW WHERE TO START!? what homework to do? how to do it when i cant get any help from anyone since i cant go to class to ask for help withh the next hw cause i havnt given in the last one.. am i making any sense??? I NEED HELP - DESPREATLELY- PLEAASSE!

Call your guidance counselor and say everything you said here. Your guidance counselor, if a good one, will be able to help you out. You do need to start going back to school. It's going to continue getting worse and you need to start taking responsibility. Good luck.

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Im 13, and im a Chathlioc [sp?] Cristian. Well, in school, we went to Confessing. I told the preist all my sins, but one. I masturbate. I did'nt wanna just be flat out, I maturbate, because the priest is friends with my family. Is this wrong. As much as I love God and Jesus, I just can't say I maturbate. Is it a sin anyway?

Yes, masturbation is a sin, but so is jealousy and everyone gets jealous. You're not going to live a sin-free life. Forgiveness is there for you no matter what sin you commit. As long as you confess what you did and ask for forgiveness, you can be forgiven for anything and everything you do and not feel any guilt anymore. Even though the same forgiveness is there for murder as there is for masturbation, since you're gonna sin anyway, just be glad you're a masturbater and not a serial killer.

Since you are a Catholic, telling a preist your sins is a part of your religion. If you think it's more right and beneficial for you to just tell God yourself, then maybe Catholicism isn't the right religion for you. Other branches of Christianity don't involve confessions with preists and have generally the same beleifs. If you wanna stick with Catholicism, don't hold back. Get everything out. It's gonna be hard the first time, but once you get going, it'll get much easier for you. Good luck :)

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Okay
I dont think im pregnant,but im paranoid about it.
I had sex with a condom but then got close to doing it again without a condom , but we only did it for like 3 seconds and then I said stop because i was scared.
My boobs have been hurting lately and I had a stomach ache but I didnt throw up.
He tells me he thinks im fine and i hope hes right.

What should I do??

You were close to having sex? No, you did have sex. Whether his penis was in your vagina for 3 seconds or 3 hours, it's sex. It's very good that you stopped him after such a short time though. Way to go on your part, setting aside the inital mistake of allowing it at all. That said, I doubt that you are pregnant. It's a scary thing when stuff like this happens, so keep this in mind the next time you are about to have unprotected sex. Sex has huge emotional, physical, and life-changing consequences.

A day after pill would be a good idea. Even though the chances of you being pregnant are low, it would put your mind at ease to take one. It's possible to miss your period just from being stressed. You don't want that to happen because then you'd have to get a pregnancy test to make sure you weren't pregnant.

Make sure your boyfriend is aware of all the risks. I can't believe that he would do that to you. Sit him down and tell him that unprotected sex, no matter for how long, is completely unacceptable. Good luck. :)

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it seems to be that either if i wear a bra or don't wear a bra that my boobs always look...well...pointy! it looks really weird and i don't think they are supposed to look like that...ummm...can anyone tell me why this would be?
uh thanks =D

14/f

All women have differently shaped boobs. You're not wearing the "wrong" bra. It's just the way your body is. There are ways to make them look more rounded, but it's really not that big of a deal. People aren't going to notice anything. There's nothing wrong with you and besides, they'll probably get a bit more rounded as your body matures anyways. They will continue changing until you're about 18. :)

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well my wisdom teeth are coming out this friday and im soo scared...im only 14 years old....is there anything i should be prepared for? any food advice?? thanks.

I had mine taken out earlier this year and the actual procedure was fine. I did it with just novocane and I didn't feel a thing. It was actually kind of cool. It's ok to be nervous, but try not to worry, you'll do great.

Make sure that you follow all of the oral surgeon's instructions for after the procedure though. That's what's important. Rinse with salt water every day to prevent an infection and follow all the instructions on what kinds of food you can eat and when. I ate a lot of bananas, pudding, peanut butter and jelly, soft cookies, and macaroni and cheese.

After the novocane wore off it hurt. For a while. You should be perscribed some pain killers and if not, regular ones should work fine. Make sure you take them after the surgery even if it doesn't hurt yet. Ask your surgeon how long after you have to wait before taking them and take them as soon as you are allowed. Be prepared for it to really hurt after a few hours. Get some music, a blanket, or anything that can comfort you ready in case you need it. There's not much you can do for it except wait it out. After a few days pass, keep your mouth moving. Though it hurts a little and may make you look kind of silly, it helps a lot. It kept my mouth from getting tight and hurting a lot when I had to eat or talk.

I followed all of the instructions I was given and everything turned out just fine. If the instructions aren't clear or don't answer any of your questions just ask your surgeon. Call at anytime and you'll get the help you need. Good luck!!! :)

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I asked my mom the other night if I could dye my hair black she had replied no and told me she didn't have to give me a reason as to why she said no.
Finally, she still said no but said she would change her mind if I could come up with 20 valid and good reasons as to why she should allow me.
I believe I have 8-10 at this moment.
My main reason is to express individuality because I'm outgoing and charismatic but she just doesn't seem to believe it.
What do I do?
I've been wanting to dye my hair black for at-least 3 years.
I've tried negotiating and I'll be 15 October 5th and it doesn't even seem like a possible present unless I have 20 reasons.

Sometimes parents can be like that. Some of the other columnists have some good ideas for you. I have one to add. After you give your best 20 (or more) reasons, let the last one be this: at first I will not use a permanant dye. This can work out well because your mom probably won't be able to come up with any good reasons why you shouldn't just try it out like that. Trying it out will lead to better chances of you actually being allowed to do it. Your mom will get a taste of it and probably think that it's not as bad as she imagined. You can then use it as leverage to get it done permanantly as well. Everybody saw it, so many people liked it, I feel so good about myself, thanks so much for letting me do it...etc. Your mom is worried that you will get negative response from it and that is why she is skeptical about it. Any 20 reasons you can come up with won't prove that dying your hair will be positive. It might not make you feel good about yourself, you might hate it, people might think bad things about you...etc. Your mom is trying to protect you from these things because she cares. REAL positive feedback from a trial run will be very much to your advantage. Good luck. :)

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so i thought i loved this one kid. but i know now i dont. and then i started liking this other guy but no i never did. he's sort of a jerk but then i met this guy and he's amazing but








he's gay =[


what should i do. i know i obviously wont have a chance with him but ugh. thanks for any advice

You never know if he is really gay or not. He could be bisexual or even straight. I think you should tell him how you feel. Ask him to keep it secret. Even if he is gay, it should make you feel better to tell him how you feel about him. If he's bisexual or something, maybe you can get a relationship out of it. Good luck. :)

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if my bf and i are both virgins, could we still get STDs?

STD's aren't made by having sex. They are transferred from person to person. So, in order to get an STD, you'd have to get it from someone else. If neither of you have STD's then you aren't going to get any. That said, there are virgins and have STD's. Any sexual contact with someone (oral sex etc.) can get you an STD. Your mother can pass STD's that she may have on to you when you are born or through breast feeding. You can even get an STD off of a toilet seat (I know someone that has). Now that you know all the facts, think about the actual risk. The chances of either of you having an STD and not knowing about it are very small. Plus, if you were to have sex and use a condom, which you'd better ;), there is a very small chance that an STD would be passed on even if either of you had one. Good luck.

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ever wanted to decide for someone if they should get over someone? well here's your chance!
I will give you the background info, and then YOU guys decided, get over him or not.. if the majority says yes. then thats it. ill try to get over him.

You'll recognize the story because ive asked atleast 17 questions about this guy on here, since the year 2002 (yes ive had a crush on him for 4 years!)

I met this guy in june, 4 yrs ago, when i was on vacation with my parents. We live on different continents, but i visit his continent every year because my family lives there.

The first year when we met - we were watching a movie with my cousins and he said "damn, she's so hott! i love angelina jolie!" then he looked at me, winked..and said "you're hott too btw!" (sound cheesy, and sleezy, but he said it in a charming way)he left with one of my cousins and came back an hour later.. my cousin then told me "ehh, he thinks you like him!" (i had done nothing to make him belive that..except smile when he said "You're hott too!") but whateer, at this point i didnt really like him, i was more annoyed that he was hanging around while i was trying to spend some time iwth my cousins..
anyways, when he came back with my cousin, my cousin left to talk on the phone, and left me alone with this guy..he ssat down next to me on the porch and said "what's up? you look sad! why are you sitting alone instead of watching tv with the rest of the family?" i said; idk..it's nice outside. and he agreed. then he suddenly gave me a troubled look (which he had not had befofre) and said.. "damn im screwed" (he whispered this though..so i didnt hear it) i said "what?" and he repeated it.. and i asked why? and he explained that his gf of 5 months had crazy ocerprotective parents, and her sister (who is also very over protective) had seen them holding hand at the mall... i tried to give him advice on what to do since he seemed to really care about this girl, and then said.. aww its really cute how you talk about her, i can tell you're a sweettalker! and he said, yeah i guess.. then looked right into my eyes, and told me how beautiful they were.. after this we spent 4 hours togther, flirting and talking..basically just hanging out and getting to know eachother.. he found out i was leaving the next day, asked me for my email..and then said goodbye.
i didnt really start liking him, until after i left the country. thats when i started realiing it. and we talked online a couple of times but not a lot. One of the few times we did talk online he said "if i didnt have a gf, i would have kissed you when we met!" and on another occasion he told me "ive now been with my gf for 11 months and i love her soo much"
so he flirted with me but always made it clear that he had a gf he would never cheat on.
the last conversation we had before i met him the second year he said "if i break up with my gf this summer, are we set?" and i said "deal!" so we basically agreed on hooking up (just making out and getting to know eachother and stuff like that!)

when the day finally came that i saw him again, it happened to be the last day in his country AGAIN, we met..didnt talk to eachother for a while (he talked to my cousin, and made jokes the first few houres!) then we started asking eachother questions.. how've you been since last time? what's been going on? what's new?.. just the regular chit-chat.. and i asked him about his gf and he said "we had a fight yesterday, and we broke up.." and i said " aww really?" and he said "yah, otherwise i wouldnt be here!" (which shows that he thought of me as more than a friend..otherwise he wouldnt say that right?)
anyways, we hung out, flirted a bit (not as much as the year before..) and then he went home and we said "see you tomorrow!" but my family changed the plans.. so we left that same day, and i didnt get to say goodbye! after this i went to camp for 3 weeks, when i came back,, i had an email from him.. with two poems, and he said "i cant stop thinking about you, we never got to say goodbye! i didnt get to give you the present i bought you" and things along those lines, i answered..and we started emailing regurly.. then i for some reason got insecure and made up a story about how i cant email him anymore.. (dont ask, i dont really know why i did that) and we stopped emailing.. until this summer.. when i thought i was gonna meet him again, i went online, and we started IMing.. flirting, promising that we'd get together and have fun this summer, telling eachother how we feel about eachother and so on,.. until one night i found out i wasnt gonna get to see him because my parents had a fight with my cousins parents.. so i wasnt gonna get to cisit my cousins and see him. when i told him this he said "oh well, whatever, its not like its a big deal!" WTF? it is a huge deal! for me it was atleast.. and then i asked why his screenname was so sad...and his answer? its about my ex who im still in love with! he then sent me a 2 page email about who hes never cared for anyone else, how he loves her, how he'll never get over her, they're meant to be..and so on.
i cried, and told my friends.. they id "be honest with him!" so i was, i asked how he could say he loved me when all along he was in love with her? and he said "im sorry if i hurt you, but i didnt realize im still in love with her until recently,," i decided to get over him (of course) and didnt talk to him for a month..but now, we email again.. like nothing ever happened.. like we're just friends.. pen pals.. needles to say, i still have a crush on him, and pray everyday that we're gonna get to see eachother again this christmas! i keep praying he'll be over her by then..!!

so, what do you think?
should i try to get over him?
and HOW? stop emailing??
i dont think it will work..
unless i tell him that "ive chosen not to fall for you, so if i show up this christmas, i dont want to see you..andi cant keep in touch with you anymore!" but thas so awkward! maybe there's another way? what do you guys think?

I agree. Get over him, it's best for everyone. Getting over him isn't the end of the story though. You can still be friends with him if you want. There's no reason to stop talking to him altogether. You're right, it would be awkward. Remember too, that getting over someone isn't always permanant. It's not going to hurt you to get over him, but it may hurt you to continute liking him.

As for how to get over him, there's no tried and true way to do it. I'd say it'll just happen over time. You'll never completely lose your sense of caring for him, but realize that it's very unlikely that you will end up with him and that you can be just as happy, or maybe even happier with someone else. Do it for yourself and your own long term happiness. Good luck. :)

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Okay every time i shave down there i get razor burn!! EVERY TIME!! what am i doing wrong?!?!?! can you give me the exzact way to do it so i wont get razor burn!?
PLEASE AND THANK YOU!

Make sure your razor is sharp. Use a lot of soap/shaving cream. If you're already doing those two things, since the area is so sensitive, razor burn can happen very easily even if you're doing everything right. So, just don't shave there as often. Let it grow out a bit each time and it'll burn much less. After awhile your skin will get more used to it and you should be fine. Good luck.

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Hey there,

It is 4:30 AM where I live. I just couldn't sleep after that horrible experience I had with my mother. We are both obese, and she is fatter than I am.

Here's the story:
I lost a lot of weight during summer vacation in Egypt. Went to the gym, started a healthy lifestyle... Unfortunately, by the end of summer, nobody was taking me to the gym, so since they won't let me go by myself, my body became lazy again.
Summer vacation is now over and we're back in Saudi Arabia. My treadmill is just sitting there, but I'm not encouraged to use it.
I started eating junk food again, and eating chocolate whenever it was available. I have this stupid belief that chocolate makes me feel better, but it's actually making me gain weight!

Anyways, that is not the problem. The problem is that my mother always makes me feel like crap. Although everybody tells me I'm pretty, I can't remember the last time she called me that. What is her problem? Is she jealous because I lost some weight and she didn't?
Also, she keeps making hurtful comments bout my arms and abs and how I should lose weight.
"A girl your age shouldn't have this body," she would say.
Amazingly, I have high self esteem; I find myself pretty, despite the extra pounds. However, my mom is the only person who is perfectly capable of bringing me down.
The only nice thing she said to me was 3 weeks ago: "You lost weight. Keep it up."
Today though, I was trying on a skirt I just bought and it was too tight. She just looked at me as though I were an elephant and said: "Oh my God! Take it off before it rips!"
The weight is not the only issue. She never said "I am proud of you." NEVER!
I totally envy my friend because she told me her mother took her aside and told her how proud she was of her.

I keep asking myself: is my mom the right mom for me? Why does she keep hurting my feelings like that? Does she think I enjoy being fat?
Having high self esteem does not mean I like being fat!

I can't talk to her because she NEVER truly listens. Yesterday I asked for her opinion bout the topic of an article I'm going to write, and she wouldn't take her eyes off the bloody TV! She just says: huh ? what?
Then she accuses me of mal pronunciation!
"What kind of mother are you!?" I heard myself shout. She didn't even react!

So advicenators, don't tell me I should talk to her because she simply talks and never listens.
I am on the verge of crying and can't sleep...
What advice do you have for me?

-Totally devastated.

It sounds like your mom is trying to fix the mistakes that she made in her life through you. She messed up and can't go back and she doesn't want you to go down the same road as her. She loves you, she is proud of you and she cares so much that she's not being the mother that she should be to you. Try to cut her some slack. I've had a LOT of problems with my parents and I've found that you're not going to change them so you're going to have to learn to deal with them. You know she's being immature, self-centered, and uncaring towards you. You also know she loves you and would do anything for you. Whenever she starts being dumb, don't let it get to you. She's just having problems with herself. One thing you can do that might help is to give her the compliments and support that you aren't receiving. She's human. She feels bad about herself too. Maybe if you help her out, she'll get the idea and start helping you in return. The thing you wrote about chocolate I found quite interesting. It's acutally true that chocolate makes you feel better. It causes your body to release endorphins. The best thing about endorphins, though, is that chocolate isn't the only thing that causes them to be released. Sex is one, but guess what another one is? EXERCISE. YES! Exercise releases the same happy feelings in your body as chocolate does. Try to replace chocolate with exercise. I hope that your mom starts to treat you better and if not, you'll be out of the house in a few years anyways. Good luck! :)

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Hi im a 13 yr old male and i like to wear girls panites thongs and bras...is there anything wrong with this , is this normal, is it like a sin to do it?
Thanks , answer asap please

If you can't help yourself from doing it it's a problem. It's also a problem if you aren't buying your own underwear, you're stealing other peoples.

As much as people on this site will tell you that there's nothing wrong with what you're doing, it's still not a good idea to do it. It's just not accepted. Yes, it's important to express yourself, but in a certain context. To be a happy person, you need to succeed socially. If people find out about this, you won't. End of story. Sometimes you just have to give up a part of yourself for your own good.

My advice to you would be to stop wearing women's underwear, at least for now. Once you are older and are in a very committed relationship, tell your partner about it. Don't tell anybody else. She may accept it and maybe enjoy it, but others won't. So keep it under control and keep it to yourself. Good luck. :)

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