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Marriage....Dont know what to do...
So me and my boyfriend have been together for almost a year and a half. We have been through some tough times but have made it and are happy. We tend to fight over stupid things and he can be pretty immature at times. Well recently the subject of marriage came up again. We have talked about it and I said that someday if things worked out and we both were ready that it would be a good idea, because we both can see eachother being together. But out of the two of us, I am better at handling money and I am very clean. He can be sloppy and doesnt always spend his money wisely, so I could see how being married to someone like that oculd cause some major problems right away. Well he is joining the Marines and is trying to ask me to marry him this summer! And I don't feel ready but feel like he pressuring me too or else! So please help me figure out what to do. Cause I am so lost...
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Do not get married.
Marriage is something that should happen when you're REALLY sure it's right for you. It also shouldn't be something you do to fit a time schedule, it should be at a time that's defined by your needs, not the US armed forces.
I also think 18 is too young to get married. You change a lot between 18-22, everyone does and in four years you're going to be a very different person and he's going to be a very different person and what are the odds you'll still be right for one another?
You'll also both be better people if you get out of your parents houses and live on your own for a while... his sloppyness and inability to handle money might change if he's really on his own. If he's got you around to depend on, he might not have to improve, you know what I mean?
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This isn't a hard decision in my perspective because love is not a maybe thing. When you love somebody SOOO much that you want to make it official that you are together forever-hopefully-then you'll know. Don't get sidetracked by his flaws and yours and how they interfer with each other or how they connect. When you are asked to marry someone that you truly love, you'll know it, you will know that it is the right person. No pressure to listen to me, I mean seriously do whatever the hell you want to. But, can you see yourself with him in 20, 30, 40 years from now? Do you want to have his babies? Think about that if you truthfully answer yes to both of those thoughts then you know he is the right one for you. You know when they are the right person for you, its not a choice its an aggrement<3. Love with everything you have. Hope I could help at all.
<3 Hanna, if you have any reponse or anything ask me another question at my column just search columnists (on the left side of this site) and lookup "Emmiisbiffle4life". Hopefully i did some good.
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you should definitely NOT get married. 1 and a half years seems pretty long, but long enough for marriage - hell no! you need to understand that since he will be in the marines he wont have a lot of time for you. do you really want to spend more than half of your life WITHOUT your husband there?! if you have kids then it will mostly be just you taking care of them. i know you say you love him but you just said that your not ready for marriage. marriage is a huge decision its not just a one day descision. and he cant pressure you to say yes, if you dont want to get married yet and he cant accept that then hes not worth it. sweetie i dont want to lecture you but you will regret marrying him. you need a lot more time to get your thoughts all together and you dont have to tell him anything until youve come to a decision. you dont have to marry him, if you have a feeling its not going to work out because of his job, then you dont have to say yes. you have to listen to your heart... don't listen to what he says or what anyone else says. this is your own personal thing that you have to decide. just truly think about the concequences before you choose something. and if hes sloppy and doesnt spend money wisely now, chances are when your married its not going to get any better. actually its going to get worse. my cousin got married and she married a guy who was very lazy and had never had a job and they were both 30. she thought once they were married he would get it all together and get a nice job and be a hard working man. haha,wrongg. it just got worse and her husband got even more lazier and depended on my cousin to make all the money do all the shopping and buy an appartment without him lifting a finger. so if theres qualities in him now they wont get any better, im just going to warn you about that now. just do what you want to do. and from what you've wrote it seems like you really dont want to make that kind of a commitment. i say follow your heart and dont get married. you littarly have your whole life to get married and you want it to be special and you should feel 100% confident. give it atleast 5 months to decide what you want to do. i think you should talk to your boyfriend and tell him how you feel. he will probably comfort you but tell him you dont want to be pressured. sit him down explain your not ready and if he gets angry with you then walk out on him. you need a caring guy who understands you. i really hope you listen to your heart and make the right decision. ♥
EDIT : i'd just like to add on that your only 17 and your deff. not ready for marriage. hunny you need to wait atleast another 6 or 7 years!!!
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Dont do it. In the end its your own decision, but you've already said you dont want to. Besides, in my honest opinion, you havent been together for long enough. Im sure he wont break upwith you ebcause you wont marry him! I dont know how old you are but im assuming your 20 something. Sorry if im wrong. Just tell him that you are happy with the way things are, and if he has confidence in your relationship, which he obviously does, then it wouldnt hurt to wait until you were both certain. Its natural to have doubts, but you dont feel ready. Sorry to sound blunt, but that means your not. Best of luck xxxx
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Go with your gut, always. Going into the military is a huge undertaking, and puts a lot of strain on a relationship- which is why a very large percentage of young Marines end up divorced.
Many people get married young and live to regret it. If you love each other, you can take the time to make sure you're ready to make such a big step.
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My fiance told me something once that is very appropriate here. He learned it in a Marriage and Family class. "There are no incompatible personalities, just unwilling people." If both of you want it to work it will. Don't worry so much about your differences. You can work them out.
If you are not ready for marriage tell him that. Do not agree to marry him if you are not absolutely sure that that is what you want to do. Marriage is a big thing and being pressured into it will only cause problems. You have to be fully ready to commit yourself completely to him.
You see it all the time in the movies. Of course it's Hollywood, but it still rings rather true. The guy asks the girl to marry him in front of a bunch of people or doesn't even ask her at all, he just puts the ring on her finger and she isn't sure that that's what she wants, but accepts it anyways. It never ends up working out. Most of the time instead of just taking the engagement back, the entire relationship falls apart.
Talk to him about this. Tell him everything you are feeling. You should be able to after a year and a half. He may be a little disappointed, but it's better to disappoint him now than hurt him in the future. It was very respectful of him to talk to you about this. You've got yourself a really great guy. Be a great girl back and let him know what's up. :)
Good luck.
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