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get over him? YOU decide!
ever wanted to decide for someone if they should get over someone? well here's your chance!
I will give you the background info, and then YOU guys decided, get over him or not.. if the majority says yes. then thats it. ill try to get over him.
You'll recognize the story because ive asked atleast 17 questions about this guy on here, since the year 2002 (yes ive had a crush on him for 4 years!)
I met this guy in june, 4 yrs ago, when i was on vacation with my parents. We live on different continents, but i visit his continent every year because my family lives there.
The first year when we met - we were watching a movie with my cousins and he said "damn, she's so hott! i love angelina jolie!" then he looked at me, winked..and said "you're hott too btw!" (sound cheesy, and sleezy, but he said it in a charming way)he left with one of my cousins and came back an hour later.. my cousin then told me "ehh, he thinks you like him!" (i had done nothing to make him belive that..except smile when he said "You're hott too!") but whateer, at this point i didnt really like him, i was more annoyed that he was hanging around while i was trying to spend some time iwth my cousins..
anyways, when he came back with my cousin, my cousin left to talk on the phone, and left me alone with this guy..he ssat down next to me on the porch and said "what's up? you look sad! why are you sitting alone instead of watching tv with the rest of the family?" i said; idk..it's nice outside. and he agreed. then he suddenly gave me a troubled look (which he had not had befofre) and said.. "damn im screwed" (he whispered this though..so i didnt hear it) i said "what?" and he repeated it.. and i asked why? and he explained that his gf of 5 months had crazy ocerprotective parents, and her sister (who is also very over protective) had seen them holding hand at the mall... i tried to give him advice on what to do since he seemed to really care about this girl, and then said.. aww its really cute how you talk about her, i can tell you're a sweettalker! and he said, yeah i guess.. then looked right into my eyes, and told me how beautiful they were.. after this we spent 4 hours togther, flirting and talking..basically just hanging out and getting to know eachother.. he found out i was leaving the next day, asked me for my email..and then said goodbye.
i didnt really start liking him, until after i left the country. thats when i started realiing it. and we talked online a couple of times but not a lot. One of the few times we did talk online he said "if i didnt have a gf, i would have kissed you when we met!" and on another occasion he told me "ive now been with my gf for 11 months and i love her soo much"
so he flirted with me but always made it clear that he had a gf he would never cheat on.
the last conversation we had before i met him the second year he said "if i break up with my gf this summer, are we set?" and i said "deal!" so we basically agreed on hooking up (just making out and getting to know eachother and stuff like that!)
when the day finally came that i saw him again, it happened to be the last day in his country AGAIN, we met..didnt talk to eachother for a while (he talked to my cousin, and made jokes the first few houres!) then we started asking eachother questions.. how've you been since last time? what's been going on? what's new?.. just the regular chit-chat.. and i asked him about his gf and he said "we had a fight yesterday, and we broke up.." and i said " aww really?" and he said "yah, otherwise i wouldnt be here!" (which shows that he thought of me as more than a friend..otherwise he wouldnt say that right?)
anyways, we hung out, flirted a bit (not as much as the year before..) and then he went home and we said "see you tomorrow!" but my family changed the plans.. so we left that same day, and i didnt get to say goodbye! after this i went to camp for 3 weeks, when i came back,, i had an email from him.. with two poems, and he said "i cant stop thinking about you, we never got to say goodbye! i didnt get to give you the present i bought you" and things along those lines, i answered..and we started emailing regurly.. then i for some reason got insecure and made up a story about how i cant email him anymore.. (dont ask, i dont really know why i did that) and we stopped emailing.. until this summer.. when i thought i was gonna meet him again, i went online, and we started IMing.. flirting, promising that we'd get together and have fun this summer, telling eachother how we feel about eachother and so on,.. until one night i found out i wasnt gonna get to see him because my parents had a fight with my cousins parents.. so i wasnt gonna get to cisit my cousins and see him. when i told him this he said "oh well, whatever, its not like its a big deal!" WTF? it is a huge deal! for me it was atleast.. and then i asked why his screenname was so sad...and his answer? its about my ex who im still in love with! he then sent me a 2 page email about who hes never cared for anyone else, how he loves her, how he'll never get over her, they're meant to be..and so on.
i cried, and told my friends.. they id "be honest with him!" so i was, i asked how he could say he loved me when all along he was in love with her? and he said "im sorry if i hurt you, but i didnt realize im still in love with her until recently,," i decided to get over him (of course) and didnt talk to him for a month..but now, we email again.. like nothing ever happened.. like we're just friends.. pen pals.. needles to say, i still have a crush on him, and pray everyday that we're gonna get to see eachother again this christmas! i keep praying he'll be over her by then..!!
so, what do you think?
should i try to get over him?
and HOW? stop emailing??
i dont think it will work..
unless i tell him that "ive chosen not to fall for you, so if i show up this christmas, i dont want to see you..andi cant keep in touch with you anymore!" but thas so awkward! maybe there's another way? what do you guys think?
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
First things first, you need to get over him as a crush, but you should remain friends or like you said it WILL be awkward when you visit your cousins every year. I think you need to be straightforward with him and tell him that if he's not over his ex-girlfriend than he needs to leave you alone with the flirting and all. Also, keep emailing him but keep it simple and friendly, not overly flirtatious if you know what I mean. Hope this helps.
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~unluckychick~
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I agree. Get over him, it's best for everyone. Getting over him isn't the end of the story though. You can still be friends with him if you want. There's no reason to stop talking to him altogether. You're right, it would be awkward. Remember too, that getting over someone isn't always permanant. It's not going to hurt you to get over him, but it may hurt you to continute liking him.
As for how to get over him, there's no tried and true way to do it. I'd say it'll just happen over time. You'll never completely lose your sense of caring for him, but realize that it's very unlikely that you will end up with him and that you can be just as happy, or maybe even happier with someone else. Do it for yourself and your own long term happiness. Good luck. :)
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Well, I completely agree with Courtney. It seems like he was only interested because you were "hot." Friends seems okay, as long as it doesn't escalade into anything more. Leave him to his girlfriend!
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Darling, yes I know that it is very tempting indeed. I know because I've been through something like this. Let me tell you now, get over him. The time that you're spending on him can be spent looking for the person that is really meant to be for you. I'm not going to say that you're definitely going to find him if you get over your pen pal. I'm just saying that you really need to focus your attentions elsewhere. To me, it sounds like this guy is a sly devil. It sounds like he'll flirt and say anything without considering the reprucussions of his actions. He may by lying to you, but why would you want to go through that. You know, basically you should get over him. Trust me, even when you see him over Christmas, you'll feel a lot better about it.
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If I were you, I would definitely try to forget about him.
I don't think he realizes the effect he's had on you, and how you miss him, and how he's hurt you.
I wouldn't stop talking to him though, or refuse to see him. Because you will be losing a friend. Just try to get the idea out of your head of there ever being more than a friendship with you two. Because from what you've said, it doesn't really seem like he's as interested as you are. After all, if he confessed he was sad about his ex, he's obviously not.
I would focus on getting to know the more local guys in your area. Where you will get to see them and understand them more.
But whatever you decide to do, I hope it's for the best.
Good luck :)
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