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My mother makes me feel like crap
Hey there,
It is 4:30 AM where I live. I just couldn't sleep after that horrible experience I had with my mother. We are both obese, and she is fatter than I am.
Here's the story:
I lost a lot of weight during summer vacation in Egypt. Went to the gym, started a healthy lifestyle... Unfortunately, by the end of summer, nobody was taking me to the gym, so since they won't let me go by myself, my body became lazy again.
Summer vacation is now over and we're back in Saudi Arabia. My treadmill is just sitting there, but I'm not encouraged to use it.
I started eating junk food again, and eating chocolate whenever it was available. I have this stupid belief that chocolate makes me feel better, but it's actually making me gain weight!
Anyways, that is not the problem. The problem is that my mother always makes me feel like crap. Although everybody tells me I'm pretty, I can't remember the last time she called me that. What is her problem? Is she jealous because I lost some weight and she didn't?
Also, she keeps making hurtful comments bout my arms and abs and how I should lose weight.
"A girl your age shouldn't have this body," she would say.
Amazingly, I have high self esteem; I find myself pretty, despite the extra pounds. However, my mom is the only person who is perfectly capable of bringing me down.
The only nice thing she said to me was 3 weeks ago: "You lost weight. Keep it up."
Today though, I was trying on a skirt I just bought and it was too tight. She just looked at me as though I were an elephant and said: "Oh my God! Take it off before it rips!"
The weight is not the only issue. She never said "I am proud of you." NEVER!
I totally envy my friend because she told me her mother took her aside and told her how proud she was of her.
I keep asking myself: is my mom the right mom for me? Why does she keep hurting my feelings like that? Does she think I enjoy being fat?
Having high self esteem does not mean I like being fat!
I can't talk to her because she NEVER truly listens. Yesterday I asked for her opinion bout the topic of an article I'm going to write, and she wouldn't take her eyes off the bloody TV! She just says: huh ? what?
Then she accuses me of mal pronunciation!
"What kind of mother are you!?" I heard myself shout. She didn't even react!
So advicenators, don't tell me I should talk to her because she simply talks and never listens.
I am on the verge of crying and can't sleep...
What advice do you have for me?
-Totally devastated.
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
We don't get to choose our parents. Mothers always are judged more harshly...maybe we don't expect as much from the dads. We expect mother to be our protector, guide, unconditional love and support and to not have any weaknesses or problems of her own. Moms are just messed up like the rest of us, so don't take every fault of hers personally. I am not defending her, but I want you to remember that she is first a human being, then she is your mom.
You still expect your mother to be different then you know she is. That makes no sense, right? You know she is not capable or willing to be the mom you want her to be, and yet you won't give up. You think that if you keep hoping and giving her a chance to be different, that she will suprise you and change. That is not going to happen. All that happens is that you set yourself up for more disappointments and that is not healthy. Somehow you did end up with a good self-esteem, so be thankful for that. She is not the best mom, but definately not the worst either. She probably thinks she is doing far better than her mom did, so she does not understand why you are always unhappy with her. Maybe she is really selfish, because she was always around selfish people. It is not an excuse, but it is sad. You are capable of not repeating the cycle, so concentrate on that. Let her off the hook and don't expect what you know she can't give right now.
It does NOT mean she does not love you. She just is locked into her thinking. You do deserve someone to be proud of you. I am proud of you. You are proud of you. Your mom may even be proud of you, but mixed up in thinking that she cannot tell you, or it will make you conceited or something. You never know what rationality people mess themselves up with or developed as children and never grew out of. In the long run, you will realize that it is her loss and not yours. She has one chance to be your mom and if she messes it up, she will regret it. You on the other hand, will learn that the only person you really need approval from in this world is yourself. There are actually kids that get tons of approval and don't ever figure out that they should not live for the approval of others and it messes them up for years of their adult life. So, don't be too jealous of them. We all have to figure it out, whether our parents give us too much or too little, that we become our own mother and father.
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It sounds like your mom is trying to fix the mistakes that she made in her life through you. She messed up and can't go back and she doesn't want you to go down the same road as her. She loves you, she is proud of you and she cares so much that she's not being the mother that she should be to you. Try to cut her some slack. I've had a LOT of problems with my parents and I've found that you're not going to change them so you're going to have to learn to deal with them. You know she's being immature, self-centered, and uncaring towards you. You also know she loves you and would do anything for you. Whenever she starts being dumb, don't let it get to you. She's just having problems with herself. One thing you can do that might help is to give her the compliments and support that you aren't receiving. She's human. She feels bad about herself too. Maybe if you help her out, she'll get the idea and start helping you in return. The thing you wrote about chocolate I found quite interesting. It's acutally true that chocolate makes you feel better. It causes your body to release endorphins. The best thing about endorphins, though, is that chocolate isn't the only thing that causes them to be released. Sex is one, but guess what another one is? EXERCISE. YES! Exercise releases the same happy feelings in your body as chocolate does. Try to replace chocolate with exercise. I hope that your mom starts to treat you better and if not, you'll be out of the house in a few years anyways. Good luck! :)
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I know how you feel... I'm a little overweight, and my parents are always calling me names like "sow" and "pig" and telling me how fat I am. Really, I'm happy with the way I look, and I'm a fairly healthy weight!
I'm glad that you feel good about the way you look, because that's half the battle! Part of the reason you're probably not inspired to exercise is because you want to do it for the wrong reasons... if you make it about being healthy and having fun, then you'll enjoy it more than if you make it about losing weight.
What about finding an activity that you like to do that you can do in your own house? Something like yoga or pilates can be done if you get an instructional video.
You can't choose your mother, unfortunately, and I know that sucks, but just remember that whether you like them or not, she's the only one you have. Try to let her know how discouraging she's being; maybe she doesn't think she's being hurtful.
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wow im sorry to hear about what happend. and no its not normal for your mom to be that way. well my best friends mom is like that and what she did. was she wrote her a note. saying how much her mom really hurt her feelings and all this other stuff. it may work you should try it =)
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