"People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed; never throw out anyone." - Audrey Hepburn
I came to this site for advice about a man and love. That very question turned my entire world around and I have had my eyes opened to things I never noticed before.
I've stayed here so that I can share the knowledge I do have. I know I'm not changing the world but I do hope that I spark others to open their eyes.
"The only thing to do with good advice is pass it on. It is never any use to oneself." - Oscar Wilde
So, if you learn something from what I say then repeat it to someone else who can use it.
I hope that if you see an answer of mine that you enjoy it will inspire you to go out of your way to give good, solid information. Provide links for further information, detail your responses, encourage people to seek out professionals when it's needed, and stop sugar-coating responses and just say the truth.
I hope that even if you absolutely hate my answer that it'll kick start your brain. Hopefully you'll begin taking your time to respond instead of hurried answers that are useless to an already confused person.
"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on." - Robert Frost
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Age: 24
Member Since: October 12, 2007
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Last Update: August 15, 2011
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well iam dateing a guy who is in college & iam in high school he is also btw he is 19 i am 16. we met through friends & well we knw each other not much but still enough to asked me out, yet he wants us know each other more, so a few days ago we decieded 2 watch movies @ his house, that time we first held hands sooner or later it got too dark to go home, so he told me i could spend the night i asked him where will i sleep?he said i had to sleep next to him beacuse, his roomate would be not happy if she found out a girl slept in her room. anyway, nothing much happened, except i felt his heart beat so fast cause, he wanted us to hug, i decied to give him a good night kiss on the cheek yet he took it the wrong way and he thought i wanted to kiss more so he kissed me for a long time,but i honestly did not like it, i only thought if i did that he would like me more, after that i told him i would not kiss him anymore untill we were in a realionship.cause that night i thought to myself what type of girl am i to do so much on a first date. the only reason i went along with it is casue, i thought he would aske me out the next day.
the next night at my house,he told me on the phone that he had 9 girl friends before and that he is thinking of the negitave ways we should not start a realtionship, long term was the big reason and he has not deciede yet.i felt i was being used and it made me feel sad.
would i be considered a bad girl since i let a guy who is not my even my boyfriend, get close to me!?? and what should i do i like him alot but, should i keep waiting for him or forget him? (link)
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First off, totally forget this guy. He is only trying to use you and has known this all along. He is what they call a "player" and knows what to say and do to get into your pants for what he wants.
He said the right things and got you to spend the night. He said the right things and got you to get into the bed with him. He really expected you to have sex with him. THAT is what he cared about.
Next, never ever put yourself in this situation again. Being invited to stay at the opposite gender's house is actually an invitation for sex, believe it or not. I know you may be young and didn't have that knowledge but now you do. The fact that he confirmed you would be sleeping next to him was him saying, "We will be having sex, duh!"
It's okay to be naive the first time around as long as you learned a lesson. You didn't do wrong since you didn't go any further than a kiss, but you definately should have said something when you felt things were getting out of hand. If you hadn't of said something, you could end up now with question of: "Am I pregnant?!"
Next time if you feel uncomfortable you need to stop what is happening and speak up. You should have felt uncomfortable getting into the bed with him. Next time think things through and what the motivation for the other person is so you won't be hurt, used, abused, and left.
Learn a lesson and don't do this again.
An invitation to spend the night is an invitation to have sex--always, plain and simple.
You're not a bad girl, you just didn't know any better. Now you know and from here you can make the right decisions.
Please forget about this guy.
You didn't have sex with him and he felt let down so, of course, he's going to say things like, "Well, I am having negative thoughts about you being my girlfriend because I've had 9 girlfriends in the past and..."
See, he's trying to make you feel guilty so you'll give in soon and he can get some sex out of you. DO NOT GIVE IN TO THIS!
He does not care about you. He wants you to feel bad and want him even more so he can have sex and still just be friends.
If he cared he wouldn't have pushed the make-out session. If he cared, he would have slept on the couch or the floor and let you sleep in the bed so you didn't feel pressured to have sex. If he honestly, truly wanted to be your boyfriend he would have definately said so by now--boys are pretty clear about these sorts of things.
I hope I've helped you understand the situation you had put yourself in so you won't do that again. If you have any more questions, please feel free to ask me!
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okay so many people or teens these days are having sex. and me and my boyfriend had been dating for almost 3 years now but I feel as if I don't show him I love him enough. he knows I love him and we've been talking about having sex but we're sure that we wanna do it and we wanna be safe and it's our first time. so will it hurt or feel good during the first time you had sex? will the condom slip off?
I'm just trying to be safe that's all. (link)
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Love does not mean having sex. Having sex is not a sign of love. I can prove it.
Prostitutes. They go out EVERY evening and have sex with various clients. Do they love their clients? No.
I think if you've made it this long without sexual contact then you should wait it out. Make wedding night super extra special for you both. It would show him how much you love her by waiting all of that time, showing him that sex has not been what you were after this whole time and that your relationship could survive with just you two communicating and not worrying about sex and the troubles it comes with. It really is one of those ultimate forms of love. To look back and to realize how much each of you cared about one another is something you can proudly tell your children when they are older and have girlfriends/boyfriends.
Married couples simply do not have the problems that other sexual partners do. Also, giving your virginity to your partner on wedding night shows a huge amount of love--to save yourself for that special day, for that special person, through all of those years. Married couples never fear they're being used or will be left. They're able to open up and tell each other what they desire without fear. They know that if a pregnancy happens that they will get through it together with each other's support. They also aren't fearful of catching an STD from their partner because they know they're their only partner. Both partners tend to be fully satisfied because they're able to communicate well with each other and they're able to feel emotionally secure.
I'm really proud of you two that you haven't given into peer pressure for three years, but I must ask--why now?
You two should be making lasting memories that you can share when you're 80. Memories that you'll look back and be able to tell grand-children, "I remember when your grandfather and I..."
The first time is not going to feel good for the woman. It hardly ever does. The problem is this:
If your relationship NEEDS sex to prove love then sex is going to break the relationship. Sex is not what people claim it is and that's why many people sleep around. Those people sleeping around are looking for that oh-so-wonderful sex they were told about and figure it must come along somewhere.
I know people who have broken up with boyfriends/girlfriends because the sex wasn't good. Seriously. I am not kidding. I have heard of many people saying how in love they are, but after having sex they become obsessed with sex and end up breaking up because the love fades off and all that is there is desire.
Sex can break a couple sometimes and I'm sure you don't want that. I've seen couples break up because they just weren't compatible in the bed (someone was too shy, someone had a kink, someone didn't like something the other loved, etc). Those couples made too big of a deal out of it. They wanted sparks to fly and for it to be special and perfect and when it wasn't what they expected they were highly disappointed.
Seriously, please reconsider.
Think of the serious consequences that your relationship may end up having to go through if you begin engaging in sex. One of these is pregnancy costs, scares, expenses:
http://www.surebaby.com/costs.php
One of the risks to put your relationship through is STDs/STIs, which people CAN be BORN with:
http://www.ashastd.org/learn/learn_statistics.cfm
How could you forgive a partner for transmitting an STD to you? How could you get over getting pregnant and giving birth to a mentally ill child? What happens if the relationship gets rocky and a pregnancy occurs--what happens then? There are too many factors that will add a load of pressure on you relationship, and could break it down in a matter of days.
Some ideas for fun, neat things to do together are:
Rollerskating/blading, snuggling up and reading a long book together, taking a walk together, make dinner together, go to a nice restaurant neither of you have been to, visit local attractions, help with chores (especially the ones he doesn't like; many couples say this is particularly loving of their mate), paint pictures or even his room together (get approval from parents if you do this), throw a party and invite all of his friends for you to meet again, watch old cartoons and bring back childhood memories, go swimming together, have a campfire and roast marshmallows with friends and family, go dancing together, create a photo album or scrapbook together, play a board game, etc.
Make good, lasting memories of the short period of time you get to be together. It may seem like having sex is a big deal and you'll remember it forever but you two , most likely, won't as the years go by. Everyone does it. It isn't special.
Wouldn't you two like to look back years down the road and have giggles about the silly things you remember and the good times you had during the week? You'll be able to tell your future friends and possible children and grandchildren all about the neat things you two used to do together.
Love is not sex and sex is not love. Anyone can have sex. Prostitutes have sex every day in every way with many different people and they never love any of them.
Show him you love him by doing something else. Don't fall into the stupid teenage crowd.
You should not be in a rush to have sex. You have plenty of years ahead of you. Anyone can have sex. Lots of people have sex with each other every day and don't have the slightest bit of care for their sexual partner. Having sex isn't proving anything to anybody.
Here is a link about some things you should think about before engaging in sex. Even if you're dead set on losing your virginity, it's still really interesting to look at. The site really makes you think about things you overlooked before:
http://www.tagnet.org/adventist.fm/youth/virgin.htm
Here is also a link on some things about virginity. I think it has some neat points and gives examples to explain what they're talking about:
http://www.prolife.com/LICKONA.htm
I hope you reconsider and choose to do the right thing. If you have any more questions, please feel free to ask me! :)
P.S. Condoms are only 88% effective with TYPICAL usage. Hormonal birth control pills are only actually about 93% with TYPICAL usage. The pull-out method is about 75% effective if done in the typical manner. Do you really want to risk your relationship?
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This coming fall I am applying to numerous universities. My overall gpa is a 3.5-3.7 but my SAT and SAT 2 scores are not good. Apparently I am part native american. (very little but about a sixteenth i think) what I am asking is how do I get this proven for college. I heard of genetic testing to find the gene and I have a paper from my great grandmother writing down her family history. I asked my mom (a year back) to get this proven, but she has only found papers since then (I am apparently part cherokee by the way). What more do I need to do to get it proven.
ps I have heard of ancestry.com, but it costs 30 bucks
and if anyone knows more about this gene testing let me know
thank you so much (link)
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For Native American descent to actually "count" as part of your ethnicity, you must be 1/8th at least.
These people qualify for special collage grants and are actually able to enter into living on a reservation. So, people who are at least 1/8th Native American can be enrolled as a tribal member :)
Any more than the 1/8th simply does not count. There is too little to take in account for. A lot of US citizens have ancestry of Native Americans so there has to be a cut-off limit somewhere or everyone would be grabbing for grants and taking advantage of reservations specially designed for true Native Americans.
According to another website:
"Being of Native American descent does not qualify you for anything. Being an ENROLLED TRIBAL MEMBER of a federally recognized tribe does. If you are enrolled, contact your tribe of enrollment. You can also qualify for funding provided by non-profits, governmental organizations or the college/university itself. In most cases you will have to provide a copy of your tribal enrollment letter/card or your Certificate of Indian Blood (CIB). Being an enrolled tribal member only makes you eligible for funding, it doesn't guarantee it. If you are not enrolled or have a CIB/CDIB you are not eligible for any of these funding opportunities until you obtain one or the other. Funding for American Indians is not based on race or heritage, it is based on CITIZENSHIP in a federally recognized tribe. While many people may have American Indian heritage, it is only those who are enrolled members of their tribe and have maintained tribal citizenship who are eligible."
...which, again, basically says you must be a recognized Native American tribal member to quality, and one of the standards for becoming a triable member is being 1/8th or more Native American descendant.
As a note, you cannot just "register" for a tribe. You need actual proof that you belong there (typically genetic testing). A tribe is a nation unto itself. You become a citizen of the nation. So, you just don't show up asking for citizenship.
I did find something that said:
"Generally speaking, if your ancestors did not register back when there was a price to pay (like the Trail of Tears), you aren't entitled to any breaks now."
The school probably won't ask you to prove that you're 1/8th or more unless they decide you are going to receive a special grant or scholarships. Then you will have to show papers proving that you are a member of a tribe and you may get into a mess if you have lied at that point. People simply don't enjoy others wasting their time.
So, I hate to say it, you simply do not seem to qualify to be considered Native American enough to list it on forms.
I hope I've helped you figure a few things out while applying to colleges. If you have any more questions, please feel free to ask me :)
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Im 16 and my boyfriend is 18. I had a babyboy 2 months ago and i feel like im ready to live on my own. My boyfriend works and so do i, so we have everything figured out. the on ly problem is, my mom doesnt think i can handle it....is she right??? what do i do (link)
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I don't think it sounds like you're prepared to be out in the world on your own. You simply cannot expect things to go perfectly, please keep that in mind. Perfect doesn't exist.
Judging by your previous questions (I am a paid user so I can see your past questions) you are having a difficult time in your relationship. I'm really not sure that putting this strain on your current relationship is going to improve matters in any way. Let's face it, your boyfriend is already not very trustworthy. Something good to ask yourself about this is:
What happens if my boyfriend leaves one evening and doesn't return? How will I pay the rent all by myself? How will I tend to the baby all by myself? How would I still make it to work?
Or what happens if the transportation breaks down and you can't make it to work? What if the work ends up firing you because of this? And what if you have to rely on your boyfriend's income for weeks or months while you try to find another decent-paying job?
To live on your own at this point in your life you need:
1. Stable housing situation that is reasonably affordable.
2. Daily reliable and affordable care for your infant while you and your partner are working.
3. To figure out your finances. How much can you spend on bills? Will you have anything left over to spend on clothing and other goods? Think of these: rent, telephone, internet, electricity, television, water, food, infant formula, daycare prices, gas, vehicle payment(s), food, soaps, heating/cooling, and baby care items (ie: diapers, bottles, clothing as he grows). We're not even touching on the possibilities on pricing for good health-care when needed.
4. A reliable partner that isn't going to cause you any more stress than required, and isn't going to leave your life completely to where you'd have to "fend" for yourself when times get tough (and they always do).
5. Appliances and furnishings. This includes: refrigerator, stove/oven, toaster, microwave, washer, dryer, television, couch, chairs, table, bed (mattress and box springs), pots and pans, dishes, silverware, etc.
Remember that there are things you will have to do on your own that you may have not done before. This includes shopping for food on a budget. Date-nights will become non-existent and you will probably be left with no money while you're trying to get on your feet. This really may not be the best time to venture out, especially since you are a new mother.
I suggest you give it some time and hang out where you have been. Save your money for the time being so that you can be more stable when you do find a decent place. You're a new mother and really will appreciate tips your mother can pass along to you in raising a healthy, happy baby.
Take your time to enjoy what youth you have right now. You're 16 and should be going out on the weekends, having dates, and spending time with friends. You've already lost some of that recently with your new baby, but at this point you can still find a babysitter and go out on a date with your boyfriend without worrying about the money loss.
Work on saving money, repairing your relationship with your boyfriend, and learning to be a good mother. Moving out on your own is only going to cause stress and make things worse at this point.
Please think things through.
It may sound like a super neat idea to move out right now, but you'll wish you weren't as strained on time and money when that happens.
I hope you reconsider your recent decision. If you have any more questions, please feel free to ask me! :)
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i had sex with this guy, and we'vehung out many times after and we're still friends. He always IMs me and talks to me on the phone but i cant tell if he jsut kinda lieks me, or lies me alot. Hes told me that he likes me but i know he also liked other girls then too, and he doenst want a relationship. I dont want to be in a relationship now either but i just want to find out if he likes me more than i liek him. so how can i find this out? i cant just straight out ask him because im afriad it will be awkward. (link)
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I hate to say this but...
When he said that he likes you he was only saying it so you would hang on, and so that he could continue taking what he can from you.
Being friends with benefits has the drawback that one side usually ends up developing feelings for the other side. Typically the female of this sort of situation ends up doing this, which is obvious what has happened here (you even give him hints that you are interested in him).
The problem is this:
The guy wants what he can get from you. He realizes that you have feelings for him and is afraid that if he tells you that he simply does not see you as girlfriend material that you will leave and he cannot use you any more. In other words, he's leading you on so that you'll stick around.
I don't mean to sound harsh but this is probably what is really happening:
You're easy and he doesn't see himself getting many "easy" girls. He wants to keep you hanging on so you don't go away and he's left with no sexual contact again.
Most guys (not all, of course) tend to be driven by their hormones, especially when they're young (even throughout their 20s). These guys quickly learn how to "play the game" to the best advantages they can receive. He has, most likely, learned how to string you along and will do so until you completely leave from frustration.
Forget this guy and move on.
You shouldn't allow yourself to be used like this anyway--you are better than that and you deserve to be treated like a lady.
He really just isn't that into you.
Even if this was to spur some sort of real relationship, it simply wouldn't last. The entire basis of the relationship would be sex, and those relationships burn out very quickly. He's interested in what you can give him, not who you are.
He has no special feelings to you because you aren't special to him. He sees you as someone he can use and drop whenever he wants. He'll lead you on, keeping you hanging and hoping, but won't ever develop feelings for you the way you may develop feelings for him.
Stop worrying if he likes you.
He likes that he can have sex with you.
That's all.
Seriously.
There is no point in asking him if he likes you. He'll give you answers that will make you "stay" in the situation with him. I promise, they never come out and say to your face that they don't like who you are but only care about what they're getting from you.
I hope things turn around and you realize what sort of situation you have put yourself in. If you have any more questions, please feel free to ask me! :)
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ok so percentages please..hear are the circumstances
1.i think i pre cummed
2.i ejaculated earlier that day (but peed alot after)
3.she was a virgin
4.her last period ended on july23 is that not help ful idk?
5. unprotected sex
6. lasted like 1 minute
7.i was drunk
8.She took plan b 2 days later
what are the chances of her getting pregnant (link)
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There aren't going to be specific percentages for all of this; however, I can let you know if there are things to be concerned about:
1. High percentages that you did; high percentages of pregnancy. It only takes ONE sperm to fertilize ONE egg.
2. You'd have to pee a hell of a lot afterward to clean out the tubes completely. Even then, according to how long your arousal was (before and during intercourse) depends on how much sperm could have started being released for pre-ejaculatory fluid.
3. Virginity means nothing. I know quite a few virgins who became pregnant the first night they lost theirs. I also know of young girls becoming pregnant but never having a period for the first time (Hell, look at Africa, most of those young girls that are pregnant have never had their first period).
4. You're really not in a good time, according to her cycle. It could very well be her most fertile time. It all depends how long her cycles last (21 days, 28 days, more or less--depends on each woman). Her most fertile date would be decently close, most likely.
5. High likelihood of pregnancy. Plain and simple.
6. Precum can still be expelled in 1 minute of sex. Precum can be expelled with simple arousal. Precum can, most definately, get a girl pregnant.
7. A drunken state or not will have no affect on your sperm's natural instinct. Your sperm still want to swim up to the egg--intoxicated or not.
8. Plan B is about 75% - 82% effective on day 2, that I am aware of, if it's taken properly.
As a note, condoms are only 88% effective with typical usage.
Hormonal birth control is only about 92% effective with typical usage.
Her chances seem fairly high on being pregnant. You may want to suggest she purchase a few home pregnancy tests if her period is late. According to a couple of studies done, First Response and Early Result Pregnancy Test are the two best kinds to purchase because they are slightly more sensitive than the others. Remember to wait until her period is late before jumping to taking these tests.
Otherwise, you're just going to have to wait it out. Women do not get pregnant the same day of intercourse, believe it or not.
After you have sex the girl actually does not instantly become pregnant--it can take days before the sperm find and fertilize the egg and then another 6 - 10 days for the egg to actually attach to her uterine wall. Sperm can live in her body for a long time--they've even been some found alive in a woman 2 weeks after being ejaculated inside of her!
This being said, it could take weeks to actually become pregnant after one sexual encounter. Kind of scary, isn't it?
Please relax and wait for her normal period to arrive. If it doesn't arrive in a few weeks then suggest to her that she take a pregnancy test (she can even go to a doctor/clinic to have this done).
We can't tell you if she's pregnant.
We can't give you a percentage of pregnancy.
We CAN say that it sounds like she very well could be pregnant but we cannot know for sure.
Relax and wait. Stop obsessing over this, and learn a lesson. Next time choose your partner carefully in case their is a pregnancy. Accidents happen. Condoms break. Birth control fails.
I hope the situation turns out to be a valuable learning lesson for you. If you have any more questions, please feel free to ask me!
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friday i didn't take my bc pill.
i had sex friday night.
we used a condom and pulled out when he came.
i took both friday and saturdays pill on saturday because thats what my sheet told me to do(i remembered i had forgotten friday at the time i was taking saturdays pill)
im pretty sure im okay because we withdrew and used a condom.
so, i'm pretty much okay, right?
bc of condom AND withrdawl. (link)
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First off, I want to note this:
It is correct that the hormonal birth control pill is 99.7% effective when used in perfection. This means that you should be taking your pill at the EXACT SAME TIME every single day, no alterations to your body or lifestyle. Even if you're only a couple of hours off, you have increased the chances of a pregnancy. The longer you wait in between taking pills, the higher chances of pregnancy.
With TYPICAL use of the hormonal birth control, a woman is 92% protected from pregnancy. However, one should take into consideration that even with a 92% effective rate, there is an estimated 8 in every 100 women who will become pregnant from typical usage. This being said, you should be taking as many precautions as humanly possible to prevent a pregnancy (along with STD/STI transmission). In addition, you are not even taking the pill on "typical" standards so you are extremely low regarding the pregnancy protection situation.
In short, it's acceptable (not good though) to double up on pills ONCE every so often (once a month is probably okay but not recommended by any means) but you should try your hardest not to do this. If you need to, purchase a wristwatch that has a timer on it and have it go off at the same time every day to remind you to take your pill.
The pull-out method has proven to be very ineffective on preventing pregnancy. The pull-out method is about 70% effective if done in perfection, which is pretty rare actually. I am not certain of the percentage regarding typical usage, but I'd guess pretty darn low!
Condoms are only about 97% on preventing pregnancy when used in perfection. With TYPICAL usage, condoms are only about 88% effective. That is a pretty large chance to me.
What this comes down to is that we are not perfect human beings. There will be changes in diet and weight fluctuation (throws off the pill). There will be that split second too late (pull-out and condoms). There will be that tiny, itty-bitty hole we didn't notice (condoms).
After you have sex you actually do not instantly become pregnant--it can take days before the sperm find and fertilize the egg and then another 6 - 10 days for the egg to actually attach to your uterine wall. Sperm can live in your body for a long time--they've even been some found alive in a woman 2 weeks after being ejaculated inside of her!
This being said, it could take weeks to actually become pregnant after one sexual encounter. Kind of scary, isn't it?
You really should pick up a home pregnancy test. Some home pregnancy tests are better than others. According to a couple of studies done, First Response and Early Result Pregnancy Test are the two best kinds to purchase because they are slightly more sensitive than the others. You may want to pick up a couple of those for home usage. If your period is late, go on and take the test and see what it says. You certainly are at risk for pregnancy.
I hope I've helped you figure out what the chances of pregnancy are for you at this moment. If you have any more questions please feel free to ask me :)
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can you get HPV through a toilet seat?? (link)
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Well, according to this about.com website, you cannot contract HPV through public toilet seats:
"Fortunately, this is a myth, but still remains a common belief among many people. The human pappillomavirus (HPV) cannot be transmitted through sitting on a toilet seat. Because viruses cannot survive long outside of the body, HPV cannot be transmitted this way."
From: http://cancer.about.com/od/hpv/f/HPVtoiletseat.htm
HPV is transmitted through sexual skin-to-skin contact from an infected partner. No penetration is required to contract HPV. HPV can be transmitted through:
vaginal intercourse
anal intercourse
oral sex
touching your infected partner's genitals and then your own
sharing sex toys with an infected person without disinfecting first
genital-to-genital contact (same or opposite sex)
I do know that HPV can live in your fingernail (and toenail) beds so you have to really scrub those up well. I am not sure why they didn't include "fingering" on their list. Since the website says:
"viruses cannot survive long outside of the body"
The word "long" implies that they can survive out of the body for a short period of time. This does sound like it technically possible to contract HPV from a freshly-used toilet seat. Try to not come in contact with toilet seats and always use a paper protector if you cannot squat properly above. It's better to be safe than sorry, in my opinion.
As a note, if you cannot do either, bring some hand-sanitizer in your purse. Take some of that and apply it to some toilet paper and quickly "wash" off the seat. Many women do this simply because the thought of the unwashed toilet seat even coming close to them is icky.
So, in short, the answer seems to be no but you should still be on the safe-side in case a few of the HPV cells survive by the time you go into the stall.
If you have any more questions, please feel free to ask me! :)
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So, I'm a huge fan of Sex and the City. Call me stupid or whatever but I have this weird feeling.
I sometimes find myself in the same positions as Carrie.
We're both in love with guys that aren't really in love with us.
Like we have casual sex with these guys. Everything that has happened with her and "Big" has happened to me and my "Big". It's very peculiar. For example, in the show he always leaves her for another woman, same happens to me. And he always chases back for her when the relationship is over with another woman. And when she was in another relationship with Aiden he comes back which leads her to cheating, this has happened to me before. Like in the movie, they ended up getting married. I sometimes picture me and him one day marrying. I really don't need the criticism but do you think this is a sign ? Or what ? I always find myself wondering this...
Thanks In Advanced. (link)
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My friend felt the exact same way. The problem is, that is an entirely made-up story and nothing about it is real--not even the names of the characters. You really need to keep that in mind.
Many men play the field by going back to the ex-girlfriend who will give them what they want, when they want it. So, when a woman they are interested in leaves them for various reasons, they go back to the ex that they can use for awhile. These men are simply creeps and nothing can ever come out of that.
Chances are you two won't get married. Chances also are that he'll use you right up until he finds the woman he is going to marry--and, even then, you still may end up being the mistress. Even if a miracle happened and you two got married he would use and abuse you like he does now--he would, most likely, end up cheating on you with various women for awhile before leaving you entirely. THAT is real life.
My friend would go back to her "Big" every time he called. He would string her along, pretending that they MIGHT have a future together. She would get all worked up and excited, but then suddenly he would move on to another girl. The whole deal was that he wanted something that my friend could give him--sex. He knew she was attached to him and he knew he could play that to his advantage.
People who have various sexual partners tend to be very insecure--which isn't portrayed in the show at all. They tend to be used for sexual pleasures and then dumped off like yesterday's garbage because they allow themselves to be used.
Carrie and "Big" simply could not survive in the real life. Carrie would be an insecure woman who needed reassurance about every move she made. She would sleep around to feel loved and appreciated. "Big" would step into her picture and realize that she was, simply put, easy. He would play that up because that is who he is--a manipulative, cold-hearted person. "Big" would not really develop any feelings for Carrie, but Carrie would hang onto his every word simply because he played her so that she thought he was always interested.
Real life just happens a lot differently than television and movies.
In short, no, I don't think it's a sign that you two are going to be together in the end; however, I think you asking this question and getting this response is a sign that you need to stop belittling yourself with this type of men.
Your "Big" will never be the guy in the television show/movie. He really just isn't that into you if he isn't with you.
I do hope I've sparked something that will make you change your ways before you're old, grey, and miserable. You deserve more than you are giving yourself credit for. If you have any more questions, please feel free to ask me! :)
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Okay so ive worn a tampon a few times before. But every time i wear them they like leak alot. Is this supposed to happen? I mean im pretty sure i put it in right.. because I dont feel it or anything. But its like i have to wear a panty liner in my bathingsuit! And when I take it out, I feel like the panty liner is more full than the tampon. Please help! I'm going to get it next week and im going to be on a camping trip in maine at a lake, swimming and tubing and stuff! Please please help! (link)
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It may have absolutely nothing to do with the size or brand of tampon you are using.
I highly suggestion you see a gynecologist for an exam to make sure everything down there is properly formed. I know it sounds really scary to say you may not be formed right, but it is a rare occurrence that really does happen.
I had this friend years ago. She told me that she only wore pads because every time she put in a tampon she'd still bleed into her underwear in minutes. She said she had tried other sizes and brands and they all did the same thing.
Well, one day this friend went to her physical. She had never visited a gynecologist before and was pretty nervous. When the doctor was looking at her vagina the answer to why her tampons always leaked was VERY clear. See, when she was in her mother's womb her vagina didn't form quite as expected. Her body ended up growing a piece of flesh in the middle of her vagina, separating it into two vaginas. You see, when she inserted a tampon she only "plugged up" ONE vagina but the other one was still open and able to "leak" as much as it needed.
One side of the vagina is quite smaller than the other too so that's why it had gone unnoticed by her before. She wasn't sexually active at the time so nobody had ever noticed the extra insertion place. Her vagina looked normal at first glance, but upon further inspection she simply had a piece of flesh in the middle of it.
They ended up having to check if she also had a duplicate womb and two sets of ovaries instead of one set. In the end everything else was correct--just that extra bit of flesh is all! Some women end up having two of everything--or two uterus' but one set of ovaries. It happens.
I asked if she could have it removed and she said probably but that she wasn't going to risk her health because of that. She began to insert two tampons into the vagina instead of one then--one tampon in each section. Of course she needed to use fairly small tampons so they would fit properly, but it really did happen.
I definately do not suggest you insert two tampons into your vagina. Inserting more than one would be a major health hazard and may even cause damage, especially if there isn't anything physically wrong with your vagina. I really don't suggest tampons at all (and I'll get to that below), but I DO suggest you see your doctor to make sure everything is alright. Her doctor said it was rare but very possible so she isn't alone in the world, definately.
So, I would make a doctor's appointment if I were you for your annual visit. If you haven't gone to one before you need to anyway--you're really suppose to start those sort of visits once you begin your period. You are plenty old enough to be seeing a gynecologist, as you can probably tell from seeing a lot of girls here asking about their first visit.
I definately recommend pads for your menstrual cycle. Pads can be worn during light days, heavy days, and even simple discharge days. Tampons can only be worn during your actual period or your risk of Toxic Shock Syndrome increases dramatically. You also do not need to worry about waking in the middle of the night to change your pad if you're not a heavy bleeder; however, with tampons they MUST be changed every 6 - 8 hours or bacteria will multiply so quickly it can cause some severe problems.
Symptoms of TSS include high fever, vomiting or diarrhea, severe muscle aches, a feeling of extreme weakness or dizziness, and a rash that looks like a sunburn. If you ever have these symptoms while wearing a tampon, remove it and tell an adult immediately because these things CAN lead to death. Have someone take you to the nearest emergency room as soon as possible.
When I tried tampons I ended up passing out over and over again within seconds of insertion. My body was obviously screaming at me that something was terribly wrong although nothing was painful at all. I often wonder if some other women have experienced this and thought it was normal because it definately is not okay to experience. I really believe it dramatically shocked my body and that's why I passed out.
My first gynecologist I had actually told me that tampons increased my risk of cancer. My mother had cancer before in her vagina area and was told to NEVER wear tampons again because if there is any cancerous cells in there it will irritate them and cause them to begin multiplying if they aren't already. My mother was also told to tell her female children this too since we are higher risk for that sort of cancer. I asked my first gynecologist about it and he definately recommended not using tampons because of the increase cancer risk.
The longer you leave a tampon in, the higher risk of TSS you are taking. Bacteria begin to grow in the warm, moist environment of your vagina. These bacteria can grow within the tampon, enter the body from inside the vagina, then invade the bloodstream, releasing toxins that can cause a very severe, life-threatening illness.
Tampons also pull a bit of your vaginal lining out when being removed, believe it or not. This is why many women who use tampons aren't as sensitive as they once were inside of their vaginas and why many tampon-users suffer from yeast infections and bacterial vaginosis. The tampon also can leave particles behind from it, causing bacteria and yeast to grow on it. Another case is that women are frequently needing to purchase personal lubricant for sexual activities because their bodies have stopped producing enough natural lubricant to engage in such activities without problems.
Here are some good websites about why women should stay clear of tampon-usage. Theses sites are pretty darn interesting:
http://www.thekeeperstore.com/dangers-tampons/
http://www.thebody.com/content/art497.html
http://www.earthisland.org/journal/tampons.html
http://www.frontiernet.net/~ruthb/Tampons.html
So, in short, you really should see your doctor first before going to drastic measure and increasing risk of TSS. You should ALWAYS try to wear the lightest tampon available to decrease those TSS chances. I still suggest you invest in pads for your health, but, of course, that is your own decision to make.
As a very last note, you may want to check out menstrual cups. Here is a link to a question about some and my answer is pretty thorough when explaining them:
http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=533850
I hope things are healthy and you find out what your problem is. If you have any more questions, please feel free to ask me! :)
P.S. I apologize for linking websites but there was just so much to say about it that I couldn't put into my own words. I do hope you take some time to check them out though!
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i have my belly button pierced now for about a month and ive had it pierced once before too(i took it out cause the skin kept getting smaller and smaller that the ring was going to fall out) so now i have it pierced again and it was perfect. now the skin is doing the same thing and getting thinner again. will it keep getting thinner or will it eventually get thick again? what could i do to make it stop thinning (link)
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This is called rejection. Rejection is the body's natural defensive maneuver to prevent infections and such.
Your body has no idea that you WANTED to put a piece of metal in your skin. It thinks you've been wounded and it knows that infection may set in if the object stays in (because foreign objects have dirt/bacteria on them). The body knows it needs to get the object out as soon as possible so it does everything it can.
This means the flesh surrounding the piercing will actually sacrifice itself for your life. It will actually die off and the cells will fall off of you little by little. This causes deep scars usually. You can actually visually see the skin thinning when you look at the piercing.
Rejection usually only happens to surface piercings--eyebrows, bellyrings, hips, corset piercing, cleavage, nape, etc.
Rejection will ALWAYS happen with these piercings no matter what. The only way to reduce the scarring from rejection is to take the piercing out early. Some bodies reject quicker than others--some people can go weeks with an eyebrow piercing before it starts to reject and some people can go months before it begins rejecting. It will always happen though.
The only thing you can do is try to slow down the rejection process. This means rinsing the jewelry off with saline solution twice a day and doing everything you can not to put pressure on the bar. With surface piercings, the more you mess with them, the quicker they will come out.
The skin usually begins to be itchy because the cells are dying off so you can live and won't get a major infection. Again, the body doesn't know that the object has been sterilized and was wanted so there honestly is no way to stop rejection.
I also want to note that if your piercing begins to reject and you do not remove the jewelery, it WILL still come out. Your skin seriously just falls off of you little by little until the piercing comes out as well.
Here is an excellent photo sequence in which someone shows how their nape piercing rejected after a few months:
http://wiki.bmezine.com/images/a/a6/Surface_Piercing_Rejection-2.gif
In short, your skin will not magically get any thicker in that area now. Your body is actually just healing itself by killing off those skin cells. Your body will always do this until the bar completely falls out. You cannot reverse this and, usually, cannot really slow the process down.
I hope I've answered you pretty clearly. If you have any more questions PLEASE feel free to ask me! :)
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hey guys.
i'm writing a story on a live journal webpage, using the 'diary' kind of form. i've only written the first part, then wrote a sceond and erased the second. i just wanna know what other people think about it.
its for ages like 14 - 19 i guess, about high school and stuff like that. read if you're interested and leave feedback??
http://enough-jasey.livejournal.com/
thanks =] (link)
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First off, your first few lines were beautiful. I even liked it that you suddenly add the vulgarness of the word "shit" into it to break that sort of trance you pull the readers into.
My problem with the story is your usage of curse words. Sure, they are okay scattered here-and-there to make an impact on the reader; however, it seems that you are just tossing them around too easily. I really suggest removing them and only inputting those sorts of words to add a bolt of suddenness to your story. When you add those words, think to yourself, "Will the reader be shocked that Jasey is using this sort of language?" Jasey should use it when she's EXTREMELY frustrated, hurt, or to make a sudden jolt, as you did in the beginning with the word "shit."
You want to make your main character liked by the reader. You want them to relate but not see her as dirty, which is what this sort of language made me feel. Sure, you want the main character to be realistic, but you have to make the personality so that people WANT to keep reading because they form a personal attachment to her.
Like I said, the first few lines were great. The sudden "oomph" was perfect. Aside from that, the language just makes her seem trashy. You definately do not want a trashy-seeming character, specially if you're going to put in things like this:
"You have your basic ‘cliques’ and ‘groups’ or whatever. It’s still the same as when our parents went to school…just with more drugs (and a lot more sex.) But hey, who blames us? If we’re gonna be stuck here for four years we better fuck it up right, huh?"
I know you probably have your story heading a specific direction; however, it would probably be best if you made Jasey into an outcast of sorts. What I am meaning is things like this:
Sure, she could TRY drugs (peer pressure), but then becomes very ill and wishes she could take it back. Maybe end up in the hospital, in which one male friend that she's had a crush on visits her and they share secrets about who they really are.
Sure, she could come close to having sex and then realize how dirty the guy is and that her friends were wrong about how great sex would make her. She realizes that JaneDoe has had lots of sex but seems miserable and is all the time being used by various creepy guys.
She could go through a small fit of depression in which her friends simply do not care or understand. She realizes her friends were NEVER there--and suddenly thinks, "Whoa! Why do I want to be like them anyway?!" This could be prefaced by her waking up every morning, standing in front of the closet, and trying to figure out which trendy outfit would impress Laura and the gang.
She begins to fail and becomes lost in the crowd. Her friends are pressuring her to buy more expensive clothes, better make-up, and "party" with them more. Her mother is busy at work all the time, her brother has a pregnant girlfriend who her family is trying to pay for too so they are tight on money. Nobody seems to want to help her bring up her grades and she begins not showing up for classes so she avoids the whole grade situation AND peer pressure. From there, so many things could happen.
She could pretend throughout the entire story that she's oh-so sexually experienced and then suddenly she's faced with her peers pressuring her to have sex with this guy at a party. She becomes scared and sits on the bed with him, confessing her darkest secret of being a virgin and wanting to keep that until her wedding night. She could even snag the boy this way, especially if he confesses he's only kissed a girl before and basically shares the same lie she has made ;)
This is teenage life, you see, and if you don't make SOMETHING major happen and it goes just like every real teenage life goes nowadays, then there will be no point in reading it. There needs to be a special turning-point in which you see who Jasey truly is. Jasey should be finding out who she truly is in this story, as most good teenage/high-school stories revolve around things like that.
In short, you want your character to be special in the story for whatever reason. You need her to relate to the readers but give a new insight to teenage-life so that she's different and interesting.
I hope you understand what I'm saying and take no offense to my suggestions. I love reading and think being a writer is great.
If you have any questions about my suggestions or need more feedback from me, please feel free to inbox me a question or two! :)
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so for the past few months (maybe not wise i know but i'm just emberressed to talk to my doctor about it) ive been having like this whitish yellowish colored stuff coming out of my vagina.. no iching or anything just like alot of it.. like my underwear gets totally soaked in like a few hours.. i mean it dries eventually but yeah its annoying... and it smells kinda weird too... like not my normal smell... i know that you're probably say go to the doctor... and i think i will but also what do you think this could be? (link)
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It very well could be normal discharge, as what you are physically describing sounds like it, but the point that it smells different than you usually smell is not normal.
Usually bacterial vaginosis has an odd smell to it. The discharge typically is increased and may end up looking like cottage cheese. Sometimes there are no symptoms at all--but an odd odor is one of the key signs.
You really need to speak with your doctor about this ASAP. If it is bacterial vaginosis (which is common and can happen from the same reasons yeast infections happens) then you are putting your health at risk. Left untreated it can cause something called Pelvic Inflammatory Disease (PID), thus causing you much pain and discomfort for the rest of your life. In addition to physical aliment, PID can cause you to become completely infertile if left untreated.
Let your doctor know that you've been having an increased amount of discharge and that your odor has drastically changed. A simple swab down there will probably allow him to get some results back.
While you're waiting for the appointment, you should pick up a pack of pantyliners to put in your panties so you're not wet all day. Bacteria loves a moist environment so it's best to try to keep the outside of your vagina area dry (or, rather, not excessively moist) so no bacteria decides it's best to make a nice little colony there. ;)
As a note, there is nothing over-the-counter that could get rid of BV if you have that. It takes a prescription medication that you can only receive from your doctor. In addition, please do not treat yourself for anything without being checked out by a professional first.
Many things can cause your body to change, including new birth control and current major weight fluctuations. If your doctor clears you then this may be what has happened. Until your body gets itself sorted out you should probably wear a pantyliner daily and change it frequently to reduce odors.
I hope your appointment goes well and you have a clean bill of health. If you have any more questions then please feel free to ask me! :)
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I'll give you guys some background on the situtation.
So since the beginning of May I've really liked this guy and we started talking and we flirted and hung out all the time, but it never went further than that. Than in the beginning of June he started dating a girl I thought was my friend. But he was hoenst about it and I was fine and started talking to other boys.
So while they were dating he'd call me and hang out with me. And than one time we were at the mall and he kept finding excuses to touch me and I thought it was EXTREMELY AWKWARD, I mean he has a girlfriend.
So he broke up with her a little bit later and I told him I liked him and he said he needed to think, this was beginning of July. Than we made out like a week after this convo and he told me he didn't want a girlfriend. So he went on vacation and made out with another girl and I was fine with that cuz I made out with my ex.
He comes back and we made out again and now I'm so confused, he texts me all the time, visits me at work, puts up with my friends, and a bunch of stuff.
But I don't know, are we just friends with benefits or is there a chance for more? (link)
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If he wanted to be in a serious relationship with you then he would have already made that very clear.
Guys are pretty blunt about what they want. If they want a relationship, they tend to say so. If they want sex, you'll usually figure that one out pretty easily.
Being friends with benefits has the drawback that one side usually ends up developing feelings for the other side. Typically the female of this sort of situation ends up doing this, which is obvious what has happened here (you even confess to him that you are interested in him).
The problem is this:
The guy wants what he can get from you. He realizes that you have feelings for him and is afraid that if he tells you that he simply does not see you as girlfriend material that you will leave and he cannot use you any more. In other words, he's leading you on so that you'll stick around.
If you sit back and relax, you can pretty easily figure out if he's trying to pursue you. Does he treat you any differently than his own friends? As in, does he call them too? Does he visit them at their work site as well? Does he meet their friends and act polite while in their company?
Probably not or he would have made a real move to become more by now.
You're only someone he can get something from right now. If you weren't around, there would be someone else--just like there was someone else when he went on vacation. You aren't anything special to him.
I don't mean to sound harsh but this is probably what is really happening:
You're easy and he doesn't see himself getting many "easy" girls. He wants to keep you hanging on so you don't go away and he's left with no sexual contact again.
Most guys (not all, of course) tend to be driven by their hormones, especially when they're young (even throughout their 20s). These guys quickly learn how to "play the game" to the best advantages they can receive. He has, most likely, learned how to string you along and will do so until you completely leave from frustration.
Forget this guy and move on.
You shouldn't allow yourself to be used like this anyway--you are better than that and you deserve to be treated like a lady.
He really just isn't that into you.
Even if this was to spur some sort of real relationship, it simply wouldn't last. The entire basis of the relationship would be sex, and those relationships burn out very quickly. He's interested in what you can give him, not who you are.
I hope things turn around and you realize what sort of situation you have put yourself in. If you have any more questions, please feel free to ask me! :)
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Typically speaking, how are friends with benefits supposed to act towards one another? Right now if i were to label me and my guy friend that, it would consist of sex and things leading up to sex. we never hang out (we have 2 times), we talk or text like once or twice a week, and we never know what each other is doing through out the week. anyways, after we finished having sex the other night he asked what we were. i told him i know he doesn't want a relationship going into his senior year of high school, but he considered us "talking". which to me isn't even a real thing. so anyway, i like doing what we do but at the same time i wish we would talk more. my question is, are friends with benefits supposed to talk on a normal basis, or just have sex? (link)
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Friends with benefits typically do not communicate outside of sexual relations. Communicating is simply not a part of this sort of situation.
The only time these people tend to contact each other is when they are planning a meet and have sex sort of deal. It's pretty usual for them to part ways pretty quickly after sexual relations are over for the evening.
Friends with benefits do not go out like couples do in a relationship. They do not go on dates and they tend to stay pretty far away from things that may be considered as a date. They may make it very clear that if they have to go out somewhere together that it is a strictly friends ordeal or they go in groups. There are the few couples that go out to movies to make-out but they, again, part ways very soon after the event as ended.
Phone communication is rare if it does not revolve around sex. From what I've gathered, things become very impersonal unless sex is involved, and then information about desires, fantasies, and fetishes may be shared. Phone conversations are pretty short, and online messenger services tend to be preferred. Key points are usually thought out well before contact is made as to make things short and to-the-point.
I believe that communication and overall interaction is cut down so much as to avoid emotional baggage from forming (which usually forms anyway but these sort of people try to avoid it, naturally). The more you interact with someone on a personal basis (ie: getting to know who they are), the more likely it is that you will develop some sort of attachment to them. Attachment is a hard thing while in a friends with benefits situation because the other person typically does not share those same feelings for you.
It simply comes down to cutting personal contact out to be able to have a guilt-free sexual relationship. The more you know about a person, the higher chances there are that you will become emotionally or mentally attached to them. This is why many people say that these kinds of "relationships" are extremely unhealthy--you do not learn how to effectively communicate and interact with a partner at all.
The sooner one person in that sort of "relationship" starts opening up or trying to retrieve personal information from the other one, the sooner things will completely burn out.
I agree with you about "talking" though. "Talking" is just not real, and I am beginning to think that it's made-up to make people feel better about not being desired for relationship material. You're either in a relationship or you're not, plain and simple. I would guess that he said that to keep you hanging around because girls are notorious for becoming emotionally attached to their sex partners. If he wants to be in a real relationship with you then he would have said so. Guys are pretty clear about that sort of thing.
I hope I've helped you figure out your own situation. If you have any more questions please feel free to ask me! :)
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(1)what's the difference between friends with benefits and an open relationship? (is it just that with an open relationship, you're actually in a relationship while you can do stuff with other people and with friends with benefits you don't actually have a relationship?)
(2) why would someone even bother having an open relationship when they can just be friends with benefits? (link)
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1. Typically if two people consider themselves in a relationship with each other then they go on dates and such. They are mentally more intimate than a friends with benefits relationship. They do things that normal couples do only they see other people on the side (that their partner knows about).
Friends with benefits basically just means two people meet up to engage in sexual activity and that is all. They rarely go on anything considered as a "date" and typically do not speak to each other more than to set-up a meeting for sex.
2. An open relationship has the plus side of picking a partner to be with when things are down. You can rely on that partner for normal boyfriend/girlfriend things. That partner has an emotional attachment to you, most likely, and sees you on a regular basis. Typically this means you are in a relationship with one person but have agreed to have friends with benefits with other people. People feel a sense of emotional security with having a partner (not just for sex) in this situation because they are able to share thoughts, feelings, and intimate details they couldn't share with sex-only partners.
The problem with friends with benefits is that people tend to become emotionally attached at some point, usually females. When this happens it seems that the person simply cannot grasp that a real relationship is not forming and is not there. They tend to become very depressed and may even obsess over their sexual partner, hoping for some glimmer of a relationship--which, by the way, can never be strong if it were to form because the entire basis for (at least) one person would be sex.
The problem with an open relationship is jealousy in the beginning. This may later lead with confusion of roles, and, with this being said, these relationships tend to burn out in time. You simply cannot be married, raise 2 children, hold down a job, make your spouse happy and satisfied, and go out and bang other people in your spare time. There is usually that breaking point that demolishes the entire relationship, and from there it cannot be repaired.
Both of these types of relationships tend to mess with a person's ability to affectively communicate with people that they are not engaging in sexual relations with.
I haven't even touched on the issues of STDs and pregnancy. Many people in a friend with benefits lifestyle may contract an STD from their sexual partner or may become pregnant (or may impregnate their partner). This becomes complicated and can lead many, many problems. One partner may become attached (if pregnant) or enraged (if pregnant or if a virus is found to have spread). Typically people in a friends with benefits situation or an open relationship are not keen on regular STD screenings so they infect many partners before they realize something is serious and needs to be handled. This leaves the partners angry and they may stalk or physically harm the transmitter.
This also may break up a relationship if it happens during an open relationship. You simply cannot be pregnant by a sex partner when trying to make a relationship with someone else work properly. Men like to know that if their partner is pregnant that they did that--it seems to build up a sense of manhood for them.
There are many issues with both of these types of situations so people should consider them carefully if they want to lead such lifestyles. Personally I don't think either could ever truly work out well simply because we are human. We are mentally not capable of dealing with some of the severe situations that come of these sorts of things.
In the end at least one party is always hurt by the situation, regardless of how things were initially set-up to be.
I hope I've answered your question quite clearly. If you have any more questions please feel free to ask me! :)
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Ok,
So hi its sayah again,
uhm, so i am not pregnant
but i kinda want a baby now.
I am sad and disapointed
evern though im only 14
but still, i was thinking
and should i try and prego again ? (link)
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Your body is quickly maturing so a lot of hormones are rushing around. They are very intense feelings right now but you will learn to control these urges a bit as you grow.
My cousin, who was 15 at the time, really wanted to become pregnant. She talked about it constantly and how much she really desired it. I've noticed that as she's matured these urges have died down some and she isn't as centered on them. Her hormones have balanced out moreso and they aren't trying to run her body as much as they were.
Having a child a 14 can really do some major damage on your body. A baby takes a lot from your body while you're pregnant and in it's infancy. It gets all of it's nutrients from you and can deplete you of your own--which can cause you not to mature completely (stunted growth, weak bones, depression, etc).
Also, a baby takes a lot of time and energy. The baby needs 100% of you all of the time. They need all of the emotional support you can give them and, face it, you're not quite up to that yet. Try thinking about balancing child rearing, a full-time job, paying on hospital bills from delivery, and homework all in one day. You'd get so burned out quickly that you couldn't provide a decent life for the baby.
Having a baby means you're sacrificing all of you for another being. You have to alter or give up your future dreams to ensure that they will have a future. Forget having decent relationships with guys too if you're unmarried. They will know how much responsibility you hold and may even fear of getting you pregnant again; even if you stay with the guy that impregnated you he may become nervous of producing another child and there will be a lot of stress on the relationship--more reason of a break-up. The baby becomes your entire life, your world revolves around him/her.
Here are some facts you want to consider on pregnancy:
"...you thought the home pregnancy test was expensive! The costs of raising a baby to age 18 costs between $125,000-$250,000 and that's not including college tuition! In your baby's first year alone, you can easily spend between $9,000-$11,000..."
"...childcare can cost as much as $3,000-$4,500 in your baby's first year, not to mention the higher insurance premium for adding an additional person."
"Don't forget about the delivery! It easily costs between $5,000-$8,000 for a normal vaginal delivery, up to $12,000 for a cesarean delivery and much more if there are complications."
"...plan on spending between $1,600-$2,300 by the time your baby is potty-trained. Expect your baby to go through at least 7-8 diapers a day on average and spending $80-$130 a month on diapers alone (especially in the first few months, when changes are more frequent.)"
"For formula (up until your baby is one-year-old), expect to spend between $1,000-$2,300- depending on whether you use powder in a can or ready-to-pour liquids. Plan on spending at least $40 a week on infant formula."
...taken from:
http://www.surebaby.com/costs.php
It's quite impossible that you can give a child a good life at this point in your life. You need to think of raising a healthy, happy baby instead of giving into your own desires.
Think of it this way:
If you have a baby, you're being selfish when you should be doing everything you possibly can to ensure your baby grows up well. You simply are not thinking of the possible child right now--you're only thinking about you. Be selfless. Don't reproduce yet. Give your children the best you can.
Give it some time. Let your body mature and grow a few more years before decided if you are able to raise a child. It's okay to feel motherly but it isn't okay to give into your desires right now. It's nature to want to reproduce but it's best to wait right now.
So, in short, it's your hormones trying to balance out in your body still. Relax and enjoy your youth while you can. You have plenty of time to be having children when your body is more mature and you're more stable.
I hope your urges calm down and you can relax a little about the issue so you don't feel you need to jump into things. If you have any more questions please feel free to ask me! :)
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f 13
i think frequently of commiting suicide and have looked up how to but never actually done it-obviously im typing. i know i need help but i dont know who to tell. my parents wont help, they will think im being dramatic. who should i ask for help from? (link)
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I definitely second speaking to our school guidance counselor, but only after you've tried talking to your parents about this. You may be surprised how your parents will react, but they are your parents and should know about this sort of thing before guidance counselors and therapists. In the meantime I'd like you to consider what else I have to say about being suicidal.
Make your life meaningful.
Many people seem to be having this sort of problem now and I truly think that it's because we have lost the right path in life.
I don't mean this to be bad but I'm not sure how to put it: you need to start focusing on other people other than yourself all of the time. If you make your time useful and helpful to others, you will gain a sense of care about yourself. You will soon realize that you HELP others and that other people need and appreciate you.
Many people now are so busy with their own lives that they lose sight of what it is to be loving and caring. You see, knowing that you are helping others does great things for the self-imagine. You soon realize that you aren't useless and just a blob of flesh bobbing along through life.
It really seems that the problem is our current lifestyles. We no longer "have time" to help others. Nobody volunteers now because they feel that they should be paid money for their time. Nobody goes out of their way to show care for others because that time could be used for something else. Both of these are common and we're taught (it's drilled into our heads) that we are the most important in our lives. This is not true at all: the people surrounding us are the most important.
The people who surround you create your sense of belonging though. Those people help you to see yourself as useful. Those people are the ones that can show care back for you. Without those people, you aren't anything anymore.
The media keeps telling us to only worry about ourselves. Sure, it's find to tend to your own needs--but what happens when everyone is too busy with themselves? What happens when everyone stops worrying about caring for others? They become depressed, wondering why they don't belong somewhere and why they feel lost in society. That is what is happening to you, most likely, whether you realize it now or not.
What's strange is the more we focus on ourselves and stop helping others, the less we feel good about ourselves. As humans, we NEED interaction. We NEED acceptance. We NEED to know we are important in life. Most of all though, we desperately NEED to help others to gain all of that plus more.
I highly suggest that you stop focusing on yourself. Yes, still continue to get help but try to put your excess time/energy/efforts into others. Find places to volunteer regularly at.
Am I right in this? I bet I am...:
You feel worthless, unimportant, and useless.
You feel like you simply cannot do anything right.
You do not feel needed, and maybe not even loved.
You feel like people wouldn't miss if you if you disappeared, or that they would get over your departure quickly.
You feel empty inside--like something huge is missing but you cannot pinpoint it.
You feel like your best will never be good enough because YOU are not good enough.
You feel like nobody is genuinely interested in you and what you have to offer (though you may feel that you don't have much to offer)
All of this is exactly what I'm talking about. You need to make more of your life. By giving to others, you are creating your sense of worth. You will soon realize that YOU DO make a difference and that people appreciate and care about you. You will realize that when you have to skip a volunteer day for a doctor's appointment that many of the people you have been helping will ask what happened to you--Ah-hah, there's your sense of belonging! You will begin to realize that being involved with the care of others can be very fulfilling spiritually.
Spend time at soup kitchens helping the hungry, volunteer at shelters, visit the elderly in homes so they're not as lonely (not everyone has visitors and just about everyone has neat stories to tell), read Bible passages to younger children, volunteer at local animal shelters, donate your time to what needs you, and do whatever you can with that time. You may even consider doing random acts of kindness:
http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=546646
If you feel like you don't have time now--make time. Alter your daily schedules to fit a few hours in for volunteering. Instead of being on the computer for an hour, log in only for 15 minutes and do what you NEED to do. Instead of sitting at home for dinner every day, take one day a week to eat at the soup kitchen after volunteering there.
Focus on who needs you. In essence, this is all for YOU so this is important. Helping others will help you.
I suggest you grab a phone book and make a few calls. Sit down with a calendar and set up one or more days a week to volunteer your time at certain places. Don't stress yourself out trying to fit things into busy schedules, but move things around so that your schedule won't be hectic but will have the fulfilling volunteer time in it.
It isn't your fault that you feel this way. You have just been fooled all of these years into believing that you are number one. Relax and focus on taking time for others and you will eventually find what is missing, trust me.
I hope you take my advice and improve your life before things get worse. If you have any further questions regarding this subject please feel free to ask me!
P.S. Anywhere you volunteer your time at, you will happily fit in :) I promise, you'll see.
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hi. my question is basically wat the subject states: :could i be pregnant. heres the thing i had unprotected sex with my ex. after i asked him if he has cummed. and he told me no. the sex lasted a while...the problem taht i have, or wat im wondering is, isnt there is possiblity that some of his sperm could have leaked...i mean it was unprotected. in regards to symptoms, i have been having really back back aches for hte pass week, eating alot- spicy food, and mood swing. in a nutshell i quess the important part of my question pertains to the sperm and the possiblity of it leaking.
thanks in advance for answering (link)
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It is very possible that you could be pregnant but it is probably too soon to be able to tell if you're asking it now. If you are truly very concerned you may want to make an appointment at your local clinic/doctor's office for a pregnancy test as those sort can tell before your missed period if you are indeed pregnant.
It only takes one sperm to fertilize your one egg. Just because your ex-boyfriend did not completely ejaculate he did PRE-ejaculate. His body is constantly producing sperm just as your body is constantly preparing a good environment for the sperm to travel to the egg in. You are able to get pregnant ANY TIME you have sexual intercourse--even when you're on your period!
This being said, you really need to use some sort of protection to help lower the chances of pregnant and STD/STI transmission. Condoms are very cheap and come in different sizes, colors, flavors, and styles. The price of a box of condoms is no match to the price of a baby.
If your period is late by a few days you may be able to purchase a home pregnancy test (not as good as a doctor's office) and take one. They sometimes can say negative/not pregnant when you are pregnant though (it's impossible for them to say you're pregnant when you're not though) so you may want to test on a couple of the sticks.
Please get yourself informed and stop risking your body so much. It is very, very easy to become pregnant--it only takes ONE time and ONE sperm. Even if he did not fully ejaculate in you, he did release some pre-ejaculatory fluid (natural, all guys do it, and they cannot prevent themselves from doing it) which always contains some sperm--remember, ONE is all it takes.
Engaging in sex means always taking the risk of becoming pregnant. Again, it takes only one sperm to fertilize your one egg. They are designed to do everything possible to ensure reproduction. Your body also does just about everything it can do to make sure the sperm can successfully fulfill their duty. Because of this, you are fertile every day of your cycle, including the days you are on your period. The only time you are more fertile than usual is when you are ovulating (when the egg has been released from the ovary and begins traveling down the fallopian tubes).
I know what it all comes down to is that it's your life, your body, your decision, and possibly even your mistake. I am really concerned for your well-being though. It is best to keep yourself informed and well-educated. Please sit down with your partner and discuss the possible outcomes of your sexual activities together. Find a form of "protection" other than the pull-out method if that's what you two have been doing. The pull-out method is NOT effective, please be aware of that.
I hope that I've helped you gain some knowledge and you alter your recent behaviors. Please feel free to ask me questions if you need :)
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Just a warning, this is gonna be long. There's a lot of background that I'm trying to make more concise. I'm 20/f, he's 23/m.
So...I've been in a really effed up relationship for the past three years. The worst part is that we really loved each other. He broke up with me because he was having depression problems, and that kind of emotional drowning that we were both feeling for each other was too much for him to handle. We took the titles off, but we stayed together. We tried a couple of times to actually break up but it never worked. Then we kind of regressed to a "friends with benefits" type thing because we both knew there were feelings there, but neither of us could handle having a title on our relationship at that point. He wound up living with me for a short while, and I gave him a copy of my key because I felt weird about him being at my place, then maybe leaving and leaving my place unlocked. I never asked for it back after he was able to go back home because I thought of him as my best friend. He knows me like the back of his hand, and I know him just as well. I felt totally comfortable around him, and trusted him completely. I was in a horrible car accident a couple years ago and he was the only person who was able to drive me around and not cause a panic attack.
Now...when we lived together, we didn't fight at all. We had fun, we laughed, we cuddled at night, and talked all the time. It felt like the way our real relationship should've been.
But his brother goes through periods of loving me and hating me. My guy has to deal with his brother talking shit about me all the time when he hates me, and sometimes it gets to him. Don't get me wrong, I know he's a wimp for caving, but I also get where he's coming from.
The more we're apart, the more "we" diminish. The less we see each other, the less we see each other, and the less we see each other, the more we fight. It hurts, but I've finally gotten to the point where I feel kind of...numb about the whole thing, like I don't have it in me to care anymore. At the moment, I'm avoiding him and avoiding talking to him because I feel like I can't say anything without some of this coming out, and I'm not ready for it to, I don't think.
I felt from the moment I met him that he was my soulmate, and I still feel that way, but I'm scared because I feel like I'm pushing him away and I don't know what to do about it.
I keep thinking I want to ask for my key back - and I have, but every time I've asked, he's turned the conversation away, or managed to make me forget about it in some way. I asked him point blank last time I saw him, "Are you still planning to hang onto my key?" and he said "Why not?" I didn't know what to say.
"Because we're not really friends anymore"? "Because I don't feel like I trust you"?
Both of those things are unfounded, I have no reason not to trust him - he hasn't even tried to look for another girl since we "broke up" the first time in 2006. He never cheated on me, he never lied to me. He can't lie to me, I always know. I'm the same way. I can't even convince him I'm happy when I'm not, and that's part of what I get paid to do, be happy and make people smile.
Anyone have any thoughts? I'm not really looking for specific advice, I just kinda need some new ideas, or something. I'm stuck...or maybe I just don't know what I need to do now?
Help =( (link)
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Before I start, I don't know you and this guy so I don't know for sure what exactly has happened. I can only tell you my point of view on this matter.
To me it sounds like something major happened and you, him, or both of you two decided that you two could not live being partners with each other for the rest of your lives. I say this because you say you had a great relationship after you stripped yourselves of those titles. That is not normal and it tells me that something was very, very wrong.
It also seems that the boy does not want to be with you. It sounds like he is trailing you behind him for a rainy day--as a back-up plan really. Some men and women decide that by age __ (25, 30, 40, whatever) that if they aren't married that they will settle for whoever they have around. By keeping you around, he can "settle" for you when he feels like he should have been married by then. By keeping your key he is keeping the door open to have you when he decides to settle. It's sad but many people end up doing this.
It is not normal for a couple in love to break up because one is depressed. Usually they hang onto each other, looking to the their partner for help--not seeing their partner as hurtful or troublesome. The living situations sounds like a mess--let me ask you this:
If he loved you so deeply and truly wanted things to work out then why doesn't he live with you now? Why hasn't he made every effort to make the relationship better and you happy?
When people break up but still see each other (sex, cuddling, etc.) it means that they like those parts of each other but could not deal with a true relationship with the person. In short, this means that they are keeping their options open for better things to come along.
This, to me, sounds very odd, almost like you're still considering him your partner when he, most certainly, is not:
"Both of those things are unfounded, I have no reason not to trust him - he hasn't even tried to look for another girl since we "broke up" the first time in 2006. He never cheated on me, he never lied to me."
You see, the relationship DID end. It is gone and it isn't going to magically be repaired or it would have by now. He may have not found a girl to his liking--not that he still wants to be with you simply because if he did then he would be with you.
This statement of yours shows a lot of issues you're having but the guy isn't:
"The more we're apart, the more "we" diminish. The less we see each other, the less we see each other, and the less we see each other, the more we fight. It hurts, but I've finally gotten to the point where I feel kind of...numb about the whole thing, like I don't have it in me to care anymore. At the moment, I'm avoiding him and avoiding talking to him because I feel like I can't say anything without some of this coming out, and I'm not ready for it to, I don't think."
You see, the relationship is GONE and you're going to have to realize that. The guy has already dealt with it and is fine with how his life is going or he would be trying like Hell to make things better. What you're feeling is the normal break-up feeling that you should have experienced months or years ago when the first break-up happened and you two stopped referring to each other as boyfriend/girlfriend. You do not need to say anything to the guy about what is going on because it has already gone on with him--he does not feel the same way you do and probably never actually did.
The relationship has diminished down to nothing. There has not be a "we" in a very long time. Go through the grieving process of the break-up and move onto someone who has strong, loving feelings for you.
I asked my boyfriend what he thought about this and he pointed out one very interesting thing. He said that if someone would have approached him and said, "Are you still planning to hang onto my key?" he would take it as meaning, "Do you still like me?" That makes a lot of sense to me and so that could be why the boy answered with a very generic response.
In short, I think the guy really just can't see himself years down the road with you. Sure, you two had a decent "relationship" after you two stopped calling each other boyfriend/girlfriend, but that is not normal or acceptable. Sure, you're a fine person, and he figures that if he gets to be a certain age and hasn't move onto the married life then he will just settle for you.
The guy is just not that into you.
If he really wanted to be with you, and if he really loved you like you thought, then he would BE WITH YOU right now.
It really is that simple.
Please let him go and move on to bigger and better things.
Let this entire thing die and move on. You'll be better in a little bit of time. The more you hang onto what you felt you two had, the longer you're going to be suffering.
I hope things turn out well and you find happiness in a short while. If you have any questions please feel free to send me an inbox :)
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