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My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.The one thing I will not do is you homework. I will try and point you towards the answer or help you find the answers you looking for. Ultimately you will have to find the answer yourself.
advice
I'm a new college student who's tuition was paid in full this semester, but I don't know if my tuition will be paid next semester. I also have two bills I have to pay every month (car payment and insurance) which amount to about $420.
After two months of searching for a job that would work with my class schedule, I finally found a retail management position (which I've worked in management prior) that sounded perfect to me. The job is pretty easy and I love the mall that it's in and I don't dislike any of my coworkers.
The cons are that it barely pays above minimum wage and I wind up going through four tolls there and back every day which are probably going to take another $60 out of every pay check. Annually I'd only make around 8k which is definitely not a lot and I wouldn't be able to pay my tuition on it if I needed to. :(
I feel like it's been really hard to find a job though and I rather like this one.
Should I look for jobs elsewhere or stick it out?
The old saying "A bird in hand is worth two in the bush," is very appropriate here. It is also easier to be hired if your employed.
Retail employment especially part time work rarely pays more than minimum wage even for a management position. The reason is as a part time employee you are not seen as someone fully committed to the job even if you are filling a management slot.
What you could do is walk around the mall on your lunch break and see what other stores are hiring and what their paying. Your school should have some form of student employment center, usually located in the student union. Try listing yourself with them they are usually good at matching a job to a students schedule.
The one thing I do not suggest is quitting one job without first having another to go. Especially if you do not have at least 6 months living expenses in the bank.
I don't really think of myself as a tomboy per se. I like getting dressed up in nice dresses with my hair done. I like girly clothes, chick flicks, and I absolutely love getting pedicures and massages.
But there are some things about me that are quite tomboyish. While I may like wearing dresses and other girly clothes, I mostly wear jeans and t-shirts. I don't like capri pants or shorts (especially short shorts) because I'm embarrassed of my legs. They're disproportionately skinny and badly scared from surgery and cutting myself shaving a LOT. I wear blingy jeans, but they're kind of baggy because tight jeans would show how skinny my legs are. I mainly wear t-shirts and sweatshirts because I find them more comfortable. Cute, girly tops are cute, but they frequently don't have sleeves or their collars come down further than other shirts. That feels strange to me. I'm very cold natured and get cold in those clothes easily. When I wear dresses, I have to wear flats or wedges because heels hurt my feet and I'm extremely clumsy in them. I do like flip flops and Uggs, but often wear basketball shoes as well. I have mixed feelings about makeup. I like looking nice when I wear it, but I have a problem with dry eyes and hate that I can't rub my eyes when I wear makeup.
Aside from the way I dress, there are other things. When I was little, I liked Barbies and stuffed animals, but I also liked toy trucks, hot wheels, k'nex, legos, and video games. When my family would go though the drive thru at McDonald's and my parents would order me a happy meal, the person taking the order would ask if we needed a boy toy or a girl toy as the prize and they'd always order a boy toy because they knew that's what I'd prefer. I got a BB gun when I was ten and loved it. I got a pellet gun, a 22, and a .410 shotgun all within a year of the BB gun and loved them all. I could spend hours target shooting and not get bored.
Finally, my career choice is rather tomboyish. I'm currently training to be a storm chaser (probably more of a storm spotter actually). I've always wanted a career that would allow me to help people and storm chaser (or spotter) seems to be the best fit. I've always been deeply fascinated by the weather, particularly tornadoes, and when I'm that interested in something, I want to learn as much about it as possible. I feel like I could be a very well educated and well trained storm chaser or spotter and could do a good job of tracking severe weather conditions, warning people of them, and studying them to find ways of creating more advanced severe weather alert systems. I'd be a dream come true, but it's kind of a tomboyish career.
Thing is, I've never really minded being a tomboy. I've always just been me, and no one else has really ever had a problem with it either. My parents, the rest of my family, and my friends have all always accepted it. But there's just one tiny problem that comes with being one. Not to be offensive, but it's no secret that when a person of one gender displays characteristics of the other gender, their sexual orientation becomes a matter of dispute. I don't have anything against lesbians, but when you're not one and are in fact a single woman searching for a husband, it can be problem. A problem that i don't know how to fix. It's not like i can go around saying, "I'm not a lesbian." but i also can't get a husband if every guy thinks I'm not into guys. The simple solution seems to be to simply be girlier, but i keep hearing, "just be yourself. Don't pretend to be something you're not for a guy." Am i worrying too much?
I would not classify you as a typical Tomboy. Today a woman who wants to do what 30 years ago was seen as a man's job is today taken as nothing more than a job she has chosen to do. My son is a firefighter/paramedic a typical career choice for a male. My Daughter is a Police Officer.
My Daughter is very much a girl and out of uniform she is a girlie girl. Though when she puts on her uniform and gun belt watch out she is no 97 pound weakling and she does not allows anyone to give her any c*ap.
The three of you have the same problem when it comes to finding a spouse. Your careers get in the way and may send the wrong message about you. I will tell you what I have said to them. You need a custom fit in an off the rack world. Fortunately there is a viable solution.
For them it EHarmony and Match.com. You may not get a custom fit right out of the gate but there is someone on one of these type sights just waiting to meet. Sorry if I sound like the commercial but it's true.
My future daughter in-law said at first she wasn't going to answer my son as she wasn't sure she wanted to date or marry a firefighter for she was afraid of his occupation. They started emailing and she finally gave into a date. She told me that one date told her he was the one. As for my daughter she is still dating a guy she feels is the one and thinks he will propose on her birthday. He has planned a very special vacation for them around her birthday.
They both have had false starts but as it appears they have found their live mates. As I tell some others that write to us. beauty is only skin deep. It is the person behind the beauty that a person needs to get to know and fall in love with. Some people are blessed with great beauty, some people are not. some people such as the three of you have their beauty hidden behind a fog of some type such as an occupation.
This is where these dating sites come in as through your profile it allows people to see you as a person and not just the skin deep beauty or lack thereof or the occupation blinding that beauty.
My recommendation is to try a dating site and don't say your a Tomboy for you are not. Just say what your likes are including the ones you feel make you a Tomboy.
I'm 25/f. I can't take my relationship with my family anymore, and I would like to leave the city, but I can't at the moment. Allow me to further explain. Since I can remember, my family has been overly controlling. Since I was about 5 years old, they told me where I was going to go to college... and it was in the same city. They let me know that it was unacceptable to go away for school. You would think that as I got older, the control would subside. But, it has only gotten worse. They tell me who to date, who I can't date, etc. I can't take this anymore.
I was living in the next county in an apartment that I really hated. I hated my job there and the place that I was living. So, I moved back to my county, but got an apartment. I didn't move back in with my family. They hated the apartment I moved into and this prompted them to fix my mom's old house and give it to me as a gift. Mind you... this wasn't solely done for me, but it was necessary because it would increase the value of the house. But, I thought that this was the answer to all my problems. I would be able to sleep at my house and my mom sleep in hers.
A couple of months ago, my great aunt sold her house and moved in with my mom. She was given my bedroom. So, for about a year before I originally moved, I didn't have my own bedroom!!! I had to sleep with my mom. In each of the apartments I had, I had 3 roomates. So, getting my own house felt like I was a queen. Until I actually moved in... and realized that this was just a trap to keep me under surveillance.
My grandmother basically told my mom that she had to stay over with me and sleep there... in my bed... in my room. And that I shouldn't stay there alone. When she doesn't stay, she comes knocking on my door at 7am. She dictates who can and cannot come over. She calls me insistently to tell me that I need to kick out guests. When my best friend of 10 years wanted to stay over because she was too tired to drive home... my mom made me kick her out of the house! This has gone above and beyond what's acceptable. When I told her that I wasn't going to listen to her and that my bff had to stay over or if not she was going to get into an accident... she said I was a lesbian and didn't want anything to do with me. Then, she came knocking on my door at 7am... banging on the doors to wake me up and kick us out of the house because she said a cleaning crew was coming.
I'm so extremely tired. This is not a way to live. I don't want this house anymore because it comes with strings. I told her and she basically told me off and said that they shouldn't have fixed the house for me. Maybe not... but they also shouldn't have given my room away without asking me first. Or just expect me with being ok with sleeping in the same bed as mom without an end in sight.
My family only perpetuates this unhealthy attachment with my mom. They tell me that I can't even put gas in my car without her coming. This family is absolutely dysfunctional and I'm just done. I'm done. I can't do this anymore. I don't want to sleep in the same bed as my mom anymore. I don't want to have her accompany me to put gas. I don't want her telling me who I can and can't date. I don't want to have to report everything to her like if I was a child. I'm an adult with a full time job and a college degree. Last weekend, I got on a plane and went out of town. I never felt so happy and free in my life. Like I had to be looking over my shoulder. I literally feel stalked all the time. One day, I told her I was at the sprint store and I was literally across the street getting a sandwich. I was going to the sprint store... I just failed to tell her I was getting a sandwich. she literally texted me saying she drove by the sprint store and didn't see me inside. She expects me to tell her every move I make.
I've decided that I want to move away from this city so I don't have to feel that way anymore. But, the problem is that I'm currently in the process of getting my master's degree and I have a year left of school. I need to finish my degree so that I can find a good job to support myself in another city. I can't transfer because I'm already too far into the program and all I need is another year. But, I've realized that within that year, I can't continue living like this! It's effecting my school-work. It's effecting my job. My stomach feels sick all the time and I have to miss days. I need to move to an apartment where I can study and feel at rest.
But, I need help and advice. Staying in my house would mean saving more money. But, is it worth it if I am feeling physically ill and it's effecting all aspects of my life? Is it worth saving money if I can't be an independent adult. Are there any laws to protect me in this situation? At all?
First let me say this, you are an adult and have been since the moment you turned 18. The only person you are responsible for and to is yourself. Now it may be hard for you to understand but you are allowing your family to control you.
Understandably this is how you have been trained your entire life. To break their control takes an overrate action by you. Some of the things I will suggest will sound mean or down right awful for a child to do unto a parent, though if things are as bad as the seem your only recourse to breaking this cycle of abuse and their control may be to take the drastic action I will suggest.
Let's start with a place to live, someplace where they can't come knocking on your door. You say you are a Masters student. Have you spoken to the school about being a resident dorm counselor. Some schools offer a free room to graduates students who will be dorm counselors to undergraduates. If this is possible then entrance into the dorm is restricted to you and the students that live there. The other alternative is to live in a dorm as a graduate student if the school allows. This may be more expensive though once again your family can not Waltz in at their pleasure. Of course moving out and getting your own apartment is a partial solution.
Next on the list of things to do is to tell your family you will no longer stand for their controlling you. Since facing up to them in person could be hard and you may not get to say all that is needed to be said I suggest a letter as follows.
Dear Family,
This is to put you on notice that with receipt of this letter I will no longer allow myself to be controlled by any of you this includes my mother, grandmother and any other family member.
To date, since I became a legal adult, your controlling manner towards me has been extremely detrimental to my personal well being. I may have allowed this as this is how I have been treated since birth but it stops today.
It stops today because how you are treating me in many ways is criminal. As much as it would hurt me to do so if you continue to attempt to control me I will file criminal charges as well as take any and all legal action at my disposal to protect my personal well being.
Doing so is not something I would take lightly and would prefer not to have to resort to any type of legal action against any family member. TO protect yourself all you need to do is stop calling me, stop following me. Stop trying to pick my friends or tell me who I can or cannot date. As an adult I am free to see who I want when I want, go where I want and date who I want when I want. These are my rights living in a free country.
I love you all though I can no longer live like this. Do not take what I have written lightly. These are not empty threats. I will carry out what I have written. Do not interfere in my personal life.
Send the letter by registered mail to those family members you believe need to receive it. That way you know they have received it. It is then their responsibility to read all of it.
The alternative here is to have a lawyer send a similar letter. The difference between a lawyer's letter and your letter is the power of the courts behind a lawyers letter. You can seek advice from a legal aid lawyer on campus.
As I said in the beginning what I've written is hard to read and even harder to think about doing. After reading your message I can think of no other way to get the message across to your family that you are an adult and they need to butt out of your life. Anything less strong I believe will be ignored by them. There are times when tough love is called for and this appears to be one of them.
Long story short, I've been dating a guy for two months. He puts on this persona like he's this really funny and awesome to be around guy. Everybody thinks he's a rising star and he's pretty much the "cool guy" on campus. He also pretends like he's very religious and sweet.
We're both 21 and live on campus at a University. I started dating him under the same pretense and for the first month things were great. Then he got very manipulative, dark, and controlling. He started telling me who I can and can't be friends with. He approached them and told them to stay away from me. He made me quit a club I was going to and also stop going to bible studies. Anytime I go out with my off campus friends he gets very angry with me and tells me my friends are losers and whores when he's never even met them. He's even waited in front of the dorm building for me to get back to see who I was with.
When we were on spring break and he had to go back home to another state he was constantly asking me who I was with and what I was doing. Even when I was with my mom he wanted me to constantly be answering him and got mad if I didn't do so promptly.
I also just got a new job and he's always heckling me to quit even though I need the money.
Another thing was when we first started dating he told me he wanted to wait until engagement to have sex. Then I found out he wasn't a virgin and then he started wanting sex from me. Now every time I'm with him he wants sexual favors and gets mad when I don't give in.
I've have a kidney infection for two days and I've been in a lot of pain from it. He knows this, but he refuses to believe it even though I'm on two prescriptions and he claims that the doctor is wrong. My doctor told me not to have sex until it goes away so I refused last night, and he started guilt tripping me and told me that our relationship isn't healthy when I refuse to have sex with him. I got upset of course and told him that it's my right to say no and then he replied with "You know I've ruined all of my ex girlfriends lives" and went into detail about it including a story about he convinced an ex's family that she commit suicide.
When things like this happen he always tries to smooth things over, by layering on compliments and telling me how much he cares about me. He's always asking me if I have faith in us and our relationship and telling me he does. If I try to tell him that I feel like his behavior is wrong he pretends to get really sad and says that I'm just misinterpreting his intentions and that he really cares about me and can see us together for the rest of our lives and then I get confused.
I'm so lost. I don't know what to do! I feel like I'm stuck and like hes blackmailing me into staying in the relationship. Nobody on campus would ever believe me if I reported him because he acts so nice and sweet to all of them. I don't want him to ruin my life and I know if I broke up with him he would. I'm scared that the only way for me to get away from him is to stick it out until summer vacation and then transfer colleges.
Please help!!! I don't know what to think or what to do!
I didn't have to read much further than the third paragraph to know what advice I was going to give you. The rest of you message confirmed I was right in what I thought.
GET OUT NOW BEFORE THIS GUY HURTS YOU ANY WORSE. He is a controller. This is a character flaw that no amount of psychological therapy will fix. TO change he first will need to want to change then work daily at changing. Most controllers will not do so.
What you have written is typical of a controller they do something to hurt you either mental abuse or physical abuse. Then they apologize, are all sweet and everything until they have you back in their control and it starts all over again.
Any women that stays with a man like this ends up being physically harmed and many end up in hospital and some in the morgue. Get out now while you can. You're worried about him ruining your life don't be go to the campus police and get an order of protection from them against him which will require him to stay away from you. You may have to go to the local District Court if so then do so.
He has sexually harassed you, mentally and physically abused you. Both of these are more than enough for a Judge to issue a restraining order so do so. IF he violates the order it is his life that gets ruined not yours.
I'm Ayo from Nigeria . I had done every available STD's and HIV test over and over again at different hospital and labs and all came out clean but I'm still having the symptons . Why ? And is there any meds I should be using because the dr's said there's nothing absolutely wrong with me . Please I need help
None of us are doctors so we cannot recommend any medications or make a diagnosis. You have done all the test and they are negative. That being so I would say you should trust you are STD free.
The fact that you say you are still having symptoms leads me to think your symptoms are psychosomatic. Now these symptoms are just as real as if you had the problem it's just they exist only in you mind. I would not call you crazy I would say you are super scared of having an STD and you have convinced yourself that you do. This is more common than you would think.
The type of doctor you need is either a psychiatrist or a psychologist to work with you to find out why you feel this way and to help you find a better way to deal with it.
I know STDS and the HIV/AIDS virus are rampant in your part of the world. If you practice safe sex, are not an illegal drug user and know who you sex partners are you have little to worry about. Condoms block the transfer of many but not all STDS.
Hello everyone. My name is Robert and I am 16 years old. We've just moved from Europe to California and it is difficult for me. My English isn't as good as another but it is quite ok. The biggest problem is crying. Eg. I was at school and we written test and I had bad score and next lessons we had next test and I didn't understand well and I was crying all lesson. Next example: I was at home and my Dad told me that I am not good in school and I should be better in Football after this one I had training and my couch shouted of me but not only at me he shouted about all members but nobody was crying only me. I fell very bed this month I don't understand what is happend with me. Once a day I've gone to the kitchen and I took knife and wanted to cut to my hand bu I didn't do this but I wanted. And all problem is my Friend Frederic he is lovely boy and I thing that I am fall in love I always thing about him and He miss me when I am not at school and I always see his pics on FB. I would like hug him and kiss but I know that isn't possible. I hate myself. :(
Our you Gay? No if you were gay you would have known this long ago, long before you left Europe. Crying does not make you gay. Ordinarily if a young man was to write and say he cries a lot I would say he is overly sensitive which is not a bad thing either.
In your case I think you are in a manner of speaking a bit homesick for your home and friends in Europe. You're the new kid on the block at school. New kid on the block is an American expression meaning your new and may not have any friends. Most of the kids you go to school with have been friends since elementary school and have formed their own friends groups. Getting accepted into any one of these groups is tough.
That fact that you find yourself crying at all things you have listed does not surprise me. I feel you are overwhelmed with everything, new school, new country, new everything including a new language to master. I'm sure there are a lot of things that may be said that confuse you as they are local slang or just plain slang. I live on the east coast when I travel to the west coast there are things they say that confuse me at times so your not alone in that area.
What scares me is your attempt at cutting yourself. should you ever feel like doing this again please pick up a phone and call 911. Cutting is a sign of deep depression. Based on what you written if anyone has a right to be depressed you are. You have a great deal of stress on you with all the changes that have happened and the stress you have placed on yourself.
I urge you to tell your parents how desperate you were that you attempted to harm yourself and how. If you are fearful for any reason to talk with your parents then talk to a trust teacher or your school principal. Once you tell them you attempted to harm yourself by law they must intervene for you. There are a number of different way to intervene that they can take . Most importantly though is to see to your safety and to get you help for your depression.
What you are suffering is a form of depression that is entirely curable I'm living proof of that, you will just have to trust me on this. Through talk therapy with a psychologist you can learn what triggers the depression and better ways to deal with these stressors. Stress causes pain which causes depression which causes more stress. This is the cycle of depression. Find out just what is the overriding stressor and your cure the depression.
Please if you feel like hurting yourself again call 911 you do not need parental permission to do so. The call taker will send help to you. You need to tell your parents how you feel and your attempt to harm yourself. If you can't then talk to a teacher or school principal. Do this tonight or in school tomorrow.
Is it too big to gift my 14-year-old brother a 440 dollar watch? I went to france last week for a holiday and got home yesterday since it'll be his birthday in 3 days. I visited a Burberry watch shop and they were on sale so I immediately purchased a 440 watch but I forgot that he's only 14 omg. Should I give it?
I would not suggest giving a 14 year old something that expensive. First I don't think he would really appreciate the value of the watch and properly care for it. Second he is more likely to break it or lose it at this age. At his present age I feel he would be much happier with the present Xbox or similar game machine.
If I were you I would put it away and give it to him at graduation. Another thing you could do is pare it with an equally valuable gift for your parents thirtieth or thirty-fifth anniversary.
I am 23 and have never been in a relationship or had sex, but I’ve done everything leading up to sex, including with the person I’m currently involved with. We met online and have known each other for almost a month. I am extremely nervous about where this may or may not be headed, as I have no experience with relationships. We’ve done sexual things on almost every date, which I do enjoy very much. One day, he spent hours fingering me to orgasm and it was great. I’m really surprised that even happened. I think sex is very close to happening and its making me extremely nervous. Up until now, I didn’t think I wanted to be in love to lose my virginity. Now I’m having second thoughts about that. I think penetration with him has made me feel incredibly vulnerable and I’ve decided I want an emotional connection with someone before having sex. The thing is, I can’t tell if I have those meaningful feelings for him. The whole situation is starting to give me crippling anxiety. Does this anxiety mean there is lack of a meaningful connection between us? Or am I just extremely nervous and need to get over my nerves? He’s a good person and treats me better than anyone I’ve ever dated. I want to give him a chance. At the same time, I don’t get the kind of mental stimulation I do with my platonic relationships. So far, it’s a very touchy feely type of relationship and that is very new for me. It’s scaring the hell out of me. I’m just feeling somewhat pressured and rushed. Is this good or bad? Is it my fault I’m feeling this way? I’m also very scared of losing my identity. I have a busy life and lots of things that are important to me. He doesn’t seem to fit into my life, but maybe this is a sign I need to find a new center? What are your thoughts?
I think being scared for a woman at the prospect of losing her virginity is normal be you 16 or 26. Being a virgin at 23 is not as unusual today as you might think. We receive a number of letters from women your age who are virgins expressing similar feelings.
For a man losing his virginity is no big deal. It is not painful for him and it is more of an accomplishment which signals his manhood than anything else. For a woman the loss of her virginity is a big deal. It is a big step into womanhood and the longer you wait the harder it is to give in to just anyone.
I'm not a psychologist; none of us are though my suggestion is that you first have a discussion with yourself.
1. Are you really ready for sex? If the answer is yes move on to number 2.
2. If your relationship with this man were not sexual do you believe you would have the same mental stimulation you have in platonic relationships. This will be hard but try to separate the sexual from the relationship for I believe it is playing a part in why you are scared.
3. If the answer to number two is positive then you and this guy need to have a discussion including sex. If this guy fingered you for hours, and you do not state you did anything to relieve his sexual needs, then he is a definite keeper as he has real feelings for you which are not just lustful.
The key to a good sexual relationship is talking to each other. You should tell him you are a virgin. If he is the guy I think he is then he is going to want to make your first sexual experience special which is what you want I’m sure. He will be willing to wait until you’re entirely comfortable with him. Your comfort is key to a good first experience. You want to be secure in your surroundings as well as comfortable both in where you have sex and that you will not be disturb or discovered. Hopefully neither of you live at home with parents. If so you may be more comfortable in your own bed. These are some of what you should discuss.
You don't have to jump right to bed from where you are at this moment. He can continue to finger you and teach you how to please him without intercourse. If being naked with him is a problem than take it slow and get partially naked and comfortable with that. As I said if he is the man I think he is I believe he has feeling for you and will go at your speed to make you comfortable If you are truly ready for sex.
Most importantly be honest with him and yourself. You are an adult now and entitled to a sex life if you want one. Once you do start having sex I have one rule. "What happens in the bedroom between to consenting adults stays in the bedroom." Operative words CONSENTING ADULTS." Meaning there is nothing weird that can happen between consenting adults in one’s bedroom. Weird is like beauty it rests in the eye of the beholder.
I hope what I've written has been of some help.
My 14-year-old daughter identifies as gay. Let me make it clear right from the start that I have absolutely no problem with that. If she wants to date girls, I'll treat her girlfriends exactly as I would her boyfriends, and if she got married to a woman someday I would totally welcome my new daughter-in-law into the family.
The thing is, I'm not sure she really IS gay. The reason is that those who I have known who are gay say it's something they've known all their lives (I've certainly always felt hetero). That's not the case with my daughter; in her childhood, she talked about "cute boys" and such, and she's even said that this is something that evolved in her over time. And I don't think it's that she was afraid to tell us; my wife and I have always been very open with her about our position that there is absolutely nothing inherently wrong with being gay. She, in turn, tends to have very little shame about revealing her feelings about people and things (often to a fault!).
My question is: Is it possible for one's sexual preference to change with the onset of puberty? Is it even possible for it to change AT ALL?
Scientist now believe that being gay is how you are born, that it is part of one's DNA from birth and that children realize this early in life. we receive a lot of letters from young girls who believe they are gay for their first sexual experience, as puberty starts, is with another girls.
What I tell them is not to be in a rush to label themselves ,which you should also advise your daughter not to do for her own protection. It is quite common for both boys and girls to have their first sexual experience with someone of the same sex. The reason is simple. It is safer, less embarrassing and parents never worry about two teenagers of the same sex being together behind the closed door of a bedroom.
What I also tell these girls is that they are too young to know for certain, based on just what they write to us, to know for certain that they are even bisexual let alone Gay. That for the most part what they have written is normal. As they learn more about their sexuality and experience more about sex as they get older they may feel different about their sexuality.
I blame society in general and parents for why these girls get so confused about sex. Society in general forces our children to grow up faster than you or I had too. Parents have swung the other way when it comes to talking about sex with their children, they are more closed minded thinking it will keep their children safe if they don't know. Of course this is wrong.
What I tell these girls about declaring their sexuality at this time is. Even if you are gay and I doubt your daughter is. Declaring you are at this age can be very harmful . Children in school are not as open-minded as we think.. Gay bashing is rampant in school. If your daughter wants to think she is gay all well and good, she will probably change her mind. Just impress on her to keep this to herself for her own safety.
I'm a 20 year old female. My boyfriend got super drunk last night and texted me saying his ex has a nicer butt and prettier face. I broke up with him because I feel like drunk words are sober thoughts. He's begging for me back now and saying he'll never forgive himself even told me he loves me. We've been seeing each other for 5 months. Should I forgive him or should I let him go right now that I'm still early in the relationship?
Whether to forgive and forget is something only you can decide to do. As to your thoughts on drunk thoughts being sober thoughts that are not said. The bad news is you are correct.
Alcohol breaks down one inhabitations. When drunk people are more likely to say or do things they would never say or do while sober. Now this does not mean he meant those words. Think back over the last few weeks. Did anything happen where you may have said something to hurt him. Remember I said people do things when drunk they would not do sober. If you did something to hurt him he might not have said anything while sober but being drunk he said something to hurt you back. If that is possible or even close to something that may have happened. Then think before throwing a good man away.
Another thing to think about is how often he gets drunk, If he gets drunk often then he is probably a problem drinker and that presents a whole other set of problems. If you were to take him back I would suggest it be on condition he gets help for his drinking.
Don't expect him to agree he is a problem drinker; most drunks will not ask for help until they hit bottom. Ask and aa member and they will tell you everyone's bottom is different and your boyfriend will have to find his. You can only hope that the possibility of loosing you will be his bottom.
About 4 months ago I was 13 wks pregnant and had an unexpected miscarriage. It was days after finding my best friend since 6th grade and my childs father naked in our bed together when I came home (they swore nothing happened--that they were just really drunk and . So, I blamed the miscarriage on him. He thought that I had gotten an abortion or done something to hurt the baby (never would I have done that). Well... Long story short, my child's father & I split up and I slept with my ex 2 times. When I came back to him I told him what I had done. Well, he told me in order for him to forgive me that I had to quit my job, pack up and move to sc with him for a job offering that he had gotten... & I needed to get pregnant again. So, I did it. Well, after I got pregnant he finally told me that he had slept with my best friend. We were so close. My kids called her aunt & I was her sons godmother. We have always been so close. I even used to tell her that she is the only person in the world I would ever trust to lay naked next to my husband. We were inseparable. I'm not sure why she did what she did to me. But it hurts. I feel so betrayed by both of them. On top of it, my child's father told me that I need to come clean with whatever else I am hiding because he "KNOWS there is more"... Well, there is absolutely nothing more that I am hiding from him. No secrets. I wish there was a way to prove that to him, but I can't. Other than to continues flu tell him that I am telling the truth. I have told him absolutely everything! I have no secrets anymore and I should feel great about it. But, he is making me feel terrible... Like I am lying to him and still hiding stuff from him. He says I just need to come clean for closure or we will never move on from this and we will never be happy again. It is making me resent him as the days go by. I hate the fact that I have told him every little secret and he still doesn't believe me. I hate that he will never find closure because he has his mind set that I am still hiding stuff. I think if I stay, he will eventually cheat again because he thinks I am still hiding stuff from him. I can't deal with it again. But I also do not want to miss out on the amazing life we could have together if he would just let me prove to him that there are no secrets. We have potential to be great. A happy loving godly family who should and would be forgiven for the sins they have confessed. I don't know whether to stay or walk away. Please help!
I agree to a certain extent with Razhie. Before you quit this marriage I would like to see you both try some Marriage counseling. I believe with a good marriage counselor the fact that his closure is making you the bad guy can be drawn out a dealt with in a responsible manner.
A good marriage counselor will work with you together and separately so you can both have a safe environment o get anything off your chest that will never reach the other yet help you deal with whatever that may be so it is not a roadblock in your marriage.
If you or your husband has health insurance through an employer then most likely you also have an EAP program. EAP stands for Employee Assistance Program. This is a great benefit program as you can turn to it for help with a variety of problems. Get the number to call and ask for a referral to a marriage counselor. Most programs will pay for the first few visits after that your health insurance may step in and help.
I dont want to live with my mom anymore because she is a complete B*tch and is always yelling at me. I will do nothing wrong and she will scream at me and say im lying. Im 14 year old girl and I dont know what to do. It says that I can be emancipated at 14, and I really want that, but she is a strict as f*ck person. PLEASE HELP ME!!!!
As someone who is old enough to be your great grandfather the wisdom I have gained over the years tells me there has to be more to this then what you have written here. since there are always two sides to every story we are only hearing your side and a very short version at that.
My advice is to talk with a trusted teacher or your school principal. Tell one of them the complete story. Answer any questions they have as completely and truthfully as you can. If they believe mom is being unjust with you or abusing you in any way. Mental abuse is the same as physical abuse they are bound by law to take certain steps to protect you.
Hi I'm 14 and I hump like once a day and I'm wondering does dry humping not make u not have ur period cause I'm scared that I might not have my period please help. I have never ever gotten my period and if you do help thank you. (I'm a female)
Dry humping or fingering yourself has nothing to do with your menstrual cycle. Your menstrual cycle has everything to do with reproduction. Dry humping or fingering is nothing more than giving yourself sexual relief and self-pleasure.
I recently started talking to someone who is charming, intelligent, motivated and relatively good looking. He is about 2 and a half years younger than me, but judging from the last times we spoke, he seems more mature than most men his age. At the moment, he has a very impressive job, while currently still in college, at not even 23 years old, he is the head of finance at his friend’s brewery startup.
During one of our previous conversations, he told me things that I really needed to hear and I doubt that he knew how badly I needed to hear those things. He told me that he thinks that I am smarter than the people who I am working with on a project for my finance class, and that he notices that I am a very hard worker.
My best friend, a married 31 year-old male, believes that he likes me. The new interesting man has sent some flirtatious gestures my way, like he smiled at me when I said hello to him, and winked at me when I stood on the line to talk to one of my thesis advisors. Realistically, a man like him… I am thinking to myself, either has a girlfriend or does not want one.
At the same time, I have a long-term boyfriend of five years but I think that I am more secure with him than anything else. I feel semi neglected by him, he NEVER class me, he DOES NOT pay proper attention to me.
By that I mean, since we live in different states, and we are both students, we do not always get to see each other. So, he will sit on the computer and play video games, instead of touching me... which aggravates the shit out of me.
The last time I was down there he touched me maybe like two days out of the entire week I was down there, after not seeing me for two months previously. I feel like he definitely loves me, and does not want me to go anywhere, but I am starting to feel really taken for granted. Also, I see someone who does not care about his future as much as I care about mine.
With as long as we have been together, unless I am 100 percent sure about wanting to marry him, I am starting to feel like we should break up. However, I do not want to make a mistake, I want to see him again before I do anything, and breaking up with someone over the phone is tacky.
What should I do about this situation? Should I go with my gut, which is visit my boyfriend, make sure that I am 100 percent certain that I no longer feel passion for him, and then get to know the other guy as a friend?
I think that I like this other guy as a person, so even if we are both interested in each other I do not want to make a mistake move too fast and lose out on his friendship at the very least. The thing that really sucks is that my boyfriend and I are both graduating college next month, and I really do not want to screw up his last semester, but at the same time… is there ever a good time to break up with someone?
First stay away from the married man, the last thing you want is to break up a happy marriage.
As for your current boyfriend the saying that, "Absence makes the Heart Grow Fonder," is not always true. It is possible that he does love you but is no longer in love with you as you may no longer be in love with him but still love him. That is the confusing side of love. Loving someone but not being in love with someone is most easily explained in the example. You can love a brother or sister but not be in love with a brother or sister. This is where you may be with your current boyfriend. Only you can decide this issue and is something you need to give some thought to.
Understandably braking up with your boyfriend at this time could ruin his last few months of college especially if he is still in love with you. Given that you are both in your last few months a little over 8 weeks I would say. If breaking up with him is your decision you could easily wait until the end of the school year. Given the distance between you and all the work and activities surrounding the end of school it is easy to stay apart. At the same time you could get to know the younger guy a bit better.
While this may sound like cheating I wouldn't go that far if your intentions are to break up with your boyfriend. I would even go so far as to say he may be in the same predicament having met someone at school that seems like a better fit for him. He too may be waiting until the end of the school year to break up so as not to harm you last few weeks of school.
Long distance romances rarely workout. Something usually comes between the two and it usually is a third person. My advice is to follow you best judgment and your heart.
Ok, so since around May or June, last year, I had this teacher called Mr Murphy. He teaches me SEN, and it was his last day today because he's starting a new job . I get to miss homeroom every Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Friday, to go to SEN (THURSDAYS WE HAVE ASSEMBLY). But he told me I should go to homeroom from now on. However, another SEN teacher called Mrs Campbell said that I should go to SEN, and they'll sort something out. But Mr Murphy said to go to homeroom until someone else replaces him, which he said would take around 3 weeks. Also, I don't want him to be replaced. He was one of the best teachers I ever had, and no matter who replaces him, no-one will ever be as good as he was. He was like a second father to me, and I want him to stay for longer. But,anyway, whose instructions should I follow, Mr Murphy's (GO TO HOMEROOM) or Mrs Campbell's (GO TO SEN)?
Mr. Murphy is no longer teaching so he no longer has the authority to instruct you in anyway. Mrs. Campbell is a teacher at your school and therefore has the right to instruct you in what to do.
By that reasoning I would say you should follow Mrs. Campbell's instructions and go to SEN.
what is the best way to lick a straight mans asshole that he will love and want more and gets him hard and makes him cum so hard
Since you left out whether you are a man or a women the best advice I can give you is as follows.
Sex like anything else in life is better when the two parties or all parties involved communicate. Sex gets better when you know each other's likes, dislikes and fantasies. The only way to know this is to talk to each other. When it comes to sex and likes, dislike and fantasies nothing is strange or weird that happens in the privacy of one's home and bedroom.
An example of discussing likes and dislikes would be something like as follows. The female is totally against anal sex yet she loves having a finger in her butt during foreplay and maybe during intercourse as well. If this describes you he won't know that unless you say so.
Most of us have a sexual history. In regard to your question you could say something to the effect. In a past relationship my boyfriend really got off when I liked his pucker hole and even when I stuck my finger in and massaged his prostrate. It gave him a great cum. Has anyone done this for you? IF his answer is no then ask if he would like to try it. If yes ask him if he would like you to do it. Either way you will have an answer.
Most every problem in life is resolved with good communication even those in the bedroom.
I've been told by a few men that I've had crushes on and I approached, "You're too good for me and I don't deserve you" Huh? How is someone too good for someone? I have a good head on my shoulders, a good job, and I take care of business like a woman should, I have morals, values and self-respect... how challenging can that be for a man?
I had asked this guy out last year and he said lets just stay friends, I said yeah ok....and then a week ago he came out the sky blue and said you're too good for me and I don't deserve you...WTH?
Even as modern as we have become today guys are still looking for girls/women who are somewhat dependent on them. Being smart, independent and able to care for yourself is, well intimidating to many men but not all men.
Take my son for instance; he is a firefighter/Paramedic. It takes a special person to be in a relationship with a firefighter or police officer as these are two dangerous jobs. My son loves his job especially when assigned as a paramedic. Helping people keeping them safe; he feels he was born to do this job and he is good at it. Okay he had help in this direction as he is following in my footsteps. Though like me he needed to find someone who would not be totally dependent on him.
The trial and error system of dating produced a number of relationships but each relationship had different degrees of dependency. Finally I suggested he try one of the dating sites such as Match.com. There is a space on the listing where you can describe what you are looking for.
In his search he needed a perfect fit, not someone who would fall in love with him and either try to change for him or try to change him. It took three tries and the third try was the charm as I am soon to be a father in-law. she is smart, has an excellent job with an excellent income and growth potential, a good head on her shoulders and has a life apart from him especially on shift. He works 8 24 hour days a month but can be held over for an additional 24 hours after each shift if needed and having just been promoted he is held over often.
I believe like my son you need to find that rare man that is looking for an independent women such as you. He is out there and while they are rare given the male population they are also plentiful in number by themselves.
My suggestion to you is rather than continue to shop for a man try special ordering one by signing up on one or more dating sights. You may go through one or two relationships before you find Mr. Right but you will find him that I can almost guarantee. Be specific in what you are looking for an describing yourself in who you are.
IN time these men who are looking for women who are dependent on them will go the way of the Dodo bird, we just haven't gotten there yet.
Sometimes I'll go to sleep at 10 then wake up at 3 totally awake and filled with energy. Sometimes I hear these voices in my head. I know it's not my own thought sometimes I can't make out what they're saying and they tell me bad things every now and then but I can't sound them out! Why?
There are actually two different subjects here. The voices you are hearing and waking up after five hours of sleep and being full of energy.
First: Hearing voices that are not your own thoughts or sound track is a problem that needs medical intervention. Hearing voices that are telling you to do bad things is reason to pick up a phone and dial 911 for immediate help. At the very least you should be telling your parents about these voices and what they are telling you. If they do not schedule an immediate visit with a doctor then pick up a phone and dial 911. You never need permission to call 911 for help. Tell the call taker what you have written us about the voices and help will be sent to you.
Second: Waking on five hours sleep full of energy. This is not unusual some of us need less sleep than others though most teenagers need a full eight hours of sleep. I sometimes awake in the middle of the night feeling fully rested. Generally I will leave the lights off sit up for about fifteen or twenty minutes and I can go right back to sleep. Meaning feeling fully awake is usually short lived. Even if it is not something that is short lived and you cannot and you can function properly on five hours of sleep. Then use the time productively such as studying or reading. Leave your smartphone or tablet off.
I would mention this to your doctor as it is something that the doctor should be aware of. The other writer and I are assuming, since you did not mention your age that you are a teenager. so this five hour sleep problem could also be a problem of puberty that will be short lived once the hormones causing it regulate. Be aware puberty doesn't end when you become a teenager it starts just before or when you become a teenager and can last into your early twenties.
I'm a 16 y/o autistic person and i used to engage in self-stimulating behaviors that are common for autistic people (also called "stimming" or "stim(s)") such as hand flapping, finger wiggling, jumping or spinning, vocal stims (humming, making repetitive "tatata" or "chchchch" or "babababa" noises, etc) and chewing (on a chew necklace that i got made specifically for this purpose)
I live in an enviroment that is not at all accepting of my autism, and have been constantly shamed and mocked for stimming to express myself, and although this had not previously kept me from stimming, recent severe and traumatic events of excessive and terrifying shaming mocking humiliating and even punishing me for stimming (particuarly while upset) has gotten me to notice that i've now begun to try to restrain myself from engaging in these behaviors; I've become embarrassed and ashamed.
I would like to know of any advice (specifically from autistic people who have overcome this or are currently dealing with this, if possible) about how to relearn how to stim without feeling shame, and before you say therapy, that is not a current option for me, i'm looking for things i can do myself until i am able to get therapy for this in a couple of years. Any help with good intentions is appreciated!! Thank you very much
I do not have the expertise to properly answer your question. I have looked for information that I feel will be helpful to you through the National Autism Association.
The first of the 3 links below will take you to a site which directly addressed the issues you have written about. Look under the heading of BULLYING. The other two links has other helpful information I feel will be usefull to you.
If you are being abused, bullied or punished in school for your autism this is very wrong. You and you parents should speak to the principal about this so he or she can address this with the appropriate teacher(s) If the principal takes no action other recourses for you parents are the superintendent of your school district or the State superintendent of schools. You are entitled to an education in a safe and secure environment. If your not receiving your education or the environment is not safe and secure there is legal recourse your parents can take.
http://www.autismsafety.org/bullying.php
http://www.autismsafety.org/
http://www.autismsafety.org/
I just started checking my glucose levels to see if I may be hypoglycemic or if I have overactive insulin. I'm not exactly sure what I should be looking for or what I should be concerned about so any help would be great! Last night I checked my glucose level it was 77. This was before I ate but within 3 hours of a snack and a soda. This morning about 10 minutes after a meal it was 118 and then two hours after the meal it was 81. Is this normal? How can I better monitor it and what should I be looking for / paying attention to?
We are not doctors and while what I know about blood glucose levels the numbers you have provided appear to be within the normal range there are other factors that may need to be considered.
If your blood glucose is of concern the best person to ask this question of is your family doctor. I suggest you see your doctor. IF you are going to consult your doctor then keep a log of your levels until your visit. Take a reading when you rise in the morning then 2 hours after Breakfast then 2 hours after. Before each meal and 2 hours after and before going to bed at night.
This type of log will tell the doctor is there is any reason for concern and if further testing is needed. Along with the log you should keep track of what you are eating as well.
A standard Blood Glucose monitor available at any drugstore is all you need to monitor. You may need a doctor's prescription mot for the monitor but for the rest of the items needed to get the blood and testing strips.