about

My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.

The one thing I will not do is you homework. I will try and point you towards the answer or help you find the answers you looking for. Ultimately you will have to find the answer yourself.

advice

So my cycle isn't particularly regular, but it's always between 3.5 to 4.5 weeks

I'm now at 5 weeks with no sign of my period...should I be worried? at what point do i get worried

oh and in case its important i'm 17 and had my period for 3.5 years...

ps there is absolutely no chance of pregnancy

The last thing you want to do is get stressed out as stress is the number one cause of missing a period. Given your age and the time of the year are you stressing out over the Prom, finals and graduation. If so this could be the cause of your late or missing period.

The prom and graduation will take care of themselves and you will find that perfect dress at the price mom and dad said you could spend. Finals are another thing and stressing over them are not going to help you get through them. If you have been a good student and know the material then you will do just fine. If you are not a great student you still have time to study. Ask the teachers in those courses you are not great in for some study material. I'm sure they will have something to give you to help you study for the finals exams.

Getting all stressed out over finals will actually work against you. Getting stressed out over the Prom and graduation will rob you of the once in a lifetime experience so try to relax.

If you miss your June period then I would suggest you see your GYN. Though since there is no chance your pregnant I'm confident the problem is just stress.

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I was recently hospitalized twice. When I went to the ER they thought it was flu or meningitis. I had rapid heart beat, severe headache, nausea, chills, could barely breathe and a fever of 106.

I almost went into septic shock. They had to put ice under me to get my temperature down. One of the doctors told me it was because I was taking bactrim. The Bactrim was prescribed to me by my dermatologist. I googled "Bactrim and sepsis" and a lot of people had similar cases.

Below is information about this drug the Pharmacist should have included when the drug was dispensed to you.

Before taking this medication was your doctor aware of any of these things listed in that section that might apply to you. Then in the Severity: Major listed is chills and nausea but not the other things you say you experienced.

As for suing, anyone can sue anyone else if you have the money to pay for it. If a lawyer is unwilling to take a case on contingency then your chances of success are low but you will get your day in court if you can afford it. Remember these drug companies have powerful lawyers to defend them.

To win at trial I would thing you would have to prove the drug manufacturer willfully hid information from you and the public at large concerning the dangers of this drug and that you were irrefutably harmed.

For the best answer I would suggest you seek out a lawyer and ask what he or she thinks. Most lawyers will not charge for the first consultation.


Before taking this medicine
You should not use Bactrim if you are allergic to sulfamethoxazole or trimethoprim, or if you have:

•severe liver or kidney disease;

•anemia (low red blood cells) caused by folic acid deficiency; or

•a history of low blood platelets caused by taking trimethoprim or any sulfa drug.

To make sure Bactrim is safe for you, tell your doctor if you have:

•kidney or liver disease;

•a folic acid deficiency;

•asthma or severe allergies;

•a thyroid disorder;

•HIV or AIDS;

•porphyria (a genetic enzyme disorder that causes symptoms affecting the skin or nervous system);

•a glucose-6-phosphate dehydrogenase deficiency (G6PD deficiency); or

•if you are malnourished.

Severity: Major

You should check with your doctor immediately if any of these side effects occur when taking sulfamethoxazole / trimethoprim:
Rare
•Abdominal or stomach pain
•black, tarry stools
•blistering, peeling, or loosening of the skin
•changes in skin color
•chest pain
•chills
•cough or hoarseness
•dark urine
•diarrhea
•dizziness
•fever with or without chills
•general feeling of tiredness or weakness
•headache
•itching
•joint or muscle pain
•light-colored stools
•loss of appetite
•lower back or side pain
•nausea
•pain, tenderness, or swelling of the foot or leg
•painful or difficult urination
•pale skin
•rash
•red skin lesions, often with a purple center
•red, irritated eyes
•shortness of breath
•sore throat
•sores, ulcers, or white spots in the mouth or on the lips
•swollen or painful glands
•tightness in the chest
•unpleasant breath odor
•unusual bleeding or bruising
•vomiting of blood
•wheezing
•yellow eyes or skin
Incidence not known •Abdominal or stomach tenderness
•back, leg, or stomach pains
•bleeding gums
•blindness or vision changes
•blisters, hives, or itching
•bloating
•blood in the urine or stools
•bluish-colored lips, fingernails, or palms
•burning, crawling, itching, numbness, painful, prickling, "pins and needles", or tingling feelings
•burning of the face or mouth
•chest pain
•cloudy urine
•confusion
•constipation
•continuing ringing or buzzing or other unexplained noise in the ears
•convulsions
•cracks in the skin
•decreased frequency or amount of urine
•diarrhea, watery and severe, which may also be bloody
•difficulty with breathing
•difficulty with swallowing
•fainting spells
•general body swelling
•general feeling of discomfort or illness
•hair loss
•hearing loss
•hives
•increased thirst
•indigestion
•irregular heartbeat
•large, flat, blue, or purplish patches in the skin
•large, hive-like swelling on the face, eyelids, lips, tongue, throat, hands, legs, feet, or sex organs
•loss of heat from the body
•muscle or joint pain
•nosebleeds
•not able to pass urine
•numbness or tingling in the hands, feet, or lips
•pain or burning while urinating
•pinpoint red spots on the skin
•puffiness or swelling of the eyelids or around the eyes, face, lips, or tongue
•raised red swellings on the skin, the buttocks, legs, or ankles
•redness of the white part of the eyes
•redness, swelling, or soreness of the tongue
•sores, ulcers, or white spots on the lips or in the mouth
•soreness of the muscles
•stiff neck or back
•swelling of the face, hands, legs, and feet
•unsteadiness, trembling, or other problems with muscle control or coordination
•unusual weight loss
•weakness in the hands or feet
•weakness or heaviness of the legs
•weight gain


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There are white stains on my bed and i don't know how they got there. How do i prevent my parents from seeing them?

It would help to know your age and sex. For the purpose of my answer I will assume you are a young teenage male.

The most likely cause is a nocturnal emission of semen. This usually occurs if there is a need for a release or if you have sexual tension and the body releases semen during your sleep. You may or may not remember having an erotic dream when this occurs.

As for hiding this from your parents I would not worry as it is totally normal. You might try to prevent this from occurring by masturbating prior to going to sleep. Masturbation is safe and actually healthy as it releases pent up sexual tension.

If you have had the talk with you parents and they have told you masturbation is wrong, then they are wrong. One reason for that is; based on a recent survey about 85% of us masturbate. That would include you and your parents. When parents do so it is usually mutual masturbation as foreplay prior to sex.

The reason parents tell you not to is it feels so good. Because it feels so good it is felt you would want the real thing way before your ready. The good thing about masturbation is no one has ever gotten pregnant through masturbation or gotten an STD.

Find someplace quiet, private and comfortable to masturbate where you will not be disturbed. Then let you mid take you where you need to achieve orgasm. See if masturbating before bedtime doesn't help. In any case don't worry or be embarrassed as it is totally normal.

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I'm a 23yr old female.
I kind of feel embarrassed to ask this.

My boyfriend and I have been have unprotected sex for a while now, I haven't had a period since January,
I have done a few tests and both come back as negative but my boyfriend still thinks I could be pregnant. This morning (Sunday 8th may) my dad gave a chocolate bar to celebrate his birthday as I don't like eating cake. 5 mins later I found myself running to throw up I feel completely fine in myself, this has made my boyfriend even more convinced that I am pregnant but I am not so sure.

So I am seeking advice, I am worried if I am pregnant as I'm not entitled to maturity leave as I have only just started a new job

There are many other reasons for missing a period other than being pregnant. Three months without a period if you were pregnant there would be other signs such as breast enlargement and a hardening around your belly.

Still the best advice is to see your GYN. A quick ultrasound will confirm if you are pregnant or not. If you are pregnant it will allow the doctor to judge just how far along you are.

If you are not pregnant I would suggest you speak with the doctor about birth control. You are fully an adult now entitled to a sex life. This also means practicing safe sex which includes not only using condoms but you being on some form of birth control. Speak with your GYN for the best form that fits you and your lifestyle.

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First off, please don't tell me to get a counselor or a psychiatrist, because they do not help me even in the least bit. All they do is make me angry and I don't know why. It's the more they speak, the more irritated I get. I just hate talking about myself; it's the thing I hate the most to do. Like I'd rather talk continuously good about my worst enemy than ever talk about myself. I've given so many counselors and psychiatrists (been given so many different medications) a chance that I can't even begin to count. I'm so sick of being a guinea pig on all these medications and I'm so sick of constantly repeating my life story to every counselor. Like there's no more counselors that I can go to, to be honest. My father just gave up, he said I'm no longer seeking therapy.

I'm trying so hard to get my life together. I've spent so many painful, lonely years doing absolutely nothing. I've had two jobs in my past, but was fired from both of them due to constant anxiety attacks every day. So I gave up then. I'm 19 years old without even my learner's or a job. I'm so sick and exhausted of sitting on my butt all day feeling pity for myself. I'm sick of wondering if I should just overdose very heavily on my strongest prescription drug. I'm sick of getting angry all the time when my anxiety acts up and everyone's thinking it's anger issues. I honestly don't have anger issues at the least, it just comes from irritation of how painfully my anxiety makes me hurt.

Like I try to build up motivation, because there's SO MUCH I want to do with my life. I want to get my license, be a senior caregiver, volunteer all the time (at soup kitchens, hospitals, nursing homes, walks for cancer, animal shelters), donate all the time (clothes, money, food, blood), but I just don't have the motivation to study for my learner's or study caregiving.

Can someone PLEASE give me advice? I'm desperate here, because I have no idea how much longer I have until I kill myself.

Having been where you are to a degree I believe I can talk to you even though you don't want to hear what I have to say. For you see that this is the problem to begin with or part of the problem. Like you I didn't think therapy could possibly help me. I mean what does talking do? How does talking about myself fix anything? I trust real medicine for if you cut yourself you put a bandage on it and it gets better but therapy; where does the bandage go?

The next and biggest part of the problem is finding a therapist you are comfortable with. You may be more comfortable talking to a female, one closer to your own age. You need to be comfortable with your counselor as you need to be able to tell him or her your deepest darkest secrets. I was fortunate in the psychologist I worked with. She saw I was keeping something hidden and until I gave it up we didn't find the root cause of my problem. She finally brought it out of me and I started to get better. I suffered from major depression which was triggered by one event but the cause was something else.

You say you have been to a number of therapists and I understand you are frustrated. I suggest you try one more only this time try for a better fit. Start with calling your insurance company and asking for a psychologist who you feel you will be more comfortable with. Describe who you feel you will be more comfortable with and let them give you a list that meets those requirements. Then call and interview them before agreeing to be treated by one.

Before you go back or try therapy again you need to rule out any organic causes for how you feel. I know what your thinking because I felt the same way. Fact is organic problems that you are not even aware of can cause you to have the problems you are feeling. You need to schedule an appointment with you family doctor and your GYN if you are female for complete physicals including complete blood panels, brain scans and chest x-rays; the works. If those results are normal then you schedule a visit with a psychologist.

Should you feel medication is required or your family doctor thinks medication would help schedule a visit with a Board Certified Psychiatrist. These are Medical Doctors who have done a fellowship in psychiatry and are certified by the college of psychiatrist to practice psychiatry. In many states any doctor who has done a rotation in psychiatry during residency can practice psychiatry. The Board Certified Psychiatrist is better qualified to treat you for medications if needed. No your not crazy but most depression is due to a lack of hormones secreted into the brain making a Board Certified Psychiatrist the best doctor to see for medication.

I know this has been long and I appreciate you reading this. I ask you to trust me and what I have told you. Like you I didn't think therapy would help and it didn't until I met the right doctors I was comfortable with. Please give therapy one more try only this time make sure you not our parents chose the doctors. You're an adult now and they should not be choosing your doctors as they have no legal say in your medical care even if their insurance is paying for it.

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I really need help

I'm sure anyone of us would be glad to help. You first need to tell us what your problem is that you need help with.

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I had sex 6 weeks postpartum. I'm not on birth control yet so we used a condom but it didn't break. I'm so paranoid, can I still be pregnant?

Statistically condoms are 85% effective in preventing pregnancy. Understanding that if your breastfeeding you cannot be on birth control medication. There are other forms of birth control that are more effective than condoms alone such as an IUD or cervical cap. You should talk to your GYN concerning other forms of birth control. These other forms along with condoms are almost 100% effective.

One other thing you can do to avoid getting pregnant is to continue to use condoms but refrain from having intercourse during the 7th to 21st day of your menstrual cycle. This is the time when most women ovulate and are most fertile.

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Ive beeen masturbating for about 3 months now but i don't think my parents know. How can i stop them from knowing? Also, I'm 12, is that too young to masturbate?

No your not to young to masturbate. The urge to do so starts about the same time as puberty starts. This is when the hormones kick in and sexual awareness and tension become part of your life. The only time masturbation is a problem is if you masturbate to the exclusion of everything else. For someone your age doing so 4 or even 5 times a day is very normal. Masturbation is not a substitute for sex . It is a safe and pleasant alternative to sex which can be done in the privacy of your room or morning or evening shower.

Can you hide masturbating from your parents. Since masturbating is something done in private and is something we all do including adults this is a yes and o answer. When you have a need to masturbate you go someplace quiet where you will not be disturbed like your room. Close and lock the door if you can and pleasure yourself. While it is possible in some very liberal families one might announce to mom, "hey I need to masturbate call me when dinner is ready." Most families are just not that liberal. Mom will be the first to realize you are masturbating as she will see the satins on the sheets or your underwear. She most likely not say anything to you for as I said most all of us masturbate.

As a Parent I can tell you the reason we warn you not to masturbate is not because there is anything wrong with doing so. It is not harmful and it won't hurt you in any way. Fact is it is very pleasant which causes us to worry you will want to try the real thing before you are ready.

No one has ever gotten a girl pregnant from masturbating or caught an SD from it. Which is why it is the safest and healthiest way fro a teenager to relieve sexual tension and frustration.

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Me and my boyfriend have been together for 2 years, sex used to be great but recently we just do the ame thing everytime. He wont do anything else and if i ask or make a move he'll ask what im doing or "do i have too". somebody help me out! please :)

A sexual relationship like any other relationship requires communication, This communication should take place somewhere other than in the bedroom where your primed to have sex.

Lets face it all relationships reach a point where they become comfortable. Your boyfriend has probably become comfortable and enjoys the sexual relations you to have at this time. Also you are more likely reaching your sexual peak while he is at the age where his sexal peak has been reached. I'm guessing at that since you didn't give any ages.

My advice is to have a conversation about sex. Ask him what it is he is against with trying something new in your sex lives. Tell him what you would like to try. Try not to say your bored but would like to spice things up a bit especially if your routine includes making love on certain days of the week. Then I could understand wanting more spontaneity.

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So usually i wear a hoodie where i keep my phone and wallett in but today i wore a jacket with no pockets. I had to hold my phone and keep my wallett in my pocket of my joggers. When i went In the car i was SURE i had my phone with me, but i didnt notice until now that when i closed the door it slipped out. Now I'm freking out because when my dad went to go back and find it in the parking lot, it wasnt there anymore and he already consulted the information desk. Someone must have picked it up though. Thing is, it was on silent and only my mom and dad are allowed to call it. The guy/girl answered but they didnt say anything and hung up. PLEASE HELP ME AND ANSWER AS SOON AS POSSIBLE!

Call the service provider and have them turn off the phone. IF you have insurance on the service the service provider will replace the phone and issue you a new number. If you do not have insurance your parents homeowners policy may cover the loss less any deductible they have. Buy a new phone and you will get a new number. Your phone will be worthless to the person that has it as the ESN number will never be put back in service.

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Hi if you've answered my questions before you know what this is about. I have actually been whacking since 13 and coming since 14 and I love the feel. But the problem I I can't stop. I D it 1-4or 5 times a day. And when I'm not whacking I'm still having sexual thoughts. I need help because I'm an artsy person so I have an active imagination so yes I imagine stuff in class one time in Christian camp😓 I need help but it feels so good.

You masturbate a bit more than most but not to the point I would consider to be a problem or abnormal. You're 14 right in the throes of puberty. Sexual tension which is the catalyst for why you need to masturbate is caused by the new hormones puberty sends into you.

You may be one of the unfortunate boys whose body is releasing those hormones in large batches, hence the need to masturbate more often than some boys. Still as long as masturbation is an all encompassing thing, which 4 to 5 times a day does not sound like it is, you are normal and should not be worried about it.

Masturbation is normal. So much so that a recent survey showed that 85% of us masturbate. In a family of 4 that means 3 of the 4 people in the house masturbate including parents. Parents general do what is called mutual masturbation during foreplay prior to sex. Yes your parents may actually still be having sex as they need release from sexual tension just as you do.

The main reason tell you not to masturbate is as you have found out it feels good. so good you want to try the real thing and that could cause problems if you get a girl pregnant. While most religions for the same reason do not condone the practice neither is a sin or mortal sin.

My advice relax continue to masturbate to relieve sexual tension. No one has ever gotten pregnant from masturbation or caught an STD. Masturbation is the safest form of sex until you are in a truly committed relationship.

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I'm stuck in cyprus pafos with no money to get home I've ask relatives but they don't want to lend me the money, I had money robbed out of the apartment I was staying in and all I want to do is get home I have no money for food or transport

If you are a U.S. citizen or Registered Legal Alien go to the U.S. Embassy and ask for help. They will provide you with a airline ticket home for which you will agree to repay the government the cost of the transportation to get you to your home airport. If you are not a U.S. citizen go to the Embassy of your country and ask for help they most likely will do the same for you.

Most embassy will see to it that you get proper meals between the time you ask for help and they can get you a seat home.

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My dad recently gave me a phone call. He said he wanted to be there for me and he wanted me to stay with him starting this summer. I told him I would think about it.

I didn't want to go with him because I knew he didn't love me. The years when my parents were still together he barely spent time with us. He would always say he had 'shifts' to do all the time. Well to let you know he is in a bar and getting drunk. One more thing I hate him and always have once I was old enough to understand what was happening.

But I also do have some thoughts about going because I feel like I don't belong in this place. I felt like this on my first year in Iowa. I have many friends but we don't hang round each other as much as we did. I have been getting these notes and email from unknown people saying things like " arrogant show off" and Ugly Freak. I figured they were mostly from those Drama Queens who always confront me about pointless like shirts and clothes and oh yeah how I beat this girl in their group in the basketball. But I found out that some of them came from on of my best friends. It was a very painful experience. So maybe if I left everyone would be better off. I mean who would want to be friends with a( according to a note) Arrogant, ugly, nosy butt and trying to act all smart teacher's pet.

I know this was mainly under the category of Families but I had to throw that part in. Thank you.

It's tuff being the new kid regardless of how many friend you make you are still the new kid. Your friends have all grown up together gone through school together and now you show up. There is not much you can do about being the new kid. As for the name calling and any bullying that is being done there is much you can do especially if it is happening in school or in regards to school.

You have as much right to be in school without being harassed as any of them. If anyone harasses you they need to be reported to a teacher or the principal. Most school systems have very strict policies on harassment on zero tolerance for it. Those that are doing so to you can be suspended or worse expelled.

If you do not want to go to the principal yourself then talk to your mother. She can go to the principal or lodge a complaint with the superintendent of schools. One of you needs to speak out against these students as they think their numbers protect them, it shouldn't and it won't.

As for visiting your father, that's up to you. The one thing you might find if you do is that the friends you left behind have moved on and getting reacquainted with them might be just as tough as being the new kid on the block.

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My parents think theres something wrong with me and dont trust me to do anything they treat me like a 4 year old.I only live with my mom and stap dad.I dont like my real dad but t be honest i want to live with him at this point how do i tell that to my mom?ps sorry for the errors im really stresssed rn

The first thing I would do is talk with your biological father and see if you can come and live with him. No sense making a fuss if there are reasons beyond his control that would not allow you to live with him.

Right now you live with your mom because she is the one the court awarded legal custody of you to. In most every divorce the courts will award custody of minor children to the mother. With teenage children it may be different as the teenager is able to speak for themselves and convince the court which parent they wish to live with.

IF your mother has legal custody of you then she has to voluntarily allow you to live with your father or he has to take her to court and sue for custody. Of course the easiest course of action is for mom to allow you to live with your father. The harder course is expensive and would require both mom and dad to hire lawyers to argue their case in court and allow a judge to make a decision. OF course the older you are the more weight you would have in the judge's decision on who should have custody of you.

Since you didn't give your age I must also tell you if your 16 close to 17 the lawyers will tell your parents not to bother with a custody case as by the time they get in front of a family court judge you will be close to 18 and custody will then shortly not be an issue. As in the eyes of the law once you reach the age of 18 you are no longer a child but a full fledge adult.

My advice is to talk to dad then follow his advice.

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when i fuck ass risk of pregnancy yes or no?

Do they not teach sex Ed. and human anatomy in school any more. The answer is NO.

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I am 15 and i have been going through depression lately because i like watching porn. That is affecting my relationships with my friends and teachers in my school.It is also decreasing my marks. Kids are bullying me everyday because after watching porn you feel extremely shy around public and it's just messing up my whole life. It even has made me think of killing myself.................... How can i stop this from happening?

First there is nothing wrong with watching porn as long as it is not an all encompassing activity to the exclusion of everything else. Porn and masturbation go together like ice cream and apple pie. Porn is considered stroke material and masturbation is the a healthy and safe way to relieve sexual tension. As long as both are not all encompassing events you have nothing to be depressed about. In fact I would be worried about any boy your age not interested in porn and not masturbating. Any boy who tells you he doesn't look at girlies magazines or search out porn on the web is either lying or hasn't hit puberty yet.

The reason parents and religions tell you not to masturbate is it is believed it leads to wanting the real thing. It doesn't it is a substitute for the real thing. If your masturbating then you are already looking or desirous of the real thing. Nothing to be shy or embarrassed about we do it according to a survey about 85% of us masturbate. Porn helps with masturbation. It is just something you do not advertise.

As long as you have other interest other than porn and masturbation you are normal. If porn takes up all other time other than school and sleeping then you have a problem and need professional help. Then it's time to tell mom or dad you have a problem and ask for help.

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Mothers day is coming up, and as a 16 year old teenager with a severely emotionally abusive mother, i am not looking forward to it. At all. Especially since things are very high tension right now in the house. I know she's going to demand me to be there and be a "good kid" but i'm incapable of being in the same room as her without experiencing extreme depression, anxiety, and resentment. How do i survive mothers day this year?

I know exactly how you feel as I had the same problem with my Father. With Mother's Day practically around the corner it is hard to make any plans with friends who might be willing to help you get out of the house for the day.

So what to do? I suggest that as hard as it may be for you that you do honor your mom on Mother's Day. Get up and make her a nice breakfast then clean up the kitchen. Hopefully this will keep you busy until the library opens. Once the library is open tell mom that while you would love to spend the day with her you need to go to the library to finish some work for school.

Whether you have work for school is immaterial it is just a reason to get out of the house and hopefully one can't object to too vehemently as I'm sure from your writing she will object. Just stand your ground grab your backpack and leave.

Do go to the library once there if you have school work to do so much the better. If not find a book and a comfortable place to sit and read for a few hours.

By making breakfast for mom you have honored her on her day and that is all that is really required or expected from anyone and maybe a small gift if you can find something to buy for her.

NOTE: Emotional abuse is a form of child abuse. I would suggest you speak with a trusted teacher or your school principal about this. By law if they agree you are being abused by your mother they must notify Child Protective Services(CPS). This does not always mean you will be placed in Foster Care. It means CPS will assign a caseworker to watch over you and to see to it that mom gets help for her abusive ways and that you get help for the depression and anxiety you suffer.

Depression hurts in many ways. One way is it affects you ability to learn which is why teachers are trained to look out for depression and why they must act if you come to them. There is no reason for you to live this way as there is help all you need to do is ask. In fact at your age you could call CPS yourself if you want too.

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I am thirteen years old . I have developed feelings for my guy friend. He is very kind and smart. He is very talented in many ways too. I have liked him for almost 3 years. Then I have been recently been informed that I had cancer. it wasn't severe but if not treated it would develop rapidly and will increase the chances of me dying at my teen years. I didn't come to school for a few weeks. Now, I am back. I planned to tell him that I like him but all those weeks I was gone he and one of my best friend started dating. I was happy for them but there was a feeling lingering in my mind and heart to give up on him and on life. What should I do?

The worst thing you can do in battling cancer is to give up on life. My wife had breast cancer and I am convinced that the cure for cancer is 90% attitude. You have to maintain an attitude that you can beat this disease.

It sounds like you two were never an item or in a relationship. Given that perspective I would say you should not be upset with him or the other girl. Right now the last thing you want to do from my prospective would be to tell him how you feel about him and maybe he would ditch your friend for you; maybe out of pity because you have cancer or are recovering from cancer.

Since I'm old enough to be your grandfather let me give you some grandfatherly advice. You are young just entering your teen years which are a wonderful time of life. You are to young to tie yourself to one young man. Rather you should be experiencing dating with a number of young men. This is how you find out the differences in men. You will find out what you like and what you don't like in a man. Then as you get older you will refine your likes and start dating men who exhibit those qualities you like until finally you find the man that has most if not all the qualities you want in a life mate.

Look at dating like shopping for the right prom dress. This is an off the rack work. Most of the time you never pick the right dress with the first one off the rack or in the first store you shop. It is the same with dating few if any girls or guys marry the first person they fall in love with or have feelings of love for.

If you don't believe me ask mom and dad how many people they dated before they found each other. For me when I met my wife I must have dated at least half a dozen different women and that does not count those I dated in high school.

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I am 16 years old and have known my romantic partner (age 17) for about a year, and almost 4 months of that year we have been dating, all the time before then we were close friends who would lowkey flirt with each other from the very beginning. We were immediately extremely compatible in both friendship and then with our romantic relationship, and have both been there for each other through the very best of times and the very worst of times. (And i do mean the very worst; we've each talked the other down from suicide at least once now)
Although we have never had a fight, we've discussed fighting, and how we both are when we fight or argue with someone, and talked about how to handle it when it happens one day, bc we both know and accept that of course one day we are going to fight or argue.
Although 4 months seems so short, i feel like i've known them my whole life, as if there was never a time we weren't dating, and they have expressed the same feelings to me.
Our relationship is extremely open (communication-wise, it is not a polyamory deal) and has always been so healthy, we've made compromises and sacrifices and we know that one day we will get married. We have discussed this on several occasions, that after we are both graduated from high school, sometime after that we'll be getting married. We are both very committed to the relationship and know we are in love, and i know that people change from their teen years throughout their adult years, but we're both so committed and willing to make sacrifices for the other and so open with our feelings that i know it will work out, because we'll both be able to talk things through if/when they start to get rocky in later years.
We currently wear promise rings.
Tonight we discussed engagement, and the fact that there is no age requirement to get engaged, so technically we could get engaged. We've both expressed many times before that we wish we could be engaged, that we both want to propose so badly. They basically implied tonight that they want to pop the question, or vise versa, sometime in the near future.

My question is, is this too fast, is it too soon? I'm perfectly happy with the pace things are moving at, people can meet their true loves and know it at younger ages after all, but a comment a girl made about "Promise rings at 3 months?!!" last month got me worried that maybe it is too early?? I personally feel more than ready and i know they do also, but....I don't know, i'm questioning my feelings now bc of what others might say/think? (Also yeah, i know, i should talk to them about this, i know i should and i will, but i also wanted to hear what others have to say about this) Will add information as needed if there are any questions or misunderstandings, i appreciate any and all advice and opinions!!

You both are very young and most likely still in high school. So I have to say "What is the rush?" Meaning if this is a true love and not a high school romance it will be a lasting romance. You don't have to be engaged to be in a committed relationship.

As to high school romances; I know one or two couples from my high school days, way back in the dark ages, that have stood the test of time. They have had children and now are enjoying there grandchildren. DO they have any regrets for marrying as young as they did? Some for it was really tough those first few years and they learned as life went on how much it hurt them financially to skip college.

I also know several couples who married for the wrong reason such as to keep the guy out of the draft then they compounded that mistake by having children when the draft changed the rules. At some point all but one of these marriages ended. Most tried to wait until the children were adults, 18 years old. For them life was well horrible with constant fighting and different addictions in some cases.

I'm not saying this will be you and your boyfriend in either instance. Statistically the younger you marry the more change the marriage will end in divorce. Why does this happen. In some cases one of the people finds a way to get their education either by one supporting the other while the other goes to school or through night course. In this case they grow apart intellectually. But for the most part life for young marrieds is hard and there is constant fighting over bills and if there is children there are a lot of bills that come with raising a child.

Now getting back to the present and why the rush. Do you want to go to college? Does he want to go to college. You should both go to college as in todays world a high school diploma does not guarantee a good job.

If you truly love each other and this relationship is meant to be it will stand the separation of two different colleges if that is what happens. If this is just a high school romance then you will both find other partners and that is okay two because this is what this time of your life is all about.

The love you two feel for each other today is very real and I would never try to tell you otherwise. My parents and your grandparents might refer to your relationship as puppy love or first love and I have vivid memories even today of them saying that and how it hurt.

My advice is to slow down. Enjoy what you two have today. If this is the real deal it will still be the real deal in six years when you two have finished your education.

One other thing make sure he truly loves you for boys his age confuse up the definition of love and lust. They will say they love you but what they really mean is they lust for you. Once they get their pleasure from you its thanks for the buggy ride and their off to find another girl to conquer. This may not be your boyfriend but make sure before you commit to him.

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28/f; boyfriend is 27/m. We've been together for a little more than a year...

Aaand I'm looking at leaving the state for school. I'm applying to some pretty high-powered doctoral programs, and I'm gonna be under a ton of stress. My boyfriend is super encouraging and supportive of my ambitions, just as I am of his.
When he talks about wanting to go to a school overseas, I get excited and anticipate going with him - my profession is extremely flexible and I'd love an excuse to learn another language. He'd be fine with me coming along as long as it didn't get in the way of MY career. But because of the timing of things on my end, he's not coming with me - he has good reasons.

I've finally found this incredible, sweet, funny, genuine guy who shares my values, treats me like I'm the most incredible person he's ever met - he's truly my best friend; the first person I want to talk to in the morning and the last at night, and he feels exactly the same way about me. We communicate well, and we've talked about this a little. I don't think I've conveyed the actual FEAR I feel... but I haven't conveyed it because I can't figure out WHAT exactly I'm afraid of.
I know I'm not gonna lose him because of the distance, so wtf, brain?

I don't really know what I'm asking. Does anyone have experience with something like this? How did you make it work? Did you feel scared, too?
I'm also a little freaked in general, I suppose, because I've never lived or gone to school outside my home state.

Thank you everyone for any advice, words of encouragement; anything.

I know what you fear, out of sight out of mind. Is that really true in today's world. With today's electronics you are never that far apart. If you have a smartphone, tablet or a computer your loved one is just a few keystrokes away.

Millions of men and women have been deployed to far of lands by their countries military leaving husband, wives, significant others and children behind. With Skype, facetime and social media you can be right there with them for important events. Wake up with and say goodnight to them. These men and women have weathered these deployments, some multiple time, with only a small percentage ending in separation or divorce.

I would think if these men and women can do it so can you and your boyfriend do it if your love for one another is strong enough. In fact while he is being supportive of what you want he too may have similar fears.

You also say your boyfriend wants to go to school overseas while your plans at the moment are to attend a school in another state. For know depending how far you are from him it is possible for you two to get together while your at school. That changes if he goes overseas and for some reason you cannot go.

My suggestion is you two need to sit down and talk. If you know what school you will be attending then make plans for when you two can meet. IF you can't get home and he can't get to you then it might be possible for you two to meet someplace in the middle. Example if you are on one coast and him on another then Denver might be an option as there are at least 3 low cost airlines that service Denver.

Most importantly is if you two really love each other then you need to talk to each other. Most relationships fail due to lack of communication. If two people love each other then they can communicate everything between them including fears.

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