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Me and my boyfriends sex life is boring. Help!!
Me and my boyfriend have been together for 2 years, sex used to be great but recently we just do the ame thing everytime. He wont do anything else and if i ask or make a move he'll ask what im doing or "do i have too". somebody help me out! please :)
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i agree that you both need to have a talk a time other than right that moment in bed. Try not to usie words that criticize or lay blame...its hard but instead of you wont do this do that, personalize your grievances with I want and I feel.
The object is not to change each other but find out where each others sexual experimenting limits and boundaries are. It just may be that the excitement of a new relationship is the spice that made sex good for a while and then familiarity and knowing exactly what to expect makes it the same routine and boring. The real relationship isn't going to feel the same as the extra bang of a new relationship energy, nre, it settles down and yes some times it can be the same but for myself now almost 8 yrs with 2nd husband, and we tend to experience some new thing or feeling about once every other month and very often its not doing much different physically but the sexual energy at the time we both feel that is different somehow from usual. So I am just saying its possible to be together a long time and have the sex life be very good and rewarding.
There are two important foundations to any couple relationship, 1. is being best friends and 2. is having the same chemistry sexuality in what both want to try and do and having the same libido. There are board games for couples if you think he might be open to that, whereever you land on the board is another command you follow doing with partner. Perhaps he is open to that.
There are troubles when one partner is just getting stuck in the rut of seeing only to their own satisfaction and sexual needs and not that of their partner. You didn't mention age but generally the younger the male, the more chance he figures a female will come as easily as he does and doesnt realize that it is a more interactive role he needs to play so you could explain it from a physiological way, how a female works and what she needs. For example, a woman is like an iron, takes a long time to heat up but once hot, she stays hot a long time, even after he is done. And its a long time coming back down for her so as long as a guy is willing to work on her, females and have multiple orgasms. If he is the type who just doesnt like the idea of doing oral sex, then introduce a toy and teach him how to use that on your clit. The problem is if he is unwilling. He also will not want to appear ignorant or not knowing on this stuff so watch how you introduce the idea of something "Hey, I was thinking, this toy I got for myself a few days ago, I was wondering if you want to try using that on me, I think that would be great." Women need certain kinds of stimulation, not all touch, but the speech, and the build up of anticipation, seeing his eyes darken with desire, the loving touches through out the day, its all part of the buildup to the final act. So if a female feels loved, she'll be satisfied. If the guy is just having sex, not making love, the woman will feel the difference and it may not be as satisfying after a while. If the man just loves you raither than being in love with you, there can be a difference. I've had sex with guys who said they loved me and it was just sex, not love making to me. Never did I feel like I was being 100% satisfied. With current husband who is in love with me, its a whole new ball park for me. He is more interested in doing whatever it takes to so me fully satisfied first before seeking his release because of the fact that he loves me so much that pleasing me actually ends up making him happy. He's like the little boy at Christmas experiementing with a new toy, pushing this button and throwing that switch to see what responses he gets and loves it.
This is how it should be.
Now I understand you've been with him 2 yrs and in that time have likely gotten to have strong feelings for him. Please give thought to both your needs and whether you really are compatible. Dating is to find out is someone is right for you and if not, you break up and move on. I know it sounds callus but dating is just an exploratory stage, trying on the guy to see if he fits what you need. THink about it, this is like going to the dressing room to try on dresses and you feel you've fallen in love with one and must buy it but when you wear it, the waist is fittied and too tight so the fabric wrinkles looking strained and there are scratchy parts at your neck and under the arms. Are you going to still buy it and wear it after trying it on and finding it isnt even comfortable to wear? Probably not. Men and women need to be trying each other out. He may be meeting your emotional needs--the best friend needs and honestly be a great guy but if the pheremones are missing to have great sexual chemistry, pheremones is something you can't find a substitute or answer for if lacking, it means in the area of sex, two people are not compatible. You said it was great once so perhaps something else is on his mind distracting him. any financial concerns, death in the family, other stressful events or changes for him? It might be as much as just supporting and giving him time.
Lastly I will share how we discovered our astrological charts predictions had somethig to do with us having great sex at first and then by 3rd year, we had 9 mos of both of us not being able to orgasm easily or not at all. IT was so perplexing as we were still madly in love and wanted it to work. Finally it occured to him to check if in his astrology books there was any mention of issues for both our astrological paths and there was! So knowing how much longer it would last and when it would be over was a thing to look forward to and once thru those months, everthing went back to wonderful again.
D remember that it takes both partners to be actively participating in whatever is needed for the relationship, one cant do it all with the other dragging their feet. It must be equal energy both put is as expressed in this quote:
Happily ever after doesnt happen just because you wish it so. It only happens when both parties put in maximum effort to make it so.
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A sexual relationship like any other relationship requires communication, This communication should take place somewhere other than in the bedroom where your primed to have sex.
Lets face it all relationships reach a point where they become comfortable. Your boyfriend has probably become comfortable and enjoys the sexual relations you to have at this time. Also you are more likely reaching your sexual peak while he is at the age where his sexal peak has been reached. I'm guessing at that since you didn't give any ages.
My advice is to have a conversation about sex. Ask him what it is he is against with trying something new in your sex lives. Tell him what you would like to try. Try not to say your bored but would like to spice things up a bit especially if your routine includes making love on certain days of the week. Then I could understand wanting more spontaneity.
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