Whether or not you want an exclusive relationship, unless both of you agree to it, fhugetaboutit! You are not interested in another guy, because you want him only, but do you want him only if he wants other girls, too? Probably not! That would be torture. Unless he wants to go with only you, keep an open mind about dating a couple more guys. You certainly don't have to be serious with any of them, just be upfront about dating other guys and give them a chance. You may at least have a good time and not be sitting around waiting for him to call. Also, it may prompt him to see that he does in fact want you all to himself and be willing to do the same if he gets a little jealous.

I don't know why it is that you are having trouble connecting. Is this something that has always been true for you? Were you close with any sisters, your mother, or other female relatives? Raised with a pack of wild brothers?
Whatever the reasons, I think it is worthwhile to mentally know for YOURSELF where some of these difficulties began, as it might give you clues on developing into the person you want to be. We are only limited by our thoughts.
In the meantime, don't stop trying. Give the female friends more time to get to know you. Women are more complicated then Men! Men are cut and dry and don't ask for much. They just want to do their thing and not be judged. Women, want deep meaningful discussions and a million other things usually. We like to experience growth and evolve with people in our lives. I have also found it very easy to connect with men, because they are more simple creatures....wonderful, but simple. Sometimes in a group of women, I think I have the most "male" brain, being more practical and less emotion. It is great to be unique and not fit in automatically! It means you have something more to add, something special to give that someone or a group of gals does not have without you. Just be yourself and don't worry about being connected emotionally with all females. Not all women connect with all women! That does not mean you can't benefit from female friends. It may be that there are only certain women that you will connect with and they may take longer to find, but you won't know unless you keep trying and be your wonderful self.

That sounds like too much game playing, and you don't really benefit from stooping to his level. Because we cannot ever change anyone, except ourselves, you need to concentrate only on you. If he has a problem being manipulative, then it is his problem. Just quit letting it be your problem by allowing it in your life. Specifically, you can contiue the relationship if you want to, but definately ignore his attempts to control the situation completely. Don't make what he does or does not do, or may or may not do, an interference in your plans. Never ask permission, but just inform him of your plans, and then he can choose to fit into them or not. He will get the drift quickly, if you stick to your guns. The other factor you should consider is that the thought in your head about guessing what he is thinking, could be wrong. Don't worry yourself over what you think he is thinking. Just do as you wish, and let his actions speak for themselves. The best way to get respect is to first respect yourself.

updated***

You mentioned nothing of the abuse in this question. Maybe next time you should include important facts, before asking for advice. If you are truly being threatened with or have been a victim of any violence, you need to tell your parents, the principal and possibly local authorities like the police and child protective services. This is a more serious situation than than the original question alluded to. You need to get help.

Don't let them put you in the middle of their problem, especially since both of them took you for granted this summer. You need to be loyal to yourself and make sure that they will not use you again. You don't know what the truth is anymore than anyone else, and you should not be pressured into taking sides. Friends are supposed to be loyal to one another, but they have both let you down. This is their problem, not yours. Only you can decide who and when to trust again. Just be careful, because once this clears up, one or both may ditch you again. Don't put all your energy into them. Make sure to find other friends who may be more appreciative of your friendship for the long run.

We cannot make more time, but we can make the most of our time. We all spend every minute doing what we have chosen to do. If you have overcommitted yourself and spread yourself too thin, you may feel that there is no time for yourself. Yourself has gotten lost doing what you thought you should be doing. The only one who has the ability to re-choose how to spend her time to make herself happy is you. Humans make the grave mistake of thinking that there will always be more time later...I recently attended a funeral, which is the best reminder that life is shorter than any of us realize in the day to day. If this was the last year of your life, what would you want to be doing? We have to plan and prepare for the future of course, but just balance that responsibility out with the equal fact that no one knows how many moments we have left. You have people in your life that need your love and have a lot of love to give you. Don't spend another moment thinking that you need more time in order to honor what you truly value in life. Our values are shown by our deeds, and periodically we need to check our schedules to see if they are mirroring our own values or someone else's.

Guys like to avoid hysterical girls that are pissed at them like the plague. He did not blow you off personally, but just had other things to do. If you are going to think that he owes you an apology or an explanation for not making it, you are out of line. Why do you feel like crap? You are putting too much expectation into little things. When we have deep feelings that are bigger than reality dictates as appropriate, we need to examine those feelings and figure out why we react the way we do. Have other people broken promises and let you down in big ways that you have not had the opportunity to confront? Don't hold it against your boyfriend. We often bring past baggage from our lives into new relationships and destroy them with it. Try to come to terms with any you may be carrying and deal with it in the right context of your life. This takes courage, but is well worth it.

He is right and you need to apologize. In the future, you will behave with more maturity and save yourself embarrassment, right?

Sometimes we have too much in our closet and "nothing to wear." This is because most of it is junk that is in the way of our good stuff. First go through your entire closet and get rid of anything you hate, don't wear, does not fit well or is not flattering. Now organize what you have left into categories by seasonal wear. You should be getting your Fall wardrobe ready by now. Make a list on paper of what you have and then a list of what you need. You don't need a ton of stuff, you need a moderate amount of mix and match outfits to go with your real life activities in the day to day. If your closet has too much of one thing, don't buy more of it. Fill in what you lack. If you have too many colors and trouble coordinating outfits, you need to add neutrals that will go with everything. Let me know what comes of it, and if you need further help.

The ball is in your court my dear. He already called you, remember. Now he is waiting for you to respond.

Your'e not even his girlfriend, and you are already insecure, controlling, jealous and worried. Hmmm...I don't know if you could handle being his girlfriend. He does not want a controlling jealous girlfriend or friend, so you are going to have to let it go. You need to remind yourself that liking someone does not mean you can own them. He is a person, and not a possesion. Do not drive him away before you even get a chance to go out. If you want a real shot at a relationship, then forget all that jealous crap.

Updated***
There is a big difference between being "materialistic" and being generous to a point that exceeds your finances. Not once did I assume or tell you that you were materialistic. I am not sure why you have that notion, unless it is something you are worried about internally. Presents are fine, but they have their limitations. My advice was not to limit you or warn you against being a material girl, but to remind you that you have more to offer and so do your friends, so that you would still be able to have a great time, without the limitations of money. Hope you can see that and use it to your advantage!

-------------------------------------------------
You seem to be having very high expectations and worrying about things you can't control The combination is not healthy. There is no rule saying that you have to celebrate your birthday on your birthday...lots of people wait a couple months later for various reasons. You could save up for a party if that is really what you want. It sounds like not just you, but some of your friends have been spending money on gifts and other people that they don't really have and that is not financially smart. Forget the stuff you can't do or afford and concentrate on being creative and having fun. Money sometimes just gets in the way of our spontaneous and creative inner powers, so let that go.

Tell him how you feel, but do not attach any strings. Love is a gift and selfless. Do not expect anything in return. However, if you don't tell him, you will regret it. If the two of you are destined as you feel, then you will catch up with him when the time is perfect. Two people can take separate paths that eventually intertwine. Think of it as a lovely memory you will leave him with, and not a desperate demanding one. He will treasure it and more than likely want to contact you in the future.

You could have an infection that needs immediate attention and you do not have to wait. Walk in to any urgent care or planned parenthood or other free clinic and get checked out. It sounds like a bladder infection, but I am not a doctor. If you start peeing blood that is a sign of a bad bladder infection. You deserve to get help, so find a way to get it today.

Only you can choose to give up the fantasy. The fantasy is distracting you from living your real life. It could be that there are very cute guys that would love for you to go out with them, but you are too busy wasting time over a lost cause. Once you accept reality, you will shorty realize that he was not so great, anyway. If he does not see how wonderful you are, then he must be lacking something. Keep him off your mind, by opening your mind and heart to others.

You could potentially have two chicks mad at you if you pursue him, so make sure it is worth it. He may or may not have a thing for you, but unless he is single, you should stay friends only. If you find out he does like you and breaks up with the other girl, then I would still be respectful of your friend and at least talk to her about it beforehand. You don't need her permission, but you do owe her honesty.

You are courageous and it is awesome that you care about her so much. Just make sure that you both are safe, by alerting as many adults to the situation as possible. Teachers, principal, your parents and hers should all be aware of the situation and of the potential and real threats that these little creeps have made. You can't take on that many kids by yourself, and if they are in a gang it is serious. Legal action might be necessary if your school authorities are not handling it well. Don't let another day go by without getting help.

As long as you can maintain friendships with your peers, too. Instead of normal, ask yourself if it feels healthy. Maybe you are intellectually challenged or socially more mature than the kids your age. Just don't let your other peers think you don't need them. You do, and you will more in the future. Find a balance that works for you.

He thinks you will probably go out again...big deal! Where is your self-esteem! Don't let him get away with treating you like a dog at his beck and call. He broke your heart and he will do it again. Until he apologizes for treating you like crap and begs you back, you have no reason to even pay attention to him. If you blow off the nice guys to chase bad boys all your life (which is the pattern if you already are geared this way) then you will face a lifetime of heartbreaks and letting yourself be treated like trash. Eventually even the nice guys won't be interested in you, because they will have figured out by then that you are a waste of time. Sound harsh? Reality can be way harsher, and I am trying to help you avoid going down a path you will suffer for. See Travis for who he really is...a guy that treats you like crap. See Dillion for who he really is...a guy that sees your truth worth and should not be taken for granted.

You are uncomfortable because you are not ready to have a relationship. I know you don't feel too young, but in a few years you will look back at yourself and thing you were a child. You will look back at the decisions you made with different eyes. Losing your virginity is a big deal. You may realize that too late if you go through with your plan. Sex is something that for a woman can be wonderful when she is mature and in a relationship that is secure. Sex is something that can also leave a girl feeling empty and used if she is with someone who does not care for her deeply. I have the experience of knowing a thousand women's first experiences and later ones, so I am certain of what I say. Don't ever do something to impress others at your own expense. You are worth waiting for. When the time is right and you are with someone that you have a trusting love with, then you will not have any fears. It will be a beautiful memory, instead of a huge regret.

"Being heard is so close to being loved that for the average person they are almost indistinguishable. To say something you value deeply to another and to have him or her value it equally by listening to it carefully and apppreciatively is the most universal way of exchanging social interest or demonstrating affection." David Augsburger, CARING ENOUGH TO HEAR AND BE HEARD.


All sincere persons will be given thoughtful examination and reply. Please be specific about your situation as it applies to your question, the applicable information and facts necessary for me to properly assess your situation and give you the benefit of my knowledge and experience, which includes: experience/education with mentoring, relationship study, self help, spirituality, poetry, literature, philosophy, psychology, color theory, teaching, parenting, and debate that will be used to your advantage. I am concerned with offering an objective and realistic perspective more than ratings, because this will help YOU. Artificial sweetness is found in diet soda, not in my advice. If you feel that I did not understand your question or need more specifics to help, please let me know, but while all truth is subjective, questioners should be mature enough to hear answers not necessarily agreed with. If you are only looking for someone to tell you just what you want to hear, then you may not be ready for my advice. I believe in personal responsibility, self and other awareness and your power and ability to recreate and redirect your own life. All our misery and joy begins and ends within ourselves, but our willingness to be open can bring the positive or negative energy we seek. If you or someone you know is open to positive help, the resources and caring individuals needed are available now.

http://www.coolnurse.com/

http://www.4woman.gov/violence/

http://www.childhelpusa.org/about/programs-and-services/childhelp-national-child-abuse-hotline-1-800-4-a-child

drug/alcohol abuse help go here: http://www.4drugabuse.com/addiction-treatment.html

http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/1800-273-TALK(8255)
The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is a 24-hour, toll-free suicide prevention service available to anyone in suicidal crisis. If you need help, please dial 1-800-273-TALK (8255). You will be routed to the closest possible crisis center in your area. With over 120 crisis centers across the country, our mission is to provide immediate assistance to anyone seeking mental health services. Call for yourself, or someone you care about. Your call is free and confidential. -----------------------------------

http://www.kidscrisis.com/

http://www.teenadviceonline.org/gethelp/numbers.html

You can call the National Sexual Assault Hotline, operated by RAINN, 24 hours a day, free & confidential. 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)

For info. on birth control etc.
http://www.plannedparenthood.org/

The Girls and Boys Town National Hotline is the only hotline that children and parents can call with any problem at any time:
Open 24-hours a day, every day at 1-800-448-3000

Spanish-speaking counselors available; translation services for 100+ languages

TTY line available for the hearing-impaired at 1-800-448-1833

Counselors can help find services and agencies in the callers' local community

Help at the End of the Line
Callers talk to highly-trained, professional counselors who listen and give "right now" answers. They're sympathetic people who have expertise dealing with these and other problems:

depression

suicide

running away

parenting problems

relationship concerns

physical, sexual, and emotional abuse

chemical dependency

mental health

anger

aggressive behavior

Toll Free
Operated by Father Flanagan's Boys' Home, hotline services are free of charge to every parent and child in all 50 states, the District of Columbia, U.S. territories, and Canada.

Toll-Free: 1-800-448-3000

http://www.sex-ed101.org/links.html

http://www.anorexicweb.com/anorexicweb.html

Report Child Abuse
Childhelp USA National Child Abuse Hotline
1-800-4-A-CHILD TDD: 1-800-2-A-CHILD



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All our motivations stem from two: Love or Fear. When in turmoil or indecision, ask yourself from which of these you are acting. If you want an honest response outside of yourself, you need to first be honest within yourself. Bless you on your journey!

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