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Birthday Blues (Important, yet long)
When is it not appropriate to complain about disappointments to friends? (*First, none of my friends know how I'm feeling right now). All year I've been eager to surprise a friend on special occations. My gestures were never to get something out of it. I've been having fun along side. However my birthday is less then 5 days away. With all the other events I've been doing I forgot about my own birthday. Every year I try to do something special (usually a themed party). This year becaue I'm broke & short on time I wont be able to throw a party. I messaged a close friend of mine seeking some ideas; she has neglected to contact me back. No one has asked me what I was doing that day. I don't think those who matter to me realise that birthday is coming. My friends aren't ones to turn their backs, but suddenly I feel like I'm left in the cold. With scheduling priorities & going on vacation 2 days after my birthday,(*a special event that's for a friend) I feel as though my arms are tied behind my back. The friend that I'm taking on vacation just complained about being broke because of other people's birthday's & having out of town guests. Another friend said she feels bad for getting gifts because she can't afford to give presents (that was recently said. It kind of hurts, but I'm not someone to typically hold that against anyone...it's not the gifts, it's the thought I'm craving). So my issue I'm facing is that I want to speak out, I've been crying because I'm dreading Monday. Deep down I feel everyone is going to be busy working & doing their own thing. I was wanting to gather with a few friends at a local night club, but the friend I reached out for help (like I said) has choosen not to write back. What should I do? In my far fetched wishes; this year the only thing I want is a deep meaning full kiss from my best friend. That present alone will last me a life time. The far fetched one is to hope by some chance that I might be surprised...my friends know I desperately want to go to Halloween Horror Nights, but can't afford. However, I also know that my friends can't afford to get me (ontop of themselves) a ticket.
Any insight?
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There is a big difference between being "materialistic" and being generous to a point that exceeds your finances. Not once did I assume or tell you that you were materialistic. I am not sure why you have that notion, unless it is something you are worried about internally. Presents are fine, but they have their limitations. My advice was not to limit you or warn you against being a material girl, but to remind you that you have more to offer and so do your friends, so that you would still be able to have a great time, without the limitations of money. Hope you can see that and use it to your advantage!
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You seem to be having very high expectations and worrying about things you can't control The combination is not healthy. There is no rule saying that you have to celebrate your birthday on your birthday...lots of people wait a couple months later for various reasons. You could save up for a party if that is really what you want. It sounds like not just you, but some of your friends have been spending money on gifts and other people that they don't really have and that is not financially smart. Forget the stuff you can't do or afford and concentrate on being creative and having fun. Money sometimes just gets in the way of our spontaneous and creative inner powers, so let that go.
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I really, really wish that I could say to you all your friends are planning to get together and surprise you on your birthday, but it sounds as though you put a lot more effort into them than the other way round. It would be lovely to think that they are gathering around a table and making plans for you but this is real life and very rarely does that happen.
You sound a very kind, deeply affectionate friend that truly would deserve the best. Maybe they all do have different issues surrounding their lives and have other plans on your birthday. You may have to accept that some of them have forgotten it is your birthday and some may genuinely lack the funds to buy you a present. Giving is the best feeling in the world and as long as you continue to give of yourself (not just your money) I firmly believe that what goes around comes around. One day you will get back what you reap.
What I suggest is that on your birthday accept all the good wishes coming your way and don't feel too bad about the lack of surprises or presents. Continue to enjoy the feelings you get from surprising your friends because that is worth more than money or gifts. Sometimes gestures like hugs and kisses are all that are needed to say I love you.
I wish you a VERY HAPPY BIRTHDAY and I sincerely hope that you have a truly memorable day for the right reasons. All the best.
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