Question Posted Thursday September 28 2006, 12:47 pm
Alright this is major im in school right now so i havnt much time. My little cousin she is 11 years old and she is in 6th grade her first year in middle school. Her mother never taught her good higeane habbits so she smells a little bad but not to bad cause she does take showers and what not. Alright but the other day she came oiff from her bus crying because people were spraying perfume in her face well im in highschool and she came to me crying. Im more like her big sister than a cousin. I confronted the girls when they got off the bus they told me no they didnt spray perfume in her face. Well this morning i went to her house to pick up her brother for school and she told me she got jumped at the bus stop this morning so she wasnt going to school. I asked why she got jumped because the girls told her to meet them at a park near my house and they were going to bring there boyfriends and friends and stuff. So she got scared and didnt show up so thats why she got beat up this morning. My question is im really heated and i want to beat them up cause my cousin cant defend herself am i in theright am i justified or does this just mean im acoward? Please help ASAP because with your help soon or not i will beat them up.
[ Answer this question ] Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category? Maybe give some free advice about: Families? StarTrekCaptain answered Thursday October 5 2006, 9:44 am: Hi honey. Listen, everybody was right. Beating up these kids is only going to get you in trouble, and it isn't a very good example for your little cousin either. I would encourage her to tell a teacher when kids are picking on her,
BUT I think really the focus here should be on her hygiene. I think you should, or your parents should, watch out to see if she's being neglected. Child neglect is a crime, and symptoms include poor hygiene, not having clean clothes, nobody making you go to school, not having meals when you need them, nobody making you go to bed at a decent time, not being taken to the doctor when you're sick...there might be a few more, that's all I can think of.
What I would do for her, is have a "girls night sleepover" or a "spa day" or something, in which you get fun soaps, scented shampoos, body spray, etc and you can give these to her as a goody bag type thing, as well as doing fun things- like you can do each other's hair, do each other's nails, do home facials, etc- fun, girly kinds of things. Make some healthy snacks for it, and maybe watch a fun girly movie like Princess Diaries or something like that. Make it a real girl's day.
Be sure to give tips about taking care of herself, but be careful not to be mean about her odor, etc- you don't want her to feel like you're making fun of her. If you do it right, it might make her feel special to have a special girly day with you and she will learn something too. Hope it works out for her!! :-) And you sound like a good "big sister" for her. :-) [ StarTrekCaptain's advice column | Ask StarTrekCaptain A Question ]
orphans answered Sunday October 1 2006, 1:02 am: Give the girl hygeiene hints. Help the girl because pretty soon she'll get acne and who likes acne?!
1. Tell her showers are refreshing and you don't have to get that perfume in your face. Give her soaps that you have at your house or go shopping with her and pick a good soap for her body that's foamy...everyone likes foam!
2. Shampoo and Conditioner that aren't poor quality. Tell her to take a shower every other day or at least 3 times a week. Tell her to shampoo, condition, and use soap each time.
3. DO will help. Use this Teen Spirit I see at Walmart and that'll help her for a beginners. GIrls this age begin to sweat and you know about sweat.
4. Brushing her teeth morning and evening. Floss and mouth wash.
If she does this, she will be healthy and those bullies will not bully her. Clean clothes is also a great part of hygiene and her bed sheets should be washed every other two weeks. [ orphans's advice column | Ask orphans A Question ]
MelLeDisko answered Thursday September 28 2006, 11:23 pm: Do NOT beat them up. You'd probably only get you and your little cousin into even more trouble.
I would report this to the prinicpal of their school or their guidance counselor and have them talk this out and set the rules with the girls and make them understand that if this is to happen again, there will be major consequences.
I would also find out the girls names and contact all their mothers and explain to them the situation, and believe me, I'm sure there mothers will handle them well.
Also, so nobody is picking on her and this problem doesn't happen again, since her mother didn't really take out the time to show her proper hygiene, maybe you should spend a day with her and show her how to take care of herself properly, and maybe even let her pick out a pretty smelling perfume bottle so she can smell pretty. :) I hope I helped. [ MelLeDisko's advice column | Ask MelLeDisko A Question ]
ductape_n_roses answered Thursday September 28 2006, 8:38 pm: I'm not sure if I'm still in the time frame for being able to give you advice but what are your thoughts on those girls? If you beat them up, you'll be just like what you think of them.
Report them to the school counslor and they WILL suffer bad consequences. No joke. They WILL get suspended in or out of school for at least more than 10 days. I hope anyway. They feel the need to bring down other people mentally or physically so they can boost their little slef confidences up. I suggest you get this think straightened out with the school. Better yet go to the PRINCIPLE. Report this abuse and discrimination against your cousin. Do this and do not:
threaten, physically or mentally harm these girls or anything that would back frie on you. REmain calm and stay level headed so you don't do anything to get these girls off the hook [ ductape_n_roses's advice column | Ask ductape_n_roses A Question ]
BitsandPieces answered Thursday September 28 2006, 4:22 pm: You are courageous and it is awesome that you care about her so much. Just make sure that you both are safe, by alerting as many adults to the situation as possible. Teachers, principal, your parents and hers should all be aware of the situation and of the potential and real threats that these little creeps have made. You can't take on that many kids by yourself, and if they are in a gang it is serious. Legal action might be necessary if your school authorities are not handling it well. Don't let another day go by without getting help. [ BitsandPieces's advice column | Ask BitsandPieces A Question ]
dia answered Thursday September 28 2006, 4:05 pm: ok... i know youre looking out for your cousin..but believe me - beating up those people ISNT the way to go about it.even if they DO deserve it.i know you want to put them in their place - and you're damn right - they need to be sorted out, however, violence ISNT the answer, and it doesnt solve anything. Actually, it could make the situation worse,and besides you most likely getting into lots of trouble, you could find your little colusin getting bullied more because of what you did. i hope you realise that thi IS a form of bullying, and so you need to seek for help immdediatley. maybe collect her from school one day, and speak to the principal, or arrange an appointment with them or one of her teachers, as this is likely to slove your problem. do not hide this. she needs to tell her mum/guardian, and i think you need to tell your family. they need to know whats going on here as keeping it bottled up will only cause more pain for her, she may tell you not to tell anyone, and you need to reassure her that by confing in people she can trust, this wont be such a heavy weight on her shoulders, and the problem will eventually stop.
i was bullied alot on and off when i was younger. from the age of 9 or 10 up until i was about 13. it happened every year by the same people, however, when i moved to secondary school, and when i went into year 8 it started up again.
i kept it a secret for a while, and then i wrote a letter to the head of my year, and then bullying stopped. (maybe your cousin could do that, and include every detail).
now im 17, i havent been bullied for 4 years, however i have had those odd occasions where pathetic bitches pushed me unsuccessfuly down the stairs, and attempts to throw paper balls at my head, ...and at the end of the day i hadnt done anything to them. just like your cousin...i was the innocent one.
these girls are pathetic, and are so shallow as to try to indulge in the pleasure of making other peoples lives miseries.
they dont stand a chance in the real world when they're older...if they ever see it and arent caught up in their little dellusional minds.
however, getting back to the subject, i think you should use my advice as much as you can. please dont beat the up, as tempting as it may be...they arent worth it, and are most likely doing this to keep their "rep" up to scratch, and to get a reaction from others (i guess they got your reaction, which is another reason why they may be carrying on :S) and people like that just arent worth the hassle.
i hope all goes well. i wish you the best of luck. tell me how it goes.
and please tell your cousin everything is going to be alright. stand by her, as support is what she needs the most right now.
good luck, if you ever have a problem, dont hesitate to ask me :)
Wheeler answered Thursday September 28 2006, 3:53 pm: Don't beat them up. I'd say right in their faces "Touch my cousin again, and your screwed" (Sorry about my language), beating them up would just make them more angry, not scared. If they do anything one more time send your cousin to school with a little recorder machine in her pocket. If that doesn't work go to each of their houses and talk to their parents - tell them if they touch her again your going to call the police or authorities. I don't know just thats all I can think of. Good luck! [ Wheeler's advice column | Ask Wheeler A Question ]
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