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Power
Ahh! Okay, so this guy and I are in a constant power struggle, even over who calls whom and when. It's driving me crazy and I want him to stop fighting me. I refuse to back down completely, but I feel like I won't ever see him if I don't let him have his way most of the time.
Like...tonight I wanted to go somewhere with him and he left me hanging for about an hour without saying if he wanted to go or not, then said no he had other plans, but that we could possibly meet up somewhere afterwards. BUT he wanted me to like, go there and call him at a certain time, otherwise he'd just stay where he was longer, or go home.
Now the stubborn part of me is going "Duh, if you comply he's getting his way and he thinks he has you wrapped around his finger." But the other part of me is going "but you wanna see him, so just comply this once..."
I'm thinking I might play along for awhile - let him think he has me where he wants me, then completely reject him and see what he does.
Any thoughts on any of this?
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
It depends on how sensitive he is. Some guys would react like "why the heck didn't you let me know, you had a problem with me", and other guys would be like "Baby, you should of told me earlier, I would of changed, I want this to work". By the way you have described your man. I'm guessing he will be like the first quote. Try to let it out as soon as possible. Don't wait too long. You don't know yet if he is the kind of guy that snaps when you play games wit him. So tell it like it is. Start out like this:
"Blank, I feel like I care about you more than you care about me.
He'll be like I care about you , why would you think this or whatever
* Be sure to use a soft tone when you say this:
"Let me finish, You expect me to do whatever you want, and sacrifice everything for you, but when it comes to my needs, its the oh I have other plans attitude. Its pulling me over the edge. If you want to have a relationship with me you will need to respect me the way I respect you. Do you understand where I'm going here? I can't have us fighting all the damn time. I love to respect you. Just respect me. That's all I'm asking"
That should work. If it doesn't he may have taken it the wrong way or he needs smetime to cool off. Give him a little time then call back.
PS I am an excellent columnist I've been through it all. Spread the word
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That sounds like too much game playing, and you don't really benefit from stooping to his level. Because we cannot ever change anyone, except ourselves, you need to concentrate only on you. If he has a problem being manipulative, then it is his problem. Just quit letting it be your problem by allowing it in your life. Specifically, you can contiue the relationship if you want to, but definately ignore his attempts to control the situation completely. Don't make what he does or does not do, or may or may not do, an interference in your plans. Never ask permission, but just inform him of your plans, and then he can choose to fit into them or not. He will get the drift quickly, if you stick to your guns. The other factor you should consider is that the thought in your head about guessing what he is thinking, could be wrong. Don't worry yourself over what you think he is thinking. Just do as you wish, and let his actions speak for themselves. The best way to get respect is to first respect yourself.
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My thoughts:
When you 'play along' you run the risk of loosing.
Don't play games with your own heart or anyone elses. It's hurtful, wasteful and almost as bad as lying to them. Sooner or later it will breed distrust and annoyance, not affection.
If you don't want to chase him, stop chasing him. If you are willing to organize yourself around his schedule and whims, go for it. But don't kid yourself that once the pattern is set you'll be able to change it. Once you start chasing him, he'll likely expect you to continue doing that. If you stop, he'll think you aren't interested and he'll move on.
Tell him straight up that you are interested in him and want to be with him and that if he feels the same he should say so. If not, you don't want to waste your time or his chasing him down. Be direct and very clear, that will encourage him to be just as clear with you. If he still dithers around or expects you to do all the work, let this needy little boy go. Talking to your crush shouldn't be a chore.
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