sizzlinmandolin's advice column | Page 39

home view feedback ask questions add as friend advicenators

Gender:

Female

Location:

USA

Age:

28

Member Since:

October 4, 2005

Answers:

2093

Last Update:

February 22, 2015

Visitors:

129864

Favorite Columnists

advicenator_admin

Main Categories:

about

I sometimes take long breaks from the site. I'm more than happy to answer anyone's questions, but just make sure they're not too time sensitive. :)

Facts about me:
*happy
*employed
*married
*large extended family
*bisexual
*advanced college degree
*no kids (yet)

advice

Thanks for the response. I think I will try something becuase all of you girls seem to think that I'm really tiny at 3.7 inches long erect and 0.7 inches wide erect. I'll try anything to help me look bigger.

Did you know that the average vaginal capacity is only about 4 inches? You really don't have much to worry about. Keep in mind too, that it'll keep getting bigger until you're 21.

My so called "best friend" started slapping me about a few weeks ago. It's over the stupidest things, too! Like, I have a favorite lip gloss that I put on all the time in school. She hates it, so she slaps me really hard across the face for that. Sometimes it doesn't hurt, but one time she left a red mark on my face. I've tried slapping her back a few times, but she always blocks her face, so I just kick her.

She's also been acting like a bitch lately, like she'll be nice to me and then tell me to go away 2 minutes later. Today, I didn't hang out with her at lunch, and she called me a slut because the kid she likes was NEAR me. I'm not even friends with him and we don't talk! I don't understand what her problem is.

She probably thinks it's funny. Tell her you've had enough and if she slaps you again your friendship is over. In other words, she's your friend, give her a chance to make things right. She might not think that what she is doing is hurting you as much as it is. Good luck.

Alright, well, I have a boyfriend who I really like and everything, we've been together a little over a month now.

But lately I've been noticing that all these guys I met now I kinda start to like but then it's over and then I liek them again. It's so weird. I don't know if it's just because I'm finally in a relationship ( this is like, my first one so maybe it's I'm so used to being single? ) I don't know.

I've been hanging out/talking with this guy lately and I found out he likes some girl and I think I got kind of jealous. I don't know it's so strange, I'm so confused. But even if I do like this other guy too I'm not gonna try anythign cause he's obviously not interested plus he sort of has alot of girls so that wouldn't be good at all he might cheat.

I'm not sure what exact question I'm asking.
Just basically.. what would you do if you were me?

This is your first relationship. You are feeling so many new things. It takes a while to learn how to be in a relationship. Lots of things will feel strange. Don't worry, it's okay to think about being with other guys. There's no reason to feel guilty about still being attracted to guys! When you enter into a relationship, who you are shouldn't change. Just as long as you don't do anything about your feelings with anyone other than your boyfriend you will be just fine.

So I have this really awesome guy friend. He's sweet, cute, funny, good looking, rich (doesn't matter, I know), and really really smart. The but part about it really sucks though. We have been dating for about 4 months now and it's great. Two months ago he started talking to me about having sex. I'm super christain and I don't believe in sex before marrige (sorry if that offends anybody). I told him that, but he keeps on talking about it. He drops hints constaintly when we are in the moment and I hate it. I don't wanna have sex before marrige. Then like a month ago he tried to feel me up. I told him no, but he begged and begged so I kicked him out. Since then we haven't made out or talked as much. THings are tense. And I keep feeling like he's cheating on me. I know he wants more and if I can't satisfy him why doesn't he cheat on me? So my question is...How do I patch things up with him? How do I get in embedded in his mind that I don't wanna have sex? And how can I keep him on his toes and still feeling physically attracted to me? It's kind of lame that I have to keep telling him no, but I really really like him. I don't love him, but he's my number one and I don't wanna lose him.
Any help will be appreciated!

I know this isn't what you want to hear, but he's not the guy for you. Your values are very important to you and you can't be with someone that doesn't respect or accept them. If you stay with him things will just get worse. Don't worry, there are a lot of other really great guys out there. I'm sure you'll find someone that will accept, or even share your values. :)

Good luck!

Would shaving my pubes make me look bigger and better?

Probably, but it's a lot of work and it'll get pretty itchy sometimes. Trimming your pubic hair will have the same, or at least a similar effect and you won't have to worry about keeping up with it as much.

My boyfriend lately has been acting really really weird. He doesnt do the same things as he used to, and if he does, he just doesnt seem as interested to do them anymore. Like in the hallway when we're walking together, he'll hold my hand but he doesnt talk to me anymore.. and I dont know why. And then when he kisses me he doesnt kiss me as hard as he used to its like hes kissing a feather and pulls away really quick. So what I'm asking is how can I get him to be more interested in me or get him.. "whipped." please help me, I've been dating him for 4 months and we havent had sex.. because im waiting for a year before we do that.. and all we did was that he fingered me.

Thank you in advance.

Your relationship is growing. This is very normal. You get used to each other and you're not as "lovey dovey" anymore. Holding hands isn't as thrilling as it used to be because it's nothing new. If it bothers you that he's not showing his affections anymore, talk to him about it. He probably doesn't even realize he's doing it. I'm sure after a conversation about it, as long as you don't get angry, upset, or accusatory, he'll be much better about things. Good luck! :)

I've been on the Depo shot for a while now and I haven't had a period since October. My normal periods are only 3 days long and I've been having one for the past 6 days. It doesn't continue throughout the whole day, just for a little while each day. Is that normal? It's very light and I'm having severe cramps. Thanks.

Birth control will normally shorten your periods and lessen cramps. Sounds like you could have a problem. It's not an emergency, but talk to your doctor as soon as possible.

do girls get wet dreams like guys do where they have an orgasm and get wet? because i've had sex dreams where i wake up extremely horny, but never wet. so is it actually possible for a girl to get wet during a dream? is it called a wet dream when girls have them or is it called something different?

You can get wet from a dream and you can call it a wet dream, but it's not the same as what a guy experiences. You'll just get really turned on and not have an orgasm.

my best friend (he's a dude and i'm a girl) just went back to jail for 5 days and it's his last chance to behave and not mess up probation before he goes away for like 2 years...what can i do to make him not be so ignorant about something so serious..if it helps he just told me he liked me before he went away..he'll be back on tuesday but as i said its his last chance.

All you can do is try to talk some sense into him. Since he cares about you, try to use that. Make him want to do it for you. If you're willing to put a lot of work into it, there's something else you could try. I don't know what he's on probation for or how he messed it up, but if you could find a way to curb the actual behavior, there would be nothing to worry about. He needs to grow up and learn how to control himself. I don't think the problem is that he doesn't realize the severity of his situation, the problem is that he can't control what he's doing. If he can't stop doing stupid things, he probably should go to jail for a few years for his own good. For these reasons I wouldn't suggest having a relationship with him until he gets things under control if you're interested. It's obvious that you care about him at least as a friend and it's lucky for him that he has someone like you, but honestly, this is something he needs to figure out on his own. If he makes a bad decision he needs to be able to face the music and take the consequences. Good luck.

ive heard something about antonella barba's naked pictures or something being post up on the internet.. is this true? did she get kicked off the show?

I got interested and I looked them up. Most of the pictures are just modelish pictures where she was fully covered up. The others were inappropriate, but didn't show any of her either. There's a possibility that they are fake, but personally, I think they're real. If it's proven that they are, she may get kicked off, I believe someone had been in the past, but she may not since they're not really that bad. My guess is that she's going to be off the show anyway and they won't have to worry about it. She's not doing well. They're probably just waiting to see if she gets kicked off the normal way this week to spare her the shame and themselves more work.

here's a news article too http://worldnetdaily.com/news/article.asp?ARTICLE_ID=54484 :)

hi

you answered a question for me earlier about my friend and me. It didn’t offend me or anything but I think you missed something. I HAVE discussed this with my friend. Very much so She tells me to not be envious and is trying to help. everything is not given to me easy like you think. I work hard at everything. Just socially I am just a shy person and have trouble approaching people. I don’t really have much practice, but I have gotten a little better over yrs. I just wanted my question to have a background. So make a long story short my question was just how do seem too forward, because this day in age It seems like it is harder for guys and the girls have to take the lead. I am just old fashion I guess and wanted a second opinion on how I could approach Brett. Sorry for the confusion.

Hey, sorry for the misunderstanding. I wanna say too, that I didn't think anything about your work ethic or if things were given to you easy. Everybody's got a different life and I try hard not to judge others. What I was doing was trying to encourage you not to take the easy road and to step out of your comfort zone more.

I know what you mean about how girls are now expected to take the lead sometimes. I have an old fashioned attitude too, but you have to keep in mind that even if you are old fashioned, it's more than okay for a girl to hint to a guy that she likes him. Dancing with Brett will do just that. Even an old fashioned girl knows that if she isn't even noticed by a guy she likes, she'll never get what she wants. Make yourself noticed.

Your idea of being forward is much lower than most other people's. The thing is, it doesn't matter how forward you think something is, it's not actually forward unless the other person thinks so. Brett won't find you to be forward if you dance with him, no matter how forward you feel like you are being.

I know that you have talked to Sabrina about Brett and how you want to dance with him and you feel left out and all that, but have you directly mentioned that you think you have feelings for him and you want to try to pursue a relationship? If you're not direct, Sabrina will probably just think that you're jealous and you're trying to steal her dance partner away. Be direct with her and see where that takes you. If you were direct and Sabrina knows full well that you're interested in Brett and she is still acting like she is, she is a horrible friend. She's being so selfish. What you should do is either break off the friendship, give her a chance and try talking with her about what friendship is to you and how she's not doing that great of a job, or go out dancing some time without her. If you let things continue how they are, Sabrina is going to "cock block" every single guy that you want to be with (http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=cock+block). Sorry for using that term, but I couldn't think of anything else that would get the point across better.

I thank you for correcting me and I feel much better about things. You seem like a really intelligent person and I'm sure you'll have a very successful future.

I'm having a hard time deciding what I would be good at. I don't have many skills or anything that I'm interested in. I've considered majoring in hotel management to become a hotel manager [because I've lived around them forever], but I hear that that is a really stressful job.

If you major in one thing, but end up hating the job that relates to it, what do you do? How do you find a job you love after you graduate from college if it doesn't relate to your major?

Just as long as you get a degree, it matters very little what you actually majored in. If you want to get into something, like teaching, that basically requires you to have a degree in it, you can always just go back to school. It's not that hard to do. Lots and lots of people do it. I wouldn't worry too much about it right now. Once you get through a year or two of college, you'll have a better idea of what you want to do and should have enough time to switch majors and get through with an extra semester if you work hard, a year at most. You'll also have lots of career services and counselors at your disposal that can help you out immensely. Good luck!

ok so like im the kind of person where i dont always care what i look like just as long as im comfy. i mean sometimes i dress up a little. other wise its jeans and a tshirt or tank top and jacket or sweat shirt. like my hairs either in a pony tail or down with a clip. and i wear eye make up. so i honestly dont really care what i look like. but i know guys do. and i mean im pretty. a little. im not ugly but im not gawgeous. so like i dont know is this bad or? and is it a major turn off for guys?

Guys in high school are usually just experiementing. They're nervous and scared so they try to date girls that they deem as "easy". Not easy as in a total slut, but a girl that is unlikely to reject him. The way you dress doesn't make you seem very easy. There are lots of guys out there that think you're attractive, but many of them won't try anything because they figure you're not interested. This can be positive or negative. You won't get guys all over you that just want to get in your pants. Any guys that show interest in you will likely be genuinely interested. The downfall to all of this is what happened to me. I was much like you in school minus the makeup. In high school, guys want to play around and try things out. When they get older, they want to find longer lasting relationships with girls like you. No guys ever showed any interest until I was 18. I had no idea what to do, I was so behind. I am happy with where I ended up relationshipwise, but sometimes I wish that I had experiemented a little when I was younger instead of being so smart. I got lucky and the guy I ended up with was very patient with me. I knew nothing about relationships and he put up with it. A lot of guys, no matter how much they like you won't do that for you. So, yeah, it's perfectly okay to dress comfortably if that's who you are. If you do choose to do that though, you're going to have to be a little more outgoing when it comes to guys, something I didn't do. You're different from other girls so you have to go about this differently too. If you're interested in someone you're going to have to let them know. If you don't, you could have a difficult time with relationships in the future. Good luck. :)

22/f

Ok my best friend Sabrina and I love to go dancing. and we have to drive an hour out of way to do so. It is one thing we love to do to cut loose. The thing is I don’t really know how to dance “with guys“. But I know how to keep rhythm and a beat. I cant stand being out on the dance floor and others that cant follow a simple beat. Well Sabrina can dance. She is 36 and she knows how to really dance like up against guys and stuff. Well she has a way that she always manages to get the guys that CAN dance. And me I keep getting stuck with the guys telling me I can really dance but cant move to a beat to save their life. It really drives me nuts. We have a friend (Brett) that we see there and they are sort of like dance partners. We all have a lot of fun I and I have told Sabrina that I feel like a third wheel when they are dancing like the way they do. And me I would love to be able to dance like that but scared that the other person will get the wrong idea that there is something more then dancing. But… I have started to like Brett because we have a lot in common and he is a lot of fun. But since he is mostly dances with Sabrina I think he has a thing for her. And he is about my age. and I have discussed this with Sabrina afterwards and she tells me I shouldn’t be envious because she feels nothing for him since she is happily married and no problem dancing with others. because it is just a dance. When Sabrina is not dancing Brett and I don’t dance like they do but really let loose. I think it fun to try to keep up with him because he can really dance and likes to make me laugh by doing something silly. And she also told me he just doesn’t really know how to read me on how I would react if he tried to make a move. How can I show that I have an interest without seeming too forward because I am not really forward at all? Oh and plus we wont see him till the end of next month so any suggestions would be great because I have the time to work up to them. Thanks I really appreciate ANYTHING anyone has to say.

Sabrina is your best friend. You should be able to talk to her about this especially since you're 22 years old. If you were younger I might suggest something else, but if you're going to get anywhere in the world you're going to have to be able to talk to people. Tell Sabrina that you're interested in Brett. I'm sure that she'll be more than willing back off of him the next time you go dancing especially since she isn't interested in him at all. It's not going to ruin her night, it might even make it even more fun for her to know that she helped out. If she doesn't, excuse my language, but she's a really shitty friend.

You say you don't want to seem too forward. Everyone around you is dancing. You dancing with him is not going to seem too forward unless you do something else to make it too forward. Asking for his number, riding home with him, touching him inappropriately...that would be too forward. Just dancing with him isn't forward at all.

Talking with Sabrina about your feelings for Brett may be a little awkward and uncomfortable. Again though, you're going to have to suck it up and get used to it. Things are going to get harder and harder for you if you can't. You'll never get what you want in any area of your life. Stuff like this should be really easy for you to do by now. If I sound mean, I'm sorry. It's just that I was much like you a few years back and I hated myself. I blamed it all on being shy and introverted, but that's no excuse. I didn't stick up for myself in any situations. There's a difference from being shy and being a pushover. I got walked all over and I never got anywhere with anyone. I'm still shy and introverted, however, I can now hold my own socially. The world is a social place. If you want a job in a few years, you're going to have to join the world pretty soon. You deserve certain things in your life. You'll never get any of it if you can't learn to get through awkward, uncomfortable situations. Just go out and do this. You'll feel really good about yourself after you do. It will be so exhiliarating, I would know. Again, I'm sorry if you take all this the wrong way. I just think that it was something you needed to hear and it was the best way to get things across and help you. If everything is spoonfed to you you'll never see a reason to change how you operate. The only reason I got out of the shell I had built around myself was that someone cared enough about me to yell at me and tell me how ridiculous I was being and how I would never get anywhere if I kept acting the way I was. That was one of the best things that ever happened to me. The best of luck to you and one more time, I'm sorry if I offended you, that was not my intention at all.

I feel incredibly suicidal, and I am so close I can taste it. I can't TELL anyone. HELP ME PLEASE.

May I ask why?

Since you are here asking for help, it doesn't seem like you really want to do this. You know that there is so much for you to live for even though life may be tough right now. It's not as tough as you are. Call a hotline and remember that there are so many people out there that care a lot about you. Even complete strangers care about you enough to try to help. If I found out that you went through with this I would cry and I don't even know who you are. I think that proves that the world isn't such a bad place.

The people at these numbers are professionals and they'll be able to help you the most. Much more than I, or others on this website can. It's completely confidential, so no worries. Good luck.

Suicide & Crisis Hotline
1-800-999-9999

Suicide Hotline - (National Adolescent)
800-621-4000

Suicide Prevention - The Trevor HelpLine - (Specializing in gay and lesbian youth suicide prevention).
1-800-850-8078

If you want to find a different one, here's the website where I got the numbers from.

http://www.coolnurse.com/hotline.htm

how do you know if you are seriously depressed..being unhappy is a reoccuring thing for me, and i mean really unhappy. its getting to the point that i wanna run away and just be somewhere completely different. no worries and no hurt. i feel like i have nothing but occasional faith. and thats not enough..

The only way to know for sure would be to see a doctor. Before you go you can look at a list of symptoms to see where you think you stand.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clinical_depression#Symptoms
Please do not use this to self-diagnose. You really do need to see a doctor if, after reading that, you still believe you may be clinically depressed. Self-diagnosises are usually very far off.

Everyone gets depressed at some point or another in their lives. I have for sure and, not to say I understand what you are feeling, because frankly, nobody can, but I've had feelings similar to what you described. The thing is, thinking like that isn't going to get you anywhere, it's just going to make you feel worse. Thinking that you can just leave and find a happy place to live is very unrealistic. No matter where you go or how much you try to run away from things they'll still be there. Find a realistic way to deal with your problems that is actually going to work. Things aren't hopeless for you if you work for them not to be.

My advice: First, you should see a doctor to find out if you do have a diagnosable problem. If you do, you can get help for it. You'll go on and have a very happy, completely not depressing future. If you don't have a diagnosable problem, you can still get help. There are lots of support groups out there, not to mention friends and family if you reach out to them like you did to us.

Life isn't so bad. It's a constant struggle, but if you have the right attitude you can make it fun. Good luck! :)

So I've heard that it is healthy to put mayonaise in your hair, let it soak for a little and then wash it out. Could you tell me if this is true or am I just being tricked? Will it like bleach my hair?

I can't imagine why anybody would do that even if it did do some good. You're not being tricked per se, but it's not going to help enough to make it worth it. It's not going to bleach your hair, but it's going to make it really greasy. Know what mayo is? It's basically fat. So, imagine rubbing a big fatty pork chop in your hair. It'll make your hair shiny for sure (from GREASE, ick!) and give it some nutrients and stuff maybe, but why, oh why, would you do it? I'm sure you have really nice hair that doesn't need help. Just take a look at your hair in the mirror. It looks great, doesn't it? If you put mayo in your hair nobody's going to notice a difference but you. Please don't do it. It's so ridiculous.

right this is guna sound weird but do you realy like some one then start seeing them then you love them??? and what is love??? please help me out

Love is different to everyone. Trying to explain love is like trying to explain frustration. You can't. It's a feeling. A reaction. Everyone reacts differently. The one thing you should keep in mind is that love isn't permanant and can be applied just to certain acts. You can love a particular act. I love it when my boyfriend smiles. I love my boyfriend when he tells me how beautiful I look. That doesn't mean that I love him. I just feel love from some of the things he does. That's why it's okay to tell someone that you love them even if you're not sure. Love is just a feeling. It can change. You can love someone one day and not love them at all the next. That shouldn't keep you from saying it if you think you really feel it. You don't keep from telling someone that you're frustrated with them just because you may not feel the same way later in the day. The same rules apply with love because love is in the same category. Actually loving a person takes a long time to develop. Many people mistake lust for love. Being attracted to someone isn't love. It can be part of love, but not the whole deal. Love is really complicated and you won't know that you love someone until after it happens. I know the exact moment I fell in love with my current boyfriend, but at the time I had no idea. It wasn't until about a year later that I was able to define it. The reason lots of adults say that teenagers are too young to love is because of love's complexity. Teens aren't intellectualy, emotionally, or physically mature enough to understand love. A teenager's brain just isn't developed enough. Even so, teens can still feel love. So, it's okay to be confused about it. Everybody teen is. A lot of adults can't even understand it. The thing is, knowing what love is or that you're in it isn't important. Once you know, nothing changes. Just be grateful for what you have, whatever it may be. :)

i'm 15/f. this guy likes me. but i'm really awkward and shy. he wants to makeout and all kind of stuff, but i don't know how.. AT ALL! when he says "i love you" on the internet, what do i say? what about when he says it in person? when he says "you're really hott!!" what do i say? [on internet & person] he's been with tonnnnsssss of girls before, so yeah.

He does not love you. He doesn't even like you. The reason he has been with tons of girls is because he is a sweettalker and a player. He knows exactly what to say to get what he wants, which is in your pants. Don't make out with him or do anything else. You're smarter than that. That's why you're scared. If you do anything with him you'll definitely regret it. When he tells you that he loves you or that you're hot, tell him to leave you alone. I'm assuming that you've never been kissed before. You want your first time to be special. With him, it's going to be far from that. Don't skip the whole first step. Try to find a guy that really genuinely cares about you and will actually date you for awhile before you kiss. When you find that guy, you won't be worried about not knowing how. It'll just happen and it'll be great. Good luck. :)

hey my body is all the same colour but like my feet is literally 5 times darker! ONLY! It's my grad thsi year and I'll be happy in a dress looking nice with my fair coloured skin then then you can see like brown coloured feet! And it's not dirty because I wash my feet all the time and I scrubed it with soap and it didn't get any lighter!

You are your biggest critic. You'll look amazing in your dress. Nobody's going to be paying much attention to your feet. Even if someone does notice, they won't care. Plus, it's much better than having really light colored feet as from a sock tan right? Yeah, that's the problem I had. To my surprise, nobody ever said anything. All I got was compliments about how good I looked. If you're looking for some type of solution, try tanning. It could help blend the colors a little, but really, it's not necessary. You'll still look really great. Good luck! :)

<<< Previous Advice Column

Next Advice Column >>>