about

Hi I'm Dee. I'm 23 and married. I've worked in health care as well as office settings but am now a home-maker. I'm knowledgeable in a variety of subjects but don't mind doing a little research if asked about something I don't know about. Most of my friends come to me for advice. I read several advice columns and would like to help you also.

I'm not judgemental. Your life is yours to live it as you choose. I believe asking for advice is good, but ultimately the choice is yours. You WILL NOT find a hurtful or smartass answer here.

If you have a question that you would like to keep private, you can email me and I'll get back to you as soon as possible.

advice

Alright, I'm 16 and I have been dating my bf for about 2 and 1/2 weeks. Everything has been going pretty good. I feel like I've known him forever and we are falling head over heels for eachother. His family loves me and my family loves him. It's been perfect. But it seems that everytime we hang out little things bug me about him. Like his friends for example. Most of them play girls and he acts a little different around me when they are with him. Another thing I don't care for is that he can be pretty insensitive about my feelings and is pushy about things. He says and does things and doesn't think about how it might be taken the wrong way. Like yesterday my twin sister pissed him off so he kiddingly yelled at her and then when she said a sarcastic comment back he went over to her, turned her over, and started punching and slapping her ass real hard. And I found it extremely weird and inappropriate because whenever I think of someone grabbing, slapping, or punching someones ass its usually someone they are into, because he does the same thing when we play fight. So it totally disgusted and pissed me off. When he did that it made me offended and mad. My last bf would walk by girls at the mall when I was with him and smack their ass but I never said anything about how it annoyed and upset me because I figured that if I let out how I felt that it might screw things up. Even today we got in a sort of fight over the way things were going between us. As in how fast we were moving physically. It is always me who intiates these small skirmishes and that's what worries me. Most of the issues I have with him happen because I have been through alot of shit with guys in the past and I try to protect myself by not putting up with shit. I just don't want to be the person that fights about shit all the time and feels like an overreacter. But I know that if I keep things to myself that it will end up building up and building up and the issues will never get solved. So is there any way that I can relieve these issues without feeling like I might be causing my relationship to self-destruct?

It's completely understandable that you would use past experiences to judge present situations. Everyone does that.

There's nothing wrong with letting your significant other know if you think something is inappropriate or offends you as long as you do it with tact and without sounding like you're accusing. It's not good to hold on to your feelings. They will just continue to fester inside until you can't hold them in anymore. By that time, it's usually too late to fix the problem that originally started it.

A couple things I noticed that might make you want to reconsider this relationship.

1) He's insensitive of your feelings. Do you really want to be with someone who doesn't care how you feel?

2) He's pushy. Relationships are about compromise. He should not control your life.

3) He slaps and punches. Even though these are to your ass, I would be wary of this. It seems to me that he tends to take things out with his hands. I would worry that the next time might be my face.

I'm not trying to turn you away from your boyfriend but I was in an abusive relationship once and can usually spot the signs. From what you've said, you have three signs in your relationship. I'd rather see you get pissed at me than get hurt because you didn't realize what may be coming.

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if i drank chicken broth and for dinner had like 300 cals and worked out everyday could would I lose 20-30 pounds by september 1st? I rate high

You probably could if you were determined enough but it wouldn't be healthy for your body. If you try to lose weight too fast, your body will think it's being starved and will start storing fat instead of burning it. A more healthy weight loss goal is 2 pounds a week. If you need help on setting up a balanced diet, just let me know.

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so the other day me and my boyfriend were alone at his house and he wanted to fool around. we have done it MANY times before but i just didnt feel like it so i told him i didnt feel like it. he got really weird and pissed off and it made me feel like i had to fool around with him. so we were weird for like a few hours until later at the park we finally fooled around and things were fine. i dont want to do it nemore ever. maybe every once in a while. i feel like i have to tho. we talk about everything usually and we have a really awesome relationship most of the time. we really love eachother. all he kept saying is he doesnt see why i dont wanna do it and i said "cuz i dont want to". if he really loves me should i need a reason? he said we will stop but i feel bad for it and hes mad and weird about it. i hate it. what do i do.

No you should not need a reason. If he truly loves you, he will wait until you're ready. If he continues to push the issue or get mad if you don't say yes, I'd suggest moving on since it seems to me that he's just trying to get into your pants.

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I was wondering is there anyone out there who has ever gotten pregnant while on birth control..see im wondering if my birth control is even working right for me because the past 2 months i had my period for 2 weeks instead of one and this week i missed the first week now im scared that im pregnant !! Help!!!

Yes it is possible to get pregnant while on the pill. The chance is small though, only about 5% with typical use (meaning you generally take it correctly but from time to time forget it) and less than 1% if you take it daily like you're supposed to.

How long have you been on the pill? If you just went on it, sometimes it takes a few cycles before your period settles down to a regular schedule.

Do you have any other symptoms of pregnancy? Breast tenderness, frequent need to pee, feeling more tired than normal, more emotional than usual, nausea (doesn't always hit just in the mornings), and darkening of your nipples are all signs.

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I was wondering where you get the code for falling stars or hearts like in this myspace layout.

http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=20178753&Mytoken=20050705123724

I will rate 5's for reasonable advice.

This site will generate the html code for them.

http://fallingobject.myspacehtml.net/

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i was wondering, how many avacadoes i should put in my hair (medium length) and for how long?

~thanks in advance

I'm not sure exactly which home remedy you're using for your hair but maybe these recipes will help.

Tropical Island Conditioner

Ingredients
1 avocado
Coconut milk

Directions:
Peel and pit avocado. Mash avocado and slowly add coconut milk until smooth and the consistency of hair conditioner. Work through hair to ends. Rinse after 15 minutes and shampoo.

Avocado Deep Conditioner

Ingredients
1 small jar of mayonnaise
1/2 avocado

Directions
Peel avocado and remove pit. Mix all ingredients in a medium-sized bowl with your hands until it's a consistent green color. Smooth into hair being careful to work it to the ends. Use shower cap or plastic wrap to seal body heat in. Leave on hair for 20 minutes. For deeper conditioning wrap a hot, damp towel around your head over the plastic, or use a hair dryer set to a low to medium heat setting.

You can find other natural hair care remedies at the following site.
http://www.longlocks.com/hair-care-recipes-cookbook.htm






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Hey Im 17/and female and have been asked out on what i would call my offical 1st date. My problem is how do i go about asking my parents if i can go? I haven't known this guy long but want to get to know him and see if its something that is going to last before i introduce him to my parents. But my parents are the type who want to meet everyone i have interest in! Guys have often came over and my parents did't really mind. But this is an official date of hanging out all day. And not to mention he is a sweet nice Hispanic and i am white. So this poses as a problem for me. 1. How do i go about asking if i can go and 2. how do i tell them he is hispanic.
Thanks for any advice you can give!

Congrats on being asked out on your first date.

The best way to do it would be to tell them you've met someone new that you're interested in and he's asked you out on a date. Tell them that you want to be sure that the relationship is going to go somewhere before you bring him over to meet them. Besides, you don't want to scare him off. Remind your parents that meeting the parents for the first time can sometimes be quite scary. They were your age once and went through the trials of dating. They will remember.

Unless your parents are prejudiced, there shouldn't be a problem with him being Hispanic. Tell your parents that he's Hispanic and let them know that you understand the issues that may come from dating him. Parents may try to protect you from being hurt, but by you telling them up front that you understand the issues will make them a little more comfortable.

I hope this helps. Good luck and have fun.

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I was wondering if you guys could recommend anything for getting rid of dry skin, oily skin, and acne.

An oatmeal soap will help with all those problems without you having to buy a load of products. You can buy a bar for under $5. The oatmeal will gently exfoliate your skin, getting rid of the dry, dead skin. The oatmeal will also help dry up the oil, which in turn will help clear up the acne.

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are saltine crackers and pretzals really healthy for you?? or are they just as bad as chips?

Unless you're watching your salt intake, they're pretty healthy and low calorie.

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okay well; my boyfriend is.. over 8 inches. he's 17 and i'm 15. (.. he just turned 17) he was my first and we've only had sex twice.. (after over 6 months of dating.) and the first time wasn't so painful i guess.. but the second was a bitch. i'm not loose enough for him.. and he's not even going rough at all.. he's just way too big for me that the second time i had to make him stop. any help on this? i really want to pleasure him and myself.. but it just hurts really badly every time.

It helps if you go very slow. Making sure to take time for foreplay and time to get you lubricated will help too. Have him use his fingers to stretch you a little during foreplay. Make sure you're relaxed; take a soothing bath before if necessary. A position that allows you to control how deep he goes will help also. Try the cowgirl (woman-on-top or riding) position.

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im gonna be a junior in high school and my boyfriends gonna be a freshman in college.. everyone breaks up before college because its supposed to be some big party n all that bs..i really love him and i really trust him. he says he would never cheat on me and he wants to be serious about school instead of partying all the time.. i wanna believe him, because if i dont we'll break up and i could lose him forever..any ideas or advice? :/ thanks

Not everyone that goes to college parties and cheats. I was engaged while I was in college and since I lived in the dorm, my fiance lived 4 hours away from me. While I did party a little, 95% of my time was focused on my studies. And I never cheated once, not even when I had offers.

Since you trust him and it seems to me that he's more focused on studies, I would just continue your relationship as it is.

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how often can i go to indoor tanning salons? what's the most often i can go?

You can go daily but no more often than that. A lot depends on how fair-skinned you are. The salon I used to tan at wouldn't let me tan over a certain amount of time or more than twice a week since I'm really fair-skinned.

Every other day is best. If you went tonight, I would suggest waiting until at least tomorrow afternoon before going again.

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Hey, I was wondering if the ab lounge on TV really works, and how much does it cost? Thanks.

Yes it does work. I have a friend who buys just about every new exercise thing that comes out. Walmart has them for under $100.

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Today I accidently deleted an Intel PROset driver on my Dell computer. It was a complete accident and now I have no idea how to fix it. Can anyone possibly help me? If you need my AIM sn to further talk to me, just ask.

If you have the install disk that came it, you should be able to reinstall the drivers from the disk.

If you do not have the disk, you should be able to download the driver at the following link and reinstall it.

http://www.intel.com/support/wireless/wlan/sb/CS-010623.htm

Hope that helps.

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i dont know what i'm suppose to call my sister in laws parents.. i mean i dont if i call them be mrs and mr.... or by first name?

It's usually best to ask them what they prefer. Even though they're now "family" they make take offense to you calling them by their first name.

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I weigh 130 pounds and im 5"4...im looking to loose 7-10 pounds in the next 2 weeks (if its possible) HEALTHILY. Any tips? Also do you know of any yummy quick and easy snacks I can make and keep in the fridge to heat up or something? Help is appreciated =)

You can lose 7-10 pounds in 2 weeks but it's not really healthy to. A healthier weight loss goal would be 2 pounds a week.

Drinking lots of water will help flush your system of water weight.

Plain popcorn sprinkled with low-fat parmesan cheese.

Cottage cheese and peaches.

Celery sticks spread with peanut butter.

Salsa and tortilla chips.

Tortilla Bites
Ingredients:
Four (8 inch) fat-free tortillas, cut into quarters
One medium onion, grated
One (16 ounce) can black beans, drained
One (8 ounce) jar chunky salsa
Fat-free sour cream (optional)
Chopped fresh cilantro (optional)
Directions:
Preheat the oven to 350-degrees. Spray 16 muffin cups with nonstick cooking spray. Fit one tortilla quarter in each muffin cup. Layer the onion, black beans and salsa in the prepared muffin cups. Bake for eight to ten minutes or until heated through. Garnish with sour cream and cilantro. Serve immediately.

Recipe makes four servings.

Nutrition information per serving:
Calories: 56
Fat: 1g

Sugar And Spice Snack Mix

Ingredients:
3 cups lightly sweetened toasted oat squares cereal
3 cups miniature no-salt-added pretzels
2 tablespoons acceptable margarine, melted
1 tablespoon firmly packed brown sugar
1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1-cup miniature marshmallows or dried fruit bits
Directions:
Preheat oven to 325-degrees. In a large plastic bag with a tight-fitting seal, combine oat squares and pretzels. In a small bowl, stir together melted margarine, brown sugar and cinnamon. Pour over cereal mixture. Seal bag and gently shake mixture until well coated. Transfer to a baking sheet. Bake, uncovered, for 25 minutes, stirring once or twice. Spread mixture onto paper towels to cool. Add marshmallows or fruit and stir to mix. Store at room temperature in an airtight container for up to two weeks.
Microwave Method:
Prepare recipe as directed above except place cereal mixture in a microwave-safe bowl or casserole dish. Microwave on 100% power (high) for three minutes,stirring every minute.

Recipe makes about 14 servings.

Nutrition information per serving (1/2 cup):
Calories: 107
Fat: 3g

Parmesan Oven Fries

Ingredients:
Four large baking potatoes, peeled (about 2 pounds)
1/2 teaspoon dried whole thyme
1/2 teaspoon freshly ground pepper
1 tablespoon extra-virgin olive oil vegetable cooking spray
1/4 cup finely grated fresh Parmesan cheese
1/2 teaspoon salt
Directions:
Cut each potato into three pieces and then into strips. Pat wedges dry with paper towels and place in a bowl. Add thyme and pepper and toss well. Drizzle oil over wedges, tossing well to coat. Arrange in a single layer on a baking sheet coated with cooking spray. Bake at 450-degrees for 30 minutes. Sprinkle cheese and salt evenly over wedges. Bake an additional ten minutes or until tender and browned. Serve warm.

Recipe makes six servings.

Nutrition information per serving:
Calories: 153
Fat: 3.7g

Pizza Bread Sticks

Ingredients:
12 breadsticks
1-1/2 tablespoons low-sodium tomato paste
1 tablespoon water
1/2 teaspoon olive oil
1/4 teaspoon pepper
1/2 teaspoon basil, dried
1/2 teaspoon oregano
1/2 teaspoon chili (optional or use less)
3 tablespoons mozzarella cheese, part skim, grated
Directions:
Heat oven to 300-degrees. Place bread sticks about an inch apart on a baking sheet, foil lined and lightly sprayed with veggie oil In a bowl mix tomatoe paste, water, oil, chili (if using) and pepper, mix well. Brush the tops of the bread sticks with this mixture. Sprinkle the sticks with the oregano, basil and mozzarella cheese. Bake bread sticks until heated through three to five minutes and the cheese has melted Cool one minute and serve warm.

Recipe makes 12 breadsticks.

Nutrition information per serving:
Calories: 2
Fat: 0.2g

Pizza Popcorn

Ingredients:
1/3 cup butter
1/3 cup popping corn
1 tablespoon pizza seasoning
1/2 cup grated Parmesan cheese
Directions:
Place butter and popping corn in a large covered saucepan or wok and cook over a high heat, shaking vigorously for approximately two minutes, or until all corn has popped. Sprinkle with seasoning and cheese. Portion into paper cones or bags and serve immediately.

Recipe makes two-cups.

Nutrition information per 1/2-cup serving:
Calories: 58
Fat: 4.0g

South-Of-The-Border Nachos

Ingredients:
Nonstick cooking spray
3/4 cup chopped onion
Two jalapeno peppers, seeded, chopped
Three cloves garlic, finely chopped
2 teaspoons chili powder
1/2 teaspoon ground cumin
One boneless skinless chicken breast (about 6 ounces)
1 can (14-1/2 ounces) mexican-style diced tomatoes, drained
1 cup (4 ounces) shredded reduced fat Monterey Jack cheese
2 tablespoons black olives, chopped
4 ounces low fat tortilla chips
Directions:
Preheat oven to 350-degrees. Place chips on 13 x 9-inch baking pan. Spray large nonstick skillet with cooking spray. Heat over medium heat until hot. Add onion, peppers, garlic, chili powder and cumin. Cook and stir five minutes or until vegetables are tender. Stir in chicken and tomatoes. Spoon tomato mixture, cheese and olives over chips. Bake five minutes or until cheese melts.

Recipe makes four servings.

Nutrition information per serving:
Calories: 69
Fat: 1g

These should get you started. You can do a google for more low-fat recipes. I hope this helps.

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Hello,

First off - I am appauled that there is no reading or literature category. If you feel you need to put in "Home Decorating" then you should put in "Literature" - the few of us cultured folk have questions too.

I went to my local book store seeking a copy of the books - Ishmael by Daniel Quinn and Cats Cradle by Kurt Vonnegurt Jr. (not positive on the spelling of Vonnegurt)

The books all together were something like $40 - which is a tad above my budget for reading material at the moment. I was wondering if anyone knew of some site online (not an ebay kind of thing - something more focused on consumer happiness than general profit) where I could maybe find a less expensive used copy of each.

Im aware I can use Amazon or something like that - but i'd prefer something different. Please only post something that you have used, or know someone has used and walked away satisfied.

I appreciate the help folks.

Just so you know Amazon does have both books for just a little over $20 together. Barnes & Noble also carries the book for around the same price.

Are you aware that there is a sequel to Ishmael? It's called My Ishmael.

If you go to http://www.booksense.com and enter your zip code to find bookstores within a 100 mile radius that carries books that you are looking for. I often use it to save myself the trouble of calling each individual bookstore.

http://www.abooksearch.com/ is another good site you might try. You can search for the books and make arrangements with the booksellers to mail the item to you. I took the liberty of looking for you and found that they do have both books and you can get them both for under $20 including shipping. I use this site occasionally when I can't find a copy of a book nearby.

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I have a lot of pimples, and lets just say i shouldnt at my age! how do i get rid of them? I ALREADY TRIED BUYING PRODUCTS

Drink plenty of water to help keep your skin hydrated and flush your system of impurities.

Eat plenty of fruits and vegetables. These are naturally antioxidants which will help keep your skin clear and healthy.

Avoid fatty or fried foods at all costs. These have a tendency to bring on and even prolong breakouts.

Avoid makeup if you can since this clogs pores and causes more breakouts.

I agree with the others that you should consult your doctor or a dermatologist. If over the counter products aren't working, they can prescribe stronger, specially formulated cleansers, etc that should help.

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My husband is the eldest, has three sisters. His mom is an only child, his father has several sibs. My husband and I both graduated college in four years, both work full-time, have been married 20 years, have two teenage children -- the only grandchildren -- and own a home and two breaking down vehicles. We consider ourselves middle class. We rarely go on vacation and when we do, it's usually to visit family and brief due to work and children's event scheduling. My husband's sisters have all graduated college eventually, taking 5 to 7 years, and have returned for schooling at various times, which their parents have always paid for. Two of them are married, only one of them works, the third works part-time and is getting married soon. All three of these girls continue to have mom and dad finance anything from vacations to dental work to their dog's surgery. We recently learned that my in-laws have been paying insurance, both medical and car, at various times for years for two of these adult women. When there is a plumbing problem, a car repair or a big vacation, these ladies have been going to mom and dad for financial support and receiving it.

When we have borrowed money, on two occasions in the past 20 years, we have offered to pay it back and been refused. But we never have asked for anything further and have not received anything further, either. We have had many emergencies that we could have used help with but figured it was our responsibility and not anyone else's -- we did not know that our "upper class" parents had been funding "the girls" in every little thing for years.

Recently talk has centered about their will and one of sis-in-laws was named the executor. This is fine, although a bit of a concern since she has financially never stood on her own two feet. We have been asked to name any property of theirs that we would like and I requested only one thing, a used but not antique nor family heirloom piano, and this is for my daughter who is quite the musician -- none of my sis-in-laws play any instruments nor do they have any children not even stepchildren. This one request was refused because one sister had already requested the piano. Obviously she must be planning to get a bigger house with her inheritance because there is no room in her current dwelling for anything that big.

Well, this has upset my husband to no end because he now is convinced that all those years we went on day trips and his sisters went on cruises and spent a lot of time on Caribbean islands that this was funded directly or indirectly (since they aren't responsible for themselves) by his parents. The parents have always made a big deal about having the same amount of presents under the tree for everyone, etc., but now are saying that their property will be divided four ways -- with nothing noted for their only grandchildren. This seems unfair to me on so many levels, especially in light that the sisters have long time been the recipients of uneven gifts of money and support for years, more than a decade after they had moved out of the house.

We are wondering what we did to deserve this. There has been no animosity, never any disagreements. I really wouldn't care except now my husband is very hurt and becoming a little paranoid about the fact that his sisters get their credit cards paid off by his parents while we paid ours off ourselves all these years even when it involved hospital bills for our children or other expenses.

Recently we discovered that one sis had complained to her parents about gifts they had given us ($25 checks) on our wedding anniversaries and for father's and mother's days and so now I guess mom is sending each of the girls something on those occasions to be equal. Yet we have always bought gifts for the parents on these occasions and the girls typically just send them cards only.

I don't want it to sound like I am being petty and greedy, but it does sort of come down to this. We thought we had a great relationship with my in-laws and now it feels like they have been favoring the girls over their son and will continue to do so. I doubt my husband wishes to consult an attorney or anything that might damage his relationship with his family, but he is very hurt and we don't know how to express this to his parents. They are in their 70s and both are very smart and active; we hope they live another 20 years!

Ultimately it's up to your husband's parents to decide how they want their money divided up. I think your husband, not you, should talk to his parents about this. He should let them know up front it's not about someone getting more or less from them, just that he's concerned that their constant gift-giving may put a strain on their own finances.

He should also mention the fact that since they constantly bail his sisters out, they are not teaching these girls to stand on their own feet, something they will need to know how to do when the parents are gone. I think the best gift a parent can give a child is independence and the ability to stand on their own two feet.

I know it seems hard seeing all the money flying out the window to the sisters, but you have to realize that they probably think since you and your husband are self-sufficient that you do not need the money as much as the sisters do. I think a lot of it also has to do with society's perception of women as people that have to have things taken care of.

The issue with your husband being the oldest may also be coming into play here. My husband is the baby and while he isn't the recipient of money, we are the recipient of an overload of advice. His parents seem to think that since he's the baby, even though he's 42, he needs constant attention on how he should do things. His older brother does not get this.

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okay my ex boyfriend (my first love) broke up with me about a month ago! supposably he doesnt like me any more. But every time i dont see him for about a day or two he is always flirting with me like grabbing my butt, asking me to sit on his lap, hugging me, and/or cuddling with me. Every one says to give him time he likes you he just wants to see if your the one so let him date other people and he WILL come back to you. i dont know if he is trying to get me back by this or what he tells everyone that he dont like me but everyone tells me that by the way he acts around me and the way he gives me special treatment! i dont know please help me

It seems to me that he can't make up his mind. Rather than wait on him to decide what he's going to do, if he ever does, I would move on. Maybe once he sees that you're not going to wait around, he'll make up his mind whether he wants to be with you or not. Personally, I would kick him to the curb. I don't like being played and that's what it looks like to me.

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