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BF Problems! Help me please!
Alright, I'm 16 and I have been dating my bf for about 2 and 1/2 weeks. Everything has been going pretty good. I feel like I've known him forever and we are falling head over heels for eachother. His family loves me and my family loves him. It's been perfect. But it seems that everytime we hang out little things bug me about him. Like his friends for example. Most of them play girls and he acts a little different around me when they are with him. Another thing I don't care for is that he can be pretty insensitive about my feelings and is pushy about things. He says and does things and doesn't think about how it might be taken the wrong way. Like yesterday my twin sister pissed him off so he kiddingly yelled at her and then when she said a sarcastic comment back he went over to her, turned her over, and started punching and slapping her ass real hard. And I found it extremely weird and inappropriate because whenever I think of someone grabbing, slapping, or punching someones ass its usually someone they are into, because he does the same thing when we play fight. So it totally disgusted and pissed me off. When he did that it made me offended and mad. My last bf would walk by girls at the mall when I was with him and smack their ass but I never said anything about how it annoyed and upset me because I figured that if I let out how I felt that it might screw things up. Even today we got in a sort of fight over the way things were going between us. As in how fast we were moving physically. It is always me who intiates these small skirmishes and that's what worries me. Most of the issues I have with him happen because I have been through alot of shit with guys in the past and I try to protect myself by not putting up with shit. I just don't want to be the person that fights about shit all the time and feels like an overreacter. But I know that if I keep things to myself that it will end up building up and building up and the issues will never get solved. So is there any way that I can relieve these issues without feeling like I might be causing my relationship to self-destruct?
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
First thing, guys are guys. Most guys act differently around their guy friends than their girlfriends. It's just how it is sometimes. Secondly, because guys are guys, they can often say things in ways that could be taken the wrong way and don't really care/don't think about the consiquences. So for that all I can ask is do you think he means for it to hurt you or affect you like it does? Is he saying it that way because he knows it can be mistaken and he wants that? Make a decision about his intentions because they are so much more important than anything he actually says. Third, he's probably just being a guy (again) with your sister. Maybe twins turn him on...I don't know. Anyway just tell him to quit being an ass and either be exclusive with you and quit touching other girls or just leave. I know you don't wanna mess up yalls relationship, but its really not a good relationship in the first place if he doesn't respect you enough to quit actin horney all the time with other girls...anyway...hope I helped and best of luck!!
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if he does this stuff to bother you and your having doubts then you need to talk to him. if he gets mad. then its not a good relationship. if he cares for you then hell understand ... guys who flirt to much can become bad news if they dont think that what they are doing is bad. sit him down and tell him . if it doesnt go well then umm you kno what you can do ..
<33
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Don't fight about it anymore. Sit him down and say listen I like you but this is how I expect mu boyfriend to act and this is how I expect to be treated...go through the list. If he isn't willing to abide by it then send him packing. You will not be happy with things if they continue as they have been. He is being very disrespectful. Good luck. :)
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17yr. old male's answer:
First of all, I second ncblondie's advice about abusive relations. They're right...
I think you should be careful with the boy. It sounds mean, but if most of his friends are players, then there's a big chance that he's also into it. Guys like that can often pull off being very genuine, but sometimes slip up, or act differently around their friends. You said there are little things about him that bug you when you hang out. Maybe they're not as innocent as they seem, but I don't know what they all are, so I can't talk about any others. Being insensitive about your feelings is NOT O.K.! Some girls would be out of a relationship at the first sight of that, but it can sometimes be just superficial misunderstanding. Most of the time, it's bad news.
Being pushy isn't good either. You said later in your question "Even today we got in a sort of fight over the way things were going between us. As in how fast we were moving physically" I could be assuming completely wrongly here, but my guess is that he's trying to push the relationship along, and you don't like it, or (less likely) it's not going anywhere, and he wants it to. If it's the first one, I'd start getting VERY suspicious that he's just a player. Until you've sorted things out properly, I'd definitely freeze him out of serious physical contact (You've only been together a few weeks, remember).
You've already gotten blondie's advice with respect to the physical nature of his behaviour, but as you said, when he did it to your sister... that was out of line. Waaaaaaaay out of line. That's grounds for shooting, or at least breaking up with him, and I think you've been too soft on him not to just blow up and storm off, and stop speaking to him for a week. He should be begging you to forgive him right now, because he needs to know what he did was wrong, and OUT OF THE QUESTION.
You said that it's always you who initiates the "small skirmishes". The old saying "it takes two to tango" applies, and you shouldn't always take full credit. If there's a problem there then he's got a fair share in it too, and he's probably done something to make you angry at him. Also, he might just be a wuss :) Some guys really don't like to fight, and unless you brought up the problems, they would just get worse. Even if it is always you, you've got a very good reason, because the guy needs to shape up.
I'm afraid to say that your last sentence, the real question, is the least solvable of everything. I think the only way your relationship can possibly get better is to go through self destruction, and come out gleaming white. I don't mean you should go out with the intention of destroying your relationship. You could probably succeed quite easily if you wanted out. I'm saying that the only way you'll ever be happy with the relationship is if you do something about it, and that means sorting your boy out! Because if you don't do it now, it will come up time and again.
I'm sorry, because I have to say I don't believe that your relationship is going to survive in the long run, but I think it's better that you test it before you get involved, because no matter how much you want it to be true, you'll probably get hurt if you don't. But there is always hope, and if he really is a good guy then your relationship will get a whole lot better.
Hope as always, that your guy is one of the good ones
-K
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your not comfortable with him. you are just NOT. that's not good AT ALL. you need to DEFINATLY get him straight he should never touch another girl, especially your twin sister! c'mon girl, you can't be that dumb!
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It's completely understandable that you would use past experiences to judge present situations. Everyone does that.
There's nothing wrong with letting your significant other know if you think something is inappropriate or offends you as long as you do it with tact and without sounding like you're accusing. It's not good to hold on to your feelings. They will just continue to fester inside until you can't hold them in anymore. By that time, it's usually too late to fix the problem that originally started it.
A couple things I noticed that might make you want to reconsider this relationship.
1) He's insensitive of your feelings. Do you really want to be with someone who doesn't care how you feel?
2) He's pushy. Relationships are about compromise. He should not control your life.
3) He slaps and punches. Even though these are to your ass, I would be wary of this. It seems to me that he tends to take things out with his hands. I would worry that the next time might be my face.
I'm not trying to turn you away from your boyfriend but I was in an abusive relationship once and can usually spot the signs. From what you've said, you have three signs in your relationship. I'd rather see you get pissed at me than get hurt because you didn't realize what may be coming.
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The only person that is coasing your relasionship to self-destruct id your bf. You know what? If I were you I would tell hom off good. But I think the best thing to do before you tell him off is ask him why he doing all of these things that turn you off. what you need to know is that you shouldn't stay with him because you feel guilty. If you don't feel right, don't force yourself. It is really late, so I can't go too deep.( too asleep) So I hope that helped, and remember, my inbox is always open. You don't have to rate if you don't want to, but it would be nice if you did. Thanks!
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there is a diifference between overreacting / self destruction and having valid reasons for being mad. your reasons for being mad are valid..
your right that keeping the issues inside of you will make it keep building up..so what you do is express your emotions to him next time he does something that annoys you. You also mentioned moving fast physically..well next time things get romantic if you know what i mean..stop it where you want it to stop. dont let it go further
the next time he annoys you like touches a girl or smacks her ass...anything like that..say something! you learned your lesson from the last bf you had (who sounds like a real asshole by the way) so you learned your lesson ..dont let it come back to get you again! life is beautiful because you take bad experiences and learn from them...and not let them get you again
i hope what i said helped..inbox me if you'd like
-melissa- :)
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