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My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.The one thing I will not do is you homework. I will try and point you towards the answer or help you find the answers you looking for. Ultimately you will have to find the answer yourself.
advice
its been a long process, i've went through a questioning period before but now i'm pretty certain. i just don't know how to tell my friends that are girls. or my boyfriend, whom i love with all my heart. i've been having sexual fantasies about my friends and i don't want them to think that i'm coming onto them or something. one of my ex friends did this, told me she was bi and then immediately asked me to go out with her. it scarred me and completely ruined the friendship. i've known these girls for years and don't want to fuck it up.
is there any way i can get rid of these urges, or at least tell them without scaring them off?
I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you may have received and may continue to receive from others.
If you are under 18 I would be hesitant to place a label on your sexuality. At this age both boys and girls are still trying to figure out their sexuality. To label yourself as a Lesbian or even bi-curious would not only be wrong but self defeating at this time. To even put this in the category of a phase that most young people go through would not be right either.
There are a number of reasons for sexual attraction to someone of our own sex at this age. First and foremost is the fact it is safer and easier to relieve the sexual tension brought on by the changing hormones your body is producing. Parents think nothing of two children of the same sex being behind closed doors, sleeping together, even in the same bed, particularly females.
I have known women that have been bi all through college, then gone straight heterosexual afterwards. Reason it was easier and sex was more available if you were bi; it was also safer.
My advice: Don’t put a label on your sexuality at this time. Just enjoy learning about who you are sexually. When you are older if you still want to put a label on your sexuality then do so, but for now just enjoy being you.
So i have a sister & my parents, whenever im on my period my mom and sister always piss me off, i tell them to dont make me mad when im on it but they say we wont! but they totaly do they dont understand me, and when im mad i feel like theres no way to escape my life and to free my self but when i tell my sister this she just laughs and makes fun of me :(
Raging hormones can cause all sorts of problems. My personal opinion is that raging hormones are the primary cause of teenage depression Of course for young women Te effect is amplified during their period.
Not knowing how old you are I am going to suggest the following; it is only a suggestion and you may or may not want to discuss this with your mother. If you are over 13 you don't have to you have a right to medical confidentiality by law and can speak to your doctor who cannot discuss the reason for your visit with anyone without written permission from you. The Law is called HIPPA.
What I am thinking is if you are not taking birth control pills that you discuss with your doctor if the hormones in birth control pills might help with mood swings you are having. If you are on birth control pills talk with doctor about changing to a different type of pill.
The other advantage of birth control pills is knowing when your period will start and how long it will last of the pill cannot help wit he mod swings at least you can prepare yourself and your activities for this time.
19/f
hey i dont know how to put this but my vagina latey has been very itchy and then when i itch it, it hurts too. i noticed that i have like cuts inside? and i dont know what that means. it really hirts and idk what to do. is it because of sexual contact? has anyone expeirenced thisss what do i do!?
This is the type of question that are prepared to answer. We are not doctors and are not allowed and should not be offering medical advice.
What you describe needs to be seen by a doctor and properly cared for. Most likely you should be sen by a gynecologist. Your health insurance may require you to be seen first by your family doctor who will then refer you to a gynecologist if they feel a specialist is required to treat you.
Whatever the procedure is you need to start by making an appointment with the proper doctor and getting "PROPER"treatment.
Can someone explain to me the difference between "pansexual" and "bisexual"? I understand that pansexual is supposed to be like, it's about the mind and not the body, but it also means you're attracted to both sexes... which is bisexuality... I don't know, I'm just a little confused. Thanks! :)
This is rather a short answer but it is the best answer I have for your question.
The best definition for "Pansexual"I found is: "loving a person for WHO they are and not what they are."
bisexuality means you participate in sex with both male and female partners and does not mean you are gay or lesbian.
Personally I don't like labels. I believe the world would be a better place if we didn't stick labels on everything. If we could learn to love and like everyone for just who they are we could finally have peace in the world.
I have pain in the right side of my throat and I feel a small ball were the pain is at. When i drink, eat, or even swallow the pain increases.
Fact is none of us on this Website are Doctors. Even if we were this is not the way to make a diagnoses and none of us should be making diagnosis.
We are here to offer advice. The best advice any of us can offer in these types of situations or any type of situation where something is wrong with you; is to ask your parents to take you to a doctor. If you are having a female type problem remember this; your mother, Aunt, Grandmother or school nurse is your best source for answers as well as your family doctor.
These ladies were all once your age and all have the same body parts as you do. While you may not want to discus your sex life with them;any other topic including other sex topics should not embarrass you to discuss with them. They have all been through everything you are going through.
When it comes to being a teenage girl there is nothing new in this world. Teenage boys have been, are still trying and will continue to try to get teenage girls to allow them to go as far as they can go sexually with them. The different things that are happening to you and the changes in your body; your older female relatives have already experienced and can tell you if something is normal or not.
When talking to your doctor always be truthful and tell the doctor everything. If you are over age 13 your doctor must protect your medical confidentiality and you have the right to visit your doctor without mom present. Your doctor by law cannot tell anyone including your parents anything about your visit or your medical condition without your expressed written consent. So feel free to ask question, your doctor is your most reliable source of information and will give you the best answers.
my son is 15 years old and he behaves really bad.i know that he is using marijuana and he goes to party and come home really drunk if i start to argue with him he would screem at me and get really agresive with me .i had to call the police twice because he wold come home late every weekend.what can i do can.
You could contact your local child services office for help. There are a number of programs available to help families with defiant children.
In my opinion defiant children are troubled by something, which can be for some be a form of depression. Some times this is brought on by the changes they feel at the start of puberty. They don't understand what is happening to them and the other stress of teenage life and hormones of puberty. This returns in what some call oppositional defiant disorder. If I'm correct and I'm not a doctor just someone well into the grandparent age, this may be easily correctable with some medication and talk therapy.
You start by taking your son to a child behavioral psychiatrist. Why a psychiatrist? Not because your son is crazy, But because there might be a lack of one or two hormones in the brain that control depression. A psychiatrist is a medical best trained to identify depression and properly prescribed for it. Then your son will be referred to a therapist for talk therapy to get at the root cause.
say a family member of mine is in the hospital. and i had to miss a few days of work to be with her. could my employers call to see if she was a patient?
The hospitals should be following the HIPPA laws which state the patient must approve of any medical information released to anyone. This would include if they were or are a patient in the hospital. To do otherwise could cost them huge sums in fines and someone could go to jail.
There is the family leave act that could cover you here, depending how close this family member is to you. Some Companies do require that you exhaust your vacation & sick time before they approve FMLA time.
Then of course there is the question of why would your employer even want to verify if a family member is in the hospital. If you took vacation time off to be with them, so be it. That is part of what this time is for. If you took sick time because you did not have vacation time, that's another story and is at the discretion of the employers policies.
To answer your question directly, the answer could be yes and it might require the permission of your family member to release that information to them.
Ok I need help asap, we have to go to court because of truancy. I am cyber schooled because I was sexually abused, and I cant go back to normal school because he is still there, but I forgot to log my hours a few times and we hagve to go to court, and the judge will decide the penalty. I did work on all but 2 of these days. On those days I took tests and caught up on book work. IM a straight a student and want to go to harvard. This would look bad on my resume. PLease help, I will rate all answers. Thanls
The best thing to do in these situations is to tell the truth. Tell the court what you have told us. All of us at one time or another have forgotten to log in or punch a time card, the court is aware of these things.
Download what you can to prove that you actually did the work you say you did. All computers have memories. If you work off a laptop computer bring it to court with you and be prepared to show the judge the computer history for those days.
You should also have a lawyer with you. If you cannot afford one ask the court to appoint one. This is important so that your rights are protected and the court is made aware of why you cyber school.
Should this be your first time being cited for truancy I would not be too concerned. The court could just admonish you to be more careful or put you on some type of monitoring.
No matter what do not go to court without a lawyer. If this is your first truancy the school system may be trying to bring you back in to the brick and mortar building as cyber schooling cost them more than regular schooling. This is where having a lawyer is in your best interest.
i am male & 25 years old....but still virgin.... during mastorbate, erection , cap of my penis wont open...please help me out....as its really embarrass
You may be that 1 person in "X" that has to be circumcised or at the very least have some type of surgical easement of the tissue surrounding the head of your penis.
I know your embarrassed, there is no reason you should be at least not with a doctor. You should see a Urologist as this is the area they specialize in.
As I said there is no reason for you to be embarrassed when speaking with your doctor about this. You will not be the first or the last person with this type of problem. In fact you should have spoken to them years ago when you first noticed this problem as it could have caused you some very great health problems.
If your health insurance does not allow you to directly to a specialist then make an appointment with your family doctor. Your family doctor may or may not want to examine you before referring you. If the doctor does want to examine you it will be brief and painless as well as protecting your modesty. The reason for the exam if any is so your doctor can explain why, on the referral, you are being referred to the other doctor .
If I am correct in my thinking this problem will be easy to fix and fairly painless. You will have to abstain from masturbation until healed. Once healed you will be able to go out and seek a girl to loose your virginity to and start on a road to an enjoyable sex life.
Just remember one thing when you start your new sex life; ALWAYS, ALWAYS USE A CONDOM.
I need to conduct an interview for school which will consist of me interviewing my mum about her childhood school days? I need to ask 6 good interesting questions which will generate more than either yes or no. Please help.
Some questions you could ask:
1) what would she say is the biggest difference between school today and when she was in school.
2) what after school activities did her school offer?
3) Who was her favorite teeacher and why?
4) what was her least favorite subject and why?
5) how do today's school lunches differ from when she was in school or do they. Explain.
6) did they have vending machines in school or a school snack store and when could students use them. What was available for sale.
These are the best 6 I could think of
Im becoming seriously DEPRESSEEDD !
Im my own worst emeny and things are getting way out of control .
I dont have confidence in myself or anything and it seems like I have no one I could talk to about thiss cause they wil probalay all judge me and I cant have that right now .
I look in the mirror and she a ugly girl and its really sad . i have to pretend im smiling when others are around me knowing im really sad inside . My life pretty much SUCKS . Any Advice ?
You have not said how old you are. For the purpose of my answer I am going to assume you are a teenager.
Teenage depression is far more common than parents understand. Most parents mistakenly see what is happening to you as a phase that you are going through and something you will grow out of. It has only been recently that teenage depression has been properly diagnosed and treated.
Teenage depression is nothing to be ashamed about. Who better to be depressed than a teenager, with all the changes, both physical and chemical, going on in their bodies. The social changes they have to adjust to not to mention the added stress placed on them in school and by their parents for good grades to qualify for good colleges.
Depression is caused by the lack of one or both of two chemical produced in the brain to control depression. Generally speaking once properly diagnosed by a doctor a simple pill or two once a day for at least a year will replace the missing chemical. Then with the help of talk therapy to identify the stressor(s) you learn to deal with what is causing your depression.
The road to recovery starts with a trip to your family doctor. If you are over the age of 13 you have the right to speak to your doctor in private with total medical privacy. This is the law which is called HIPPA. Nothing you say to your doctor can be told to anyone including your parents without your expressed written permission.
When you are with the doctor tell he/she exactly how you are feeling. Bring the letter you wrote us with you and show the doctor. It is very possible your doctor will refer you to a psychiatrist. No you are not crazy, since the chemicals; they are actually hormones, are produced and deal within the brain; most family doctors feel a psychiatrist is better trained to prescribe medication than they are. Then this doctor can refer you to a psychologist for talk therapy.
As someone who suffers from depression I know exactly how you feel. Understand one thing; depression effects how you perceive things not only about yourself but the world around you. See your doctor, get some help. It will take a few weeks for the medicine to fully kick in but you will feel better about yourself and the world around you.
Talk to your parents, see your doctor. For the record I'm old enough to be your grandfather.
Hello people,
I have a problem, a big problem and I really need your help. I have my own room, and my own computer that is unfortunately in the TV room. I REALLY want my computer and desk in my room, that's where I have my problem(s). I can't have my computer in my room because. . .
{1} My room has no wireless or computer outlet thingie.
{2} My Dad and Mom are saying 'You can't have your computer in your room because we want to be safe.' I don't go on any bad sites!
{3} My Dad is too lazy to do anything on the weekends.
It's getting really frustrating for me having my computer where I write in the TV room with a TV and my parents on the couch leaning over and watching me type this. I watch TV while I write and it's really distracting.
Back on topic. How can I get a PRIVATE writing space when I can't move my computer into my room and I have a TV with my favorite show on in front of me while I write!!!!??? Thanks in advanced.
~~Anna
P.S. I'm fourteen.
HI, I'm old enough to be your grandfather and the advice I am going to offer you will be of the type most grandparents would offer.
It is tough being 14, your to old to be considered a child, but to young to be consider an adult. Your a teenager, if you break the word down; teen equals in between or in between ages. I use to tell by son he was a betweener. I know this does not help, stay with me this is background for what I am going to say.
The hardest job for any adult is being a parent. When we were children it looked so easy. Then we became parents and found out children did not come with handbooks and it was a learn as you go skill.
Every teenager wants privacy more so girls than boys. Your mom realizes this more than you think. Remember she was once your age. The problem is the world has changed and it is most likely not that your parents don't trust you, they don't trust the people on the Internet. Almost everyday we read about or hear about young people your age who have been duped by people on the Internet. To hear this scares all of us especially those of us who are parents.
As a parent we have to weigh your safety against your wish for privacy. At your present age your view of the world around you is not the same as your parent may see the world. You are more easily taken in as you have not yet learned the cautions you need to learn to transit today's highways and byways.
What you feel is an invasion of privacy is most likely your parents attempt to keep you safe and assure themselves that you are learning how to transit and deal with all the pitfalls that are out there. Especially the ones that exist on the Internet.
My advice is to talk with your parents. You start by talking with mom. Ask mom for a girls day out, just you and her. Go to the mall, window shop and have lunch. Over lunch discuss with mom in a calm matter how you feel the need for some privacy. I'm certain that if you discuss this issue with your mother in a calm and adult manner she will come up with away to offer you more privacy that she and your dad are more comfortable with.
Hi there,
You are far too good an advisor to have your answers tarnished by as many typos as I noted in your advice on hiring a lawyer for the child's welfare.
I know you are in a hurry, but spell checking helps your advice be taken as seriously as it should be, and that is the goal, right?
If you are using IE (no in-built spell checker) then I suggest the google toolbar, which has a decent, fast spell checker which works well with this site.
Please note that this is not in any way critical of your advice. I dearly love all the advice you give here, and want to help you get the credit you deserve for your efforts.
Thank you.
DN.
P.S. I am bad for this myself. I need to stick a post-it on my monitor as a reminder. ;-)
I need to stop answering from my iPad or iPod spell check not available and it does change words with out notice. Apples form of spell check.
i'm 14 years old and my nipples have been itchy for almost a month now, but i didn't really do anything about it because it wasn't horrible. and then today when i took off my bra there was a amber colored stain on the right cup and i guess it came from my nipples. my nipples had been feeling weird and itchy all day, and there's a red lump on my right nipple. what should i do? it would be so embarassing to go to the doctor with my mom.
Hi, I'm old enough to be your grandfather and the information I'm passing on is what you need to know based on the wisdom of my age and my feeling that the truth is better than misinformation you may get from friends.
First: Anything that has gone on as long as this has needs to be seen by a doctor.
Second: There are two things to know about your mom and your mom visiting doctors with you. 1)There is nothing about your body to be so embarrassed as to not tell you mom about if something is wrong. Your mom and you are built alike with the same body parts, yours are just newer in age. I would understand if you had to go to your father and he was a single parent. 2) Since you turned 13 the Law, called HIPPA, allows for your medical privacy. This means if you would prefer to see the doctor in private your mother would have to wait in the waiting room while you are examined and treated. The law also allows that anything that is said, any treatment you receive remain confidential and cannot be discussed or released to anyone including your parents without your expressed written permission.
All medical professional and this includes first responders such as firefighter/paramedics and EMTs are covered by the HIPPA law. As a firefighter I have on may occasion run head first into this law. Without a patients permission I cannot tell a spouse or parent where we transported a loved one.
All you have to do is let the doctor know you want to see him/her in private. You could do so by slipping the nurse a note; then the doctor will ask mom to leave and do so in a manner that will not get mom upset with you.
Most importantly you need to see a doctor. The leakage could be a sign of an infection. Over the counter medication will not clear this up and left untreated could have more serious consequences.
I am a 32 year old women. I have good hygiene. I shower daily. I know how to wipe myself after using the restroom. My boyfriend told me today that when we have sex I smell like urine. I am so embarrassed. We have been together for 8yrs and he has never said this before. We have 2 kids and I noticed after having them it is harder to hold my urine in when I need to go pee. I am wondering if maybe I am leaking urine sometimes and don't know it. I have tried kegel exercises and it does not help with strengthening. Now I'm worried that my backside smells as well. Whay can he smell it and I can't. Sound I go to the Dr. Please help, any suggestions.
Frankly after 8 years and two children together I'm a little surprised at your boyfriends comment. Yes, loose of bladder control is common for a women during sex, especially after two children. It is even possible that if the sex is really great and the women has a mind blowing orgasm she could lose some bladder control. I don't know if you want to inflate his ego that much.
I'm a male, about twice your age and I don't see this as a big deal. If it becomes or you think it is becoming a problem between you, emptying your bladder before sex should help. You could also keep some type feminine wipes next to the bed to clean up right after sex and that should remove any urine leakage and smell.
As for odors from your backside; here again I wouldn't worry about them. We all have some odor emanating from there. If it concerns you, emptying your bowels and cleansing back there before sex will cut down on any odors. Of course all this eliminating and cleansing will take some of the spontaneity out of your sex life.
ok well first of all im a 21 year old female i just started having sex on saturday february 12...my last period was from february 7th to february 12th i still had spotting in the morning but very little so at night i had sex...i THINK that i shouldnt be able to get pregnant cause i just finished my period right ? or does that not work that way? i dont remember very well about the cycle and fertility days and that...i used a condom that night, but then yesterday february 15th i had sex again, and when the guy pulled out he noticed the condom was missing ! i looked down and the condom was inside of me ! so now im freaking worried about maybe i can get pregnant this way ...
we never did it without a condom, but yesterday the condom stucked inside of me like almost entirely only half the opening was outside so i pulled it out ... i am very worried if i should take the morning after pill cause im not on oral contraception so i wanna know if my chances are that high since i just finished my period on february 12th/11th and a condom stuck inside of me yesterda february 15th?... i know theres always a chance for pregnancy but im wondering if maybe my chances are lower or higher because of fertile days and all that altho i dont know if im on the days where its less likely to get pregnant...i dont know if i should take the emergency pill im worried about maybe some sperm leaking from the opening of the condom that was ALMOST or kinda still in my vagina im not sure how it was i just freaked out and pulled out .... :( i know if i take a pregnancy test it wont show cause its too soon, but im wondering if it would be better for me to take the emergency pill depending on my chances ?
I agree with bliz. I will also add that since you have become sexually active you should consider a primary form of birth control for yourself such as Birth Control Pills.
The condom is only 80% to 85% effective in preventing conception where as other forms of birth control are nearly 99% effective. The condom is best at preventing the transmission of STDs and the AIDs virus when worn correctly.
You should always have your partner use a condom even if you are on birth control until you and your partner are in a long term monogamous relationship and have been tested for STDs.
As for use of the morning after pill in this instance, this would be an appropriate use of it.
Is it okay to have sexual thoughts,dreams, and want to make love with my grandmother. I dream about her all the time. i know this is wrong. i would never act on it but i always seem to think about her. I have even gone to the point of asking her if she would help me with a question. when she said yes i pulled my hard private part out and asked her if it was big or not. I had a ex g/f tell me i was small and it really was hurting me. She looked and answered my question . She would never cheat on my grandpa but what can i do to make these toughts go away.
You are suffering from what in medical terms is called the Oedipus complex: "The desire of the child, generally the male child, to have sex with a parent of the opposite sex." This is quite common among male children especially when going through the first stages of puberty. The fact that you have chosen your grandmother over your mother falls within the definition of the complex.
As to what you can do to make these thoughts go away: You can talk to your schools guidance counselor and be referred to a therapist who can help you or talk to your family doctor who will also refer you to a therapist for talk therapy.
Neither your school guidance counselor or doctor will think less of you, think your strange or weired . What you are feeling is a common occurrence in all children but more so in boys.
If you are not already doing so masturbating to a fantasy will help relieve some of the pent up sexual anxiety you have. To resolve your problem will require some help from a medical professional such as a therapist to help you come to terms with this issue.
my ex had full custody of my 6 year old daughter,i heard stories of abuse and neglect so i called the 800 # for abuse and neglect the local cps went out said ;there were no findings' that was 2009,september 2010 they went out again because of new allegations,this time it was founded,my daughter was removed because mother and stepfather were abusing drugs neglecting my daughter,and the mother was abusing her mentally as well,this was all admitted in court by the mother,instead of me getting my child she was placed with step fathers family non blood,the mother told cps i wasnt in my childs life etc,i am applying for custody in 2 weeks,now she and stepfather get 'supervised visits' and the supervisors are the step fathers family,my daughters demeanor has changed drastically ,she rushes me off the phone non loving afraid of me so i called cps and told them mental abuse is still going on,they brush off everything i say,the law guardian has no clue about the case or my daughter,how can i get someone to advocate for my daughter?the county was told to have my daughter go to therapy i as the father set up the appointment,cps is being very relaxed but i fear now for my 6 year olds mental well being,no one is taking my claims serious no one is listening to me,and the biggest part is the mother over a 3 year period of time told my daughter that the new husband is 'daddy' i just need help to protect my daughter,when we go to court no one is prepared,or clueless,the child was removed from dutchess county n.y.,and placed in westchester county n.y.,so cps passed it along to westchester county as a 'courtesty' westchester just goes twice a month to make sure the child is ok phyisically'what rights as a father do i have? what petitions can i file in court?and since the child was removed they said it is called article 10 custody of ******,who has custody county or article 10 people?i just need help and need to get more stricter supervised visits and i need phone calls to be monitored,but am unsure on how to do so,case is in dutchess county n.y.and my daughters mom is telling cps worker that she does not want me in my daughters life and does not want me around her,so what makes a person believe that she the mother isnt feeding her head with more stuff.parental alienation is key it has and is happening,there has to be an intervention,thank u for any help/advice
If you do not already have one you need to hire a lawyer, one that specializes in Family law. Ask the lawyer to petition the Courts to have a Guardian Ad Liden (may not be spelled correctly) assigned tomyour daughter. Thisnis a lawyer who protects and speaks fornyour daughter.
To go in to court without your own lawyer is not a good thing tom do. The state will walk all over you.
15 f
Were having issues in my family, my grandmother who I love dearly, is in a nursing home she's very old but she's still living, near death I believe though. :/ My fathers family, are very greedy and they bought her house and they have helped her with her nursing home payments but I'm worrying terribly because in 8 months if shes still living, my mother and fathers moeny for her to stay will run out, and my uncle will have to sell our house or by our house. We will have to move, and I truly don't want to I have been living here ever since I was born and I don't want to leave :/ We live in the country and my father and his father built our house, which use to be where my gma lived when she was young, and my grandfather who passed told my dad to always take care of my gma, and my father has..my fathers done everything for her, when my uncle is greedy and truly doesn't care about his mother..and I just don't know what to do..or how to stop worrying about this, I don't wish for my grandmother to pass, but I don't want to leave when my dad loves where we live.
This is one of this questions thatbhas no answer as it appears to be totally at the whim of someone else. As the previous weirder said make your parents aware of your feelings. It would be a shame to lose something with the history your home has and should continuebto pass from family member to family member.
18/f
How would you guys feel if someone offered to cook you dinner in their home for a first date? I think it's awesome but some people seem to think it's a bad plan (ie. too forward for a first date). What kind of message does that send?
Granted this would not be with a complete stranger, I can see that could probably be a bit uncomfortable.
This could be a little dangerous for you, and should depend on how well you know the person. If he is a co- worker or class mate you have known for a while it isnprobably okay.
While offering to cook dinner is a very nice gesture and a money saving one at that. A guy your age imay be hearing; "She is hot for me and whants to bed me". If sex on the first date is not in you plan then I would suggest you suggest a movie and a burger or some other safe date.