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My 15 year old is out of control
my son is 15 years old and he behaves really bad.i know that he is using marijuana and he goes to party and come home really drunk if i start to argue with him he would screem at me and get really agresive with me .i had to call the police twice because he wold come home late every weekend.what can i do can.
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It's always tough when your children act up like that. On the one hand you know you need to seriously punish them, but on the other, you also realize that they're just a child. I don't envy you, my sister and brother in law have the same problem with their 13 year old boy.
If you haven't already tried it, try getting him to become active in an extra curricular activity. Sometimes children rebelling is just a result of boredom. They have no constructive outlet to release tension, so they waste it all on alcohol, sex, and drugs.
If that's already been done, I can give you the advice my sister and brother in law received from DCFS. First of all, you should set up a safety plan comprising of him, you, (possibly the father if he is capable), school officials like his guidance counselor, and a local police officer. This safety plan will set up specific goals and boundries for your son, and each of the individuals in the safety plan should help to see that those are met. Also look into seeing if there are any local places that take in troubled youth. (not necessarilly a boys home, usually these places just take them for a night or two to get their act in gear.)
If worst comes to worst and he ends up getting in too much trouble, you could try enrolling him into a boys home, or detention center, or even a military school. Usually if the youth gets into enough trouble, the state will help aid in the costs of sending him away.
None of these options are going to be easy. Not only will it be taxing on your patience, but also on your emotions. Best of luck sweetheart.
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You must have a contact at the police department by now. If I were you I would explain your situation again and that you cannot control him.
Ask that person for a residential center they know of where you can place him for a period of time that deals with behavioral problems. If that doesn't scare him silly and to learn respect not much would. At the very minimum I would tell your husband to get a backbone (both of you) and kick him out of the house.
You need to get it through to him that you aren't putting up with this shit any longer and there's the door. Right now he thinks he's in charge and you are a wimp. Show otherwise. You be the parent. If I treated my parents like this forget rehab I would be dead. This is unacceptable and it's time to put him into a program or kick him out permanently.
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Ok so I know i'm not an adult but I'm 16 so maybe I can give you a kids point of view on this? I think you need to stand up to him. Give him boundaries and proper consequences. Possibly make a couple of compromises? I know its difficult to see your son kind of 'waste' his life but these things have to be done. If you want him to stop smoking marijuana then maybe you could say I don't want you smoking that in the house or anywhere. But cigarettes are better? As for coming home drunk and the arguments maybe go to his friends and tell them if he does this one more time there will be consequences. Because we all know far too well the dangers of alcohol and drugs especially when their mixed. It's really dangerous. You could allow him to drink reasonably small amounts in this house. Kind of sit him down and talk to him about everything thats going on and find out the reason for him doing this? Because personally i think maybe something bad happened in his life that he never got over or dealt with properly is affecting him which is why hes acting out in this way. You just need to hone in on his behaviour and put a stop to it yourself you know he's going out to do all this stuff so maybe if you feel brave enough to stand up to your son because it is difficult then stop him from going out. Tell him he has to stay with you because you need him to do something if he kicks up a fuss then you kick one up to about how you have to deal with this crap and all you want is for him to stop and be nice to you and stuff because you cant deal with it anymore and you have no idea what to do. Sometimes children will stop when they see its affecting their parents in a really big way. Especially if the adult sort of breaks down or stands up to them. Hope this helps btw xx
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You could contact your local child services office for help. There are a number of programs available to help families with defiant children.
In my opinion defiant children are troubled by something, which can be for some be a form of depression. Some times this is brought on by the changes they feel at the start of puberty. They don't understand what is happening to them and the other stress of teenage life and hormones of puberty. This returns in what some call oppositional defiant disorder. If I'm correct and I'm not a doctor just someone well into the grandparent age, this may be easily correctable with some medication and talk therapy.
You start by taking your son to a child behavioral psychiatrist. Why a psychiatrist? Not because your son is crazy, But because there might be a lack of one or two hormones in the brain that control depression. A psychiatrist is a medical best trained to identify depression and properly prescribed for it. Then your son will be referred to a therapist for talk therapy to get at the root cause.
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He sounds like my older brother when he was 15. Look, I don't know your situation, but I was a spectator of those kinds of things happening between my brother and my mom for a long time. You need to stand up for yourself. YOU are the parent and therefore it is YOUR responsibility to keep your son from heading down the wrong path. He may kick and scream and threaten, but in the end, you will be doing the right thing by being so strict. You were right to call the police.
You say he goes to parties and gets high and drunk, but do you let him go to parties, or does he sneak out? If you let him go to parties, then stop letting him do that. If he sneaks out, then continue calling the police on him. It's better for the police to go out and find him before he gets into even more trouble.
When my brother was going through this (and even worse), my mom never stood up to him. I always wished she would because I was worried about him and the kind of people he was hanging out with (your son's friends probably have a HUGE influence on his life and are a major reason of why he acts the way he does). My brother never had a parent that stood up to him, so he kept doing all of that bad stuff and currently, he is working at Walmart full-time as a cart pusher. He never even graduated highschool. That is what happens to kids who fall in with the wrong crowd and don't have a parent who will stand up to them.
So, don't just sit around and wait for him to grow up and out of this 'phase' because if you do, he will probably have gotten himself into quite a lot of legal trouble which can ruin a lot of oppurtunities he would have had in the future. Stand up to him. If he misbehaves, punish him. If I were you, I'd take away his cellphone (if he has one) so it could distance him from his friends.
He might not like it, but you need to stand strong and guide your son through his teenage years. I was never really in to the 'take things away from the misbehaving teenager and hope it works' way of parenting, but seeing my brother go through exactly what your son is going through, I now understand that tough love is sometimes the only real option. Best of luck, Jess.
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Honestly talk with a truent officer. I was like that when I was 16 and I had a child. I didnt grow up right away and regret that very much. i didnt neglet my child by any means i just liked with being with friends a couple times a week. my parents finally got on me and took me to a truent officer and the juivinille facility and i didnt have a choice he scared me to death he told me id lose my son id be put under arrest and everything else. take your son to get scared. maybe therepy? it good be just something bothering him and some family therepy may help
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