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My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.

The one thing I will not do is you homework. I will try and point you towards the answer or help you find the answers you looking for. Ultimately you will have to find the answer yourself.

advice

I am a male and i recently just got the text of "i think we should just stay friends" and "im not ready for a relationship right now" but i feel a strong passionate liking for her but im not sure what to do, so can anyone help me?

She has refused your offer of going the next step from friends to a relationship. Since having a relationship generally involves some type of intimacy though not necessarily sex. Her turning you down is considered the same as saying no to sex. If you were to continue to try and get her to agree to a relationship it would be looked at as sexual harassment. Sexual harassment is a crime.

She holds all the cards here. She has said no. No means no and you must not do anything that would be considered continuing to get her to change her mind. Her words, “I think we should just stay friends," is generally considered to be a polite way of saying; you’re not my type or I don't see you as someone I could be in a relationship with you.

As my mother would tell you, there are many fish in the sea so bait your hook and go fishing; this girl is not interested in your bait.

A couple months ago I went to a party and got very drunk. A guy gave me a few Xanax pills and some lines of other drugs. We went into a hot tub and the water was too hot so I tried to get out but he pushed my head down under the water and then I blacked out. I came to and I was in a bathroom and my clothes were gone and the door was opening and then I blacked out again. I woke up and he was having sex with me. I blacked out again then woke up and I was blowing him and I tried to stop because I couldn't breathe but I blacked out again. This kept happening throughout the night where I would black out and wake up and he was having sex with me or I would be blowing him or whatever. I'm a recovering drug addict and have been speaking with my AA sponsor about this and she says it was rape. I feel sick and terrible every time I think about it and I can't stop crying. However I feel like it was my fault for getting too drunk, also I don't know if I said no or not because I was blacked out and unconscious the majority of the time it was happening. Was this rape or just me being stupid?

You were raped. Rape is never the fault of the person being raped. You were drunk, you were fed narcotics either of these two would make you unable to consent to sex. This is the definition of rape.

By law if you are inebriated, drugged or unconscious then you cannot consent to sex therefore it is rape. The guy may claim you consented but you were in no condition to knowingly consent that is the defining line.

Given the amount of time that has passed it may be hard to prove. You are going to need witnesses to testify to the condition you were in and that he drugged you. That is for the police and prosecutor to locate what you need is to supply names or at the very least where the party took place and who hosted.

You file charges against this guy and let the police and prosecutors build a case. IF he did this to you he has done it to others. By filing charges others may come forward.

I would also like you to contact the following organization. They are RAINN which stands for Rape, Abuse, Incest, National, Network. Their number is 800-656-HOPE. They will connect you with a center in your area that will help you find the professionals to help you through this.

I am so sorry you went through this. Don't let this guy get away with what he has done to you. Call the police ask to speak to a detective in the sex crimes unit. File charges and call RAINN for help.

Female, 15

Hi so I recently got a scholarship to a Catholic school. My mom works there and she really wants me to move to this school because she wants me to learn about my religion more and teach it to my kids when I grow older. I grew up a Catholic.
The school I am at now is already a pretty good public school and is rated well, the Catholic school is good too, but the thing it that the school I'm at now is really good for art. Art is one of my passions and I have loved it since a young age, I get told that I am really good at it too. When I'm older I want to pursue a career as a designer, and the school I am at now is good for that sort of stuff.
I love all my friends too and it would be hard to move schools, but at this new school I would be with people who share my religion and I could date people who are Catholic too.
I'm having trouble deciding what I should do, because I know my mom would really like it if I went to this Catholic school, and it would be easier, but then again I really like art and I would still be getting a really good education at the school I'm at now, and I can still be with my friends.
I'm not asking anyone to make the decision for me, but any advice would be great!! Thanks!

Your primary education is to prepare you for going to college where you study subjects that prepare you to enter the workforce. From what you have written it appears your present school is better suited to prepare you to enter college for the course of study you desire.

If everything else is equal between the two schools, meaning the academics of both schools will prepare you to get high marks on the SAT's. Then I see no reason to change schools.

When it comes to religion that is something that is very personal and individual in nature. You are 15 and by now you should know what you want or desire from religion. There are other ways to learn more about one's religion other than going to a religious school. You can find and date catholic boys in a public school if that is what you desire. You can also find catholic boys to date by going to church on Sunday you don't have to go to catholic school to find them. The biggest segment of the population is still Judeo/Christian.

To my way of thinking religion is for hearth and home you still need to make a living in order to have a hearth and home. You can have both but you must prepare to have both and that means getting the best education that will allow you to follow your dreams for future employment. Your religion will always be with you and through Bible study you can learn more about your religion IF THATS IS WHAT YOU WANT.

what happens if u take more than 6 tablets and each are 500 mg and you weigh less than 100 pounds .

I believe the recommended dosage not to exceed is 2,500mgs a day. You are taking 3,000mgs or 500mgs over the recommended dosage. If you do this on a daily basis you could be damaging your liver and kidneys.

A better question is why are you taking so much non-prescription pain reliever. If you need this much pain reliever then you should see a doctor for what ever is causing the pain as let the doctor see what can be done to relieve your pain. It is obvious the non-prescription product is not working.

My suggestion is to see a doctor before you do irreparable harm to yourself.

Anytime my boyfriend sucks and romance my breast pains is what i feel for a week or two.

I can't think of any reason why a woman should feel pains in her breast after her lover has sucked at them. Now if he has squeezed them too hard or punched them in some, manner that might be different. I can understand your nipples being sore if he sucked to hard or for too long.

Lacking any other reason for pain other than plain sucking I would suggest you speak with your doctor and have a breast exam and maybe and MRI.

Lately, I have become aware of something that is stunting my professional growth. While I am a fast learner with decent communication skills, I struggle with explaining difficult concepts… even if I understand them well.

For nearly four months I have been employed in my first role as a Business Analyst. After only just recently graduating out of college, I am only a trainee but I have had the opportunity to work on really wonderful and fun work assignments that I have exceled at. Other than the one time that I missed a deadline, because I should have managed an urgent project better, I have received terrific feedback on my assignments and have not gotten yelled at yet. The next step for me to complete my training and be promoted is to get through a client interview.

While client interviews are considerably easier than most job interviews, in addition to describe your background, you are also asked to effectively explain difficult concepts. My first client interviews did not go well. The managers who arranged it thought that I would do wonderfully and really excel at it, they were looking forward to hearing that I received the assignment.

When it came time for the interview with an insurance client, I had a difficult time explaining the quality of a claim and the software development life cycle. Likely for these reasons, failure to explain these concepts in a correct manner resulted in me not receiving the assignment. This failure is not something that I want to happen again.

I did not realize my ineffectiveness at explaining concepts until I found myself in insurance revision sessions held by another employee. He told me that he had been the one to grade my tests and was surprised to see that I needed more training on these concepts, because on the tests I had always shown that I had a strong explanation. In his perspective, it is more that I need to work on explaining them, so that others can understand what I am talking about.

I do not want my company to start viewing me as a liability or not be able to further my experience with two or three years, so that I can interview for other jobs and do well on my interviews becoming a top candidate for many of the positons that I desire and feel like I deserve.

Has anyone else had a difficult time explaining concepts? Are there any suggestions on improvements that I could make? I already asked my boss to arrange mock phone interview sessions with me. He was proud of my initiative, and said that while it is a difficult road, he is very interested in helping me out. Are there any books that I could read?

I believe I know your problem. You know the concepts and you can do the work. You even test well your problem is actually one of selling.

When presenting a client with a concept you are not only presenting the concept you have to sell the concept and yourself as well. Now you are sitting there saying I am not a sales person. But you are you just don't realize it. Everyday we make a number of sales before we even walk out the door to go to work starting with selling ourselves with getting out of bed.

Now add in the prospect of trying to explain to someone your work product who may have no idea of what you are talking about. You can come off condescending the death knell to any sale or negotiation.

This is all correctable e with a little training in sales techniques. I suggest you look into one of the Dale Carnegie Course. I've seen his courses do wonders for people like you. Once you get comfortable with the need to sell yourself as well as the concept of what your presenting you will have much greater success.

I don't work but I do get survival benefits from my dad after he died when I was a child and I get money because of some disabilities I have which is around $700.00 total but the problem with that is my mom is my played and only gives me $40.00 a week. Is there any way that I could become my own payee

Contact Social security and have the benefits put in your name and deposited directly into a bank account that only is in your name. You're an adult now and this should have taken place either at age 18 or 21.

In fact Social Security can force mom to pay back $660 a month she has taken from you by taking it from any social Security funds she has. Make an appointment to meet with an agent of the Social Security Agency and tell them about mom only giving you $40.00 a month. Also tell them about your disabilities as you may be entitled to other funds as well.

You can find their number at www.ssi.gov

I am a 27 year old female and I have lived with my mom all my life because I can't afford to get my own place. Its really getting on my nerves because my mom has been raising my niece and nephew since they were 3 and 5. My nephew is now 13 and my niece is now 15. My mom ha full custody of them because my sister was found as an unfit mother. The problem is that we live in a 2 bedroom house with one bathroom. I share a room with my niece. I have to share my closet with her but info try to put my stuff on her nightstand I get yelled at by my niece and mom does nothing when I tell her what's going on and takes up for my niece. My nephew is always yelling at me and yesterday hi tried to explain something to him and he yelled at me and clapped his hands in ny face and mom took up for him and when I told my step dad and he got on to my nephew she yelled at me. I am sick and tired of it.

It sounds like your in a no win situation living at home with your mom. For whatever her reasons are she is supporting her grandchildren over you.

You say you can't afford to move out. I am assuming this means you cannot afford a place of your own Have you given any thought to sharing an apartment with roommates. There are agencies that specialize in finding roommates that are compatible. Everything is shared, the rent, the utilities and household chores. Each roommate generally gets their own room. The rent becomes less expensive if roommates share a bedroom. My wife shared a 2 bedroom apartment with four girls. They all worked for the same airline and it was rare when more than 2 were home at the same time.

Then there is also the ability to rent a room someplace. This is generally the least expensive and usually comes with kitchen privileges if not it can become more expensive as you may have TO TAKE YOUR MEALS OUT.

The only solution to your problem is to find a way to move out of you moms house. You're in a two bedroom home with 3 adults and two children of opposite sexes. There is no way a 27 year old should be sharing a room with a 13 year old. Both of you need your privacy and it sounds like your niece is taking hers regardless of how you feel.

You don't say if you are working. IF you are there should be a way for you to move out. Try the suggestions I made above. I'm certain you can find an economical way affordable to you.

So I helped my cousin Michelle clean up her closet the other day and my other cousin Barbara saw the work I did on my cousin Michelle's closet and now my cousin Barbara wants to know how much that I would charge her to clean up hers but my problem is I didn't charge Michelle I did it it to be nice would it be okay to charge Barbara when I didn't charge Michelle and Michelle just paid me whatever she could afford?

Since Barbara has offered to pay you then she must feel your work is worth paying for. If you have to purchase any materials to set up her closet I would suggest you tell her the following.

Barbara, reimburse me what it cost me in materials plus whatever you think my time and effort is worth. I don't normally charge family but if you feel I should receive something for my efforts I would gratefully accept whatever you offer me.

Then if you want to do this as a business do as Dragonflymagic has suggested.

My son just turned two months and I recently found out that when I was five months pregnant my boyfriend was on social media asking other girls for their numbers. He obviously deleted any texts so I'm not sure what exactly they were talking about. I know he didn't physically cheat because he was home straight from work. I somewhat confronted him about it. (I couldn't say everything I wanted to because my son was present & I don't like arguing in front of him.) The conversation was pretty much "I know you did it" showed him screenshots. He admitted but didn't say anything that was said. He kept apologizing over and over again & was saying how he doesn't want to lose his family over it. He'll never do it again blah blah blah. I told him I needed time to think and made him move to the spare bedroom. I'm torn. I'm too angry/hurt to bring it up. All I talk to him about is our son. I want to know WHY he did it, what was said, and to who. Should I ask him or would that be pointless? My son deserves to be raised in a complete household and not a broken family but at the same time I deserve someone who's gonna stay faithful. How would you guys make him prove to you that he's worth giving a second chance? Or would you guys just end things now? Advice very much appreciated. Thanks in advance!

There are a lot of variables here that make it hard to understand the why; Was he just fooling around, was he looking for a relationship outside of the one he has with you. If so why?You say boyfriend meaning you two are not married; do or did you intend to marry? Was this pregnancy a planned pregnancy or an accident? These are important question.

An unplanned pregnancy even to a married man can make him feel differently. No matter how much he may be committed to the relationship married or not. An unplanned pregnancy can make him feel trapped.

In one sense the feeling of being trapped is good as it means he is not going to run away but he is going to stand by his child and its mother. On the other hand the unplanned pregnancy takes something out of his equation that makes acceptance harder for him. In a planned pregnancy the father can bound with the child easier during pregnancy. In an unplanned pregnancy it may be until the baby is born that the bonding begins.

This is all subjective since I don't know him or you. Many men feel women get pregnant to trap them and each reacts differently. Many pack up and leave refuse to accept the child as theirs. Points in his favor he has stayed and wants to stay with you.

You have several options. You can look at this as nothing came of it and forget it and just move on. You can discuss it to death and get nowhere and ruin what ever relationship you have had or you can find someplace in the middle.

Right now the issue is of trust. Trust is both something that is both earned and in certain respects given. He has apologized and said he won't do it again. Can you find it in yourself to believe that him.

Whatever you do don't make him do things to prove himself as the proof is in his actions going forward. Give him some trust and let him earn the rest on his own. The choice to leave is always on the table. Right now the choice is whether to stay or not.

So I'm a high school senior, 17, and I want to work on budgeting my paychecks. I work at McDonalds, make about $7.43 and hour, and usually work 15-20 hours a week, maybe a little more, and I do pay taxes and do the McScholars which takes out 50¢ an hour on top of whatever tax is. I get paid bi-weekly and the checks are typically between $100 and $200. I tend to be really bad about making my money last, between buying things i actually need and then blowing the rest on junk food i dont need to buy, unneccisarily eating at work, and getting other random things I dont need. I have been settinf aside between $40 and $80 each paycheck, but I was wondering if anyone could give me an idea on how I could start budgeting? I don't drive or have a vehicle yet. I hope this information is helpful in giving me an answer, and thanks in advance!

It is hard to tell someone how to budget their money without knowing exactly what their needs are though there are some rules to follow.

If you want to save money the best way to do so is not to see the money at all . Meaning see if McDonalds has a payroll savings plan you can contribute too. This is an after tax program where they take out a specific amount of money from each paycheck and send it to your savings account. Out of sight out of mind so to speak.

Next with the remainder of your paycheck you need to sit down and make a list of just what you need each week and each month. Needs being school supplies if your parents are not providing which would include paper, pens notebooks and other supplies.

Clothes are not a necessity as by law your parents must supply your clothes until you're 18 the same with food and medicine. Being female I'm sure you need makeup and things like that so this would have to be budgeted for.

Your budget would look something like this.

School supplies

Makeup

Misc. Clothes

Female needs

Entertainment

Cell phone

Contingency funds

Every budget should have contingency fund These are funds generally used for unplanned emergencies.

Add any line items I may have missed though I think this covers your needs for now. Female needs would be Tampons or pads.

Think about how much you spend in each category each week and start saving receipts when making purchases, even for fast food. Your budget at first will have to be flexible until you have a better idea of your spending.

To start allot an amount of what you think you need in each category. Entertainment includes going out with the girls, junk or fast food.

Set up a spreadsheet in your computer with each budget line at the top of a column and the day of the week on the right hand side. Each day total your receipts for each budget line and enter it into your spreadsheet. At the end of the week total the columns and see how much you spent under each heading. Adjust your budget accordingly.

Don't forget your contingency fund as this rolls over or the remainder rolls over each week and you add to it hopefully the same amount until you have about 2 to 3 months pay in contingency fund.

IF you do this and learn to budget staying within budget you will be ready to go off to college next fall.

Ok so I'm gonna be 15 very shortly so I get my 'ladies' exam next week. I was curious so I checked out my hymen and saw it kinda looks like its broken/torn.. but I'm a virgin.. like I've fingered myself before but no dude has entered me. I'm terrified that the doc will see it and say something to my mom who will flip out and not believe that I'm still a virgin.. any help you can give? like any excuses to give my mom and the doctor?? I'm desperate here!

Two things you need to know and the first is very important.

First: The fact that you are over the age of 14 by law you have medical confidentiality for any medical exam or procedure that might include your reproductive system. This law is called HIPPA. With in this law is a section that gives anyone 14 and older medical confidentiality concerning their reproductive systems. Congress did this so young people would seek medical assistance for problems, concerns or questions concerning their reproductive system.

What does this mean for you? When you see the doctor tell him or her you wish to be seen under the rules of HIPPA. This means mom cannot be in the exam room with you without your permission. It also means your medical records for this exam and any other medical exam concerning your reproductive system which includes your urinary tract are confidential. No one can see them and the doctor cannot discuss them with anyone including your parents without you written permission.

Your mom won't like it but it is the law. Under this law if a girl over 14 would become pregnant her parents could not force or stop her from getting an abortion either as this is strictly her and her doctor's decision.

Second: Not having a Hymen does not mean you are not a virgin. Todays active female can dislodge her Hymen playing sports, participating in gymnastics, horseback riding or just riding a bicycle. Also if you use tampon it is possible to tear or dislodge you Hymen. It is less likely you would do so by fingering yourself but it is possible.

Today virginity is not judged by whether or not a girl has her Hymen. Today's definition of loss of virginity is when the vagina has been penetrated by a penis.

Given your age I'm sure your mom knows why a girl your age would not have a Hymen but could still be a virgin. For she may have had the same problem when she was your age. What she did not have was the protection of the HIPPA law which have if you invoke it. You should by telling the receptionist and the doctor on arrival at the office. If your concerned about doing so in front of mom call the doctor's office in advance and advise them you wish to invoke your rights under HIPPA.

The doctor cannot tell you mother anything about your exam. Only you can if you chose to.

Hi there,

I've noticed that my mother has been developing narcissistic tendencies after what she calls spiritual enlightenment. She became a vegetarian but after she has converted to eating vegetables, she has been neglecting some of her family routines. She doesn't cook as well as she use to anymore because she claims that she doesn't have any desire to eat meat, which I know but I don't understand how that effects the quality of how she cooks food. At one point all she cooked was vegetarian food for the longest time until I mentioned to her that I'm not on the same diet as her. Which got her to cook meat, but she cooked it at lesser portions than normal. It makes me feel like she's being passive aggressive about making me become a vegetarian as well and it makes me feel like she's forcing specific food down my throat. Our house is really disorganized and the kitchen's always a mess. I also noticed her recording herself and watching herself over and over again. I brought it up with her today and she doesn't think it's weird at all because "she likes it". When we go out she records everything from her car rides from our house to our designation and then back. And when we went to Atlanta to walk on the beltline, she was recording everything as if she was a tourist. I'm so confused about this new development and becoming really concerned about this spiritual enlightenment that she claims she's having.

The easiest part of your question for me to answer is the cooking part as I do a lot of cooking. I know when I cook I do a lot of tasting as I prepare the meal. Unless the meal is complex that I can just season and push in the oven or under the broiler I have to taste it as I go to get the seasoning right. Mom going vegetarian may not want to taste what she cooks if it is a meat meal.

As for the other changes. I will admit they are rather strange. If they are a complete departure from her norm, meaning she was always a completely neat housekeeper with a spotless kitchen. Then I suggest you talk with her doctor and try and get mom to have a complete physical including a head C/T to look for any brain abnormalities that could be affecting her behavior.

A tumor benign or otherwise, a slow bleed or a blood clot could be responsible for you moms' change in behavior. Has you mom fallen recently and hit her head or been involved in an auto accident? If so make sure to tell her doctor. These are some of the things I can think of that might cause a change in behavior that you are seeing. Just remember though it is not unusual for anyone at any age to find religion.

Hello,
I'm 21 and I'm really confused about whether I'm Jewish or Christian.

I was raised with a Christian mother and a Jewish father who were divorced so depending on which house I was in, I would worship the religion of that parent.

Now I'm an adult and extremely lost about both especially as a college student who wants to be involved in religious organizations on campus.

I went to the Jewish club on campus and didn't understand anything about any of the holidays they were talking about, which was surprising to me, but I guess my father didn't really teach me anything about the religion other than that we follow God and the other basic fundamentals. However, I still feel really drawn to Judaism and want to learn more. I feel like I can't though because people will judge me for not knowing anything and think I'm a fake Jew.

I also feel like a lot more people on my campus are Christian and that there's a ton more organizations so it makes me want to join them instead. I want to be a part of both, but I know that I can't be because that's not how that works and because people will think I'm flip flopping and that I need to make up my mind.

Personally, I choose to worship God and don't pray to Jesus because I believe they were two separate entities. I actually feel really uncomfortable praying to Jesus or singing to Jesus because I only want to pray to the lord which I consider God and whenever I go to church services they always want me to sing and prey to Jesus, which is a problem for me. Does that make me Jewish?

I also feel like nobody really knows what happened and that all I know for sure is that there is a God.

I really need some advice because I don't know what to do. :(

You are in the same predicament my son is. His mother is Catholic and I'm Jewish. He identifies as Jewish though by Jewish law he is not Jewish. TO be Jewish he would have to convert as by Jewish law he is the religion of his mother as are you.

It would appear your parents did as we did which was to raise him to understand and recognize both religions. When he was younger we would spend Christmas with my in-laws and they would take him to church. He enjoyed going to church with them and all the pageantry the church put on. Neither my wife or I are very religious so going to Temple was not something we did with him. We did instill in him what Judaism is all about.

We also instilled in him that there is a god and a love for country. That with these two basic beliefs for guidance he would do well. When he was old enough he could chose how and if he wished to worship.

My suggestion to you is that you continue to believe in god. You should continue to attend the functions of all and should be welcome in any religious function regardless of whether you identify with that religion or not. Part of being religious is about being welcoming. This is also how you can learn about the different religions and decide which of any you wish to join.

Hi, we used to worked together but he left. He's single and I'm not. He's aware of that however apart from that I always knew he had a thing for me and fancied me. We always used to joke and whine each other in a flirty manner, but nothing more. Recently, me and my boyfriend have moved in together and he found out through my mate as he was asking me, how's she? Is she still with the same lad? But when my mate said, yeah they live together now, suddenly he seemed really sad and said,'well, maybe in another life, eh'?? As my mate could sense, he was really sad. OK guys, what did he actually mean by that??? Is he in love with me or something. We're in our late 20's. Guys point of view, please!!
Thank u all so much!

It is hard to say whether someone is in love with someone without knowing him and speaking directly with him. From what you have written I can say that he does or did fancy you as someone he could love and that he feels he has now missed his chance.

You now have the problem of figuring out just where you are in this little triangle. By writing to us I would say you are not to sure about things as you may have been when you agreed to move in with your boyfriend.

This would be understandable if you knew this guy before meeting your current boyfriend or before you and your boyfriend became a steady relationship. Though since this other guy never made any advances you went in the direction most comfortable.

If this is a proper description of where you feel your at and feel life may be better with the other guy then I suggest the following.

Call him make an appointment to meet him in a public place, a restaurant, Pub or park. Talk to him and find out just how he feels about you. Tell him your mate told you what he said and if you have feelings for him say so. Tell him you waited for him to say or do something and when it didn't happen you went with another.

Some guys are shy and have trouble making the first move, I'm one of them. My wife made the first move asking me to have drinks after work and that was 46 years ago. Those of us who are shy rarely look to see if the grass is greener someplace else. We are very loyal and loving definitely not a player. If this is what you are looking for in a guy don't miss the opportunity.

I received a letter saying my workers comp claim has
Been approved by my employ
er. So what happens now?

Actually it is your employer's insurance carrier that approves the claim for them. Once the claim is approved meaning they accept the claim they will start paying you the salary you might not be receiving if you are off work up to 75% of your gross earnings.

An adjuster from the insurance company will call you and offer you a settlement. DO NOT ACCEPT THE SETTLEMENT OFFER. TELL THE ADJUSTER YOU WANT TO SPEAK WITH AN ATTORNEY AND YOU WILL HAVE THE ATTORNEY CONTACT THEM.

If you have been injured on the job there is all sorts of liability involved that you can be compensated for. The adjuster's job is to settle the claim for the least amount they can, they are not looking out for your best interest.

What you need is a personal injury lawyer. They cost you nothing as they work for a portion of the liability settlement they get you which will be over and above what the workman's comp claim is worth. That claim only pays for your injury not their liability.

DO NOT TALK TO THE ADJUSTER OR ANYONE ABOUT YOUR WORKMANS COMPENSATION CLAIM. ENGAGE A PERSONAL INJURY ATTORNEY AND LET THE ATTORNEY HANDLE ALL INQUIRES. YOU REFER ALL CALLS TO THE ATTORNEYS OFFICE. TRUST ME ON THIS I HAVE BEEN THROUGH THIS AND YOU GET SCREWED IF YOU TRY TO HANDLE THIS WITHOUT AN ATTORNEY.

Good morning. I'm a 25 year old female and when I was 18, I found out that I was adopted. Even before this, I recall years of abuse. It hasn't been physical. But, it was psychological and emotional. My mother dealt with mental illness and has had outbursts. She has treated me like a doll. She wanted me to dress a certain way and act a certain way and often referred to me as the "empire she created." My father was an alcoholic and got another woman pregnant during the time that the adoption was being processed. So, he walked out on me and my mom. I was raised by my mom, grandparents, and my aunt and uncle, who lived across the street. They frequently took care of me when my mom was working. My cousin, who is 12 years older than me, abused me constantly. She locked me in closets. The mistreatment got so bad, that there was a time I wasn't allowed to go over to their house.

From the time that I turned 18, the abuse only got worse. I started dating someone that my mom hated. She wanted me to get back with my ex boyfriend. She took me to a someone who practices sorcery to sexually abuse me because it was part of some ritual to get my ex back. I didn't want to go because I am a Christian and was very against going to this. But, my mother took me against my will. I started recording conversations of her with me. For a long time, I was terrified of going forward to the police. I thought that there was nothing they could do because she never physically hit me. But, I don't think there's a judge in the world that wouldn't call these recordings abusive. There is more. She also stole credit cards and racked up a bunch of debt. I am native american and irish descent. The people who adopted me are hispanic. I have spent years being called horrible and derogatory names. I'm frequently told how much they hate white people and how I'm "American garbage."

Here is the thing. Apparently, she has changed tremendously. She has been a different person, lately. She is nice. She is kind. And she frequently apologizes. But, I've seen this before. I won't get rid of the recordings because it's the only evidence I have of the abuse. The statue of limitations has passed for the sexual abuse. It's been 7 years.

Now, if it came down to legal ramifications, can I sue the adoption agency? They were responsible for placing me in a safe home environment. But, they gave me to this family without conducting any evaluation. They placed me in a home with an abusive person and an alcoholic. No one protected me from the abuse. I've lived with anxiety. I've had to be medicated. I've been suicidal. One day, the stress made me pass out and an ambulance had to come and get me. Over the years, I've frequently gotten ill and have had to be hospitalized. It all derives from the stress of growing up in this environment. I want someone held responsible for this. If these were my biological parents, I would move on and just make a life for myself. I feel like that's how justice would be best served. But, in this case, an agency was the one responsible for my well being. They had a duty to evaluate my home and make sure I went to a stable and loving home. They took money from my parents and basically just threw me to the wolves.

Suggestions would be appreciated. thank you.

This is a legal issue that you need to speak to a lawyer about. In fact there are several issues her that need to be spoken about besides the adoption agency. There is a theft in the amount of grand larceny by your mother and there is also kidnapping by your mother taking you to that sorcerer against your will.

You may think you cannot afford an attorney and maybe you can't. If there is a chance to a recover monetary reward from the adoption agency an attorney may take your case on what is called contingency which means they get a share of the reward.

To find out if you have a case and what type of case you have most attorney's will see you the first time without charge. I suggest you call an attorney and speak with him or her and see what or I there is anything that you can do. IF you do not know and attorney call the state Bar Association for a referral.

For the past few years my relationships with my brothers has seriously been going downhill. They are constantly telling me what I'm doing wrong in my life and they complain about son and even my dogs. One of my brothers even told me my son was "unbearable". I rarely see them but for holidays mostly and those always end in tears for me. The other day all 3 of us got together with my parents to help them move some things from my recently deceased grandfather's house and even in just those two hours by the time it was done, I was so depressed I was nearly suicidal (not exaggerating, I have PTSD and have recently been in the hospital for a suicide attempt). I have decided that for my own mental health and safety I need to avoid them until I am feeling stronger (I am in therapy and we are working on all these things). The problem is I have a ten yr old son, who will be 11 when the holidays roll around and I want him to have a great holiday even though he won't be seeing his cousins or having the "family" holiday. What can I do with my son over this holiday season so that he (and I) don't feel so isolated and what kind of things can I do with him to help make "magical" holiday memories? Thank you!

Not knowing where you live it is hard to say what might be possible on a Holiday such as Christmas. I will offer the following if it is possible for you to do so.

If you live on the east coast and it is possible for you to economically get to New York City I would suggest this as a place to take him. NYC is a magical place on Christmas. Radio City Music Hall with the Christmas Special and the Rockets is always entreating for children of all ages. Almost across the street is Rockefeller Center the huge Christmas tree and the ice skating ring. Unfortunately I believe the Planetarium is closed on Christmas Day though if you can afford to spend the night it is well worth it as is some of the other museums.

Other than that the only other advice I can offer is to ask him what he would like to do and see what is possible for you to do for him and with him.

My boyfriend and I have made out and touched but we nevee go very far. Yesterday he told me that he can never seem to finish during sex. He sais he has had sex 10 times and only ever finiahed twice and he is concerned ans embarrassed about it... Can anyone tell me why??

I'm having some trouble deciding how to answer this question. I can see from your writing that you are both probably young teens. This leaves the question of what does you boyfriend mean by sex. Is he meaning intercourse or being masturbated by you (hand job) or oral sex.

If we are talking intercourse the two most common problems for the male that would cause him trouble climaxing would be fear of impregnation or the vagina is dry and intercourse in not really possible.

Fear is the number one cause be it impregnation fear, fear of not being able to control his ejaculation and doing so in her mouth, oral sex. With a hand job it takes practice for her and while he may be able to climax during self masturbation doing so with a new girlfriend may be troublesome until she learns how he needs to be touched.

If none of the above qualifies for him then he needs to see a Urologist for something organic is the cause.

So I'm 21 and recently graduated and got myself a good job.
I'm living at home with my parents paying cheap rent each week.
However my mum is insisting that I save up to buy myself a house. I want to buy myself a car!
She won't hear of me actually spending my money any other way. She's very controlling. Since I lived away at uni I gained confidence etc.
Now living at home I've lost it and don't socialise because I don't drive and I'm not allowed to get the bus ... basically if I go anywhere my mum has to take me...
So yeh I'm thinking of moving out . but don't know how to say this to her?
Whenever I go against her she shouts at me and says I should be greatful . But living at home means living under her rules and living a life she wants me to live. She even gets tetchy if I plan nights out... moaning it's inconvenient to pick me up yet refusing me to travel in a taxi or with a friend. (I did this all the time at uni)
She has no friends and I'm basically her life. What do I do I feel like at 21 I'm not ready to buy a property and I just want to have fun

Mom is a controller and she is afraid of losing the one and only person she has in the world. For whatever her reason for being as she is if you do not cut the ties that bind you will be for ever under her thumb.

She will pick you husband, tell you how to raise your children, when to have your children and probably how many children and much more. This is how people who control others work.

As much as it is going to hurt both you and her you must break free of her controlling and it starts with moving out of her house and into an apartment of your own or one with a roommate to share expenses.

You are 21 an adult in all aspects of the word. Your mother has no right to tell you what to do or how to live your life. By living in her house the only thing you owe her is the respect of letting her know where you may be and when you expect to return.

You need a car buy one it's your money and you can spend it how you please, you earned it. She has no rights to your bank account. If she shares the account with you go to the bank and have her name removed from the account; it's your right to own that account(s) out right.

There is one other thing you must do for yourself when you decide to stand up for yourself and do what you must do to gain your freedom. I said this is going to hurt you and your mom. You can expect your mom to continue to pressure you to return or at the very least to try and control you to the extent she can. TO help you build the confidence you need to withstand her attacks and remain strong

I suggest you contact a good psychologist. Not only can the psychologist help you build the strength you need but he or she is someone you can speak with in total confidence about what mom is saying to you who can offer advice. Basically you can pour your heart out knowing no one will ever know what you said.

Your employer may have a Employee Assistance Program (EAP). The EAP program offers a range of benefits to employees to assist them with everyday problems. Among them is helping them find professionals they might need. If your company has such a program ask for the number and ask them to suggest a clinical psychologist you could talk with. Your employer will never know and the program usually pays for the first few visits after which you medical insurance should pick up some of the cost.

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