|
Holidays with an 11 yr old and no other family
For the past few years my relationships with my brothers has seriously been going downhill. They are constantly telling me what I'm doing wrong in my life and they complain about son and even my dogs. One of my brothers even told me my son was "unbearable". I rarely see them but for holidays mostly and those always end in tears for me. The other day all 3 of us got together with my parents to help them move some things from my recently deceased grandfather's house and even in just those two hours by the time it was done, I was so depressed I was nearly suicidal (not exaggerating, I have PTSD and have recently been in the hospital for a suicide attempt). I have decided that for my own mental health and safety I need to avoid them until I am feeling stronger (I am in therapy and we are working on all these things). The problem is I have a ten yr old son, who will be 11 when the holidays roll around and I want him to have a great holiday even though he won't be seeing his cousins or having the "family" holiday. What can I do with my son over this holiday season so that he (and I) don't feel so isolated and what kind of things can I do with him to help make "magical" holiday memories? Thank you!
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
My girls are now grown but the one thing that made a big impression on them was little traditions I started when they were still babies. I am talking just about Christmas as Thanksgiving gets swallowed up in Christmas traditions too. They still carry on those tradition whether they are still single or married. Our family background is German and Lutheran and that religion observes advent season with advent candles. Kids love to light the candles. Since the first Sunday of advent was always the Sunday after Thanksgiving, thats when we started decorating. We did get a fresh tree each year, not from a lot but a tradition of going every year to a tree farm to saw down the tree we'd select after much wandering around looking for the perfect tree. We spent on the average traveling 45 min at the least to one 1/2 hrs to travel to such a site. We actually did the same for pumpkin choosing time before Halloween, to farms that cater to setting up little festivals for families. Some had a petting zoo of their baby livestock, corn mazes, of course pumpkin fields and I still like the idea of wandering a field to search for the right pumpkin or tree snd I'm in my fifties. But their favorite tradition ended up being the ornament tradition. Each Christmas, each family member would choose an ornament that either meant something to them or highlighted what they did that year. When they were age two is when they were able to zero in on and grab the ornament they wanted. We went to a florist that had many themed trees. So a wide variety. The year one learned to not swallow her gum, she got a gumball machine ornament. Each child had their own storage box covered in Christmas wrap to store their ornaments in. That way by time they were on their own, they'd have at least 18 ornaments or more if they got any as gifts. The traditions gave them something to look forward to because traditions will stay with a family but those who may spend holiday with you, come and go...like when they first lost my mom, their grandma and grandpa, later. Then there were Christmases when someone in extended family was too sick to attend or had gone on a vacation or elsewhere to spend the holidays with other relatives. I know I had girls and you have a son but while he may pretend to balk at such stuff now, all boyfriends and husbands of daughters dragged into doing these traditions have come to really like them alot as well.
Lastly, we all partook of some kind of gift giving or giving tree, picking a tag to get a gift for a 12 yr old girl or boy and that was fun for them too but not as great a draw as other traditions. We even had food related traditions, certain recipes, cookie baking with them involved, etc.
For the actual Holiday, even with relatives, the kids got bored with the adults all too soon and would be watching TV and todays kids I suppose would be glued to their iphones or playing with gifts. If its just you and lets say low income, perhaps you'd qualify to have your son put on a list like other kids of low income families. We had a Christmas like that. I warned the kids that we were so broke we couldn't buy them anything. Then 2 mysterious strangers left gifts on the porch and at church without us ever asking for help. That meant a lot to them as they realized I was right in telling them that there is a Spirit of Christmas. This Spirit can appoint others to be someones Santa. So while Santa is the representation of the true Father Christmas, they at least always knew there was a real one who helps out when help is needed. Don't be afraid to ask if thats your situation, not from your family but churches and agencies set up to help during holidays with food boxes and gifts.
Hope this gives you some ideas.
]
Not knowing where you live it is hard to say what might be possible on a Holiday such as Christmas. I will offer the following if it is possible for you to do so.
If you live on the east coast and it is possible for you to economically get to New York City I would suggest this as a place to take him. NYC is a magical place on Christmas. Radio City Music Hall with the Christmas Special and the Rockets is always entreating for children of all ages. Almost across the street is Rockefeller Center the huge Christmas tree and the ice skating ring. Unfortunately I believe the Planetarium is closed on Christmas Day though if you can afford to spend the night it is well worth it as is some of the other museums.
Other than that the only other advice I can offer is to ask him what he would like to do and see what is possible for you to do for him and with him.
]
More Questions: |