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What should i do if she says im not ready for a relationship yet?
I am a male and i recently just got the text of "i think we should just stay friends" and "im not ready for a relationship right now" but i feel a strong passionate liking for her but im not sure what to do, so can anyone help me?
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I agree with the other advice. As a female tho, I've had to say many times to a guy that I simply wasn't interested in the same way as him to go the next step in a relationship.
Yes, its hard to turn someone down cus you don't want to hurt them. But staying with someone you don't feel romantically towards is wrong too.
Her line to you seems to be the current popular thing to say what lack of what else to say at a moments notice when you havent ever thought of this possibility facing you. Take yourself, what would you say to a girl who wants to marry you and proposes, but all you've been is friends and you are not attracted to her that way? If you haven't thoght of the possibility and nailed down in your mind how you'd react, then unfortunately people say things that too often give the other person 'false hope'. While it may be true she isn't feeling ready for a romantic relationship at this point in her life, adding the word 'Yet' transformed the intent behind the message to, "I'm not ready for a relationship with you Right now, but will be later if you don't mind waiting a while." It is too easy to beleive she is feeling rushed and all that is needed is some time. However, there is that damning first sentence of "I think we should just stay friends."
This was the first thing she spoke while not having a clue how to respond in this case and what most often is said is 'We should just remain friends, nothing else.' This is usually followed by an instant pany of guilt so some people think that giving false hope for now will somehow lessen the blow and so people will say something that makes the asker feel that they still have a chance in the future.
Adviceman brought up the fact she is probably saying no to not just holding hands and kissing but the whole sexual thing.
And thats where I want to make another comment. I've found that the two most important foundations to a solid happy relationship is first friendship, and thru the friendship falling in love and then adding the sexual part. If a marriage has two people who are each others best friend, and they also have a lot in common sexually, then you'll have a great relationship.
Too often tho, we marry just for one or the other. If marrying cus the sex is wild but neither treats the other as best friend, then the relationship falls apart on that point. Same goes if the two are best of friends and marry but have no chemistry sexually. Well, maybe one feels it but the other doesnt. What happens in these cases is that neither is getting sex. The one wants it but the partner won't give it. And the one is not turned on sexually by their partner but loves them cus its their friend. THe stress can get bad enough that eventually one or both have affairs to get sex or they end up divorcing and feeling bad about it on one hand while on the other they find someone better suited.
Yeah, its basically a big mess to go down that road I can't say why it is so that so often a guy has claimed to want me and feel attraction to me but I felt none with him, or the same for you, but it isn't something that you can change any more than one can't change the pheremones they were born with. Pheremones are what causes the initial sexual attraction. SO for one to feel it and the other not at all, makes me still wonder today if it was more of the man feeling lust or a woman feeling so desperate to have a man in her life that she just thinks she feels something with a guy who doesnt with her.
So what you do is give her space, and stop persuing her as a girlfriend. Now that she knows how you feel, hanging out as friends is going to be all the more uncomfortable as she is always thinking about you feeling in love with her while she feels nothing. So I don't think you can easily even have just a friendship with her unless she really wants the friendship and persues it. You might let her know that whenever she wants a buddy to hang with, to give you a call. Then, if that call never comes, you'll know it was too awkward for her. YOu may just want to start meeting new girls too when you are over your dissapointment.
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She has refused your offer of going the next step from friends to a relationship. Since having a relationship generally involves some type of intimacy though not necessarily sex. Her turning you down is considered the same as saying no to sex. If you were to continue to try and get her to agree to a relationship it would be looked at as sexual harassment. Sexual harassment is a crime.
She holds all the cards here. She has said no. No means no and you must not do anything that would be considered continuing to get her to change her mind. Her words, “I think we should just stay friends," is generally considered to be a polite way of saying; you’re not my type or I don't see you as someone I could be in a relationship with you.
As my mother would tell you, there are many fish in the sea so bait your hook and go fishing; this girl is not interested in your bait.
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