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Controlling mum tells me how to spend money
So I'm 21 and recently graduated and got myself a good job.
I'm living at home with my parents paying cheap rent each week.
However my mum is insisting that I save up to buy myself a house. I want to buy myself a car!
She won't hear of me actually spending my money any other way. She's very controlling. Since I lived away at uni I gained confidence etc.
Now living at home I've lost it and don't socialise because I don't drive and I'm not allowed to get the bus ... basically if I go anywhere my mum has to take me...
So yeh I'm thinking of moving out . but don't know how to say this to her?
Whenever I go against her she shouts at me and says I should be greatful . But living at home means living under her rules and living a life she wants me to live. She even gets tetchy if I plan nights out... moaning it's inconvenient to pick me up yet refusing me to travel in a taxi or with a friend. (I did this all the time at uni)
She has no friends and I'm basically her life. What do I do I feel like at 21 I'm not ready to buy a property and I just want to have fun
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Mom is a controller and she is afraid of losing the one and only person she has in the world. For whatever her reason for being as she is if you do not cut the ties that bind you will be for ever under her thumb.
She will pick you husband, tell you how to raise your children, when to have your children and probably how many children and much more. This is how people who control others work.
As much as it is going to hurt both you and her you must break free of her controlling and it starts with moving out of her house and into an apartment of your own or one with a roommate to share expenses.
You are 21 an adult in all aspects of the word. Your mother has no right to tell you what to do or how to live your life. By living in her house the only thing you owe her is the respect of letting her know where you may be and when you expect to return.
You need a car buy one it's your money and you can spend it how you please, you earned it. She has no rights to your bank account. If she shares the account with you go to the bank and have her name removed from the account; it's your right to own that account(s) out right.
There is one other thing you must do for yourself when you decide to stand up for yourself and do what you must do to gain your freedom. I said this is going to hurt you and your mom. You can expect your mom to continue to pressure you to return or at the very least to try and control you to the extent she can. TO help you build the confidence you need to withstand her attacks and remain strong
I suggest you contact a good psychologist. Not only can the psychologist help you build the strength you need but he or she is someone you can speak with in total confidence about what mom is saying to you who can offer advice. Basically you can pour your heart out knowing no one will ever know what you said.
Your employer may have a Employee Assistance Program (EAP). The EAP program offers a range of benefits to employees to assist them with everyday problems. Among them is helping them find professionals they might need. If your company has such a program ask for the number and ask them to suggest a clinical psychologist you could talk with. Your employer will never know and the program usually pays for the first few visits after which you medical insurance should pick up some of the cost.
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well hello
i guess because she don t have any friends except you she s a bit afraid to lose you and worry about you
try to understand her more be the mature like
what about you invite her for a dinner just the two of you
and in the dinner be close to her
like listen to her
try to ask her kindly why she s treating you like this
start with mom i know you are worried about me a lot
but can you just for once listen to me like a big sister or a good friend ?
just tell her what you want to do what you are planning to do
show her you are a big girl know with a respectable way don t fight with her
and you want her to be a good adviser not someone to make rules
ask her for an advice about the car
about how to save money
be her friend
try to understand that she s worried to lose you
don t tell her now that you want to move out
don t break her heart
tell her you use to do all what you want in uni
why now she won t let you do it
try to understand
and if you need any help i m here for you
best regards
Pamela Kaspar
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