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My boyfriend says he cant finish?
My boyfriend and I have made out and touched but we nevee go very far. Yesterday he told me that he can never seem to finish during sex. He sais he has had sex 10 times and only ever finiahed twice and he is concerned ans embarrassed about it... Can anyone tell me why??
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Sound like what is called 'performance-related anxiety' which is exactly what it says on the box. Obviously sex shouldn't be a competition, exactly. But failing to climax once or twice (maybe because of simply pure nerves) is horribly self-reinforcing. Each time we fail it makes us inordinately more likely to fail next time, in other words. The vicious-circle concept. Quite natural he's embarrassed about it. OK. It's not that uncommon. And the good news is that we can indeed break that vicious circle. Good experiences are just as self-reinforcing as bad ones. Each success makes us more likely to succeed. Practical advice would be don't rush into sex too soon. Last thing he needs is another failure with his new girlfriend!! How about a lower level of intimacy for now? Intimate touching and handjobs? Don't put pressure on him to perform. Definitely DO NOT let yourself appear appear in any way disappointed if he doesn't 'cum'. That will really shatter his confidence. Don't carry on too long. If he starts to get a bit anxious or frustrated, call it a wrap and just kiss and cuddle etc and let him pleasure you. When he does climax, nice encouraging feedback. Of course! Hope you're getting the picture? Fact is, like we said, it does happen and quite often. But there's plenty we can do to get over it. I'd say it's almost certainly not a physical problem. Erectile dysfunction can be and may have many physical causes and again, is exactly what it says on the box. If he's interested and you're getting him hard (as you might say) but has problems reaching climax, that's NOT erectile dysfunction. Main thing is not to let it spoil your relationship by causing arguments. Us guys can get pretty argumentative when we feel concerned and frustrated mate! I'd be preaperd to bet if you take things steady, build on the positives and not let the odd negative become a 'big issue' you'll be fine and enjoying a perfectly satisfactory sex life in no time.
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I'm having some trouble deciding how to answer this question. I can see from your writing that you are both probably young teens. This leaves the question of what does you boyfriend mean by sex. Is he meaning intercourse or being masturbated by you (hand job) or oral sex.
If we are talking intercourse the two most common problems for the male that would cause him trouble climaxing would be fear of impregnation or the vagina is dry and intercourse in not really possible.
Fear is the number one cause be it impregnation fear, fear of not being able to control his ejaculation and doing so in her mouth, oral sex. With a hand job it takes practice for her and while he may be able to climax during self masturbation doing so with a new girlfriend may be troublesome until she learns how he needs to be touched.
If none of the above qualifies for him then he needs to see a Urologist for something organic is the cause.
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Usually its younger people who ask this kind of question. But I have no idea. You could be in teens, or in 30's or older, way older. The possible reasons why its happening can differ depending on age.
I am going to go on the info that he's only had sex 10 times as a hint that both of you are young, teen years somewhere.
When we start having sex the first time in our life with a partner, hopefully, we've already had sex by self pleasuring with masturbation. Lots of males run into trouble with getting so used to just masturbating as a way to get off and finish that their body becomes conditioned to it. Its not as bad as being addicted to something like drugs or alcohol but can have negative effects, meaning sex with a partner isn't what his body is used to. In this case, he'd need to stop masturbating for a while. Go as many days as he can without self pleasuring before he is with you and see if that helps. He may need to retrain his body to get used to other ways of 'finishing', which I just call having an orgasm, with or without ejaculation. There are also plenty of grown up females who have never had orgasms in their life.
Why? Mental conditioning as in brought up being told sex outside of marriage is a sin, masturbating is a sin, and who knows what else, all thoughts that bring on guilt or a feeling of wrongness is enough to kill ones ability to really enjoy sex.
Another concern for people is making a good impression on their partner. Worried a person may not like their size, how they smell, taste and down to how they do certain techniques, kissing, massaging, fingering, hand jobs blow jobs and of course the penis in vagina part of sex. Learning what your partner likes is going to be something not just the guy must learn but the gal too. If can take a committed couple lots of time and trying things and most importantly great communication with each other thru out the time you're having sex, not some time after.
Younger folks don't always think this is an important factor but it is. What is pleasurable and works for getting one partner to enjoy sex may not work with the next. Each person is unique in what works on them. So to assume you must have plenty of previous practice to impress will usually not work on most of future partners. I am in my fifties and of all the many guys I have ever had sex with, including older adult years, it is ALWAYS a new learning process with each new person. So if he likes something you do, he needs to ask you to do more of that cus it feels good. If it isn't helping or hurts likewise he needs to get you to stop but not by saying, "you're doing it wrong. This goes both ways, so if his fingering isn't helping, for example you can suggest, "lets try a different spot for a while or lets try ....and suggest something else. I still do that. My hubby can get over zealous to get me to have an orgasm if too many days have gone by where we couldn't do anything cus one or the other of us was ill or something. Too much pressure for too long can in a sense do the same thing to me with his work fingering or on clit as my body gets used to the intensity like a guy does in masturbating, and I am close but not able to get the orgasm until I ask if we change to slower or some kind of rhythym. Just remember communication is key here.
Also remember that a male can be interested and desire you sexually. His inability to get it up or to finish are more likely a physical issue or a mental one, meaning too used to a certain way only. The brain is our biggest sex organ so thats where I would try first to see if things improve.
I know its not a subject that males find it comfortable talking about if there are issues, but if there is a simple solution, and he could be cured of it in a very short time, then why keep silent due to embarassment. WHen we are younger, its also hard to go to Dr. for exams...think about Gynecologists and pap smears for girls. I was super anxious and nervous and embarassed the first couple of times I had those appts. Its something you have to do tho to stay healthy or get help if you're not. He could see a Dr. and get a check up to make sure there are no physical issues that make it difficult for him, though not impossible since he has success twice.
Most younger males can have sex with just about any female, regardless of whether they love them. Their body can react solely based on lustful urges. While females can do that too, its not many who do. Most females connect sex with love.
If he is one of those few men who at any point in their life find they can't have orgasms or even get it up with one person but have with others, it could be that he needs to have strong feelings for the woman before he can do so. When its not just sex, for those in love, its called making love and love is a key ingredient. Many women do not enjoy sex with a man who doesn't love them.
It happens to some men too. My current husband had no issues when young able to have sex with any female who was interested in him. Now, he's only into me as his wife and though that might not stop other guys, he has found his body not even reacting to women who hit on him and i have witnessed women doing that, ones who didn't realize I was his wife. So sex may become better for both of you over time. But you can also be sexually mismatched, having disharmony in both your pheremones. Pheremones are what make one person become attracted sexually to another. You can't change the ones you were born with so you or he will only find the best sex with someone who is the same as them. As theres no sign or way of knowing until you try a kiss or more and it fails, you just have to try and dont take it personally if one of you dont really work for the other, you will be perfect for someone else.
Hope this helps some.
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