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My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.

The one thing I will not do is you homework. I will try and point you towards the answer or help you find the answers you looking for. Ultimately you will have to find the answer yourself.

advice

i cheated on my husband and at first when i told him he was very angry. we have been able to talk about it but i still feel like we need more help because it feels like we have just swept everything under the rug. What do i do or do i just leave it alone?

There are a lot of reasons one spouse cheats on the other. Is it ever justified. Maybe in the mind of the cheating spouse. From the disinterested on looker the question is always why? What is missing at home? If the cheating spouse is the husband the answer to the question is thought to be; has wife became a mother and just did not make time for him. Blaming him,for an inflated ego. If the cheater is the wife then the husband is either a drunk or a workaholic.

Not knowing the reason for your infidelity makes it a little hard to offer advice. Obviously something gave you reason to cheat. Just admitting you cheated and not discussing the reason for your cheating, will always put a wedge between you and your husband.

I do support the others in there advise that you and your husband seek marriage counselling. For counselling to work you both need to be prepared to be totally open with the counselor. This may mean individual sessions rather than joint sessions so you can freely discuss things with the counselor. Then in joint sessions the counselor can lead the discussions to issues one or both of you may have.

Should one of the reasons you had an affair be a low sex drive on the part of your husband, which would not be unusual if he is in a high stress job. Then it would be a good idea to ask your husband to consult with your family doctor. In fact it would not be a bad idea for both of you to have complete physicals including testing for STDs. Sorry about that but it had to be said.

The fact that you are still together, talking and looking and you are looking for ways to make things better is a good thing. Sweeping things under the rug is never a good option. Talk to your husband about counselling, it is not always the last step be for divorce court.

i want to move out with my boyfriend will i be able to and im 17?

I'll tell you in advance your not going to like my answer.

Until your 18 you are still considered a minor. If you move out of your parents house without their permission you can be considered a runaway.

If your boyfriend is more than 3 or 4 years older than you, depending on the laws in your state he can be charged with several crimes.

The first one's that come to mind would be statutory rape, kidnapping and contributing to the delinquency of a minor. The statutory rape charge would depend on the age of consent in your state which could differ from the age of when you are considered an adult which is generally 18.

Those are the facts as I know them to be and are in effect in the state I live in. I'm fairly certain they would be the same for most every state in the U. S. or very similar.

I think my vehicle is vapor locking and dont know what to do to fix it. After you drive it for a while it will die and not restart for about an hour however the last time it did this to me i took the gas cap off and it fired up immediately which is why i think its vapor locking. I already changed the distributor cap and rotor and the spark plugs.

I had the same problem many years ago on a car that is much older than today's vehicle. What happened was I picked up a tank full of very sandy gas which had some fine grit that got through the in-line filter but clogged the filter at the carburetor.

I'm at the age today that I don't go under the hood other than to check the oil so I'm not sure what all is under there. If you have a car with a carburetor check the filter in the carb, it is just past where the gas line connects in. If you have fuel injectors you might want to look else where like a collapsing belows in the fuel pump. Changing the pump will fix the problem.

Cleaning the injectors wouldn't hurt.

This is so wierd and no one in our family have ever seen
such thing. I got a small bone coming out of the back of my
head . The back side of my head , it has a small bone coming
straight out but ofcorse under the skin , it's seems like
a tumor but it isn't because I never hit the back of my head
So could anyone help or have any idea of what in the world
is that??
Thanks :D

None of us on this website are doctors as such we can not make medical diagnosis. Even if we could you really cannot make a medical finding over a website like this.

The best way to determine what that lump, that is what it is until determined otherwise, is to see a doctor and get some imaging studies. There are a whole host of things it could be. If this is something that has not been there from birth then it is doubtful, to me anyway, that it is bone.

If this thing, whatever it is, is down at the base of your skull near where your head connects to your spine. This could be a dangerous area for it to be in. The sooner you have it checked out by a doctor the sooner you know what it is and what should be done about it.

My advise is to see a doctor.

i have been having random outbursts at people because of the stuff that they do not like. im male and 19 years old. so one day, my mom talks to me about school tests and i had gotten mad over something , so then i went downstairs. the next day, she didnt speak nor talk or look at me. it was really hurting me.so then i went outside yesterday and i had mistakenly come late. so like my dad comes in and starts yelling at me at how i didnt close the bag of a loaf of bread right. i had gotten pissed off and he had hit me with the bag for no apparent reason. i didnt say anything to make him angry at me. i had went back to my room and started crying at how my mother never speaks to me or looks at me because of my behavior. now both my parents are always talking garbage and how im gonna get kicked out of school in june. its really depressing to me because i always lose interest in fun things, i cant sleep at night, i dont feel like coming back home. i am scared to go outside or tell somebody, what should i do?? im so sad i feel like hurting myself.

As voice of reason wrote there are to many gaps in your information to give you any definitive advise.

What I did pick up on was " im so sad i feel like hurting myself." This is a red flag that bothers me a great deal. You need to get help for this feeling.

You are 19 as such you are not required to tell your parents that you are feeling this way, but you should so they can help you. Should you decide not to tell them and you are feeling this way there are three things you could do.

You can call 911 and ask for help which is the best and fastest way to get help. If you would like to speak with someone then you could call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK (8255). They operate a Suicide hotline, 24/7 that is free and confidential, with a nationwide network of crisis centers they can refer you to. The third option is to go to the nearest hospital Emergency Room and ask for help.

It is easy to spot that you are fighting some form of depression. Whether the depression is chronic or just a normal form of depression can't be diagnosed over a website. The one problem with any type or depression is when we are in a depressed mood we see thing differently then what they may really be. If we perceive something incorrectly it kind of perpetuates are down mood causing the cycle to continue.

If you are at a place where you are thinking of hurting yourself then you need to reach out for help. Please reach out to one of the places I have given you. With their help things will get better and life will be good again.

I don't feel depressed but I don't want to live just because no matter how exciting I try to make my life, I still feel bored and lifeless and devoid. I don't feel suicidal all the time just occasionally, and I don't know what to do :(

The fact that you have occasional thoughts of suicide tells me you are suffering from some type of depression. I don't think you can be suicidal and not be depressed. It just does not seem to work that way.

Lets say for the sake of talking that you can feel suicidal without being depressed; I don't think this is something you can talk or work yourself out of. I feel professional help is needed.

If you are feeling suicidal before you can see a doctor then please call 911 or the emergency number for where you live. They will get arrange for getting you to the professional help you need. If you are not feeling suicidal call you family doctor, tell the person making the appointments why you need to see the doctor. They will either arrange an emergency appointment for you or give you directions to follow. Which ever they do, please do as they say.

Should you not have a family doctor then I suggest you go to the nearest hospital emergency room. Suicidal feelings are serious and need professional help for you to deal with. You have taken the first step by writing to us. Now take the next step and contact a doctor.

There is also the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK (8255): Suicide hotline,a 24/7 free and confidential, nationwide network of crisis centers that you can contact for more help. They also have a website you can visit: http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/.

The most important thing you can do for yourself is to take the next step and get some professional help. If you still live at home ask your parents for help. If you go to school ask a teacher, the school nurse, a guidance counselor or even the school principal for help.

Im 14 years old and i just gave birth to my baby girl Dacey Aisillin Roache!! She is beautiful!! Im still in the hospital, but dont worry i have my laptop!!!!!!!!! :D Is it okay to let your baby sleep with a pillow or should i wait?

The answer to your question is: Baby's do not sleep with pillows.

You're 14 and have a child? I will assume you are planning on keeping the baby. If so the first thing you need to do is take a parenting class. Ask the hospital social worker to arrange for you to attend these classes as soon as possible.

Next you need to see a lawyer to make sure the baby's father, if he is your age or still under 18, he and his parents are made financially responsible for your Daughter. Just because he may be a minor his financial responsibilities remain. He is responsible for her until she turns 18. The laws differ some from state to state but I don't feel his possibly being a minor relieves him of financial responsibilities. The hospital social worker may be able to help you with finding a lawyer and answering questions about the fathers responsibilities. Make sure to ask them before you leave the hospital.

I got a speeding ticket the other day and I read somewhere that if the ticket is unsigned, it could be dismissed. However, on the speeding ticket I got, there wasn't even a place for the officer to sign it, there was just a place for the officers name which was typed in. Do officers not sign tickets in wisconsin?

Silly Rob gave you good advise. If you have to go to court to pay the fine then do so. If you can pay the fine by mail then I would suggest doing that.

Taking the time to go to court is not worth the time and effort it takes if you are guilty of speeding. If you are working and not going to school figure out what it is costing you to lose a half days pay plus the cost of traveling to court and parking. Then add that to the fine and court costs if the judge does not dismiss the ticket. Is this really worth the added cost.
If this is your first ticket it is not that big of a deal. If you have numerous tickets then you may have to go to court.

If you are a student and choose to go to court to fight a ticket, and loose. The absence, where I live, is not considered an excused absence or late arrival/early dismissal and the student is subject to school discipline as well. If you are a student you might want to check with your school to see what their policy is regarding traffic court. They have to allow you to go, they don"t have to allow it as an excused absence, at least that is our school systems thinking.

Double jeopardy? Maybe? But it gives young people another reason to speed and drive recklessly. As a parent and a member of a fire department rescue squad; if this policy saves the life of just one student, I will support it.

Hi, I was diagnosed with chlamydia last month. I was prescribed levaquin once a day for ten days but that's about as much instruction that I received. My boyfriend also was prescribed something,but it was a different prescription that he took once a day for seven days. Its been fourteen days since my last dose, so I think i'm good to go. Wednesday (may 18) was my boyfriend's last dose.

My question is when is it safe for us to have unprotected sex? I'm on birth control and everything, but I don't want us to get reinfected.

I've looked online and several places have said that you should wait seven days, but everywhere i've looked the people just took like one dose for one day, so I don't know if it 'counts' the same no matter how many days you have to take it.

This question is best answered by a call to your doctors office.

20/f. I have always been pretty close to my mom, but right now we are just not gettingnalong anymore because she doesn't let me live. Honestly, she doesn't give me one minute alone. Today, she was going to go furniture shopping some place like 30 minutes away and I couldn't go with her because I had to study so I told her that I would rather stay at school and she started crying telling me that i don't love her anymore and that I ruined her day. Honestly, I really do have to study and these classes are already for my major so they count towards grad school. I thought about leaving to a different university because that is the only way she will really have to learn to live without me. But, I really like my school and I'm lucky enough to come here on a full scholarship. Aside from that, it's a fantastic school, not worth it to leave. I can't live at home anymore. And I don't have them money to move out. My mom doesn't listen to me. And shes like obsessed with me. She doesn't want me to leave her side ever. I know this isn't so detailed but I just want to break down and cry. I can't deal with it anymore and I have no brother or sisters to talk to. I have no one to side with me. Help!!!

You are facing the problems of an only child. Mom has become dependent on you more so as a companion than as a daughter. This is not a good relationship for either of you.

From what you have written I don't see an immediate fix to your situation as the fix does require you to move out and live your own life. To do so may you have to adjust next years class schedule.

You have not said if you have any type of income other than what mom is supplying you with. So I am going to go on the assumption that you do not have a job. While I realize jobs a scarce, part time jobs are more available. You need to find a job for the summer and sock a way the money to cover your expenses during the school year. You may also have to work during the school year if you do not make enough to cover room and board at school over the summer.

You should also check with your school to see if there are any positions you could fill in exchange for room and board. Off the top of my head possibly student teaching or research assistant come to mind.

You know the answer to your problem so the problem becomes finding an answer to the solution.

Hi, i am a 17 year-old guy. And i am 5'7, a little higher than that actually, like five foot seven and a half. Am i short? I havent been called it lately, but i just feel like i am short since alot of people are taller than me. Should i be worried about this? Again, i am a 17 year-old guy.

When I was your age I was about your height. When I turned 18 I had a growth spurt and another one at 19. I ended up being 6' 2" tall.

If you have concerns about your height and if this is going to be your final height check with your doctor. An x ray can tell if your growth plates have closed. If they are still somewhat open then there is a good chance you have not finished growing and just a late bloomer.

I didn't know what category to put this in... I'm a female and recently, I've got a sore little bump near my clitoris, kind of on the labia majora... Yea, I had to look that up because I seriously never paid attention to what's down there. But it's sore and it itches only if something touches it, by that, I mean like if I'm lying on my stomach or using the bathroom. I don't particularly wanna tell my mom because she'll demand to see it and I just have this weirdo feeling of having people look at me there, it's just bothers me, so yea... I'm not asking for medical advice, just some suggestions on what it might be and if you think it's serious.

I'm sure you have heard this before, if not you will hear this many times in the future. Mom use to change your diapers, she has seen what is down there. Sure it may have changed a bit over the years but it still not something she hasn't seen before and not much different from what she herself has. Also nothing says she will ask to take a look and there is no way she can tell from just looking if you are sexually active.

Just what is causing the bump could be anything from something very begin to something that requires medical intervention. We are not doctors and even if we were we can not see or feel the bump over the internet so there is no way to make a diagnoses.

My advice:You need to see a doctor and have the bump checked out. If this requires you to tell your mom so a doctors appointment can be made then do so. As I said the bump could be nothing or it could be something that requires medical intervention. Given the area we are discussing I would say if you plan on having children in the future then you need to have it checked out.

A word of advice: Never be afraid to tell your parents when something is medically wrong with you. Be it a lump, bump, rash, ache or pain; regardless of where this problem may be or what you think may be the cause. As parent our first concern is for you well being. We will deal with the cause and the possible consequences afterwards.

I say this to you as a father and an Uncle to my two nieces who do not have a father. I love them all equally and will move heaven and earth to see to their well being. My first thoughts are and always will be their well being. I deal with the why, the what and the future of the how after I have seen to their well being. I'm fairly certain your parents are much the same as I am when it comes to their children.

I am 64 yrs old. My mother is 91. I come from a very Italian background. My mother has 1 daughter (me) and 1 son. She lives 8 minutes from me now. Always been dependent on me and needy. Next year my husband and I plan on retiring. Our goal is to move to Florida. We have no specific plan other than to sell our home and wing it. How can I ever make such a move and plan on taking my mom at some point in time. She occupies a condo and lives alone. Pretty self sufficient but I do talk to her just about everyday, visit once a week and whatever else she may need. How can I make this transition as easy and with a minimum amount of stress. I have only touched the surface of this but I see it as a huge problem. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks.
Romy

You and your husband have the right to live your own lives as does your mother.

You say mom lives on her own and is and is "pretty self-sufficient". You do not say if she is in good health or in need of continuing medical care and transport to different doctors. This is important as it may impact what she may want to do.

The older a person gets the harder it is on them to pick up and move. They are comfortable in their surroundings, they know where everything is and who to call if they need things. When you move people your mothers age the impact can lead to confusion and even shorten their lives.

I would suggest you start by discussing with your mother that you and your husband plan on retiring and that your plans are to move to Florida. Ask her how she feels about your plans and what she would like to do. If she isn't sure be prepared to both explain and show her what her options are.

Explain to her what a Senior assisted living center is. She may confuse it with a nursing home which they are not. She would have her own apartment/condo and depending on her needs you can purchase the assistance she would need that you may have been supplying.

Most have Nursing care that range from full nursing care to just dispensing of medication. Then there are different meal plans that are available, laundry service and cleaning services. The activity centers offers a full range of activity based on the ages of their residents. Many have emergency Medical Technicians and Paramedic ambulance service on site for when and if the are needed. Transportation to her doctors is generally also a service that is available.

Mom of course can also move to Florida with you into a similar Senior living center. I would not, based on your thoughts of just "winging it", ask mom to move in with you. You need to do what is best for mom.

Telling mom that she has to move to Florida is in my belief not what is best for her. Whatever friends she has, her doctors and everything that supports her is where you are now, that is her comfort zone and I believe that is where she is going to want to stay. You need to be prepared to help her if that is her decision.

I of course could be wrong and she many say she want to move with you. If so be prepared with brochures for Senior living centers near where you and your husband plan to use as you home base for "winging it".

Just in passing, my parents left my grandmother where she was living when they moved to Florida and everything worked out fine. Even though she developed a form of Alzheimer's towards the end she hung in there for more than five years after my parent retired. We never knew grandma's true age as she came from the old country without a birth certificate. The doctors told us she was somewhere between 95 and 98 when she passed away.

I think I'm really ugly...What can I do to become pretty? I think I have a big nose and I don't like the way I look at all..What should I do?

The short answer to your question is to do nothing.

You have not given your age so I will assume for the purpose of this answer you are older than 13 but younger than 18. Being in this age group puts you right in the middle of puberty. There is nothing you can do in the form of surgery to change any of your facial features.

No legitimate plastic sergeon will operate on you unless you have a medical reason for surgery or a disfiguring accident. The reason for this is your still growing and your body is still changing. Some plastic surgeon will even suggest waiting until a patient is 21 before under doing any type of enhancement surgery as puberty can last into the early twenties.

As for now and this depends on your age and what mom and dad will allow. Hair style and make up can make a big difference in ones outward appearance.

Have you ever heard the expression that beauty is only skin deep or don't judge a book by it's cover. In general, to me at least, they both mean the same thing. While you did not write much, I can tell from your writing that you are a very beautiful young lady. Outward appearance means nothing it is the person below the skin who is the real person. The warm loving individual you are that people who will take the time to get to know you will want to be with and the type of person men, not teenage boys, want to marry.

Sure when your older and have finished with puberty if you still want to get your nose fixed, then do so. I will tell you this as something to think about, it is a painful operation. But please do not call yourself ugly for you are far from ugly; you are a beautiful person and that is what really counts.

everyday i go to school and put on a fake smile, act like everything is alright but the truth is im depressed my parents always yell at me and each other, say anything to bring me down, i have no1 i trust, im stressed out, i cant sleep, some people at school calls me names i usually dont care but when now every little thing adds up, i hate my step family, i feel out casted, alone,im tired all the time, everyday people try 2 bring me down and now its working. i tryd talking 2 my friends about this but they dont wanna hear it cause there all dealing with half of the problems i am. what do i do 2 feel like myself again?

You have not given your age. Hopefully you are at least 13 years of age as that is the youngest age that you can be using this site.

To begin with none of us are doctors so there is no way for certain that we can say if you are depressed or not. What you have written does describe some of the conditions, but not all of them that doctors use when screening for depression.

So the first thing you need to do if you feel you are clinically depressed is to see your family doctor or possibly your school guidance department and be screened for depression. Once properly diagnosed there are medications and therapy that can help you.

The other things you can do is to talk with you mom or dad and tell them how you feel. Parents that argue a lot sometimes say things that they don't mean and don't realize they are even saying. I'm sure your parents love you and if made aware of how their arguing is effecting you they may find away to tone it down when around you.

Being a teenager is a rough time in life for any teenager as the hormones caused by the onset of puberty really does a number on them. If your a female it is even rougher. If you factor in a little depression, something everyone has at sometime, not necessarily clinical depression, and you start to see things not as they really are. This is normal.

My advice is that you see a doctor to be screened for teenage depression. You also need to talk to mom, dad or both and tell them what is going on with you and how what hey are doing is making you feel. If talking directly to mom and dad is something you feel you cannot do. Then try talking to a trusted teacher or other trusted adult who will talk to you parents for you. Your doctor is a good person to talk to about this.

Well, I'm M/15. I feel like I need a meaning. It feels like I'm lost. I think I need friends or people who understand me. But that seems impossible. I miss how I used to feel. I am not really religious but I believe there is a god. The things I like are sciencey and sometimes go against religions. But now I don't know what to believe. Do my feelings have to do with a soul or a god? but then theres the possibility that Its just in my head and theres some psychological problem in my head. Weather its what I breath and eat or hormones or anything of that nature. I find the scientific explanations easier to believe. They seem more "realistic" But I still hope there is a spiritual side to all of this. I'm lost :( for example: in reality I probably won't find the answers I really need here. But then I have a hope that somehow, someone sent from god will happen to find this and it would have some meaning. Please don't give me a jesus lecture. I have my parents for that.

Your 15 years old and going through what many 15 year olds' go through at this stage of life. You are learning to question that which you may not understand and that what may seem to be confusing.

There are times in life when two sides of something will appear to differ yet both sides for reasons of faith, science, math or a combination of them will make both sides appear to be true. As learned people these are the times we have attacks of faith or conscience as we want to believe in what we believe. When faith confuses learning we become confused.

I am not a very religious person. I believe there is a god. I believe god gave us the brain power we have so that we can question things. If we never questioned anything we would still live in the dark ages. We look at something and say how did that or does that happen and then we say how can we make it better.

For a modern example of this is just look at the airplane. Just 60 years ago the height and length of the Wright Brothers flight are now dwarf by the length and height of such planes as the 747, A380, C5A and C17. For the theory or questioning of flight you need to go all the way back to DaVinci and Newton.

In my view you can have your faith and still have your questions. You have been given your brains by god to figure out for yourself what is true, what is false and what is folk law. To help you find your answers you have your text books, the Internet, your Priest or Minister and your parents.

So no you have not I believe you have not lost your way, you have just learned to question.

Im a teenage boy, and i always wanted to know why girls dont seem as horny as we do. Maybe it is just me, but i go to highschool filled with hot girls everywhere and it drives me nuts. But the girls dont seem that way towards guys. They seem like they dont even think about boys or sex at all, but why is it that us guys always are more horny?

Here is another hint: Boys can't get pregnant, girls can. So while they may be as horny as any boy they may be very reluctant to do something about it with a boy.

is there a place in the world where everybody wants to have sex and is willing to do it anytime? and btw, this is a serious question. I live here in Ottawa, Canada, and the girls are somewhat interested in sex on a normal manner, but is there a country where sex is really important and where people are down all the time to do it?

If you are looking for free swinging sex, that country does not exist. There are countries where prostitution is it's main attraction. I've heard there are some countries in South East Asia where prostitution is their biggest attraction.

Sorry to burst your bubble on this one.

Hi a friend of mine is starting a business in a different country, he gave me his savings so I can transfer it to him when he gets there and start the business. After transferring the money I found out his savings was a loan, he is now going to claim bankruptcy and start a life in a different country. I thought I was helping a friend and now I feel involved in his bankruptcy. Can the loan company come after me because I sent him the money?

I have no joint accounts with him, he was just a friend, he gave me the funds in a bank cheque so I thought it was good money... Should I be worried?

To your follow up question: You really need to ask this of a Lawyer. There are too many variables that I am not aware of such as; in what form did he give you the money, the laws in your state and the fact that I am not a lawyer. The fact that I am not a lawyer makes it wrong for me to advise you on something this important and what could be potentially devastating to you. Please see a lawyer.

If you can not afford a lawyer check with the local legal aid council to see if they can help you. You can also check to see if there are any legal clinics that might be able to advice you on this matter.

The Bank is going to want it's money back. Filing bankruptcy does not always relieve a person of their debts. In many cases some or all of the debt has to be paid back. Usually over a period of time. The only difference is interest stops accruing. It all depends on the type of bankruptcy he files. The fact that your friend has left the country is also a red flag for he may be in a country where are laws can't touch him.

Just what your involvement in all of this is, legally I'm not sure. At the very least you could be an unwitting co-conspirator. At worst your friend, which depending how this plays out may not be much of a friend, as he may have left you holding the bag.

I would suggest you be proactive and do as Gunner suggest and retain a lawyer. Depending on the laws in your state you may be held responsible and made to pay back the loan or you can be seen as I said an unwitting co-conspirator. A lawyer would know for sure and know what is the best way to keep you involvement in this to a minimum.

you know how there are places where guys pay to let girls torture them sexually?
is there a place where its the opposite? like a place where girls pay to get slapped and smacked by guys? im writing a grotesque essay for my creative writing class, and plus i wanna know out of curiosity.

I could think of better things to write an essay about. If you are looking for shock value you picked a good topic. What you are talking about is called Female Domination and falls within the BDSM world of sexual fetishes.

I tried looking on line to find a listing for a male form of a Dominatrix and did not see one. There are plenty of listings,even by large city, for female dominatrices who will do both males and females. I would suggest using a search engine or finding one of the many underground newspapers that list these type of advertisements to find what your looking for.

Good luck and be careful.

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