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Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!

advice

So my parents are very big on "Social media"and me not being allowed to have it. You know,Snapchat, Instagram. A few years ago i snuck it anyway, yes, it was stupid, and i got caught.And then i snuck it again, and then they kept saying when i would be allowed to have it. Well, today i got busted for having it, and I'm going into high school, and they said they were going to allow me to have it in high school. And i feel really stupid sneaking it now, i want to get it very badly. I really do, i just don't know whether to give up, or just ask again?

What I am going to say, you would never have expected but I want you to understand first why you did the sneaking around behind the parents backs. Yes I understand you wanted something badly but that is the point at which depending on how we think, we either decide to still go ahead and suffer the consequences or think ahead and imagine the possible consequences and despite our want, decide not to. Yes, you have to understand the part I am talking about next as it will help to gain the parents trust, not just to get what you want but hopefully in a way that will really change your teen llfe in great ways.

It all comes down to our developing bodies. The body is going through the changes to look more adult like and during this phase the sexual organs continue to grow though they will work already now. The only thing that does not function well during childhood and teen and young adult years is the frontal lobe of the brain. This part of brain is responsible for making good decisions, judgement calls and thinking ahead to possible ways something could backfire/go wrong. No matter how much you try to make good decisions right now, the fact remains that the frontal lobe is so far behind in construction that it can't be used at all and teens rely on the back part of brain for everything, including contemplating any actions you might want to take. The sucky part is that this lobe of brain doesn't become mature and able to make its own best decisions until mid twenties, and that will seem like a long time to wait. Your parents may not even realize that what I just said is a scientific proved thing but they will remember being just like you and impaired as far as making good decisions is concerned and how hard it is to stay on the right path. I will give a link here that more fully explains what I am talking about before I go on.

https://science.howstuffworks.com/life/inside-the-mind/human-brain/teenage-brain1.htm

Knowing that your decision making process is not yet able to be done with the part of brain made for that function, you will be impaired already. And the resulting choices and behaviors are what parents will spot as possible reasons to not trust their teen. So what can be done in the meanwhile, not only to make better decisions as a teen but to gain or regain trust and to make better decisions.

Being unable to look forward to possible consequenceds down the road is actually an easy fix but not something most teens and young adults are willing to do. It is something they can do until their own brain reacheds full complete maturity in the frontal lobe.

Ready for it? What a teen needs to do, and I taught this to my kids when they were teens, is to use their parents or any other adult they trust as a sounding board. It's actually best to get more than just the parents because otherwise you will assume they are just being stick in the muds and their opinion will always be the worst possible choice you could make. My kids used their Aunt quite often to talk to about something heavy on their minds, but they used me as well. If all the opinions you get pretty much point to the same conclusion, then taking in all that advice, you are ready to make a decision that may well go against what it is you want so much at the time, if you realize that later is better. There is a lot of bullying and sexting and other not so good stuff that happens with the use of cell phones that would be hard enough for an adult with a mature brain to handle. So forget a teen being able to handle it well at all.
I actually want to give you points for coming here to ask for advice. You are already wanting to use others as a sounding board. But there is no way to know if the advice you are getting is from someone also younger than their mid twenties. I am 60 in case you wonder.

Heres the definition of 'sounding board': A person whose reactions to an idea, opinion, or point of view serve as a measure of its effectiveness or acceptability.

Another option I taught my kids was to learn how to appeal to any decisions I or their Dad made. I knew that I am only human and sometimes might make a snap decision cus I was busy, tired, distracted and being the parent, still expected those decisions followed. Yes, I know sometimes parents do this and I knew I was prone to it as well. So I taught what I learned in a parenting book to my kids. It is called the appealing process and works pretty much the same as it does in legal court systems. An appeal is the action you take if you disagree with a decision. By action, in courts you bring in new evidence, facts, information that was not shared before or you were not given a chance to share before a decision was made. Your parents are judge and jury so You really have to be serious about this and not waste their time simply pleading over and over hoping to be obnoxious enough to break them so they give what you want. This is NOT how this process is used.
I will give an example: Shelly wants to go out on a date with Jared, a guy she hangs out with at school. They are close friends and unofficially consider each other boyfriend and girlfriend. So she asks the parents, "Jared asked me out on a date, can I go?" "No, you can't date until you are 16." Shelly talks to a favorite female teacher who is like a grandma to her. "Mrs. Brown, I want to go out with Jared but my parents said no. How can I get them to say yes?" "Have you thought about a compromise that they might say yes to? Think about what it is really that you want, like do you want the actual process of going out somewhere on a date or is it that you simply want to spend time away from school with Jared?" Shelly gave it some thought. "I actually want to just be able to be around him on the weekends, hang out together, you know?" "Yes, I do understand. So how about asking the parents if he can come over to your house when they are at home so they can supervise and make sure everything is okay. You are old enough for that because you have had girlfriends over and they have no problem, right? So it's because he is a male and you are female and they are trying to protect you from either an abusive boyfriend or one who might get you pregnant. So ask them if Jared can come hang out at your house." So Shelly asks her parents. And using the appeal process, it would go like this.

:
"Mom,Dad, I know you don't want me dating yet. I don't need to go out on a date to a restaurant or something with Jared, . . ." and here they cut her off, "We already said the answer is no." Shelly is irritated but keeps her cool and calmly says, "I would like to present a different idea to you, I would like to appeal like its done in court and present you with something. So could you please hear me out?" The parents agree. 'Okay, I understand you don't want me going out on date somewhere away from you where you can't watch over me or protect me (inwardly she cringes at saying this cus it goes against how she feels but she knows from Mrs Brown that her parents need to hear this part) So I would like to present the idea of having Jared only come over when you are at home and you can make whatever guidelines you want for us to follow. All I really want is to spend time hanging out with him like I do with girlfriends." End result, her parents talk right then and agree but they do have a rule, "If you hang out in your room, the door must remain open at all times and we are allowed to check in on you." Parents will always feel like this, it is a part of what they learned when you were little. I know when my kids all of a sudden got real quiet in their room, most the times it was because they were doing something wrong or getting into something they shouldnt, like the time My toddler swiped a clean diaper from the supply for baby sister and was attempting to put it on her dolly. I didn't want her to use all of them up when the tape wouldn't re tape any more. So I told her she was being a good Mommy. That she could have only that one diaper but not use any new ones. If the tape didn't work any more, she was to ask me for tape, (scotch tape) and I would give her pieces of that to use instead. Most times however, she was doing something wrong.

I hope this helps you understand the steps you need to go through. Asking your friends for advice is like asking your pet for advice, you're not g oing to get any because what comes from their mouths, no matter how much they want to help is not answers from a mind with a fully grown mature frontal lobe. If you do not have the best parents and they are pretty messed up people, this happens sometimes....then get advice from other adults you trust and like and feel comfortable talking to. Don't forget elderly people who still have a sharp mind. They can remember enough to give you a good opinion. I wish you the best.

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Ok, so when I was about 4 or 5, I didn’t have many friends, so tended to play on my own a lot. I noticed there was a sewer/grid thingymajiggy there, it had a hole in it, so naturally, as a curious toddler I looked down the hole and something flew into my eye. It just felt like wind flying there, and I thought it may have been a bit of dirt or whatever, but now I think it might be something worse. Anyway, at the time I got a teacher to get it out of my eye (or at least the feeling of it out of my eye, but I randomly remembered this memory the other night, and now have the feeling it was poop in my eye, and am now worried that it’s never all came out of my eye, and that some of it’s still there. How will I be able to tell?
My parents don’t know of this incident as it happened at school. I’m 16 now, so don’t know why it came into my head randomly.
Am worried that my eye might be infected now? I get hay fever every year and think it might be connected to this.

Sorry if I seem stupid for worrying.

You are over thinking this all. Even if something did get onto your eye that long ago, any infecton would have occurred right away then, not 1o plus years later. Our eyes create tears not only to keep our eyes moist but do so in excess at times like that to wash any debris from our eyes.

The issue with hayfever is that if a grain of pollen were seen under a microscope, it would look like this:
https://photogallery.indiatimes.com/news/events/everyday-things-under-a-microscope/articleshow/59577300.cms

You see a grain is full of spikes and sometimes hook like parts, and this helps pollen to stay on the plant it landed on. Unfortunately, it irritates the eye and takes a while for your eye to flush it out, only to be bombarded by more pollen in the air. I don't get it too bad but I have so I know what it feels like. Rubbing your eyes only makes the irritated membrane of the eye feel worse so resist the urge to rub. If you must touch there somehow, then only close your eyes and apply some pressure to your eye. The best thing is eye drops for hayfever symptoms and taking allergy pills regularly during the time you have problems, not waiting until you feel the symptoms.

You are right that anything like poop in the eyes can cause infection. You only don't have the time line correct. The infection would have occurred back then and since it didn't, what ever germs from that were washed out by your tears within the first day or two. Have you ever got a loose eyelash floating on your eye? It feels like a zillion things that don't belong are on your eye. Its painful and irritating. When this happens, my eye waters so bad I can't see barely. I am only teaching something for the future in case it happens to you. There can be germs on your fingers too so wash your hands and fingers well with an anti bacterial soap but also rinse well. Dry the finger you will be using. I used to wear contacts and was used to putting them in and getting close to my eye. When your finger tip is dry, it acts like a magnet and the wet eyelash will stick to it 90% of the time when you open your eye wide, pull lids away to look for a lash and touch it gently with your finger. I know some people use tip of a kleenex tissue to attempt removal, but tissue is made up of wood fibers which under microscope will look as bad as pollen grains and therefore it can scratch and irritate the eye in the removing of the eyelash.

I would like to point out something you may not be aware of, but it has to do with our thought processes. Everyone does this sometimes. It is called 'distorted thinking'. This would mean once a thought enters the head, the mind will take it and run with it, dwelling on what if's, imagining the worst and non of it will be rational or able to be scientically proven. You'll know what I mean when I tell you of one that happens often when I am going down the freeway and see a bad accident, like a car flipped over. Immediately, human curiosity hits and I start to imagine what it must feel like to be stuck in an overturned car. Would my phone be near to call for help, or would some other motorist call it in. How long before aid arrives, and the process of them getting me out. And the longer I dwell on this scenario in the mind, the worse it will get if I don't stop myself from dwelling on it. If so, next I will think, oh wait, maybe I am not okay, maybe I am hurt, how bad would it be, how long would it take me to recover. What if I lost an arm or leg, or even died? See, that is a bit of truth I will share because I have done that. It neverk gets that bad or goes for long because I tell myself ahead of time, before a distorted thought comes, that if one starts, I need to tell myself to end it ASAP. I switch gears then and instead of thinking of myself, I aay a simple prayer for the people in the car and then drop the thought and focus on my day,where I am headed, what errands I need to run. I just stop dwelling on distorted thoughts. I wouldn't call it a mental illness because almost all peopple once they know about it, are able to stop the part of dwelling on. People who have done the dwelling on distorted thoughts for lengths of time each time they have a bad thought, will find they do it more often, it happens more often and eventually, it morphs from a bad habit to a mental disability and a person can develop phobia's anxieties and such which do fall under mental disabilities or illness.

So you don't have to feel sorry for such thoughts coming to you, it happens to all humans. But learn how to stop it. If not sure if there is anything to really be concerned about as in your case, try to find answers on the internet and if you can't, then confide in an adult you trust, if not your parents, someone else you can ask to you can quickly determine if as in this case you wrote about, that you need to see a Dt. or whether there is nothing to worry about.

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Okay. My name is Connie and I had my blood draw about a month and a half ago. Now before you ask, "Why are you doing this a month and a half AFTER your blood draw?" please take this into consideration.

(P.s. I put this under Injuries because I didn't know what I should put this under.)

Anyway.

My arm started to hurt just recently exactly where I had gotten my blood drawn (right at the crook of my elbow) despite how long it has been. The reason I'm worried that it was because of my blood draw is because while I was getting it drawn, I had accidentally tensed my arm and jerked as the needle went in. Nothing too bad happened (it hurt a lot and bruised, but that was what I almost expected anyway) but now my arm is starting to hurt again.

No, it is not the skin and if I push on it (sorry, I was wondering if it was just a bruise…I know, I'm an idiot) it doesn't get worse. Or better, for that matter.

I'm scared to go to the doctor because, unfortunately, I have this terrible fear of the doctor's office (or any hospital, ER, etc.).

So if anyone has any advice on this for me, as what I should do, etc. please let me know.

Thanks!

I have searched the internet and for pain in blood draw sites a week later, I see something. A person wrote in to an Internet MD who answered the following:

Dr. Edward Hellman
Pain in arm a week after blood drawn. Is this normal?

No: Not really normal, but also not unusual. It is often from a phlebitis, which is an inflammation of the vein the blood was drawn from. Warm compresses and NSAIDs can help. If it does not get better, be seen.

Source: HealthTap, https://www.healthtap.com/topics/pain-in-arm-after-blood-draw

Since it has been not one week as the questioner said, but 6 weeks for you, I would definitely see your Dr because if it is an inflammation of vein, phlebitis, and not going away, they will most likely need to prescribe you some medication to clear up whatever is going on. You probably should mention the phlebitis in case it is that. I have had so many Dr.s simply not know something because they had not ever encountered it yet in their practice.

As for the fear of going to the Dr. I have something for you to try that I did for a fear of Dentists. While I still don't like going, I have no terrifying fear. This has to do with dealing with your 'inner child' if you've ever heard the term. I happen to feel the inner child just might be connected to our subconscious mind. So to make this effective, I choose to talk aloud or inside my head to this other part of me as if it were a totally different intity. This helps to understand why my awake/conscious mind is aware there is no reason to be scared of something but like a little child that doesn't understand, some things are scary. So what I did is talk to my inner child and say, "You don't have to be scared yet because the appointment is a couple days away." The morning of: You don't have to be afraid yet, the appointment is later today. When in the car/on bus: You don't have to be afraid yet, we aren't there yet. While in waiting room: You don't have to be afraid yet, they haven't called our name yet. Once in a room waiting for a Dr: No reason to be scared yet, the Dr. isn't here yet. Then Dr. enters and I found my fear was substantially less at that time or almost gone. You tell yourself now, that you won't let anything terrible happen to you. Then calmly explain everything to your Dr and let them decide what the best plan to recover is.

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Hello again.. First of all thank you for your advice , it helped me seeing things in a different way, as you said i gave a him the chance to talk, and i told him that he needn't have to be so stressed over my reaction and i was ready to hear everything even the worse as long as he he's honest with me.. he said you're wrong i wasn't lying to you she was in my past and i was trying everything to push her away from my life from you, and i didn't want you to figure it out because i wanted to protect you from her from my past, you don't know what i had been through with her and now when everything was over you found about it, you're the one i want you're the one i want to spend my life with, in our relationship i didn't cheat on you and i won't .. so he was in a situation of full denial ..I still don't believe him i feel he's lying and i don't have anything to prove otherwise, except talking to the girl ,but that's not me..

Thanks for writing back. You have been with him for long enough to have gained complete trust in him. If you don't feel you can trust him and believe he's lying, I just want to remind you that there are two reasons for lack of trust. If you are honest with yourself, you'll know if you lack trust due to a divorce and bad relationships you had before meeting him. It is possible for a fear to be running in your mind due to having such bad luck in the past. I do understand that. If you know for sure its not you, then the reason you lack trust in him, is because he is not being the kind of man that would instill trust in you in the first place. This is often the problem more than anything else. I can't imagine being married to someone I don't trust...no matter how great everything else is. What a woman needs to feel total trust in her man, is a man who does not hide his past from her, not even if he talks to female friends from his past. The man loves to talk to you and will say things that compliment you and any of your talents or traits and do it often. The man will tell you without you having to ask what he loves about you, your body, your personality and characteristics. Of course, a man would have to have some kind of clue of what he is looking for to recognize it in his lady.k So is the case with my husband. He said he was looking for a lady who was spiritual but not religious, and the other, a woman who is his sexual equal. He knows he has a high sex drive and did not want someone who had a lower one where sex once a week or way less, was great for them and more was not. I happen to be a match in both areas. He makes comments too, like when we are people watching. He'll see a woman with lits of children and by her looks, he says he can't imagine a man wanting to even make kids with her. He says it like he's just being funny but other times he tells me how I am exactly what he envisioned his wife looking like when he finally met her. I hear I love you every day several times, and I hear from him, volunteering how sexy I am or how great I look compared to other women my age, lots of compliments everything he looks at me and enjoys the looking, he tells me so. His eyes don't lie, I can see them darken with desire. Most women don't get enough of this from their man. I am so confident, he could be alone with a room full of women and I know he would not be hitting up on them. But because of how he treats women with respect and is kind, no matter that he has some extra pounds on him, he has women hitting up on him and he tells me every day after work. He's a cashier and lonely older women are always inviting him to coffee at their place or to go out for a meal or lunch. He of course never accepts and it isn't about the ages, he's always since a young man been interested in women older than him. He doesn't just tell me a woman hits up on him nut he'll kIss me and say, they are lonely but I have no desire to spend any time with them because they are not you. No woman could ever be who you are inside and out. Now remember, I hear this kind of stuff daily if not every other day. And he doesn't look at women in lust, if he's looking, it because he likes something they are wearing. He'll see a dress or jewelry he likes and points it out to me right away. What do you think of that dress. I like the style and would like to see it on you. Its always about me, and not just what he says but how he waits on me, hand and foot, always asking if there is any thing I need. The only reason women don't really trust their men is because they haven't heard from them that they would never be able to get it up, or want to get it up for another woman. A woman needs to feel not just loved but cherished and thats how he treats me. Many women do not get that. Knowing this, I can't help but think that no matter what your guy does to make you feel he loves you only, he is not doing his job right. He has to be doing and saying the things that will make you sure beyond a shadow of a doubt that he has eyes only for you and you have nothing to worry about. Have a talk and let him know what you need to feel you are the only and most important thing to him. My guy has said If I pass away first, he would have no will to live anymore. There are few couple like this where the mate passes in their sleep simply because they miss their mate and don't find any joy in life without their partner. If you have to tell him, then consider he is putting on an act for you. But maybe it will help you feel better. Otherwise, nice as he may be in other area's, its not about wether he has female friends, so does my hubby, but it is the attentions that I get from him with verbal building up and support that I have no fear of him ever cheating, lying to me. You are still young enough to find the right man and live a long life with him. Don't wait for men to ask you out.Men are visually oriented and will be initially interested. If any show an interest to get to know you beyond surface level, and once they know you, you see them treat you in ways that you have complete confidence in them and their love for you and you only, then you have the man to hold onto forever. It can take time to find such a person. There are too many males out there I do not even see as being manly men. Not women but something demasculated, no interest in women beyond a little sex and thats all. You will have to keep looking because this man is not instilling confidence in you of his love for you. If you find you are feeling the same even with a guy who is doing all the right things as I mentioned, then it is you and it would be best to get counseling and get healed so you can be ready for a relationship.
Good luck hon.

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Ive recently broken up w a boy i met from a few friends, i started to get to know him & yes he was loyal. we lasted 4 months , but then we broke up cause he knew few things abt me & we haven’t spoken for 5 days. i broke up with him without saying sorry , i just left him blank. we r kind of friends rn and i’m feeling guilty & it kills me. (13 & female)

Oh HOn, I know how it feels. When I was your age, I was too quiet and really didn't say much or say the few things that really needed to be said. I know for me it was lack of self confidence.

Relationships all the way through HS on the average do not last long so 4 months at your age is pretty good. There is no reason to not share your weaknesses, fears, or having to say you were wrong and say sorry. I know it sounds awkward and embarrassing but in reality, the end result is much better than you would think. Unfortunately, it took until I was in my 20s to figure that out.

What happens when you say you are sorry or share the kind of stuff I mentioned above, is that the other person knows you are being real with them and they can now relax because they've been there, had to say sorry, have weaknesses and fears.
Of course you don't share these with just any random person. But someone close to you, a bf, a family member, you can do it because you have learned to trust that person. Trust is earned when a person consistently (that means always the same never changing) keeps your secret, doesn't tell you that you are a bad person or worse, they dont humiliate or try to make you feel like a nothing, like a loser. People like that don't deserve you as a friend and you are better off without them because that is not how a friend treats a friend.
So you don't have to be afraid that admitting you were wrong will make a bad impression on him.
When you broke up, I don't know if you did, both of you agreed on it or he did. But you did say he really didn't know much about you. When a person does not volunteer information about themselves, it sends a message that they do not want to open up to you, something that is important in dating. It says you are just going through the motions, pretending to be interested just to be able to say you have a boyfriend but holding the other person off, acting distant and no one wants to hang around for a relationship like that.

You haven't heard from him for 5 days because frankly, if you were in his shoes and this happened to you, you would assume the other person hasn't changed their mind, seen reason and know they were wrong and apologize. If he doesn't see that, he will just ignore you because that is what he thinks you want and go on with his life. If he is a reasonably nice guy and good looking, it won't be long until other girls approach him and ask him out. SO don't sit around waiting dear. It isn't a bad thing to explain to him what you were thinking that made you do what you did. Guys and gals have a great difference in how they think, solve problems, come to conclusions, etc and they will still be like that as adults. It is not a bad thing, just a trait of males, by instinct they act the way they do, just as females act as they do. If the problem is that you have no idea how to make conversation with a guy, then I can help but you have to ask. I am only guessing it was a fear to look weak by sharing about yourself, leaving him without an explanation and so on. Right now it feels easier to run and hide but now is the time to slowly start learning to improve yourself as a person, improve relationship skills so that when you are out of school and ready for a serious relationship and maybe marriage, you won't have to go through all the heart aches and mistakes then.

If you have any more questions, just let me know.

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This past weekend, I noticed that my high school age daughter seemed to be scratching her head quite a bit. I asked her what the problem was and she calmly relayed to me that she had head lice. I was shocked and alarmed, of course, and couldn't understand how she could be so casual about this. I asked her why she hadn't said anything. Her answer? She had deliberately contracted them.

A few weeks back, it seems, a friend had confided in my daughter that she had head lice. My daughter expressed that she was curious to know what having lice is like and so the friend agreed to infect her. They then sat on the friend's bed, back to back with their heads resting against each other, while they listened to music.

Naturally, I put an end to this and helped her with disinfecting her hair, clothes, and bed linens. I'm still not sure we got them all. I'm knocking on wood, hoping we did.

My daughter has no history of self-harm, so I don't think that was her intention. She says it was just out of curiosity. I know kids will do crazy things sometimes, but I don't know what to make of this. Obviously I'm concerned that there could be some deeper issue here. Could this really be nothing more than a dumb teenage decision?

Sounds like stories my son in law told of himself when younger. He blindfoleed himself for an entire summer vacation to try to see what it was like to be blind and still have to be able to do things. At least he didn't poke his eyes out to find out. He did several other things odd like that too out of curiousity. He doesn't have mental illness today so I would have to say its not a sign of something worse. You are right that teens will do crazy things at times. Do you know why we all are like this to some extent? There is a scientific reason. Not trying to make excuses, seriously.

Bodies of humans come to their mature state long before the pre frontal lobe or the brain is mature. It isn't complete until the mid twenties on average. This means teens are already compromised in their thinking ability as far as the things that the pre frontal lobe governs. So they lack ability to see forward to possible outcomes and how it might affect others, do not make good judgements and so on. Read about that all here:

https://science.howstuffworks.com/life/inside-the-mind/human-brain/teenage-brain1.htm

So it is a given that your daughter will continue to do crazy things for a while. Often some of the crazy things teens do, result in their death at worst possiblilites. What I have found is that it is best to teach our teens to use us (the parents) as sounding boards. The dictionary says a sounding board is a person you share your ideas with before making a decision to get another view point. I did this with my kids. They learned that what ever little idea came to their mind, to tell me about it and I would share any plusses or minusses with them. I could tell them also repercussions down the road from continuing on with their idea. Yes, there were times that something was not deemed important enough to share with me and they had to suffer the consequences. Instead of getting angry, I would sit with them, and tell them that they wouldn't have had to go through it all and be miserable if they had just used me as a sounding board.
I then patiently have them imagine as I retell the story as it would have gone if they had come to me first. My lice experiences are different than yours but if I had your experience, I would explain that I understand curiosity and in some situations in the past, it led people to invent an important item. But in some cases it is not a good idea as you now have found out. If you were able to look down the road at consequences, you would realize there would be missed school for you, missed work for me as I have to labor over your hair killing lice and searching for nits on the hairs every day for a week. I would have to bag up all their stuffed toys to place in the attic for weeks, maybe a month, and I would have to wash pillows and all their bedding and likely have a profession come in to clean the couch and other upholstered chairs with hot steam to kill the lice. So it would take up lots of time and lots of money sa well, all to find out what it would feel like. I want you to know I dont blame you for a bad decision because the front part of your brain, able to weigh consequences to decisions and making good judgements, is not mature yet, so you wont' be able to make adult decisions until your mid 20s and even then as you are just starting out, it is best to still run ideas past other adults before you make a final decision.

Something like that is what I would have said to my daughter. My troubles were in grade school where my daughters caught lice over and over, each school year. The school nurse spent time checking all kids in each class. They had an epidemic and I figure they did not check out the adults and teachers so it kept being passed back to the kids. I found that the lice medicine in the bottle did not work because lice in our area had mutated to be immune to it. It wouldn't kill them. So I read somewhere that lice can hold their breath up to 2 hours and that using mayonaisse to smother the childs head with really thick (I used a whole big jar) past the time they can hold their breath would work in killing them. As mayo heats up, it stinks so I put a plastic shower hat on and let my kid just sit and watch Tv all day. It takes lots of cleaning to get out all the grease after but it works if you ever have such difficulty killing them.
The nits I found are not always visible, the mature older nits darken and grow bigger. I sectioned the hair into tiny bits and rubber banded them with those tiny bands. Then I worked on one with an extremely bright light close to the area I was working on. I placed a roll of tape with the sticky side on the outside around the wrist of my non dominent hand. With the other, I searched for and pulled any visible nits all the way to the end of a strand of hair, the comb never got all of them because the younger nits glued to hair strands were too small yet and would pass thru the comb. I would place the nit I got onto the tape and continue working.
Eventually I had to pull my kids out of that school and I let the principal hear hell for it but put the grade school aged in a K to 8 grade school where my oldest was in 7th grade. All of a sudden, they never caught lice again. Its easy with a boy, just shave their head, but with girls and I had 3, it is a big chore. I am sorry you have had to go through this. Show her the article on the frontal lobe so she knows its not all her fault but the fault of an immature brain, no matter how mature her body is looking. This one fact I found was a big deal in helping my kids make a whole lot less of dumb mistakes.

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I read one of your answers. you seem to know a thing or two on the subject of depression. I myself used to be depressed and was fortunate enough to learn the things you speak of. However my older sister is severely struggling to maintain a normal balance of chemicals in her brain. She is the only one who can help herself in the end. How else can I get to her? I want to help her see the way i see things. Teach her what i know so she can get better.

U know how frustrating and scary it can be to have a loved one who suffers and doesn't seem to be reachable, or they refuse to listen. I will let you know now if I didn't before, my oldest daughter has depression. I don't know which one because she went to a Dr. who didn't do CBT and those just hand out meds. She hated the side effects, stopped taking them and got worse. So bad she didn't know reality from the crazy stories in her head, so I assume there is mental illness as well. She cut herself off from the whole family parents, siblings, aunts and uncles, cousins. No one knows anything about her until CPS took away her oldest child to place with the childs dad, her first husband. Sometimes things like this are taken out of our hands and there is nothing we can do. I don't know if you live in the same house or you have occasion to visit her often, but the best thing I can think of is if you use Dr. David Burns website. He has put so much new stuff on it since I first went through everything years ago that I don't know how to find a video right away to post for you to share. Nut there is a particular older one if you can find it, where he shares how he started. Originally it was his peers who came and told him about Cognitive behavioral therapy. He only gave out meds. But then most his patients never got better and kept taking meds. He explains the process of how he finally tried it on worst patient and there was immediate improvement. He tells how he continued to use it and how he gave books with instruction out to patients who couldn't get in to see him as he was all booked up and by time they finished reading it, they were better or cured and didn't need to meet with him. His son comes on at one point and tells what it was like having him for a Dad and how proud he is of Dad. I like that video if you can find, I haven't refound it yet but its in there somewhere:
https://feelinggood.com

Since this isn't about just convincing patients but the Dr. himself having to be convinced and how what he teaches now is stuff he learned along the way, I feel it is a good way to catch the interest and hope of a person whether its depression, anxiety or a number of mental disabilities he covers, to see a Dr. who was a former sceptic now convinced should catch her attention. You may find something better. Just bookmark your links to each video you think best for your sis to see and one day tell her you have a short video or two you want her to see.She needs to be willing to work with a Dr. trained in CBT so they can determine if she can be healed with the list of things that combat situational depression or whether her brain truly has a malfunction of not being able to produce any feel good hormones. As I have learned from the Dr., the majority of people suffering can be healed without meds. Only a small part can't. This would be for a Dr. to determine. However if your sis is willing to try, she has you for an example to follow, knowing its helped you. She can follow what he recommends on line or read his book on depression. I wouldn't buy it though. A friend bought one of the books for my ex who refused to read it, so I did. But he refused to believe there was anything wrong with him and eventually lost me because he wasn't willing to get help and get better. The daughter who got the list that I mention of things to do to wipe out depression by raising production of your feel good hormones, is a list given to my middle daughter, depressed after a boyfriend dumped her. All my other kids do not have clinical depression, just the oldest, to be clear. I can only add, saying prayers for her to be willing to listen. It is all I can do, praying for the daughter I never see anymore.

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My 54 y/o husband has been on fetlife for 7 years ( I 42, had no idea).. I recently hacked the account after I found out he tried to pay 300+ women to secretly seduce me. (Im not in any way a lesbian) He comments on hundreds of womens photos in very sexual ways. He has been trying to hook me up with women behind my back for 16 years. It is an absolute obsession. Over the years he has had horrible behavior.(sexting coworkers) etc.. I know the whole til death do us part but im so tired..everywhere weve been he would try to plan for craigslist, backpage,fetlife girls to meet us, on vacation, our local bar, I had no idea.
several women I know were all in on trying to play this game with him. Facebook friends I accepted were checking me out after seeing my nude photos he put on fetlife! I feel like Im in the twilight zone. I feel like if I dont have sex with a woman he will never stop. I feel assaulted. Help..

He has no respect for you. This sounds almost the same as another recent message I answered. So this time I looked up the history. I read your posts from way long before I started on advicenators. The site keeps messages from same user as a history but it is still anonymous to me. All I know is that this has been going on since 2008 or so.

Previously you were divorced and had 3 kids with ex. You got engaged and shortly after found him communicating with an 18 yr old. His new wife was sexually inappropriate with your children and abusive to him as far as you knew. Then Sept 2012, you state he went to counseling for sex addiction a year ago which would be Sept 2011 and you saw no improvement, he only got worse over the years. You did some digging and found accts he made as a female and as a male giving sex advice out. While I have no issue with giving out sex advice, since most asking are young or teens, I let them know that since sex educations has been taken out of schools, they will have to study and self educate and I try to steer them to things they can read or watch on the computer to learn.

In all of these, you are confused, hurt and shivering with disgust that he has gone behind your back, trying to match you up with other women and paying them money to do so. this I assume is not a two account household but both paychecks combined to handle all bills as the majority of households do. So he is spending money on things that you and he have not agreed on ahead of time, no matter what he is spending it on.

Today, I see something that clues me in as to why you haven't divorced him a long time ago.
"I know the whole til death do us part but im so tired"
Aha I thought, that I can relate to. See, I had strong beliefs, due to what I heard from the church I went to, that a marriage is forever, til death do you part, just as you said. Based on that little piece, the opinion shared around church was that God hates divorce. Hate is a strong word. I think He may be disappointed but there are always other situations in which a person can learn what it is they need to learn in a lifetime. So I was determined to hang in there and as I was told, "Let God Heal my Marriage". My situation differed from yours but was really bad just the same. He was verbally abusive and had some mental illness, where the foremost incorrect thought he had that colored how he conducted himself his whole life was due to a self prophecy he created when a child, hearing Drs tell his Dad that his Mom might
recover but she might also die. It didnt matter that she survived to raise him, in his distorted thoughts, he felt if Mom could leave him, abandon him, that all women in his future that he had relationships with, would leave him. He treated girlfriends that way. They all left. Then he met me and the only reason I stayed 30 years is because of what I had learned in the church. Even if not attending church, lots of these basic concepts are still believed and upheld by many non church goers.
So what my ex would do, is treat me so horribly that any female would never stay around to take more abuse but leave. He was trying to self fulfill his own prophecies for his life, which is a pretty messed up way to live one's life, same as what your husband is doing. That is equally messed up.

This will be quite a bit longer because I know what to do here, that is to share everything that I heard and learned along the way, that helped me get to a decision making point and what happened after. So instead of telling you what you should do, I will share what I did and you can decided if the same shoe fits you and you wish to go the same way.

So bare with me as this will be long but I know you need to hear it all.

I have no freaking idea why he wanted to marry me if sex and romance is a considering factor because he was never in love with me (he admitted this to a counselor near the end) and we were also sexually mismatched. Since he did not love me, he did not care if I ever orgasmed which I never did with him. Add to that, he had a low libido, sex once every two weeks was good enough for him and I would rather want it a couple times a week but of course never got it. So end result, as time went on, he was frustrated, because he wasn't getting fulfilled, no excitement or passion.There is NRE, new relationship energy which feels even stronger than the real thing, a very heightened excited feeling a person gets at the beginning of a relationship, but like a desired Christmas toy that wasn't perfect to hold your attention for long, after a short while, it no longer holds your attention. That I believe is what drew us together. Now I know if a couple waits until the NRE wears off, they will know better if they are right for each other or not. 3 kids later and some tragic stuff one year of his best friend dying and his Dad almost losing his life, he began to question his faith. I was always close to God, even heard from God and knew when it was my thoughts or God talking in my head. I didn't question life but the ex did. A year previous, after hearing a lesson at a womans retreat about asking god what he wanted you to do in life, I asked Him in prayer time. His answer was not really an answer, all I heard was "If I told you right now what I want you to do next, you would think you were hearing from the devil, you are not ready yet." Very cryptic, but I didn't question it. So when in seeking answers on line, one link led to another and my husband stumbled across Christian polyamory. You can look up the word and practiced but basically its having 'more than one love'. When He told me he'd like to do this with me, my internal reaction was 'Oh Hell No!" But before I could say anything, Gods voice interrupted saying, "This is the thing I told you I couldn't tell you yet a year ago, the next thing I have for you to do." I heard the expression of having the rug pulled out from under you, but this was what it felt like. I was so sure of Gods voice that I decided to do it, not because the husband thought he wanted it, but because God mentioned it. This is the phase of where I learned in a swing club, with experiences with many other men, that I could have orgasms, that sex was something very different than the pitiful stuff I had with the husband. They list rules at the beginning when you go, one is that this is not a venue for fixing broken marriages. I realized I was not married to the right person for sure in the sexual area. The two things that make a solid foundation for a marriage is being each others sexual equal. The other is being each others best friend. I already knew he didn't treat me like a cherished friend, or wife and now my eyes were opened to see that there is indeed something better because I had never been with anyone but him. One of the couples we met, used to be a counselor and as we became close friends, he saw the real issues in my husband and suggested he go for counselling. He went a couple of times hoping to fake me into thinking he was going and getting better when he was overheard saying it was a ruse, that there was nothing wrong with me, only me and the counselor didnt see it. WHen I heard that, it was one more thing to convince me I was with the wrong man. So when I prayed to God about it, he said, "You have been waiting for me to heal your marriage. In order to do that, I would need to take away his free will, and force him into becoming a wonderful husband. That is not what I do. He has a free will and has had almost 30 years with you to shape up his act but he has broken all of his vows he made on his wedding day. He does not love you, he does not treat you with honor and respect, and he does not cherish and treasure you. His consistent actions prove all this. And the part of 'in sickness and in health', he also did a poor job, lacking any compassion for you and only complaining if you had a headache, a pain, the flu and you had to still wait on him, not him on you. Since he has broken or never kept any of his promises, you are automatically released from yours." It made sense, in business, if a person does not hold up to their agreements, they will be let go, fired. But we have been taught that it doesn't apply to marriage. According to God it apparently does.

Also, the stress of daily verbal abuse had to go somewhere. In most abused women, it affects their mind and emotions. In me, it affected me physically with practically any stress caused affliction there is, rashes, ulcers, migraines, and daily headaches. I look back at photos and I looked like an empty shell of a person. I talked to a couple of friends about how it was affecting me. One friend said what I needed to hear. "You need to think of yourself first. It is not a selfish thing when you do what you have to do for yourself first in this kind of situation." That gave me hope. Then I heard God add, "Yes, it is not a selfish thing. Think of the verse where it says to love your neighbor as yourself. People see the word neighbor before they see the 'yourself' and assume they must love others first and leave the remainder for themselves. But that is all wrong. As yourself, that part right there means you have to be loving yourself first before you can truly love others. Think of yourself as a garden hose that is kinked up or has a clog in it. When that is the case, water can't flow through it right? (I'm a gardener, that's why He used that for an example) I want you to 'water' others with my love which is supposed to flow through you. However it can't if there are blockages that need to be taken care of or leaks." That made sense and had me entertaining the thought somewhat of not living the rest of my life with him although I still thought of it as sometime in the future. Then one day God asked me, "Do you love yourself fully, 100%?" I was quick to answer with a smile, of course I do, I love myself. God then says "You do love yourself a bit but not 100%" I was confused. I don't understand I said. "You love yourself up to a point. Loving yourself also includes what you allow yourself to be exposed to and you have not protected yourself from the abuse but allowed your husband to treat you bad from day one and every day since, it hasn't changed, and yet because you choose to stay, you are the one hurting yourself, allowing someone to hurt you when you could just leave." Wow! That revelation got me thinking hard. So I asked myself, could you stand more of the same behavior from him for another month? Yeah, thats easy, I'd been doing it for 29 years. How about another year of the same. Ugh, a year is a long time but yeah, I could muddle through somehow. Then I asked myself and imagined another 5 or 10 years and I got so upset, thinking of having to put up with his behavior for another 5 or 10 years or til the day I die, that I knew I had to get out. Then at a Shaman meditation class I took, we were to meditate and only share if we wanted, something that we got.

In meditation, now that I had decided that I had to work towards leaving him, I saw a ceremonial ribbon like the ones someone cuts to open a new business or some such thing. The thing is, one end disappeared inside my solar plexus (stomach area) and the other end to his. When I asked what I was seeing, I saw a large pair of scissors floating in the air. And I was told that in my marriage, there was a bond between us, more energy and emotions than the physical. If I was serious about leaving him, I had to picture myself cutting that ribbon, severing forever the bond we had. There is no going back if you do so, you will be planning to leave and thus sever the bond physically as well. This was so I could be really sure I wanted to do this. I cut the ribbon. When I came awake after my vision, I felt better. It already felt like a load off of me.

Things progressed through the year and he had no idea what was coming. I put down my pride and asked dozens of women at work if they had a spare room or a downstairs where I could live for a while to get out of an abusive marriage. No one did but I was surprised how many were on a 2nd marriage and had escaped a first and abusive one as well and they encouraged me to not give up. Finally, friends out of state said I could come stay with them and youngest daughter who was still a minor and the others were out of the house already.
Another friend who lived in low income houseing said I could stay for a week. I told the ex that he would have to take the kids on vacation for the weekend himself. While he was away, I moved only things that just mine into boxes and took them to store at my friends. The only thing I did not have yet was my computer. He did not notice anything missing as I only packed the clothes most important to me. When he got back, I asked him about what he'd said before he left, that when he got back, we could discuss a divorce. Now he said he would never do that and I would never get anything. So I turned around went to the bedroom and packed one final lawn size trash bag of clothes and he offered to help me, thinking I was not serious! In that last moment, he still didn't love me. He was upset when I didn't return. I took a day off work to create my own bank account at a different bank with money some friends gave me for that purpose. Gave work notice I would be leaving end of week since I was going out of state. I was desperate to get away. All in all, I was gone a year before eldest daughter wanted me back to live with her while her husband was away for job and her first baby was due soon. A year after I got back I met the man who became my second husband. I had learned other things along the way and knew I could spot potential trouble in a possible mate if I dated. And I was tested with one I lived with that lasted only 3 1/2 months before he left me hanging with a lease I couldn't afford, all because I wouldn't bend to his will, yes, he snuck past my guard but my lesson to learn was not to stay because I worried about a place to live and would chose that over how he treated me. I am sure if I hadn't learned what I was supposed to learn, I would be like those women who marry 3 or more times always asking, why is it that the creeps are always attracted to me. And it would have continued to happen if I hadn't said no and told him to change his tune or it was over. He simply left without any warning. Because I had been tested so that for my benefit, I knew I had really learned to not put up with bad behavior for the trade off of a roof over my head and food in my stomach,and so, a year later, I met my now husband. He is everything the ex was not, he is one exceptional man that a woman rarely comes across. He is not a male to lord it over the female but he feels all females are Goddesses and as such, mans role is to support and uphold whatever it is they wish to do or bring forth. That is like night and day, a very big difference and I feel if I hadn't learned what I did, and made the choices I did to leave a man who never honored his vows or cherished or loved me, then I would never have met him. And life is so much better, in fact it is fun. My children all say I look and act so much happier than I had been when they were growing up. To hear me laugh whole heartedly, they still make a big deal of it, mentioning how they love to see me laugh, something I rarely did before.

However, since you have children, you may want to consider what they are seeing, even if you think they don't know details, kids will know when something is up and when their father does not love their mom, doesn't treat her as if he is so deeply in love and doesnt cherish her like a treasure. All my kids have troubles with relationships today. The oldest married 3 times and last one is likely a sociopath as his dad is a psychopath with a previous record. The middle one won't marry at all, is totally against it I guess to avoid getting stuck and won't have kids at all and the last got married to someone who is a good Dad as far as I could see but has issues and treats her somewhat indifferently. She is supposed to support him while all decisions are about what makes him happy, not her. I haven't witnessed verbal abuse, but I can tell from how she shuts up when he 'corrects' her spoken words if it doesn't agree with his and that is wrong. She fell for a man quite a lot like her Dad. I am so sad to see and have to live with the reminder of how their Dads behavior affected them. So in this, you have to think of your kids too. Even if older kids or teens, they still need to witness a man cherishing you and treating you with love, respect so they can see there is a difference. I hope that something I shared will resonate with you. Your husband doesn't sound like he wants to change. He can attend sex addiction counseling for the rest of his life but if he doesn't want to change deep inside and feel this has to stop, then he won't just like my ex who went but felt he had nothing wring with me. The psychologist felt he had some kind of mental illness if he could not see after working with him, that he had serious distorted thinking. Your husband could be denying it or seriously feels he is normal and that there is something wrong with you. I am betting this is the case so its why I feel he will never improve or if he does, it will be near the time of his death bed, and thats a long time yet for you to put up with this. In private, the psychologist explained to me that some people even if they want help and change, will take longer to change the older they get. Change is hard for humans so often it can take a very long time, happen close to the end of life, more out of regrets or never happen. I was already so tird of it all, as you say you are. I know it takes guts to do what I did, and change my life. If you decide to do the same, I can be there for you along the way to encourage. I can't write to you unless you write to me first by going straight to my own column. Search under advice columnists on the left and find Dragonflymagic, that's me. And your post will go only to me. After a second marriage that went south, I can imagine having a fear of this happening again, especially if you are not sure how to avoid it other than never having a relationship, never dating again. But I did it and can tell you I was so very sure once I learned what I share with others, that it was so easy. I found I could see warning signs a guy might have hidden the first two dates but at some point they get comfortable, think they have you fooled and do something stupid and very telling. So truly, if you decide to leave, now that you've heard a different perspective on wedding vows, let me know. If you write again to the general advisors here asking for help, I will not reply that time, because there is nothing else that can be said. He won't change, so you have to do something different.If in 16 years he hasn't changed, he won't. I waited til 30 years before I left. You don't have to wait as long, you are tired of it now. What he needs is a bisexual women who wants to do swinging with him, who enjoys both men and women. The fact that he has been trying for years to change a straight women into a bisexual one is enough to show he has something wrong with him mentally too if he did n't learn in the first year.

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Me and my ex haven't really talked since he got married we have daughter together and his has two kids with his wife. I get the feeling he hates me and wants nothing to do with me sometimes he says hello or if I talk to him it like the conversation is forced on my part. He has never said he hates me I guess it just a gut feeling cause we been though alot. I really would like to sort all of this out with him but I am not sure if it's a good idea or bad idea? And cause it's been so long that we properly talked I don't know what to say to him can any one please give me some advise on what I should do

YOu said "I get the feeling" he hates me. I am not focusing on the feeling. Any feeling can show up, saidness, happy, love. The issue is how the feeling got there in the first place. Humans are created with a brain, a mind that does all sorts of things, plenty that we are totally unaware it has capability to do. In this case, for you, the feeling of hate, would not be there unless you were over thinking about him and not able to stop.
Our subsconcious mind also is a part of this.

Unknown to your conscious or awake mind, your subconscious is paying attention to what you think about most and assumes (even if its bad or you want to stop focusing on it) that the more you think and entertain thoughts about him, the more it must be very important to you. Since you have chosen anger and hate you think he has for you, whether true or not, the sub. mind will do everything it can to bring up those thoughts more and more, believing this is what you really want to feel. If he has married, then he has moved on, there is likely nothing he feels needs to be said. If there was, he'd have told you, what ever it was. Part of moving on is starting a new life. When you have a marriage partner and kids, your life revolves around that and your job and anything you spend your time on goes first priority to spouse and then kids. Now the fact he has a child with you, in most cases, folks get a court decree where there is child support for that child and something showing who has custody or if there is joint custody or visitation rights.

So the only contact you should be having with him should be to arrange with both your schedules, time for him to spend with his child, not with you and your child, just time with his child. For whatever reasons, that I don't know of, a relationship between you two did not work out. More often, it is not due to one person or the other doing something so terrible that the other wants out and breaks up. Even if someone is irritated easily or angry at their partner, the anger and irritation is not what brings about a split but the fact that there is not enough chemistry between them. When there is little to no chemistry, you can only coast so far in a relationship before one or both realize they are not happy or some start picking on the other and fighting. But the fighting isn't due to any one thing that can be labeled as detrimental to any relationship, nope, its just the missing chemistry and often, people do not put two and two together and are forever wondering what they did wrong when they did nothing wrong. In fact, pheromones, as in animals, will attract a mate. In humans, our mind gets in the way. Often we see someone we find attractive and that is all we think we need to base a relationship on and that is so very wrong...because it won't work, thats only half of the recipe. There is pheromone chemistry in humans that make for the romance and attraction and if missing, neither is interested at all in the other. There is also chemistry as in friendship. There are people who've wanted to be friends with me, but I don't feel the friendship and just can't stand them. Their behavior, how they talk, how they do anything in life, just irritates me. I am telling you true from my own life and have such a person pushing their supposed friendship on me. I am not responding overly like a best friend, just being civil but not excited about the same things that excite her because frankly, it bores me. A better way to say it is feeling like I am a HS student with the kindergartner next door always showing up, following me around like a lost puppy dog, wanting to be my friend and calling me her friend even though I have not done anything to show I feel friendship in return. Plus there is such a great difference between kindergartner and HS teen that there couldn't be a real true reciprocal relationship with such a person. So there is that kind of chemistry too.

So even if everything was good in bed, I don't want you thinking he must have been mistaken. A successful relationship takes both the chemistry of romance and desire plus the chemistry of best friend friendship. Sometimes, one person feels something for another but the other does not feel it in return, as in my case of a female around my age who feels friendship and I wish she would drop out of my life. She has done nothing wrong, same as you have likely done nothing wrong. I am simply not on the same wavelength as her and what is important to her world is not exciting to me. I can say I did show excitement over seeing my kids grow up and reach milestones, things I had long since done, the been there done that thing. But that was a mother child relationship, not the peer to peer relationship. So don't feel you or he did something wrong, that he is angry. It was most likely not having enough chemistry and that is something you can't change about yourself. You will be wrong for one person and oh so perfect for someone else.

If I were you, I'd talk to him only about whether he wants to see his daughter and take her on 'father daughter outings' or not. It will be his loss if he doesn't wish to carve out time. You focus on dealing with your feelings. And next time a thought of him pops up, speak aloud for the benefit of your subconscious mind, telling it you don't wish to have him be the foremost thought anymore, that it is over, he's married someone else and you want any kind of feelings, love, hate, whatever concerning him to stop. YOu will have to repeat this many times a day for a week or so until your subconscious mind is retrained to stop focusing on him. If you think this sounds stupid, I did this after a man who was separated a long time, had a relationship with me, fell in love and his ex came back saying she changed her mind, wants to go to counseling and work on the relationship. He left me because they had a longer history together. I had to employ this trick to stop thinking about him. It doesn't mean he pops into my thoughts every once in a while. MayBE I see someone with the same shaped face and hair and it reminds me of him and I hope he is doing well. We have lost touch so we don't even chat on the internet anymore. Too many new phone numbers for me and he hardly ever used the computer. But I am content because I have found my 2nd husband I hope to spend the rest of my life with. We have such great chemistry that life is so fun and there is no room left to dwell on past relationships.

So I hope you also find your perfect chemistry mate, one who will love your daughter as his own.

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There is this boy at school that I REALLY like but he and I are EXSACT opasites! He is popular and athletic and I am a anime obsessed Dork! we don't really talk but he is nice when we do!The dance is in 3 weeks and I don't know what to do HELP!!!!

Being a popular jock at school, he very well may have been approached already by other girls. Unless he is not attracted to the looks, he will likely accept one of the first invites he gets. If he isn't already dating a girl, in which case he'll go with her, if single, boys like it when they don't always have to ask because they fear the same thing as girls do, rejection. A no answer doesn't mean you are a reject as a person. It simply means they don't feel any chemistry with you. Chemistry isn't something you have control over. I met many guys I thought would make a great husband online and when we met in person neither of us, or only he felt that kind of romantic attraction needed for such a relationship.
If you think that being into anime makes you less desireable, I have a daughter now 30 who has a long term boyfriend who supports her love of anime and even going to every cos play convention in her area. SHe is getting extremely good at making her own costumes to represent an anime character and is very talented at it. This takes lots of creativity and other talents. A couple can have their obvious differences but find they are compatible and have similar interests in other areas. I know the daughters boyfriend seemed reluctant. Over the years, there have been other boyfriends, one in particular who helped her with fashioning boots to go with a costume and the top or bra piece and he was good at it. You never know.
So ask him or if too embarrassed to ask out loud, make a note like kids used to do in grade school with the question do you like me, yes or no and they have to circle one answer. Make a note, will you go to the dance with me, and it could be a yes or no box for him to check one. This way no one nearby hears and it should feel less awkward.

A better way to getting a date with a guy is just becoming friends first. So if this fails, and he shows no interest at all besides just giving a friendly hi, (his parents could have raised him to be friendly and polite to all, no matter if he liked them or not) you'll have to try my way.
Fnd a guy you like by appearances, one you feel even more special abut when near him and start up conversation with him. For learning how to start a conversation, start watching others who have no trouble with it. The first line is either pertaining to a situation they are both in or the paying of a compliment. For situation, being in the same class, you can ask how he did on a test, don't be afraid to share your grade if not as good, just "as you can see, I struggle a bit with that." Being honest makes you more real and relaxing to be with than someone who says, I can do better than you did. Or if there is a substitute teacher one day, you can ask, so what did you think of our sub? Do not ask questions that can be answered with a yes or no, that means closed ended questions because as soon as they answer yes or no they stop talking and you are back where you started. So you would never put it this way "Did you like the substitute teacher?" He says, No or yes. And then you're stuck having to think of something else to say.

The trick is that talking to guys is a lot like talking to girlfriends except you leave out certan subject matters like talk of hair cuts, finger nail art, chick flicks, that sort of thing. In church I stopped hanging out with the females after church at the social hour. All they wanted to talk about every single time was their birthing stories and chick flicks. I began to stand around having conversation with their husbands because there was so much more we could converse on.

As for compliments, make sure it is sincere. If complimenting on the style of color of his shirt, you better like it for real, otherwise, only compliment when its something you actually find eye catching, otherwise people are able to tell something doesnt feel sincere.
Lets say you complimented on his shirt. This next part helps with questions you ask too. What you do is really listen to all of their answer because you will be looking for something in their reply that you can latch on to for a reason for the next thing you ask or state. So lets say, yeah, my sister gave it to me for my birthday. There are two possibilities, the sister for a topic or his birthday, so you can ask'Oh, when is your birthday and follow it with, so what is your sun sign then? Or you have a sister with great taste. Is she older or younger than you? and when he gives an age, then share a bit from your situation, whether you have a sister older or younger, how many siblings and once done telling him, you can then ask how many siblings he has. Then you both cna compare where you fall, whether middle child, oldest, youngest and the plusses and minuses to those positions. With each new answer or comparision you make sharing bits of your life, you learn about each other. Funny thing is, this is how you learned about the girls who became your girl friends, maybe not the fist day if all you did is play together but at some point you talked and learned about each other. This is why I say its not really different with guys. So ask him and if it doesn't work out, I;ve given you pointers on starting conversations with other guys. Good luck.

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I will start studying bachelor of Business Administration and then I want to specialise in something that includes business and also computer so im thinking of choosing afterwards the master program of big data analysis and management. What do you think?

This sounds like something to ask guidance counselors at the college you plan to go to, and of course talk to them even before you start taking classes, how else will you know what to sign up for. When you get their input and recommendations, then pass these on to people who know you really well, parents, other relatives, close friends and see if they see you fitting the type of job you want to go after. Then you can make your decision.

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I have a crush on my second cousin (my mom’s cousin). Now I’m not planning to act on it or anything; she’s around 16-20 years older than me so most definitely won’t return these feelings (not that I’m expecting her to), however we seem to get along quite well- she’s really nice, and doesn’t have an SO. Maybe that’s part of the reason why this attraction started? It’s only been happening since this year.

However, I only see her around 2-4 times a year, seeing as she lives in Ireland, making this crush more difficult to handle. On one hand, next time I see her, my crush may have disappeared and have just been a phase, but on the other, what if it gets stronger next time I see her and the rest of the family who are there notice (quite a lot of my family are Irish).

I seem to see quite a bit in common with regards to sense of humour etc, and I personally think she’s really pretty and love her accent.

I’d normally address something that bothers me with my mom, who I’m quite close with. However, this is one of her closest cousins; they text each other all the time, so I’m worried that if I do tell my mom, she’ll mention it to the cousin in question (she can be a bit of a blabbermouth at times).

My dad on the other hand would probably just laugh, possibly not taking the situation seriously. Though he could be of great help, he seems to find most of my mom’s cousins attractive too (granted, he’s more in their age group, but still, let’s hope he could find a way to handle the situation).

How do you think I should handle this?

A crush is strong emotional feelings generated by what you see and hear in observiing one person you find attractive. For whatever reason, the one with the crush usually does not approach and talk to the person they are crushing on.

That is what a crush is, mainly in the head, not a relationship in reality. The thoughts you have, the things you imagine, even to the point of living as a couple together, will then generate the emotions you have. The brain is a powerful tool. So its not so much why are you feeling this way but what exactly is going on with your thoughts and I believe I may have one answer.

In teens and young adults, we tend to look at others in ways that may confuse us, like he's gay, I'm not, why am I so enamored of him? Lets use that as an example. I looked up several questions back and saw you wrote you were male. Often that is important as well as age but you did mention school back then so I am writing this as if you are a male HS student. So you are the age of not just liking what you see when you look at a female, but also more. You may not realize you are doing this but both males and females when young start watching the behaviour first of parents, later peers and looking for traits and behaviors in others that they really love and other things they'd want to avoid someday for whom they date or end up living with life long. It really doesn't matter the age of the person, It can be someone younger, around your age or parents age or even older. When I was a teen girl, I found traits I loved in males my age, they might not have all the traits, but a few good ones that caught my attention. Then the same with men, whether married or not, even a married deacon at church who was such a friendly personable person with everyone, even teens. Everyone loved him. Yeah, I felt strong feelings I realize now were just admiration and not a romantic love. He also was aging well for someone grandpa age and I remember thinking I would hope to find a guy who looked as much a fox as that man did when he get that old. This is all normal thinking if we listen to it, and are aware of it and make notes so when it comes time to find a mate, we will have an idea of what we are looking for and then there will be the extra of whether there is the chemistry or not to be romantic and lovers.
This is most likely why you are feeling this way. So there is no reason to tell Mom or Dad. Just relax and take note of the things you like about her. I guarantee she won't be the only one you will be extracting traits or personality bits tp put on a list, even if just in your mind. I did this after a divorce and it helped me find the right guy for me. I turned down many nice guys because they lacked some of the qualities on my list but my 2nd husband was able to meet ALL those traits that I knew I needed and wanted.

So enjoy her company when she is around. That is you enjoying the friendship part. Successful and rewarding long term relationships and marriage have two things in common that make up the foundation, One is friendship and the other is being each others sexual equal. This would mean both are into pleasing the other first and if both are doing this, both will end up satisfired, both have the same libido or sex drive which translates how often they need and want sex. There is no wrong number so while one person is happy with once every two weeks or once a week, another may want it every day. The problem as I found in first marriage is having different libidos doesnt help bonding and feeling loved. He had very little and I a lot more. Right now you get to feel that comaraderie, the easy flow of conversation, of thinking allkie and how everything in life even the mundane routine stuff seems like nore fun when the two of you are spending time together. That is one aspect of a deep friendship that you will want to be looking for in your romantic partner and the one you will marry or stay with life long. Enjoy her when she's visiting, its a good reminder to you of that level of friendship you are to be looking for when ready to find your life partner. But you must think of this as a learning experience, not that it is meant to be a sexual one as well. With crushes, the other has no idea someone feels that way. The more you dwell on a person, the more chances of desire for, forming in your mind and heart. This kind of love is born only out of the friendship part. The other person may not have any such chemistry needed, and even if the age didn't bother them, may feel no romantic love in return. This is the same with dating any girls your age. You did once say that back in September you crushed on a girl. If you think long and hard about it, I;ll bet you can come up with a personality trait, or characteristic about her that you liked as well. Put that on your list. If you do this, you will be way ahead of all the guys who date, break up and repeat over and over while after a few girls you meet with, you can already tell which one is your dream woman by how she fits the list you spent years making. Maybe as you get older, you might find something that was important to you before, is not now five years later so cross it off. And something you never felt important to you before, you finally realised should be on your list. So don't feel guilty about this. Its all normal. Just learn what you are supposed to from it.

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I'm 30 years old, been married once at the age of 22 and got divorced after 2 years later. Since then i hd some lousy relationships, but not the last one, we've been dating for 1 year and 7 months now, we had our ups and downs but the result was amazing he's perfect ..he take cares of me and we started to think about future and introduce each other to our parents, our friends and he was always there all the plans for our future all the joy and happiness was there.. Till 2 days ago , we had some conversation that blurred my thoughts, that i couldn't sleep the night, then at 5 am i went through his phone.... YESSS i know it's really terrible and totally not me, but i was right, my intuition was right as always been, i wrote a chat with on of his friends, that he was saying something that i couldn't take (Elen) out of my mind ,i froze and scroll up and it was all there, things i didnt imagine i could ever read ,things like'' I CAN'T DECIDE" ..
He's been doing some thinking, the girl was his ex they had 4 years relationship i still don't know the details ,i searched her on facebook couldn't find her there was alot of Elens, then opened Messenger and i opened the first one, She was it, she was her, all the messages you can't even imagine what was there, they were seeing each other he was convincing her to give him another chance, that he could do anything to give her all the things she needed financially and emotionally , the girl was needing some time because its a serious decision to make , then she's been ignoring him max.. the thing is that he's been saying to me the same things, all the promises all the plans , i woke him up and told him everything , he was surprised and he was begging me to listen which i did the opposite yelling crying out loud i was in pain, then he said it was a plan , a plan just to make her go away she use to cut his wrists a couple of times and he felt responsible for that and decided to make a plan and not telling me because he was sure i couldn't understand him..i told him to go away and since then he was begging me, my close friends just to listen to him , but i know he's lying he's totally lying i know that... i know he loves me and he was lost i know that because i saw the chat with his friend that was saying June, which is me ,,was everything that i needed but the comfort that im searching i see it with Elen and we understand each other with one look...he can't decide which one of us he wants..
He keeps following me everywhere, he's down my apartment now an its like that since then, i don't know what does he expecting, and im still living my shock. What should i do?

First in your title is the question, can a person love 2 at the same time? The answer is yes but not under the situation you are explaining.

The one I speak of is called Polyamory meaning many loves and is not to be confused with Polygamy in which one man has many wives but those wives can not have other men, just him. Then there is Monogamy is which two people commit to each other when they are in love with each other and neither sees anyone else.
Those who do practic polyamory, and I know quite a few and believe I coould be capable of it as well and my husband feels the same but neither of us has ever met anyone else and we are not looking either. We are happy if it continues to be just us. So I have studied and know that it takes some responsibility to be poly. For one thing, there is no secrecy and hiding one lover from another. Before another is brought into the fold, the one who wants to add someone has to go to their core relationship person, like a married couples mate or a commited couple in for life and they ask if it would be okay. It is an agreement come to by all. There is more I could say about polyamory but it is rare and some who say they are, have noidea what they are doing and to them its only another sexual outlet, cheating or being a swinger. Again, like with poly, if a person is a swinger, they tell that FIRST to any possible new love interest to see if they are okay with it.

Its all about being given the choice. With you, this guy is not giving you a choice to say yes or no to the idea of him being with both of you if he can't decide on one. You believe he can't decide because there could be the slight possibility he is in love with both of you.

I will state that there are different kinds of love you find with couples. One is more of a love of certain traits or aspects of them. This is usually on a subconscious level where the person doensn't realize they do not truly love the other to the point of giving their life for the other. They don't love the whole person, only a few things about them and that is not the kind of love that will sustain a relationship life long. The other love is not loving a person but being in love and yes I had a psychologist tell me it is so. THis kind of love puts the needs and feelings of the other person first. You treat each other as if they were a precious treasure, and you take care of each other as if that were so. There is more to describe a true being in love.

But again,I must say that it doesn't sound like your guy has that with either of you. On one hand, I can see how a person might try to juggle two relationships rather than give one up because most of society believes in monogamy and there is little to teach people what other options there are. He could be so afraid of both you females reactions that he decided not to tell and just make a decision and break up with the other.

I have questions about your guy myself. For one, she was his ex. That means he left her for a reason. Unless his emotions bounce all over the place, back and forth, and he didn't mean to break up with her, then there had to be some very good reasons for him to break up with her and realize she is not the kind of person he could live life long with. As you said, he begged her to give him another try. Apparently she dumped him. While it could be over something small and insignificant, it is more likely it is a bigger issue with him. And if not him, then she has some pretty big problems herself personally. And if that was the case, I don't see why he'd want to go back to her. Then he tells you that she cut his wrists a couple of times. Even if you meant she cut her wrists, that spells emotionally unstable. She needs professional help and being in a relationship with some one like that is not going to be a good one at all, it will have ups and downs and more downs.
When he says one person is everything he needs, he may not be understanding that it isn't true.

Let me explain. First the foundation for a rewarding successful long term relationship is that each person is the others best friend. the second is that you both are sexually attracted and each others sexual equal. the romance and sex is great and you both like the same things and have the same kind of libido, which is both wanting the love as often or both as infrequent as each other. there is no right or wrong amount, only that both have a need for the same amount.

the problem in the world today is too many people get married to only a lover or only a best friend but don't have both in the same person. It is critical that both are there in one person. With him saying "with Elen we understand each other with one look" that is a trait I feel falls into the friendship catagory. I know of females with female best friends who know each other that well but there is no romantic love between them and they are not gay. But you will see this trait in a healthy marriage because besides the romance and sex, there is the stuff of friendship mixed in.

He may have only friendship with her, and that would leave only romance and compatible in sex wiht you. Here is where he is confused, wanting both, but not figuring out it has to be in one person instead of getting it all using two people.
She may not have the right pheromones/chemistry to be his lover, and you may love him sexually but are missing many of the aspects of Friendship. Please realize I am only trying to guess here. You may be actually everything, terrific friend and lover all in one. I am just saying that is the only real reason why a person can't decide between two people. If you are both friend and lover, then for some reason, he is not seeing or recognizing the friend part in you and you don't want that to go on your whole life if by some freak chance he drops her totally and says he's committing to you. He will be doing so only out of sheer willpower and not powered by the heart and head knowledge that you are both for him. Therefore, there is always a chance with him that he may go looking for a female to be his best friend and cheat on you in the future. You can talk with him but try to keep a rein on your emotions and temper and just try to hear what else he has to say. If you feel there is more that you really can't sort through but think it may shed light on what to do, you can always write in again wiht that and if you write to me, find dragonflymagic under search for columnists at the left. Go to my site and write from there or I won't be able to answer. If nothing earth shattering happens to teach him what he needs to know, like the stuff I told you and how we need a partner who is both friend and lover, then he will not be able to make a wise decision. You have heard from me and now its time to make your own decision based on what I said. He may not be lying in what he says, just terribly confused and that can make him look wishy washy and one who can't be believed. You did say the ex doesn't want anything to do with him. It may be nothing more than him not knowing how to stop thinking about the ex. I know of plenty of females who write asking me how they can stop thinking of ex boyfriends even though they now have the perfect man. Yes, there is a way. But he is not the one asking so I can't help him if that is what draws him to her even though she seems done with him if ignoring him...cus thats not what you do when you love someone, you workout it not ignore. I can't make the decision for you but I have given you some things to think about.

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Why does my boyfriend always want anal sex even though he knows how much I dislike it and it turns me off and I'm crying but he still continues and even gets off

Because you stay with him, and he is only into pleasing himself, or what is most important to him is how he feels and gets off, he figures you are okay with it, no matter what you say to the opposite. Many males think this way, that if a girl didn't like something, she wouldn't just say something, she would leave him and look for a guy better than him.
Some people are selfish in sex, its all about them. If you want a male just for sex and are not lookingk for a long term relationship, it should be very easy to find a man who wants a sex partner and will like more of the things you like. But you must talk ahead of time, as awkward as it may seem. I wasted 30 years with a man I was mismatched with sexually and never had orgasms with him because as I found out at the end of marriage, he had never been in love with me. I was just a free maid, cook, sexual outlet for him and so on. I was not a love and cherished wife. But I learned and have the perfect man now. Unfortunately I didn't start looking til I was almost 50. I have been with my new husband 10 happy years. We like the same things in sex, he will work on me for however long until I have my orgasm before he allows himself to have one for example. We also trade nights where he says its all aboutfocusing on me, and other nights where I take my turn and make it all about focusing on him. This is how is should be and can be if you find the right man hon. If your guy knows you dislike it, then he is not honoring your wishes. Only a man who truly cares deeply about you will care if something he says or does inadvertantly hurts your feelings, makes you upset enough to cry. I thought I had put all the boundaries out there of what I like and what is not okay. One day my husband did something in public that I did not like. So a short while later when he saw me crying, he was horrified that he might have done something to hurt me without knowing it.So I told him what it was and he promised he would never do it again and he has kept that promise becaouse now he knows I don't like it and that it would upset me. He loves me that much that he would change his behavior. Your guy might love you a little, enough to make it work for him, but no where near enough to make the relationship work for you.
If you were a long married couple, I would suggest couple counseling. However, you are just dating, and even if you feel like there is some commitment, there really isn't without the kind of love needed for a successful loving relationship being missing.

You can not change people so dont even try it. Change comes from within a person, wanting to change to improve themselves, and so as far as he goes, he'd have to want to be a better human being,bf or husband or father. He doesn't want to change or he would have done so if he truly loved you enough to want to change what he does.

YOu can do better hon. But you need to learn first what it is you need and want and be able to recognize those traits in a man before you can take the controls and ask for what you want and if the guys doesn't have those qualities, you simply stop seeing them and dating them and move on. Afte my bad first marriage, I changed tactics, did not wait for a guy to approach me, worked on myself to get to whare I was self confident and not afraid to ask for what I want and I turned down a lot of guys because they were not able to meet the criteria I had to find what I wanted. I have this info all in piece I wrote, about what I did to find Mr. Right. It can be done. If you wish to laern this all yourself, you are welcome to the info. Just go to 'search advice columnists, find my name 'dragonflymagic' and go to my column and make that request straight to me. Only this way am I able to send the info if you want it. Good luck dear.

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I am a 16 year old girl. I really like this guy but he’s ditched me before for another girl, and I think he’s talking to her again. I don’t want him to break my heart again by ditching me but I really like him. We’re only in the talking stage so I don’t think its serious enough for me to get mad at him talking to more girls. He seems interested but I don’t know if he wants anything serious but I do. Should I keep going with him to see how it goes or leave him before he leaves me?

At your age, males are not serious yet and no way do they want to commit to just one girl. There's actually nothing wrong with that. Even girls do not know yet who they really will want someday for a husband, father of their children, a long term or life long mate. Daating is just the process by which we get to see how the other person acts consistently, and how they treat us consistently.

Don't feel bad if you don't know this all yet because there are plenty of adults who keep making the same mistakes in who they choose to commit to as gf/bf. There should not be any real serious committed relationships yet at your age. I know this doesn't make you feel better but if you look at this as a time of being in training to find what it is in as many details and qualities that you like in a romantic relationship, then you will be far ahead of many adults when you hit college age and beyond. It is more likely then that you will find that precious male who is devoted only to you. I married at age 20, and though I was mature for my age, I didn't know squat about what a healthy relationship should look like so my first marrieage, ended in divorce, my choice because I was being verbally abused.

Now on to the ditching. I am guessing this means he said nothing to you, just ghosted you and you saw him talking to and hanging around other girls. The majority of guys at this age, do not know what to say or do if they want to hang out with many different girls to discover what it is they like most in a female. I am not talking about hair style or hair color and that sort of thing but characteristics, and personality traits. These things are more important than you think because those are needed in a friendship. I will give you a clue right now for your future, whether you end up dating him or several guys before you find the man you'll be with the rest of your life.
A happy successful relationship is built on a foundation of two things, one being each others best friend and the second being each others romantic and sexual equal. I don't mean for you to explore the sex part yet because males want sex over friendship and will say what they know girls want to hear so they'll give it up to them. Girls feel naked without a boyfriend at their side and want one sooo bad that if one lies to her and says he wants to date her, be her bf because he loves her, she will believe and early on he will ask her to prove her love by having sex. Sex is not a sign of love because it is more often a sign of lust. Sex is only a gift two people in love engage in because they love honor and respect that person.

At your age, the friendship part is the most important part to start learning and getting comfortable with. It is harder than you think because males, even grown men, do not think or come to conclusions the same way females do. I am 60 and my hubby, as great as he is, will still do things that can drive a female crazy and upset her for several reasons. But if you start now just befriending a guy, you will learn these things and understand males better. Males tend to pick and choose what they tell a female they care about, not because they have a tendency to want to lie to you, but their reasoning is to protect you from information that might worry you too much. Example: hubby worked a job for a short while in construction and was on the roof and lost his footing and was sliding to the edge where there was not just the drop to the ground but ditches dug around that part of the house and if not for his co worker grabbing his hand at last minute, he could have been gravely injured or died. Since it never happened, he didn't tell me anything until he was no longer at that job.He is right, I would have worried and been harping on him to quit as it was too dangerous. He came to that conclusion himself and never went back. This is just one of the things you will learn by hanging out with guys. It is okay to date for social reasons. A male to hang out with to go to movies with, bike riding, hanging at a park or what ever, is good and can be used as a time to learn what he is like in all sorts of situations. So there is no reasonk why you can't keep going with him as long as he is interested. Just ask him to agree to be honest with you and let you know if he has changed his mind and wants to hang out with another girl or if he prefers having several female friends, if he is not one who wants to commit to one girl only right now. All you want is his honesty and though you might be sad, you'd rather know than him lie to you. If guys know its okay to be honest with you, even if its a breakup, they are more likely to be honest instead of just making themselves scarce. As long as they don't have to worry about a girl begging them not to leave, acting hysterical and crying, they will be more honest. These tips should help some. Also, guys need to be trained at this age, how to treat a fenale. They may not have had sisters or had a single mom and no Dad to watch or a Dad who didn't treat Mom right. So if there is a behavior you do not like, you have to let them know that you are letting them know right now that if he does that again, you will leave him. But you have to be willing to do so...no matter how much it hurts. If all girls did this, then the guys would know they had to change their behaviour to keep a girl. Too many get away with treating girls like crap. Don't let yourself be one of them.

If you want some great tips on relationships and much more, I would recommend you watching a you tuber Laci Green

https://www.youtube.com/user/lacigreen

She calls it Sex plus. She covers relatioonship tips, dating, abuse by boyfriends, period stuff and understanding your body, reproductive stuff, sex, gender id, and sexual preference. She started as a teen, self teaching by studying anything she could and then sharing it with others via internet. For a person the age of my kids, she is very good and thorough at what she does and gained the support of groups like Planned Parenthood. Please consider watching at least the ones on relationship for sure and any others that appeal. They are short and interesting, geared for younger people.
I believe there is no reason why you can't start lear

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I saw a twitter thread stating we have 2 years to fix this or humanity will end in 2050. I looked it up and scientists are saying it too-I've heard either Earth will be uninhabitable or human civilization will collapse due to what I assume will be recource shortages and violent storms.

I'm 16 and it gives me mad anxiety that I won't grow up or get to do the things I want to because the Earth will collapse. I also know there are corporations who are mass destroying rainforests and the ocean who don't plan on stopping and who caused this mess in the first place, and my dumbass president (I'm American) won't even admit it exists. If 2020 elects a Democrat or even a Republican who acknowledges climate change it may be too late.

Unlike political or economic crisis, this isn't something that can just be fixed. It's nature, it's unavoidable. So is there any hope, really? Are people blowing it out of proportions? Is anyone doing anything?

I have studied this too. Some scientists spread the doom story. It is of course possible that we destroy the earth enough that at some point, there will be mass deaths due to a lack of food (famine) and clean water for just one result. However there are scientists who have studied it from a different angle and what they have found out about climate change and the earth heating up, is not because of what humans are doing to it. That is another issue entirely. No one can predict how fast humans will destroy the planet to a point that only a few people may still be able to survive on it.
However, scientists have found that our planet isn't the only one heating up in our solar system. All the other planets in our solar system are also heating up. And we know there are no humans on the other planets doing stuff that causes them to heat up. So they realized there must be a natural cycle where a planet heats up but likely does the same in the other direction, also growing colder until it becomes like winter all the time. They have the last ice age to study. So the process is slow moving because the ice age was a long time ago and we are living at a time when we see polar caps melting. I have seen many trees among healthier ones that stand there looking dry and leaves all brown, or pines orange, and the whole tree is dead, not getting enough natural rainfall to help it keep living. I used to see glaciers and snow on mountain ranges from a distance, as a child during summer time. I can see two mountain ranges and both have no snow, and the glaciers are almost not visible anymore as they are much smaller. So if I saw the before of mountains at age 10, and here we are 50 years later, I's say that is a pretty quick difference. To me it means we've gotten to the tipping point at which things will continue to heat up. Without enough water to water crops and animals, and plants can't survive heat and wither, we will at some point be facing global famine. More animals go extinct and many humans will die simply due to lack of food and water and no escape from hotter temperatures. When we reach the point in the cycle where its gotten to the hottest point, then it will just as slowly start to get cooler every 50 or 100 years until the planet reaches another ice age.

The only real problem is that if our planet was totally clean and not damaged by humankind, we would have a better chance of surviving. However when our most precious source- water has been compromised from leaking nuclear reactors, dumping toxins/trash into rivers, lakes, oceans, sewage leaking into water sources, the chemicals sprayed in the sky to help create a shield to help stop the heating up and these chemicals eventually fall and land on soil and get into water supplies, and fracking/digging for oil below the water table isn't without leakage and water is flooded with crude oil and toxic to humans and animals in areas where fracking has occurred and continues to happen, leaks from oil pipelines, tanker boats losing the gasoline/oil in water, plus more, there will soon be very little clean water left and water is life. No one can really know exactly when our polluting the planet will cause the kinds of problems you are hearing of when combined with the heating up that we can do nothing about because that itself is a natural cycle. Is there anything we can do then just about our using up of precious resources on the planet and polluting it. Yes, the knowledge is out there,but due to money hungry people at the top, inventors with alternative sources for fuel for one example, have been shot down, even thought they are driving vehicles they outfitted to run on stuff other than electricity or gasoline. There is corruption in many levels around the world. Just using the gas example, the rich oil tycoons would stand to lose their fortunes if overnight the world changed to using alternative sources of energy, to name a few, tidal, wind powered, solar. I can't prove it but if its not happening, then certain key figures in governments around the world must be accepting money to keep their mouths shut and go along with the old ways instead of working on laws to put gasoline out of business and make use of alternative sources. These are people greedy to accept tons of money now to enjoy a luxourious life now with fancy homes, cars and several vacations a year and properties owned in many places, not thinking ahead about what is left for their children, great grandchildren. 2 years is likely not enough time to fix things. If just in gas issues, we have spent decades slowly polluting our planet, then it is stupid to assume it will take much less time to fix it. Fixing will take something that will never happen, ridding the planet of all the greedy who don't care and continue to halt progress toward a safer cleaner world. That will not happen because that would mean God stepping in, taking away free will and striking those people dead. Since that won't be happening, we are sadly on this terrible path. What gets me is a report I read online some time age regarding solar energy. If land the size of one state, I can't remember for sure but it was in the south so I think it was texas....so if land the size of texas was only used to cover with solar energy panels, no one living there. The energy collected from just land that size, would be enough to cover all the electricity needed to power the rest of the whole country. That is amazing. Scientists and mathematicians came up with that and I believe it. If the planet is heating up, it would be terrific to have such a thing in place and then everyone could own air conditioning run on the solar energy source and that already solves just one problem. If some of these other ways to power cars, trains, planes, etc were used, we would no longer be digging for oil so eventually, the planet will be able to be cleaned up. I know you are young and depressed but even a few people can do something to change their immediate surroundings on the planet. What I'd like to see is a smaller town where a set of solar engineers set up the panels on non used land in the town and the facility for storing that kind of mass energy and powering an entire towns needs on only solar, no more gas station, just electric cars and when it is working so well, it can be a model for the rest of the state, country and the world. There are more people like you and me than those few who number among the money greedy who run things around the world. So if the masses refused to go along with the governments plans and demanded the same as the first enviromentally friendly town, then things may just begin to turn around. It would be something that might take your entire lifetime devoted to. The bigger the ship you want to turn, the longer it takes to make that turn. But at least you would know you did your part in changing the future for following generations. I am not including myself in something this grand a scale because i am not young anymore. I can only do what little I can, and gettling solar energy for my home is about all I will be able to swing. But I would like to see this done as an entire community which wouldn't be taken care of by government and only be funded by people wanting to see the same kind of change and willing to live in a model city to show others it is possible.

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Hello, I’m posting this for some help
I don’t know what to do, I’m usually expert in relationships but this time I have no clue.
My bf and i were friends for 7 years maybe more, and we’ve been dating for a years. He has depression and yes I knew that since I was his friend and I chose to be his gf and future wife although he told me many times that his depression makes him feel that he is not capable of getting marry. We’ve discussed this, since we are in ldr I told him not to propose unless he is sure 100% and will never hesitate about it. He came to my country and the country I’m living in is hard to enter but he made it, he proposed and I said yes. We were happy beside his episodic courses he is a gentleman and all my friends agree with it. Last time I went to his country I lived with him for about 3 months we were so happy, i always understand that he needs space when he is depressed and he got depressed only twice while i was with him which is surprising since he gets episodes more than once per month. Our plan was that he moves to my country and to get married next year we agreed on this since he proposed, but I came back to my country and he was acting weird saying my condition is bad, i wanna be alone, i did understand that he might felt overwhelmed about marriage and these stuff, i discovered that I’m the only one who doesn’t want to talk to her, he calls and meets his friends, and when I call him he says I wanna be alone, which means i don wanna talk to you right? My friends told me he was with u all the time and suddenly you r not there of course he will feel bad and don wanna talk to you , and honestly I felt the same, i felt so weird to get back to ldr i cannot imagine that he is 15 hours far from me, i wanna be with him and I felt i don wanna talk to him manny times it felt so weird. The problem was I knew that its just temporary and I’ll get back to normal, but he didn’t. He said to me , babe I just wanna breakup i don feel happy, i wanna be alone forever, you need to meet someone who truly makes you happy, i dont. I felt that he is so depressed thats why he said so, he was a little angry and he was drinking when he talked to me ( he was never rude to me) I asked him r you drunk he said no!!! He said i wanna live with what I want to . I told him that I do understand what he feels and I’ll not leave you and I’ll come to you just wait me. I’m planning to go there in December, I cannot go earlier I hope if I can, he did not talk to me since he told me about the breakup which is about two weeks. Is it really his depression or he truly wants to breakup? How can I know ?
Please i need your advice , help me.
Should i talk to him or just live him be?
Excuse my English its my second language

You did very good explaining in English, so thank you. What you did not tell me is if he has seen a Doctor for his depression and had it verified and a medicine given to him to help him lose the depression. There is depression that can be a situation, an event that is too hard for a person to handle emotionally and they become depressed but usually are not so, this kind is easy to treat oneself, I know because my daughter saw a Dr. once and he gave her a list of things to do that helped her get over it. This does not sound like the kind of depression your boyfriend has, since he has had it at least to your knowledge, all the time you have known him and before. That would be what is called clinical depression in the U.S. This means that the body does not create the needed feel good hormones in his brain and so he will need to take a medicine with substitute man made hormones that act the same as the ones his body does not create.
I can not tell you what his answer to you will be once he is free of his depression but seeing a Doctor is a must. What you have heard him say about breaking up and you deserve better is coming from a mind controlled by depression so you are right that you can not trust what he is saying now. However, once on medication, he should be able to truthfully let you know if he loves you enough to want to marry you. I know you will think that if he loved you before, that after medication, he will still love you. My first marriage was to a man who had mental illness but was high functioning enough that people outside the home did not see it. He was desperate to hide it and appear more normal to society and figured that marriage, having kids, owning a home, for some examples, would help. So he married me but from the start, due to his mental illness, believed all females, including his own mother would abandon him someday. When it didn't happen, he would treat me really bad just to get me to the point of having enough so i would leave. It was affecting my physical health, the stress of it and I decided it was time to leave. He refused to go to treatment after seeing a Doctor once. He kept denying his problem.
I told you that story only for the part of how much he wanted to appear normal like any other man. So while your man is depressed and untreated by a doctor, he may have felt like you were his savior in a manner of speaking, that you being with him would make his life feel more normal. And he could easily love you for it, but that might not be the kind of love needed for a healthy long lasting relationship such as marriage. Most people who are depressed and do not receive medical help and counseling, do end up ending their lives by suicide. Relationships or marriages to a partner who is mentally ill and doesn't take their prescribed medication or refuses to see a doctor for that, do end up splitting up at some point. I personally know many couples where this has happened. So you working things out to be with him and if you could convince him to marry without him getting medical help, could very well end up in disaster.
So I recommend you wait it out, keep encouraging him to see a doctor. If he can't afford it, has no medical insurance, then he can always look into going to clinics for free medical help. Without help, I would not recommend you pursuing him.

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Hi. Guys I am looking for some advice and help. My ex boyfriend and me where together for a long time we have a daughter together and his family didn't want to know her until I got DNA test then the accepted her into there family when she was 6
So it cause alot hurt and bad feeling between us then he meet someone ended getting married to her she dosen't even want to talk to me even doe I never ever meet her or spoke to the girl. I love him alot and still care about but hate they way things are between us and like to see if I could change that and now with him moving to the usa I want to know what should I do should have a talk with him sort things out clear the air? or should I just leave it as it is?

There is no need to talk to him if there is legal documentation about you having full custody of her. If there is legal court appointed shared custody, and in the U.S. you can't move away to somewhere the ex doesn't have opportunity to see the child, then there could be problems. If this is just verbal agreement, and he has shown no interest in her, you may be okay but it might be better to have that DNA result test and talk to a lawyer to make sure you are protected as legal guardian and he has no claim on her. This would all of course need contacting him so the lawyer could talk to him as well and his signature signing away his rights to her.

In a day and age when there are so many couples having trouble conceiving, what if he and the wife can't have kids and either they adopt or if he's really wanting a kid and already has one with you, without documentation that he has given up his rights, this could be a mess down the road with him fighting for custody and it would look better on paper that there is two parents, rather than one meaning just you. You can't predict the future that you won't be married to someone, so this is what I think is most important for you to think about.Of course I am explaining this the way it is in the U.S. and I have no idea what country you are in and what the laws are concerning a child between two married or unmarried people who split up. That is what you will have to check on first and ask your family and get their advice as well before contacting a lawyer.

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is $18-$20hr a good hourly wage to these job duties?JOB DUTIES ACCOUNTING, PAYROLL for 50 employees at your office and 40 union workers, FILING, LETTERS, PACKAGES, REPORTS, TIMEKEEPING FOR UNION WORKERS, AND WHATEVER OTHER WORK THE 60 EMPLOYEES GIVE YOU... ETC

Wages vary over the states and so does the cost of living expenses. What you need to figure out is what your earning per month After taxes will be, and what costs your budget needs to cover and then you will know if it is enough. It sounds reasonable only to me because I am closer to retirement and can only find minimum wage jobs. The answers you will get will be mostly based on where your advicegiver lives. So it is best for you to do the research on line, check what the average wages are for your area, and what the cost of living is and then you will have a better idea.

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I dated this girl and then her parents said that she couldn't date yet so we broke up but we went behind there backs and dated again they found out about it and a couple months ago her parents said not to talk to her so should I apologize to her parents or what should I do

I had 3 daughters and also felt at certain ages they were too young to go out, away from home on dates with a guy. But I had no problem with them coming over just as any girlfriend of theirs would, to hang out, although there was a rule that the bedroom door had to remain open but they were welcome to cuddle and hold hands for example if watching TV. And a male friend could not come over unless we were home. I am not the only one like this, my sister did the same with her teen daughter and I've read stories of others who did the same. So you might want to suggest this to her parents. It is better to start off with learning how to become the best of friends because any really successful future romantic relationship will have the friendship part as its foundation but one thing more than just a friendship, the romance and sexual attraction. When still in school, no matter if you think you feel more than friendship, it is a good place to start. Her parents don't know you any more than they know a stranger. Its a good way to get them to trust you. Just think, if you marry one day long in the future, your wifes family-parents, siblings, as your family too. Might as well get used to how to become friendly with a girls family now. Its good practice for you.
SO if you feel inclined to apologize to them, I would do so in person. Don't call ahead, just go over in the evening when both should be home and say what you have to say. Then let them know that not to make excuses, but you really do enjoy her company as a girl and would like to be able to see her, not as a boyfriend but as a male friend and you would be willing to visit her at home when they are there and follow any rules they might want to enforce. You have to be willing to honor this and not be saying it just to try to get away with something. You can let them know you'll give them time to think about it and then go on your merry way. With luck, you'll be allowed to go visit her. Its better than nothing. Plus they get to know you if you interact with them. A boy coming to my door to even talk to me would earn brownie points. Most the guys were too chicken to go along with this option, afraid to face us I guess. An apology is a good idea no matter how it goes.

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