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how can you love 2 at the same time?
Hello again.. First of all thank you for your advice , it helped me seeing things in a different way, as you said i gave a him the chance to talk, and i told him that he needn't have to be so stressed over my reaction and i was ready to hear everything even the worse as long as he he's honest with me.. he said you're wrong i wasn't lying to you she was in my past and i was trying everything to push her away from my life from you, and i didn't want you to figure it out because i wanted to protect you from her from my past, you don't know what i had been through with her and now when everything was over you found about it, you're the one i want you're the one i want to spend my life with, in our relationship i didn't cheat on you and i won't .. so he was in a situation of full denial ..I still don't believe him i feel he's lying and i don't have anything to prove otherwise, except talking to the girl ,but that's not me..
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Thanks for writing back. You have been with him for long enough to have gained complete trust in him. If you don't feel you can trust him and believe he's lying, I just want to remind you that there are two reasons for lack of trust. If you are honest with yourself, you'll know if you lack trust due to a divorce and bad relationships you had before meeting him. It is possible for a fear to be running in your mind due to having such bad luck in the past. I do understand that. If you know for sure its not you, then the reason you lack trust in him, is because he is not being the kind of man that would instill trust in you in the first place. This is often the problem more than anything else. I can't imagine being married to someone I don't trust...no matter how great everything else is. What a woman needs to feel total trust in her man, is a man who does not hide his past from her, not even if he talks to female friends from his past. The man loves to talk to you and will say things that compliment you and any of your talents or traits and do it often. The man will tell you without you having to ask what he loves about you, your body, your personality and characteristics. Of course, a man would have to have some kind of clue of what he is looking for to recognize it in his lady.k So is the case with my husband. He said he was looking for a lady who was spiritual but not religious, and the other, a woman who is his sexual equal. He knows he has a high sex drive and did not want someone who had a lower one where sex once a week or way less, was great for them and more was not. I happen to be a match in both areas. He makes comments too, like when we are people watching. He'll see a woman with lits of children and by her looks, he says he can't imagine a man wanting to even make kids with her. He says it like he's just being funny but other times he tells me how I am exactly what he envisioned his wife looking like when he finally met her. I hear I love you every day several times, and I hear from him, volunteering how sexy I am or how great I look compared to other women my age, lots of compliments everything he looks at me and enjoys the looking, he tells me so. His eyes don't lie, I can see them darken with desire. Most women don't get enough of this from their man. I am so confident, he could be alone with a room full of women and I know he would not be hitting up on them. But because of how he treats women with respect and is kind, no matter that he has some extra pounds on him, he has women hitting up on him and he tells me every day after work. He's a cashier and lonely older women are always inviting him to coffee at their place or to go out for a meal or lunch. He of course never accepts and it isn't about the ages, he's always since a young man been interested in women older than him. He doesn't just tell me a woman hits up on him nut he'll kIss me and say, they are lonely but I have no desire to spend any time with them because they are not you. No woman could ever be who you are inside and out. Now remember, I hear this kind of stuff daily if not every other day. And he doesn't look at women in lust, if he's looking, it because he likes something they are wearing. He'll see a dress or jewelry he likes and points it out to me right away. What do you think of that dress. I like the style and would like to see it on you. Its always about me, and not just what he says but how he waits on me, hand and foot, always asking if there is any thing I need. The only reason women don't really trust their men is because they haven't heard from them that they would never be able to get it up, or want to get it up for another woman. A woman needs to feel not just loved but cherished and thats how he treats me. Many women do not get that. Knowing this, I can't help but think that no matter what your guy does to make you feel he loves you only, he is not doing his job right. He has to be doing and saying the things that will make you sure beyond a shadow of a doubt that he has eyes only for you and you have nothing to worry about. Have a talk and let him know what you need to feel you are the only and most important thing to him. My guy has said If I pass away first, he would have no will to live anymore. There are few couple like this where the mate passes in their sleep simply because they miss their mate and don't find any joy in life without their partner. If you have to tell him, then consider he is putting on an act for you. But maybe it will help you feel better. Otherwise, nice as he may be in other area's, its not about wether he has female friends, so does my hubby, but it is the attentions that I get from him with verbal building up and support that I have no fear of him ever cheating, lying to me. You are still young enough to find the right man and live a long life with him. Don't wait for men to ask you out.Men are visually oriented and will be initially interested. If any show an interest to get to know you beyond surface level, and once they know you, you see them treat you in ways that you have complete confidence in them and their love for you and you only, then you have the man to hold onto forever. It can take time to find such a person. There are too many males out there I do not even see as being manly men. Not women but something demasculated, no interest in women beyond a little sex and thats all. You will have to keep looking because this man is not instilling confidence in you of his love for you. If you find you are feeling the same even with a guy who is doing all the right things as I mentioned, then it is you and it would be best to get counseling and get healed so you can be ready for a relationship.
Good luck hon.
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