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I sometimes take long breaks from the site. I'm more than happy to answer anyone's questions, but just make sure they're not too time sensitive. :)Facts about me:
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advice
okay me and my boyfriend have always had unprotected sex. he had cancer when he was younger and the chemotherpy was supposed to mak him infertile. well i am 15 days late for my period. so last night i went to his house to take the test, but before i did, we ended up having sex again. i took the test and it said i was pregnant. is this just because i had sex 10 minutes before... or it that probably accurate?
i'm freaking out so bad.
i'm 16.
he's 20.
he'd go to jail.
It's dangerous to do a paternity test before the baby is born. If you do end up being pregnant and your parents threaten to press charges tell them that they don't have any proof and that it would be silly to press charges because you would just deny everything. It would work because your boyfriend is at high risk for infertility. That definitely constitutes as reasonable doubt that he is the father until the test is done. That'll give them a lot of time to cool down about it. They'll probably be a lot more concerned about you than about him. Plus, if he handles the situation well and does everything he can to help you through it they might not be that mad at him. I highly doubt he'd get sent to jail over it either. It's not like the sex wasn't consensual and it's not like he's 10 or more years older than you. Any judge would go very easy on him. He may even get off because of the infertility thing. I think that your situation is comparable to a girl being on birth control pills and having unprotected sex. The chances are so miniscule (practically 0%) that she would get pregnant, but they're not 0%. Even if you're on the pill you should still use condoms or some other form of birth control too to avoid pregnancy. From now on use condoms no matter what. It's not like they're terribly expensive. It's better for your parents to find out you're having sex than them to find out that you're pregnant. When you get tested by a doctor and if you do end up being pregnant do NOT keep it from them. They might be angry and really upset about it first, but they can help you so much. If you're pregnant, you need a lot of help right now in making decisions, carrying out these decisions, and getting through everything from an emotional standpoint. Your parents will surprise you with how much they would help and support you.
http://www.cancer.org/docroot/MIT/content/MIT_7_2X_Will_My_Sexual_Function_and_Fertility_Be_Affected.asp?sitearea=MIT
Your boyfriend could only go to jail if someone pressed charges. Even then, he would probably just have to pay a large fine with no jail time.
Chemotherapy is not supposed to make you infertile. It can, but it doesn't always and sometimes it's temporary, or just through the duration of the chemotherapy. It was a very immature, irresponsible decision to have unprotected sex with him without being 100% sure that he was permanantly infertile. Having sex will not affect a pregnancy test. You are probably pregnant. See a doctor as soon as you can. Home pregnancy tests aren't 100% accurate. Get tested by a doctor before you start making decisions about what you want to do. Good luck.
Before I even start, I'd like to say that I'm seventeen, I think this situation is stupid, but I'm still at a loss and I need help.
I have quite a few best friends. Two of them told me this year that they are lesbians and they are together. I already knew this - and am totally okay with it. But now that they've come out to me about it, and even before them, the only conversation I get out of them is about their sex life. We never do anything together anymore - and I basically feel as if they don't need me.
I expressed how I felt on my xanga - my friend read it, as she would anything else, and then sent me a message on myspace asking me if it was about her and her girlfriend and I told her the truth - she wanted to know "what the hell" they did and I told her that it wasn't a big deal and that I was just feeling down.
Well - now she's arguing with me and making a big deal out of nothing. She takes EVERYTHING way too personally - but uses me as her vent and doormat, as if I'm inhuman and don't have any emotions.
What do I do?
You may not be sorry for what you said, but you must be at least a little sorry for the way that you did it, posting it on the Internet for all to see. That was pretty passive aggressive on your part. You really hurt their feelings whether you think it was a big deal or not. Don't apologize for what you said, just apologize in general. An apology doesn't have to be specific.
They have the right to be upset over it. It's never a good feeling to know that your friend is depressed and it's your fault. They reacted with anger, I believe because what you said hurt them. Since this isn't a big deal, I think you should just let it pass and see what happens. If they keep being dumb about it, write a new entry about how you're feeling better and that you're glad that you have such cool friends that you've had good times with and such. Something kind of sappy. Apologize in there someplace too. That should solve everything. If they took your first entry that seriously, they'll take anything you write like the law.
Now, not to be mean, but this whole thing could easily have been prevented. Don't write negative things about people and then post them for anyone and everyone to see. Online journals can be fun and are a good way to get your feelings out and get support from others when you're feeling down. However, it's like wearing a t-shirt with all your personal thoughts written on it. It's easy to pour your feelings out over the Internet because computers, unlike people, make you feel safe enough to say things that you normally wouldn't. The problem is, computers are people. Billions of people. Including those one or two people who you couldn't face with the problem that you were venting about. Well guess what, you did face them and they feel betrayed and disrespected because you posted it on the Internet rather than talk to them like a "man" about it. Make your xanga more private. Set it so that you have to have an account to view your page if that's how they accessed it, or set it so that only people you've listed as friends can view it, or just make particular entries that are about people that might take things the wrong way private and only visible to you. I'm not a xanga user so I'm not sure if you can do those things, but I believe that you can. Not everybody needs to know everything about you. Getting it out and seeing it outside of yourself is usually enough to get over your problems. Sharing them with the whole world and sometimes with just a few people, can only create more problems. Good luck. :)
My boyfriend & I have been going out for about five years now. We don't see each other a lot anymore because of us going to school & him working. I go to college around where he lives but I'm a commuter. While I'm at school or leaving school, he's at school too or he's at work. So on weekdays we never see each other. Friday & saturday nights are his nights with his friends. Sunday is always our day because he doesn't work sundays. It has always been this way. But today, or yesterday I guess, he didn't come to see me. Last sunday he didn't either. Both sundays he just stayed over his cousins house. I'm cool with his cousin & all the people that live in their house, they're all like family to me, but he was with them friday & saturday night too! And now I'm starting to be really pissed off because I always let him go & do his thing friday & saturday nights & there is no reason why he can't spend one day out of the week with me. If I approach him about it, hell act like an ass & we'll start arguing & really, I don't feel like arguing with his dumb ass because I already know what hell say. Probably something like, "I just wanted to chill with my buls" or "you always got something to bitch about" or something along those lines. Okay... so yeah, I'm hurt. It upsets me because I never ask him for shit. All I expect is when it hits sunday, he's spending it with me. I'm like lost with what to do right now. As soon as I tell him how I feel, there's gonna be an argument & I'm really trying to avoid that. When we argue, we argue hard. But Ilm trying hard not to be passive so what do you think I should do? Suck it up & just let it go or suck it up & argue it out with him?
By the way, I texted him earlier today. Me: don't you ever miss me?
Him: yes, I do be missing you.
Me: I don't feel like you do. I don't know. I just miss you & we don't get to see each other a lot.
Him: we'll be out of school soon.
That's all I've said to him about how I feel today. So him saying we will be outta school soon obviously means we will see each other more once the semester is over. But still.. He could have came to see me today & last sunday! Please let me know your thoughts & how I should go about this. I appreciate all answers, however, don't just say, "just tell him how you feel. End of story." Its not that easy to tell a guy who thinks he's always right how I feel.
Thanks a lot!
I agree with Bklyngurl20. Sending a well thought out e-mail is a great idea. In the e-mail don't appear to be anything but upset or hurt. I know you're a little angry over the situation, but don't let that show or it will turn into an arguement. Don't accuse him of anything, just let him know how sad you are and how serious this is. Something like this could mean the end of your relationship and I don't think he realizes that. He's just blowing it off. Pour your heart out to him and I think that things will work out. Complete honesty is always the best way to go. Whenever I keep something that's bothering me from my boyfriend it creates so much tension. I don't want to tell him becauase we'll argue, but I always end up telling him anyways. The longer you wait, the more anger you will feel and the worse the arguement will be if it happens. You can't just keep things inside. Being the poor, lonely, heartbroken, neglected girl though, will probably curb an arguement altogether. Try to supress your anger and see where that takes you. It wouldn't be lying because you're really not that angry with him. You're just frustrated and confused, which is leading to anger because of the natural progression of negative emotions to anger. Anger can only turn things ugly. There's no use in showing it if you can control it. Good luck.
Female, 23
When i was at school i had a best friend, when we were about 12 she used to bully me and write nasty songs about me, but i used to take it because i didnt really have anyone else
That all stopped in about a year, but then i started to do the same to her when i was about 15 up until i was 17. I'd be horrible and bitchy alot of the time and write songs and draw horrible pictures of her.
I know it sounds like we werent friends but we actually were and would hang out all the time with our other mutual friends, it was when i was with these friends that i was at my bitchiest, when we were alone it was fine.
Anyway, it's now 8 years ago since we left school, it got ill and still am suffering with mental illnesses which started when i was 17, i was isoclated (i still am, but not a bad) and didnt have a future as far as i was concerned, or a present because i was pretty much bedbound for 3 years, so i just lived in the past, the past was all i thought about (i still do alot now but i'm learning to move forward and think about now and my future), It's in this time that i realised that i was such a horrible bully (i only bullied people that bullied me,i was bullied by tons of people at school, it wasnt like i picked on inocent victims).
I never realised at the time that i was a bully or i would have stopped but now i feel extremely guilty about it and it's really stressing me out and playing on my mind every single day and i'm dreaming about this girl too.
I want to know if it would be a good idea to write to her (if i can find out her address, i know her old phone number but thats it), and apologise for being so horrible to her. It was 8 years ago so i dont know if she would even care or if it would make a difference, but we were friends all way though secondry school so it must have had some impact on her.
I just want her to know that i'm truly sorry for what i did to her.
Do you think it would help, or help you if you had a letter of this kind?
Think of it this way, how would you feel if you got an apology letter from someone that had bullied you? Yes, you've probably mostly forgiven them, but I would imagine that it would still be very touching. In this case, it doesn't matter so much what she would think, it matters more what you would think. If it helps you feel better about what you did to write it down and send the proper apologies that's what's important. If she reacts negatively to it, that's her problem. You stood up, did the right thing, and that's what being a good person is all about. Hopefully you will be rewarded for such a nice gesture. My guess is that you will. Definitely write the letter. Good luck. :)
My daughter has been purging off and on for the last year...that I know of... She declares that she is at a point where she is ready to stop...and indeed has not purged for some time. However, at times, when she eats, normally, her food does not seem to stay down... and she feels like vomiting even though she may not want to... I understand that this is probably an after effect of her making herself throw-up off and on for over such a long period of time. Is there anything we could do "naturally" to help ease her body back into accepting food and keeping it down. Thank you so much for answering our question.
This is a very serious problem. Get her to a doctor and soon. I can't believe you haven't already. You need professional advice, not what a bunch of random people on the internet think you should do. For the sake of your daughter, please take her to a doctor. If you don't, and try to solve this on your own, it could have serious consequences. Good luck.
so theres this kid. he's pretty much a slut. he's dated like every girl ive ever met. but there's a reason for that; he's really adorable/funny/witty/charming. for the past couple years ive thought he was a really despicable person but within the past three months we've been hanging out like nonstop. he picks me up and calls me every day. hes my friend now, but i like him. a lot. he flirts constantly and asks me out like every other day. when i say no he pretends to get really sad and he'll start laughing and trying to hug me and he'll be like "whyyyy?" i WANT to say yes but ive kept myself from doing it. he makes me so happy and sometimes all i want to do is kiss him. i mean, how bad of an idea is this? should i just go for it? keep in mind that this kid gets a new girlfriend like every month. but he is so amazing. i don't know how much longer i can keep saying no.
Anyone can change. Maybe he really does want something serious with you. Ask him what he is looking for in a relationship with you the next time he asks you out. Get an answer before you tell him anything about how you feel. Don't tell him you like him and don't tell him what you're looking for until he answers. Once you get an answer, let him know that if you were to agree to be in a relationship with him you'd want it to be serious and that you're worried that he isn't looking for a serious relationship with you. If you're both looking for different things, the relationship is never going to work and it's going to hurt you a lot and him not at all. A mature conversation can solve just about every problem. It may be awkward to start it, but it's much better than the situation you are in now. It'll take a few minutes and then everything will be over. If he beats around the bush and doesn't give you a clear answer, forget him. Beating around the bush only means that he's trying to come up with a lie and can't because you caught him off guard. If you date him and he's not serious about it, you'll get hurt hardcore. Don't do it no matter what kind of feelings you have for him. There will be other guys. Lots of them. Good luck.
so this guy and I went to the movies... he broke up with his girlfriend of 1 1/2 years not too long ago and I broke up with my boyfriend a few weeks ago [Please keep in mind that I am not really looking to be in a serious relationship right away.]
He was basically flirting with me the entire night...and then once we got to my house we sat in the driveway for like a hour just talking. when i went to get out of the car I went to give him a kiss on the cheek and he moved away saying "Don't do that" when I asked why he said "because I dont want to hurt you"
So later he sent me a text message that said "I'm so sorry" and I was like "For what?" and he said "I just don't want to hurt you...I seem to do that"
I really like him. He gives me butterflies...
I feel like we are kinda in the same position so I know how he feels...We both dont want to get hurt again and we dont want to hurt someone else like we've been hurt before...
I'm not sure what to do....I'm afraid if I IM him he will be like "Oh god shes stalking me" but then if I dont i feel like he will be all "Oh man, now she wont even talk to me"
You two should definitely attempt to have a relationship. You can't be afraid of hurting other people for the rest of your lives. It's obvious to me that you want to have a chance with him. You really like him. It's good to be concerned about each other, but not to this degree. You are willing to risk getting hurt to have a relationship with him and he probably feels the same way about you. Don't be more concerned about him that he is himself. If he's willing to take the risk and both of you want to, nothing should stop you. If he wants to risk getting hurt, that's his choice to make. Just like taking the risk yourself is your choice to make. Let him know that you would risk getting hurt to have a chance with him because you like him that much. Don't promise that you won't hurt each other because you can't see what's in the future. He's heard the promise before and it hasn't been kept. Hearing it again will only hurt him because he'll connect it to the past. Both of you have grown a lot through negative experiences in relationships. Those negative experiences in the past can only make the future better. You can also connect and bond with each other through them because it's something that you have in common. Be optimistic about your next relationship (which will hopefully be with this guy) because it can only be better than any past relationships that you have had. This guy seems like a really caring person that you could have a great time with. Don't miss your chance with him! You deserve to be with someone as nice and caring as him this time. Good luck. :)
gothic 13 girl.my mom doesnt know the real me anymore because she just says all thats wrong with me then and how i dress and my friends my music my personality. she just says turn that crap off they just sing about hate when im listening to music even if their not singing about hate. my friends and clothes she still thinks im someone totally different she thinks im all preppy and wears pinks and shit and is friends with the preps. me and the preps got in a huge fight that changed alot of people a long time ago. and when my mom sees gothic kids she says they have no life. i am just about to slap her every time. i cant tell her because. she said if im ever a gothic whore shed kill me and id be grounded for life. which i am the gothic whore now i pretty much am grounded everyday and she couldnt kill me shell be charged with merder to her daughter. i put on a hoodie and jewelry then change my hair. every day for school and when i go places. im in the gothic group i now have true friends. i hate my life. how do i tell my mom in a better way i was thinkin of blowin up in her face well she does it to me i learned well she does it a usual basis. im the sneakiest of all people. im gothic so face it. get over it. help mee
I answered a question written by a gothic girl your age not too long ago so some of my response I'm going to copy from what I wrote to her. I'm sorry if this bothers you, but I like what I said before and I still feel exactly the same way.
Your mom isn't handling this well, but she does have a point. She is very concerned about your FUTURE, you should be too actually.
You're a teenager. You need to start thinking about your future. It's closer than you think. People don't take goths seriously. Yeah your
mom hates it, well so does everyone else too. You will have a really hard time finding work if you plan on staying goth into your adulthood. If you're not into drugs or alcohol yet and you remain goth, the chances of you becoming so are much higher. Even though you may believe that you'd never do that, you must admit that it does come with the territory. People will think you're on drugs anyway even if you're not and that can be just as detrimental for you. If your time being goth leads you to become a drug user, that will affect your future even more in a negative way than just the way you dress and the music you listen to. While you are goth, do your best not to get involved with the drug aspect of the culture. Druggies are seriously the scum of the earth and will forever be the victims of their own obsessions. You're stronger than that.
I'm not saying that it's not okay for you to be goth in dress, music, and such, for the time being. It's perfectly fine as long as you realize that you just can't stay that way for the rest of your life and still be a successful person. I'll admit goths are pretty cool. I like the gothic culture minus the drugs. The goth look is amazing. Stay with it, but drop it in a few years. You'll be really happy that you did. Tell your mom that that's what you're going to do. She'll have a lot more respect for you and not bug you so much about things.
Other people's opinions of you are very important and define who you are more than you do yourself. It sucks, but that's how it works. If you want to spend the rest of your life "expressing yourself" you need a huge reality check. You need to make people other than yourself happy through the course of your life to get anything. Nobody's going to hire a goth. It makes the business look bad. As a goth, you'll probably only be able to get a minimum wage job if anything and minimum wage doesn't really cut it.
Talk to your mom about this maturely. Since she isn't handling it well, you need to. You are only a teenager. You are entitled to and should be able to express yourself in whatever way you want (as long as its safe) for at least 4 or so more years without getting too much crap from her. Make sure she knows you are going to change in the near future. If you, after reading all of what I said, which I hope you did, are still considering remaining goth for the rest of your life, I hope you get a clue really soon. Everybody hates the gothic culture. That's the way it is. There's no point in purposely being something that everybody hates. You don't have to change who you are inside or what you believe, just how you present yourself and how you act in public. Nobody's bashing who you are. Just how you act. People don't walk around naked, they don't crap in the middle of the street, and they don't scream "Hail Hitler" out their windows. Some people would sure like it if that's the way the world worked, but it doesn't. To succeed in the world you need to be able to succeed socially. As a goth, you won't.
I hope that you read what I'm saying to you and really think about it. I don't expect you to understand it now because you are only 13, at the peak of rebelliousness and egocentrism. I can only hope that someday, hopefully sooner than later, it'll get across to you. Please don't base your response to my advice on whether or not you liked what I said to you. Please base it on the quality of advice that I am giving to you. Whether you want to take it or not, it is probably some of the best advice that anybody will ever give you. I'm not tooting my own horn here. I've heard this advice given to girls like you many times before and when it was actually followed, I've seen it do a whole lot of good. I know it's good advice. I can only hope that I presented it in a way that you will think so too. It could be the difference from being in poverty to enjoying a great life.
i submitted this question once already but it like didn't go through so i fixed it up a bit..
alright well..
one of my friends has very strict parents. so they were looking at her search history and found her myspace. they also found mine.
i'm not aloud to have a myspace. my parents made it very clear that if i had one, i'd be in deep trouble. i wouldnt be allowed on the computer for a long time and when i am allowed to my parents would watch my every move. so on AIM, i cant talk to anyone about private stuff.
i deleted my account already but i dont know what to do. my friends dad said hes going to tell my parents. her dad is going to say he saw it a few days ago so there's no hiding that i actually did have one.
i really don't know what to do. i don't want to get in trouble and loose my computer rights. last resort would be to come clean but i don't want to have to do that. i need to get out of this situation. i really need help, and FAST!! please, does anyone have any advice?
thank you sooooooooooooooo much. you dont know how incredibly bad i need advice.
My suggestion for you is to play it cool. Before your parents find out, make a new myspace page. Make sure it's very clean, set it to private, and don't reveal ANYTHING personal about yourself. Age, location, nothing. Your parents are going to find out and you're going to be punished. Hiding it will make them think you were being irresponsible. It's not like you were really doing anything wrong on your page. If they see that it was actually very safe and controlled the consequences won't be as bad. Just pretend like you just recently created it and that you never deleted it. What's there is what was always there. Don't forget to apologize profusely for having it. It might also be a good chance for you to say that you thought that you could be responsible about it. Your parents should trust that they've raised you to be cautious and smart about things. Good luck.
PS. Let your opinions be known but don't argue with them. Accept whatever punishment they give you with your head held high. They told you not to do something and you did it. You deserve anything that happens.
Are pixie sticks good physically to your body?
It tastes so good but I wonder of it's bad because I feel like it's kinda the same as eating a bowl of just sugar.
Thanks and when you answer can you tell me if you're a professional or not so I can know for sure?
It is just like eating a bowl of sugar because all Pixy Stix are is flavored sugar. There are no other ingredients. Sugar is good for you, but not in such large amounts in its pure form. Pixy Stix are very very bad for you. Having too much sugar can make you fat, increase your risk of having a heart attack, and give you cavities among a ton of other negative things. I'm not a professional, but I think that most people would agree with me when I say that I know what I'm talking about. If you want to check the information I said against a reliable source, check out these websites.
http://www.beautyden.com/sugar.shtml
http://www.ahealthyme.com/topic/toomuchsugar
http://www.boston.com/news/globe/health_science/articles/2004/09/07/how_much_sugar_is_too_much/
I'm not sure how many grams of sugar are in Pixy Stix, but it'll say right on the package. Look at the Nutrition Facts on the package and find where it says the amount of sugar. Divide that by the serving size and you'll know how much sugar is in a single Pixi Stick. I would say that having two or three a day would be okay, but more than that would be unhealthy.
Hey. I'm a 16 year old girl and want to write a book by the time I'm 25. I want to write a book because I want to help people find themselves and discover what true beauty is etc...Anyways, I guess my question to you is how could I go about that? Where do you publish books and what kind of books would be appealing to you... Do you think people would buy high school drama or self-help books? Any information would help. Thanks alot
Lots of people would buy high school drama/self help books. I love them. I think everyone does. The problem here is that in order to write such a book and write it well, you have to write it after thorough reflection and psychological understanding of the subject at hand. If you want to write it before you're 25, it's not gonna work out. Almost guaranteed. Nobody is going to want to buy a self help book from someone that has their problem (you're still young) no matter how much you know about the subject or how well of a book you can write. You won't be able to write a teen help book until you're at least 25. Don't give up the writing dream yet though. You can start by writing short stories or a series of novels about high school life. Just get your ideas out. Practice writing. These types of books are very popular with teen audiences and are a good start if you want to get into writing about finding yourself and discovering beauty. As you get older, you can use most of the ideas that you come up now in your novels. My advice for you is to go into the field of writing, but make sure you have a plan b in case it doesn't work out for you. Sometimes, publishers just won't publish your books. Kind of like with music. You may be a good singer, but you have to get a lucky break to make it. Major in something to do with writing in college and you'll learn everything you need to know about being successful in the field. You could also get a lot of connections by taking that path. Connections are what you're going to need. Good luck! :)
I've had insomnia since I was twelve. Though when I slept over at my fiance's apartment (We just slep together, no sex or anything.) I slept through the whole night. Why?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Insomnia
"It is often caused by fear, stress, anxiety, medications, herbs, caffeine, depression or sometimes for no apparent reason. An overactive mind or physical pain may also be causes. Finding the underlying cause of insomnia is usually necessary to cure it."
What was different about staying with your fiance? Is there something that is depressing you or stressing you out usually that wasn't that night? My guess is that whatever has been troubling your sleep for so many years was overpowered by your love for your fiance, happiness, and relief for being with him. If you're not sure exactly what is causing your insomnia, see a doctor to find out. It's probably something emotional, so perhaps you can get it to go away completely with the right help. Good luck. :)
Ok so im like best friends with tis girl and i have feelings for her. how can i tell her without having the chance of ruining our friendship?
Once you take the first step, there's no turning back. There really isn't a way to do it that wouldn't put your friendship in jeopardy. That said, it's not a friendship you're after anymore, it's a relationship. Don't worry about the friendship. Technically, you've already taken the chance of ruining the friendship by having those feelings in the first place. Your friendship with her, honestly, won't ever be the same. So right now, put that behind you and focus on convincing her to be your girlfriend. It shouldn't be too hard. You're friends with her so she must like you in a lot of ways already. Relationships are so much better than friendships and will do so much more for you in the future even if they don't work out. Whether or not you can be friends with her again after the relationship (or your rejection) depends on the type of people you are. Some people can be friends again after a breakup, some can't. So, ultimately, my advice is, forget about the friendship. It's doomed anyway. If you like her, chances are she likes you back too and is just as afraid as you are to share her feelings about it. Pursuing a relationship is worth all the risk. Good luck. :)
I am 43 years old and have been married to a loving, thoughtful man for 16 years and we have a 14 year old son.
Unfotunately,a recent argument has spurred my husband to suddenly decide to take an overseas civilian contractor job in Iraq for 6 months! The original source of the argument was petty (I moved a drinking glass) but he says that he's short tempered because he's been under a lot of stress lately over the deep financial debt we're in. (We have an astronomical mortgage payment and three vehicle payements which take up practically our entire paychecks.) He says this job will pay $8000 a month and we can have all the cars paid off in 6 months and will be able to live a little more comfortably.
To make a long story short, I'm so angry and scared over this that it's making me physically ill. We've had several fights over this and I'm at the point now where I can barely stay under the same roof with him. He says I'm not being supportive while I think he should have looked into local job options or let me take a night job. Most of all, I think he should have given this more thought. (My husband has a long history of doing impulsive things only to regret them later - which is why we have the three car payments and the huge mortgage!) Instead, he let his friends talk him into this and only three weeks after the initial incident which started all this, he's all processed and is set to fly out on April 29th. So much for giving this some thought!!!
I've got no one to talk to about this and have been pretty much keeping to myself over the past couple of weeks. I just don't know how to cope with this. He slapped me with this so suddenly and expects me to be cool with it.
Am I being unreasonable? I'm so confused and so full of resentment that I can't think straight. One minute I'm crying and the next minute my blood is boiling in rage.
Any advice would be appreciated. I know that you military wives are in a different situation because your husbands have no control over where they are sent and you are put into a position where you HAVE to cope while my husband will be going over there voluntarily. But I'd still like to hear how you cope. What emotions did you have to deal with?
And if there are any other overseas contractor spouses out there in the same situation I'm in now, I'd definitely love to hear from you.
Thanks.
Your son is 14. He's almost an adult. Old enough to understand that these problems aren't his fault. He has had a father in his life for long enough to have what's necessary to grow into a man. If your husband is going to run off to Iraq on a whim and isn't going to be a father, you're not doing your son any good by keeping him around. You're just doing yourself bad if he is causing you this much pain. Plus, I'm sure your son would have a much better life if there wasn't so much stress over your financial situation. Your husband is the cause of this because of his irresponsible decisions, but you are at fault too for letting it happen. Please don't back off on him. Stop letting it happen. At LEAST go to counseling with him. You really need it. This problem will only grow and grow and grow. Don't shove it behind the door while your marriage can still be saved. You can't just fix your negative feelings towards him internally. You need help. If you feel any better about this you are lying to yourself and it is only just temporary. You'll be okay only until he does something like this again. Then it will come back ten-fold. This needs to be dealt with NOW before everything gets even futher out of hand. It will keep coming back, each time worse than the last, if you just let it slide. A body can only take so much anguish before it just can't take any more. You are getting really close to that point. If you want to do anything for your son, don't just let it go and accept whatever your husband wants. A happy marriage means two happy people. You are not happy. Your son's life would be much better if he were being raised by two parents that respected, loved, trusted, accepted, and supported each other. Your husband isn't showing much respect towards you and you aren't showing much trust, support, or acceptance towards him because of it. Your son can see this. He can tell that you are angry and upset. He sees you back down every single time and never stick up for yourself in your marriage. What kind of example is that for him? Even more importantly, what is your husband teaching your son about how to be a man? You don't want your son to grow up being irresponsible and irrational like his father, selfishly brushing aside the opinions of his wife, trying to heroicly save the family by making outlandish, quick decisions without thinking them through or discussing them with anyone that they affect. Do you really want your marriage to be your son's example of what a marriage should be like? I certainly hope not. This is a serious problem. For the sake of everyone, get counseling and get it soon. If not for your and your husband, at least for you.
He may have an impulsive personality and everything, but what he has done this time is unacceptable. You're not being unreasonable at all. A decision as big as this needed to have been up to the entire family, not just your husband with no discussion beforehand. You, as a wife, cannot allow him to make such big decisions that affect you so much on his own. You need to draw the line. As of now, he has gotten away with everything he has done with no repercussions other than your disappointment, anger, and sadness. He needs to get his priorities straight and he needs to start involving you in his decisions. He isn't because you haven't made him yet. My advice for you is to go to counseling with him. These are serious marital issues that will destroy your marriage in the very near future. I'm sure he's a great loving man to you and a wonderful father to your son, but this has got to stop. No matter how wonderful he is other than this one issue, it doesn't matter. This one issue is the difference between staying together and divorce. It's that big of a problem and you need to stand your ground. Do not allow him to go to Iraq without exploring other options first. It's foolish, stupid, and selfish, not to mention dangerous. If he does, the marriage is over. Whether you want it to be or not, it is. Tell him that. If he doesn't take you seriously it will be the biggest mistake of his life because he is going to lose you because frankly, by leaving you, you have already lost him. If he can't put your feelings and wishes into account enough to take you seriously and try to deal with this in a different way before heading out to Iraq, he is not someone that you really want to be with. Don't tell him that Iraq is completely out of the picture, it isn't. The problem isn't that he's going there. The problem is that he made a huge spur of the moment decision without your input. Iraq should be a last resort, not a first. Help him try to come up with a better plan with the help of your marriage counselor. I really strongly advise you to divorce him if he leaves you. It is completely unacceptable for him to do that and honestly, it would be completely unacceptable for you to stay with him if he did leave. I hope that he's smart about this and decides to stay and work things out with you. You should be much more important to him than whatever money he plans to make. The one thing you should work towards in your life above anything is happiness. You are not happy with him right now. Do something about it and hope for the best. If things do go bad, you'll be much happier without him. He may life his life with a ton of regret, but there is no reason for you to. You will not regrat leaving him over this if you have to. You would regret staying with him much more. Good luck.
hey. well i got an advicenators friday march 31 cause
i was ooober bored. & i always went on over spring
break. well, i totally realized that i am right back in the
zone.. & i barely have enough time to study & do all
my homework! how do you guys manage your time
so that you can do sports, homework, AND answer
questions on a school day? thanks in advancee.
Before you sit down at your computer, set a time limit or a question limit for yourself. If you don't, you can get caught up with everything and lose track of time. No matter how much you want to answer that next question, if you're past your limit you just have to wait until the next day. It works pretty well for me when I have a lot of homework or studying to do. I'd say a half hour or 5 questions would be a good place to start. Soon enough you'll get a better idea of how long it takes you to answer questions and you can make your own limits for yourself. Whatever you do, don't go past them no matter what!!! If there is a question that you don't want to forget to answer or you're worried about finding it later, save it in your favorites (on your Internet browser, Advicenators doesn't have a place to save favorites). I do that all the time. Good luck. :)
i have a problem
no matter how much deoderant i put on my underarms, they are always so sweaty!!
i feel so self-concious about it all the time
can u plz give me some advice on wat to do?!?
Well, there's a difference between having really sweaty armpits and getting pit stains. (There's also a difference from being a girl and a guy and you didn't specify!) If you're a girl and you have really sweaty armpits, try a nice smelling men's deoderant. Men's deoderant can be a lot stronger than women's and might just do the trick for you. No one would ever know. I've also heard good things about CertainDri. If you're a guy, just try a different kind of deoderant. Some of them are pretty strong! If nothing seems to work for you, see a doctor. It's kind of embarassing, but if your armpits are really sweaty maybe they can recommend something that fixes everything. Bringing it up to your doctor may be a little embarassing, but it's just a one time thing and it could get rid of all the embarassment of being really sweaty in front of your friends every day. If it's pit stains that's the problem, don't get too worked up about it. You can try different deoderants and stuff, but, I mean, look around the next time you're in gym class. Tonssss of people get pit stains. Lots of people get them just from regular sweating in class and stuff. You don't have to sweat a lot to get them. Pit stains don't mean that you're sweating all that much. They mean that you're human! It is kind of annoying though, so just wear loose fitting shirts or tank tops to eliminate them. In the winter you can just wear a big sweatshirt and nobody would know the difference. Keep in mind that you'll notice your own much quicker than you'll notice other people's because you can feel them. Other people will notice yours just as little.
Theres this boy, Jacob. He's one of my best friends, and I'm in love with him. I really am, don't tell me I'm too young or anything. But I don't know if he likes me that way or not. he did earlier this year, but I don't know anymore. And my friend likes him, too. I've cried over him so many times, because i thought that he liked her. I was really upset, but I dont know, as long as he was happy then i wasn't too sad. I was afraid that she'd hurt him or something. But anyway, its been so much pain and hurt. should I just try and see if I can stop loving him? Is love worth all the tears and pain?
If he liked you before, the feelings that he had for you will never completely go away especially if you two never did anything about your feelings for each other. Just because your friend likes him doesn't mean he likes her back. The fact that your friend likes him doesn't matter at all. I mean, shouldn't she like him? He's such a great guy, right? You think he's the best. Shouldn't every girl think that and be absolutely in love with him like you are? Who cares if she likes him! What matters is who he likes -- and it's probably you! You say that he has caused you all this hurt and pain. Well you haven't even dated him yet. You haven't even tried anything. Your heart hasn't been broken. There has been no rejection. There is absolutely no reason to try to stop loving him. Keep loving him as much as you can and actually do something about it! Soon! Ask him to go out with you. Ask him if his feelings are the same as yours. It might be hard to bring it up and a little embarassing and awkward at first, but isn't it worth it if it means getting a chance with him? Give it a shot. If you give up you'll regret it for the rest of your life. If things don't work out between you it can't hurt any worse than it does now and at least you'll know you tried. Giving up is the absolute worst thing you can do right now. Don't worry about screwing up your friendship with him. You're not meant to be friends right now if something better could happen. Teen relationships are always much more beneficial in the present and helpful to you in the future than teen friendships. Friends will come and go, but your past boyfriends will stay with you forever and always have a special place in your heart no matter what happens. Who's to say that you can't easily be friends afterwards either? Lots of people do it. I wish you the best of luck and I hope that his feelings for you are the same as yours for him! :)
Ok, I'm not sure if this is the right catogory but it seemed good. So, I do hate my weight and want to be skinny, but I don't think I am aneroxic. People have called me that before but because I hate eating a lot, and 3 meals a day is a lot to me. I usually eat an egg for breakfast, nothing or an apple for lunch and a regular dinner. Is that bad? I don't want to eat just to please ppl but I don't know how to tell them that I just don't like much food. What can I say to them?
"I'm very average for my age and height. I weigh about 126, am about 5'5", and 14."
There's nothing wrong with that. Your diet isn't that bad either.
My only concern would be that you may not be getting enough nutrition for your body to develop properly especially if you are physically active. Your diet is perfectly reasonable for an adult. Most adults don't eat breakfast, have a light lunch, and a normal dinner. The problem here is that teens need to eat more than adults because their bodies are still growing and developing. If you don't get the nutrition that you need you may not be all that healthy later in life. Since you are at the correct weight for your height and age though, it seems like everything is okay. Even though things seem okay, just make sure that they are. I would suggest bringing this up with your doctor the next time you visit. It's not an emergency and you don't have to schedule an appointment as soon as you can, just mention it when you go in for your yearly physical. If you don't get a yearly physical start. That's very important. Lastly, don't worry about your friends. In middle school, every skinny girl is accused at some point of being anorexic. I was accused of it constantly and I ate a ton of food all the time. Your peers just aren't smart enough to realize that you can be skinny and not be anorexic. They'll learn eventually. For now just brush it off. Good luck!
hi.one day me and a couple of my friends were discussing some of the girl's eyes(without makeup) and how beautiful some were.i got lost since i don't really know how to tell the difference so........how do you describe nice eyes?cause i'm quite curious and confused.first,a friend of mine said it's about size,colour,shape and pupil size.is that true
if so,what
1)size? like small or big?
2)colour? i know blue eyes are wanted
3)shape? like oval or circular or squarish?
4)pupil size? i think big or full is wanted
5)besides that,i think that eyebrows and eyelashes play a part in nice eyes too.is that true?
p.s.:i prefer thicker eyelashes by the way.what do you think
Why do you like the taste of certain foods? You just do. There is no formula for nice eyes. It's like trying to write down all the characteristics of your definition of an attractive person. As soon as you think you've figured it out, you'll meet someone that you think is attractive that doesn't fit into your definition. For example, lets say you decide that you like people with blond hair. Then one day you see someone with dark hair that you think is absolutely gorgeous. It's the same with eyes. Liking someone's eyes depends on nothing. There is no basis. If you look at someone's eyes and you think they are nice than they are. There's nothing more to it than that. In reality, eyes are a very attractive part of every person. Everybody has nice eyes in one way or another.
hey
im pretty skinny
besides for my hipss:(
i was wondering how you can make them smaller
thanksss.
Sorry, you can't. It's the way your body is built. If you spend a lot of money on a trainer and all that, it will be a huge waste. Your body isn't going to change.
So you think that your hips are huge. What do other people think? You can't see yourself from the same perspective as other people do. Mirrors distort everything and are only 2-D. When you look down on yourself, of course your hips are going to look big because of the angle. Plus, even if you did have hips that were slightly big, guys like that! It gives them something to hold onto if ya know what I mean. Hips are sexy. Wear them proudly. :)