|
sundays are MY days! (long, sorry)
My boyfriend & I have been going out for about five years now. We don't see each other a lot anymore because of us going to school & him working. I go to college around where he lives but I'm a commuter. While I'm at school or leaving school, he's at school too or he's at work. So on weekdays we never see each other. Friday & saturday nights are his nights with his friends. Sunday is always our day because he doesn't work sundays. It has always been this way. But today, or yesterday I guess, he didn't come to see me. Last sunday he didn't either. Both sundays he just stayed over his cousins house. I'm cool with his cousin & all the people that live in their house, they're all like family to me, but he was with them friday & saturday night too! And now I'm starting to be really pissed off because I always let him go & do his thing friday & saturday nights & there is no reason why he can't spend one day out of the week with me. If I approach him about it, hell act like an ass & we'll start arguing & really, I don't feel like arguing with his dumb ass because I already know what hell say. Probably something like, "I just wanted to chill with my buls" or "you always got something to bitch about" or something along those lines. Okay... so yeah, I'm hurt. It upsets me because I never ask him for shit. All I expect is when it hits sunday, he's spending it with me. I'm like lost with what to do right now. As soon as I tell him how I feel, there's gonna be an argument & I'm really trying to avoid that. When we argue, we argue hard. But Ilm trying hard not to be passive so what do you think I should do? Suck it up & just let it go or suck it up & argue it out with him?
By the way, I texted him earlier today. Me: don't you ever miss me?
Him: yes, I do be missing you.
Me: I don't feel like you do. I don't know. I just miss you & we don't get to see each other a lot.
Him: we'll be out of school soon.
That's all I've said to him about how I feel today. So him saying we will be outta school soon obviously means we will see each other more once the semester is over. But still.. He could have came to see me today & last sunday! Please let me know your thoughts & how I should go about this. I appreciate all answers, however, don't just say, "just tell him how you feel. End of story." Its not that easy to tell a guy who thinks he's always right how I feel.
Thanks a lot!
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
DO NOT SEND AN EMAIL. trust me. i am in the exact same situation as you, and i sent an email. things just got worse. yes i was nice about the whole thing and not accusatory. it didnt matter. i still came off clingy and he still doesnt want to see me. Theres not a lot i can tell you to do. Just know that you are doing the best you can do. if he doesnt want to see you, you can't change that can you? manipulation or "telling him your feelings" wont help. i dont think anything can.
]
I agree with Bklyngurl20. Sending a well thought out e-mail is a great idea. In the e-mail don't appear to be anything but upset or hurt. I know you're a little angry over the situation, but don't let that show or it will turn into an arguement. Don't accuse him of anything, just let him know how sad you are and how serious this is. Something like this could mean the end of your relationship and I don't think he realizes that. He's just blowing it off. Pour your heart out to him and I think that things will work out. Complete honesty is always the best way to go. Whenever I keep something that's bothering me from my boyfriend it creates so much tension. I don't want to tell him becauase we'll argue, but I always end up telling him anyways. The longer you wait, the more anger you will feel and the worse the arguement will be if it happens. You can't just keep things inside. Being the poor, lonely, heartbroken, neglected girl though, will probably curb an arguement altogether. Try to supress your anger and see where that takes you. It wouldn't be lying because you're really not that angry with him. You're just frustrated and confused, which is leading to anger because of the natural progression of negative emotions to anger. Anger can only turn things ugly. There's no use in showing it if you can control it. Good luck. <3
]
I have the same problem bringing up old shit so I totally understand. Now you need to have a serious talk with him. Not on the phone and not in a text. It needs to be in person. you guys have obviously been through alot. So talking in person may show him you are serious. Now about the argueing thing, Ive been there too. I felt like I couldnt open up and spill my feelings because no matter how nice or sincere I said it, he would flip out. So I would stay quiet. But in reality you are hurting yourself. When you talk to him say something like this: "I'm not bringing up old shit, but this is something I need to talk with you about. I'm not bitching or complaining, believe me I'm not. So please don't overreact. I don't want to fight. I want you to listen to me. Lately you have been hanging out with your cousin all the time. That I have no problem with, but it has been running into our days. The past two Sundays you have not hung out with me. I'm feeling really hurt because I miss not seeing you and you dont seem to feel the same way. I wish you would actually be able to tell you cousins that its our day to hang out. They are like family to me. I'm sure they would understand. I love you and I just want to talk about this. So please just talk to me and not get angry. Im not trying to start anything, but please explain to me why you haven't wanted to hang out with me these past two weeks." After saying something like that, if he starts to get angry, you need to get up and calmly say, "I'll talk to you about this later if you are going to be getting angry with me. Love you Bye"
]
Send him an e-mail expressing how you feel. Tell him that Sundays are your days and you miss being with him. After make a solution. Maybe every other Sunday could be your night. Also, you could find a day you both have nothing to do and spend that day talking. Bring up the problem in an innocent way and tell him to not respond until your finished. If he still does not see things your way then maybe the problem is not your Sundays, maybe it is something different.
]
Hey there!! I really don't know how i could be helping you...because i've never been in a relationship, but i'm going to try anyways!
You can text him back and say that you can't wait till the semester is over...you guys should hang out and stuff...
Then try to call him up and hang out with him more often....be like: Hey you wanna go out for a date...to a movie or something...something for both of u alone... and if he says he's busy or he doesn't want to then either dont say anything and you dont have to call him or anything until he does....make him miss you and wonder what you've been up to...let him call you...and if he gets pissed off be like you haven't been trying lately and it seems like you don't want to go out with me anymore or something...at that point let everything out and tell him how you feel...BUT let him bring it up...so then it's not you who's always bitching about stuff you know....
Maybe a solution for you guys to spend some time apart...but thats a bit sad =( so you can see what i wrote above....i don't know if that helped hopefully it did! take care and tell me how it goes...=)
]
More Questions: |