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My friends make me want to choke myself.
Before I even start, I'd like to say that I'm seventeen, I think this situation is stupid, but I'm still at a loss and I need help.
I have quite a few best friends. Two of them told me this year that they are lesbians and they are together. I already knew this - and am totally okay with it. But now that they've come out to me about it, and even before them, the only conversation I get out of them is about their sex life. We never do anything together anymore - and I basically feel as if they don't need me.
I expressed how I felt on my xanga - my friend read it, as she would anything else, and then sent me a message on myspace asking me if it was about her and her girlfriend and I told her the truth - she wanted to know "what the hell" they did and I told her that it wasn't a big deal and that I was just feeling down.
Well - now she's arguing with me and making a big deal out of nothing. She takes EVERYTHING way too personally - but uses me as her vent and doormat, as if I'm inhuman and don't have any emotions.
What do I do?
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Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
You may not be sorry for what you said, but you must be at least a little sorry for the way that you did it, posting it on the Internet for all to see. That was pretty passive aggressive on your part. You really hurt their feelings whether you think it was a big deal or not. Don't apologize for what you said, just apologize in general. An apology doesn't have to be specific.
They have the right to be upset over it. It's never a good feeling to know that your friend is depressed and it's your fault. They reacted with anger, I believe because what you said hurt them. Since this isn't a big deal, I think you should just let it pass and see what happens. If they keep being dumb about it, write a new entry about how you're feeling better and that you're glad that you have such cool friends that you've had good times with and such. Something kind of sappy. Apologize in there someplace too. That should solve everything. If they took your first entry that seriously, they'll take anything you write like the law.
Now, not to be mean, but this whole thing could easily have been prevented. Don't write negative things about people and then post them for anyone and everyone to see. Online journals can be fun and are a good way to get your feelings out and get support from others when you're feeling down. However, it's like wearing a t-shirt with all your personal thoughts written on it. It's easy to pour your feelings out over the Internet because computers, unlike people, make you feel safe enough to say things that you normally wouldn't. The problem is, computers are people. Billions of people. Including those one or two people who you couldn't face with the problem that you were venting about. Well guess what, you did face them and they feel betrayed and disrespected because you posted it on the Internet rather than talk to them like a "man" about it. Make your xanga more private. Set it so that you have to have an account to view your page if that's how they accessed it, or set it so that only people you've listed as friends can view it, or just make particular entries that are about people that might take things the wrong way private and only visible to you. I'm not a xanga user so I'm not sure if you can do those things, but I believe that you can. Not everybody needs to know everything about you. Getting it out and seeing it outside of yourself is usually enough to get over your problems. Sharing them with the whole world and sometimes with just a few people, can only create more problems. Good luck. :)
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Dont talk to them,theyre not your type.You need someone thatll appreciate you and treat you the way you desserve to be treated.How can be their doormat knowing your being used and still be their freinds??And plus they might be a bad influence cuz if one day they happen to break up what if one of them trys to go for you??Itd completly ruin your freindship.I think you should tell them ONE LAST TIME how you feel and what bothers you and if they dont change then tell them you know what this freindship is over cuz im noones doormat.
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To be honest, these girls are not your friends. Friends don't treat their friends this way, no one deserves to be treated this way. I would consider talking to the both of them and letting them know how you're feeling. See what they have to say, and if you feel it's good enough to give them another chance -- then I would give them one more chance and that's it.
If you don't want to give them another chance, I don't blame you if you do not. Only trying to help you with your options. I would talk to them and tell them you don't want to be their friend anymore, because of how they treat you. And leave it at that.
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if i were you, i'd feel pretty overwhelmed. if you wanna take this advice, then do so (or dont take it) because this is what I would do.
- get new friends who you are comfortable to be around and stuff.
ofcourse it would be awkward to be around your friends when they are a couple now.. well if your not comfy with them, maybe spend less time with them, then if you still feel like they're your friends and you dont wanna abandom them. you dont have to waste your life feeling not on the top of the world, so you can hang out with some people you used to have great times with. i dont think theres really a way to solve it.. since they are a couple now and things are diff.
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If you didn't directly confront your friend about the problem, that could be the cause of some of the current issues. For example, it may not be your style to talk directly to your friends about things that bug you - but it IS theirs (or at least this one girl).
It had to be difficult for her to think everything was merrily going along, and then to suddenly read your blog and see you were actually pissed off at her or feeling down. That could easily make another person feel very threatened - what else aren't you telling them? Are you genuine?
I guess the best thing you can do in this situation is to practice really sharing your feelings with another person. When I read that you felt like your friends didn't need you, my heart really went out to you. I imagine it would be hard for your friend to hear that and still be angry. More likely, she would want to reassure you and then think about her behaviour in the future.
Only an open, honest discussion can make this better on a deep level. And if you don't want to be a doormat, why not tell her?
I wish you the best.
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hello.
it seems u r in a tough situation, and i have never been in something like this myself, but i will give the best advice i can. =D
i think that you should talk to your friends about how you feel, tell them that you feel like they dont need you anymore. and that you didnt meen to offend your friend when you said how you felt on Xanga. ask her to forgive you. hopefully she will understand that you didnt mean to hurt her feelings ,im sure she will understand.:)
good luck and i hope you and your friends have fun and get along.
-natalie
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