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help, im soo confussed. a break in a relationship. <<< Previous Question
Next Question >>> travelin gal

Apology letter for bullying?


Question Posted Monday April 16 2007, 12:59 pm

Female, 23
When i was at school i had a best friend, when we were about 12 she used to bully me and write nasty songs about me, but i used to take it because i didnt really have anyone else
That all stopped in about a year, but then i started to do the same to her when i was about 15 up until i was 17. I'd be horrible and bitchy alot of the time and write songs and draw horrible pictures of her.
I know it sounds like we werent friends but we actually were and would hang out all the time with our other mutual friends, it was when i was with these friends that i was at my bitchiest, when we were alone it was fine.

Anyway, it's now 8 years ago since we left school, it got ill and still am suffering with mental illnesses which started when i was 17, i was isoclated (i still am, but not a bad) and didnt have a future as far as i was concerned, or a present because i was pretty much bedbound for 3 years, so i just lived in the past, the past was all i thought about (i still do alot now but i'm learning to move forward and think about now and my future), It's in this time that i realised that i was such a horrible bully (i only bullied people that bullied me,i was bullied by tons of people at school, it wasnt like i picked on inocent victims).
I never realised at the time that i was a bully or i would have stopped but now i feel extremely guilty about it and it's really stressing me out and playing on my mind every single day and i'm dreaming about this girl too.

I want to know if it would be a good idea to write to her (if i can find out her address, i know her old phone number but thats it), and apologise for being so horrible to her. It was 8 years ago so i dont know if she would even care or if it would make a difference, but we were friends all way though secondry school so it must have had some impact on her.

I just want her to know that i'm truly sorry for what i did to her.

Do you think it would help, or help you if you had a letter of this kind?



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MW8305 answered Tuesday April 17 2007, 10:28 pm:
I say... Write that letter. Whether she responds or not... You're not just doing this for her. You're doing this for you, to give yourself peace of mind. So... Say what you feel like you need to say. And after you do, realize that you have done all that you can to make amends. If she doesn't respond, it's her loss, not yours.

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sizzlinmandolin answered Monday April 16 2007, 4:20 pm:
Think of it this way, how would you feel if you got an apology letter from someone that had bullied you? Yes, you've probably mostly forgiven them, but I would imagine that it would still be very touching. In this case, it doesn't matter so much what she would think, it matters more what you would think. If it helps you feel better about what you did to write it down and send the proper apologies that's what's important. If she reacts negatively to it, that's her problem. You stood up, did the right thing, and that's what being a good person is all about. Hopefully you will be rewarded for such a nice gesture. My guess is that you will. Definitely write the letter. Good luck. :)

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Alin75 answered Monday April 16 2007, 2:04 pm:
I agree with Straightup. When I was a kid I was a victim of bullying. It was pretty nasty, and it affected my life very profoundly for many years to come (in my case I got violent, and that was a personality trait that took years to get rid of). The reason I am telling you this is because I know for certain that a letter like that would mean a great deal to me, even if it was delivered now, some 20 odd years later.

It also shows that you have grown as a person, and that you are able to look back upon your life and learn from it. Even though you only sought revenge upon those that wronged you previously, you have come to understand that this kind of behaviour is unacceptable.

So, bottom line, I think its a great initiative on your part to write this letter. I hope your former friend appreciates it.

Good luck.

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straightup answered Monday April 16 2007, 1:35 pm:
I think that you should write the letter. It will give you some closure for all of the things you went through back then. It's never too late to forgive and be forgiven. Im sure, at age 23, she would be able to see how it affected you, and how you now feel about everything. She will probably appologize too becuase by the sounds of things, you both bullied each other. If I was her, I would be very touched that you had thought to appologize and explain. Go for it. Let me know how it goes... somehow.

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