I work as a Customer Laison Complaints Case Officer at a major insurance company, where I have worked for 3 years. I left school when I was 17, as I had some very bad experiences at school and wanted to see what the real world had to offer.
I now live with my boyfriend of 3 years and spend my spare time reading, writing, socialising with friends or just watching some TV.
Times are still hard and I'm trying to cope with various health problems on a daily basis but I'm working my way through things and really want to stop it from getting me down.
I dream of some day going to America and watching a real baseball game (we don't have that at all in the UK) and perhaps finding a job I find creatively fulfilling. Until then, I'm happy trying to be me and making the best of what I have.
Website: My Space
Gender: Female
Location: Dorset, UK
Occupation: Customer Liaison Case Officer
Age: 21
MSN: hottchickie@hotmail.com
Member Since: January 28, 2006
Answers: 1016
Last Update: March 5, 2009
Visitors: 65026
Main Categories:
Love Life
Friendship
Families
View All
Favorite Columnists
karenR
DangerNerd
Razhie
isis
Xenolan
ScratchesOnTheWall
not_your_star34
alisonmarie
HectorJr
BitsandPieces
sassysara
more...
|
| |
|
My Mom read my journal/diary and found that i had had sex before, (not anymore) and she went ballistic. She is now taking me to a gyno tomorrow, and i really dont want to go, (besides, im not haveING sex, I had it once before) and shes putting me on birth control. I was wondering , does she have any right to force me to do these things? She cant force me to go to the gyno, and she cant force me to have birth control right? (Birth control being a shot of hormones) I dont want these things to happen.. Do i have a say in what happens to me? 14 yrs old and obviously female if that helps. (link)
|
Oh dear!! Okay well let's start at the beginning here.
She shouldn't have read your journal/diary. In doing this she has quite possibly lost your trust and it's very unlikely that you will ever feel you are able to confide with her again. All parents want to know their children better than they do but this is not the way to do it. You really need to explain to her that you understand you made a mistake in having underage sex before but that she can't expect you open up to her about anything after destroying your trust in her. If she can't respect your right to privacy, she can't expect to be let in again.
However, try to see things from your Mum's point of view at the same time. She might have known something was up, perhaps she noticed a change in you and was concerned, which was why she snooped. No, she shouldn't have done it but she needs a little reassurance that her 'little girl' is okay. I understand you probably don't want to tell her anything after this, but you can hold off her urges to snoop if you promise to be more open with her in the future. This doesn't mean you have to tell her everything but tell her the important stuff. Meeting a guy you like enough to have sex with is a big one. Anything that worries you is another big one. She just wants to know what's going on with you so open up to her a bit and you shuold see things improve.
Unfortunately, yes she does have the right to force you to a gynaecologist. Not terribly pleasent but the fact is that although you had sex before and aren't now, you don't know the sexual history of that guy and her concern will be that you might have picked up and STI or STD. If you don't treat these things quickly, they an have nasty long term consequences, so try to remember it's for your own good to go through with it. As far as birth control goes, you should be on it if you have been sexually active and are likely to be again in the future. Also it can help to control your periods and PMS, which will be a good thing for you.
I know it's hard but try not to be too hard on your Mum. She probably already feels guilty for having snooped and scared for you for what you did. Sex underage is NEVER a good idea and you've probably scared her half to death by doing it!! So go easy on her. Tell her that she betrayed your trust and it's not likely to make you more open with her but you want to try as long as she promises never to snoop but to just ask you questions straight out. You will also have to promise to answer truthfully. Hopefully, this should resolve the current situation.
|
so theres this girl in my class who used to be my best friend in elementary school. of course im 13 and we're in 7th grade now. so anyways sometimes shes really nice to me and we have a good time together.. but lately shes been hassling me about my clothing? idk probably just becase i dont buy everything from abercrombie. i have some stuff but i have mostly a variety of clothing brands. so today i had this new outfit which was really cute, and she kept giving me this horrible look and asking me questions about it.. and then she was talking about me becuz of my clothes? i have no idea what this girls problem is, but right now i dont know if i should still be her friend or if i should ignore her..
5's for any answers =] (link)
|
Perhaps ignoring her isn't the answer and perhaps being her friend still isn't either. I get the impression, from what you have said, that this girl really isn't your friend. After all, no friend would judge another friend on their clothes, of all things.
Try talking to her about it, next time she brings it up. Ask her why it matters so much to her what you wear. See what she says to that. If she tells you that you don't dress well or that she's embarrassed by you, clearly this isn't the sort of person you want to be friends with.
At the end of the day, it is nobody's business but your own what you wear and you shouldn't let anybody make you feel bad or like you are not good enough for them, based on something so superficial. You sound like a nice girl. Don't let it get to you too much and wear what you want.
|
|
Hi. I'm not sure if this question should go under this topic or not. But anyways, I'm 13/f and never been kissed. (yeah, I know yall are laughing) I heard that usually on your first kiss that you end up kissing the guys nose/face/ect. anyone have any tips so that won't happen to me? Cause that would be really embarresing. (sorry its such a dumb question) (link)
|
I was 17 before I had my first kiss and I don't regret it for a second. Mostly because I truly cared about him then and I'm still with him nearly 3 years on.
I know this isn't what you want to hear but when you find a guy you really want to kiss, when it comes down to it, it doesn't matter whether you kiss his mouth or his eye or even his forehead because the only thing that will matter is that you're with a guy you care about and it's your first kiss.
It's not really that common for people to kiss any other parts of a person's face by accident anyway, to be honest and you need to be comfortable enough with the guy in question that it wouldn't matter if it did happen because you could just laugh it off. Don't worry too much about all of these little things because when it's over, you won't remember any of them. Just relax and do it. It really will come naturally.
|
|
hello i am new to this system so help me i am having problems with my girlfriend we have been together for 2years and 1month and im her first b.f, it all started when her best friend manipulated me into having sex with her after i cheated on my gf i swore and made a promise saying nothing will ever happen like that again, and its been the truth now all she wants is to argue she bafrely talks to me right now she asked for a break for no reason and she likes to hang out with her friends more even though she has been the best thing in my life and still is i want anyones opinion i really need help to figure her out!!! (link)
|
I do believe you care about your girlfriend but I have to admit, I can see her point of view. However sorry you might have said you are, no promises of not doing it again will ever be able to wipe the image of you with this other girl from her mind. Also, as much as I hate to say this, you simply cannot be manipulated into a situation that you do not at all want to be a part of and she will know this too. If you had been 100% against the idea, you wouldn't have done it. You say she has asked for a break for no reason but I'm sure that deep down you can appreciate that, at least to her, what you did is inexcusable and she may not be sure she can get over your betrayal, which, basically was what it was.
The only thing you can do now is to leave her alone for a while. Maybe speak to her one more time first and just say that you care a lot about her and can understand why she wants a break. Tell her that you really want to work through things and if she thinks she will want to change her mind, you'll wait for her. Right now, she probably needs the space to work out if she can cope with being with you after what has happened and there really will be nothing you can do ot say right now to persuade her to come back to you. So leave her to it, tell her you're there and you care about her and I'm afraid you will have to wait and see what happens.
|
i'm female 14 years old...well you will think this is normal and everything but i still feel weird:
yesterday it was about 11:30 at night and i was still awake listening to some radio then i became thirsty and i wanted to go downs stairs to get something to drink and then on my way downstairs i heard me parents having sex.... it was soo weird my mom was like making this really weird sounds and i heard how my dad kissed my mom and i dont know i was just standing there listening i couldnt move... but yeah then when i couldnt hear anything i went back to my room... and then my little sister (she's only 11 years old) also heard it cause her room is right next to my parents bedroom and she came into my room and she was really nervous and scared! and so am i and i dont know i just have a weird feeling about all this...what should i do?? its just freaking me out!!! and my sister also totally dosnt get it and she said she cant trust our parents or something :-/
any advice???
i'll rate (link)
|
A lot of people would be freaked out if they heard this, so I really do understand how embarrassing and weird it must have been.
However, instead of thinking about how creepy it was, try to bear in mind that it is a sign that your parents have a healthy relationship. With so many married couples getting divorced these days, it should be a reassurance that they are close as a couple, as well as parents.
At the same time, there's not really another way to handle what has happened without some embarrassement. You can simply try to avoid going out of your room after 11:30 at night or you can try to talk to your Mum about it (along the lines of "We heard you and Dad together the other night and....it kind of creeped me and my sister out.")and see if next time they want to do that they can just keep it down.
|
|
so now since its getting hot, im starting to get really sweaty, and i keep getting teased because of these disguisting sweat stains under my arms. its embarrassing because i keep getting teased. what can i do to solve that problem? (link)
|
There are lots of different deoderants out there which can help but there is a condition where the sweat producing glands in your body can become hyperactive and you might want to see a doctor to find out if this is the case and to see if there is anything they can treat it with.
Make sure you wear anti-perspirant, rather than deoderant and try to stick to loose fitting cotton tops, which will allow your skin to breathe better.
If all else fails, also try putting some talcum powder under your armpits when it's hot and this should help to dry up some of the moisture.
|
|
I'm constantly being made fun of because of my eyebrows. I've plucked them to death and now they're about half as short as they used to be. They're ugly and it's really hurting my self esteem. I've tried letting them grow back but they're just little sprouts and never actually form an eyebrow. They're scattered... so I shave them off. I hate this!!!! What can I do to have normal looking eyebrows? I've tried eyebrow pens but nothing matchs the color and it looks terrible having half only colored on with not a trace of hair. I don't want to bestuck like this for the rest of my life! Please help! (link)
|
There are lots of different make-up options for situations like yours. There's a condition called Alopecia, where people lose all of their body hair (even eyelashes) and, of course, this means drawing on eyebrows with whatever tools are available.
There are a lot of different eyebrow pencils, pens and so on so I would recommend you go to a make-up counter at a store somewhere near you and see if they can suggest anything to help. Most makeovers in stores are very cheap or free so you could even get them to try some out on you and they can find what works best.
In the meantime, try to emphasise your other facial features by wearing a shiny tinted lip gloss or some nice eyeshadows and mascaras.
|
I bought my laptop around last july. I'm just wondering, can a computer have no microsolf to type on? the only thing i can actually type on is wordpad, which is dumb & has nothing i need. i NEED microsolf word and its on my computer but when i push it to go into it, a thing comes up asking for like the product key and stuff.
please help!
i'm desperate (link)
| |
Basically, it means that either the product was not been installed correctly or it has been deleted from your computer. In order to make it work, you will need to track down the discs to re-install it.
|
|
okay. i have had my period for about two years now and it has always been regular. this month im about five days late so far. i have never had sex, but is it possible for me to get pregnant still?... when i suck my stomach in, there is a little lump there and like wehn i push on it, it feels funny... could i be pregnant?! (link)
|
The only way you could get pregnant without intercourse is if you had somehow managed to get a man's sperm inside you through a different sexual act.
Whatever the circumstances, if you haven't had sex, it's pretty close to impossible that you could be pregnant. It's more likely that your period is irregular or you've been stressed or ill and this has delayed it. Give it another couple of days and if it's not yet come, go and see your doctor, just to be on the safe side.
|
okay well i like this guy he use to like me like a year ago and now we like started talking again and crap. well i had my bf ask him if he'd ever date me and he was like well i havent dated someone youger then me in awhile and well he doesnt like girls who dont have sex
soo what should i do move on??
Ill rate 5's for good advice!! =) (link)
|
You should DEFINITELY move on.
The very phrase "doesn't like girls who don't have sex" should send huge alarm bells ringing!!! How many girls does this mean he has had sex with? Is he even capable of a proper relationship? Does he know what it means to be monogomous?!?
This is, I'm sure, not the sort of guy you really want to be involved with and I KNOW you can do better than someone who thinks women are just for having sex with.
|
|
Ok so im 14/f n i've been getting my period for a while now. I'm going on a school trip soon and I'm pretty sure i'm gonna have my period then. I've never used a tampon before but there is no way i can wear a pad with my bathing suit on this trip. The problem is i'm afriad to use a tampon and i don't know how. Anyone wanna help!?! (link)
|
There is a tablet you can take which will hold off your period while you are away. I'm afraid I can't remember the name of it but when I went on holiday once and before I was on the Pill, my doctor prescribed it to me.
You take one tablet a day starting a few days before your period's due and then one a day until you are ready for it to start. It should begin the next day.
|
|
i live in canada and would like to buy a house. i am a first time home buyer. however I always seem to have problems getting a mortgage. I have a goodpaying full time job, good credit etc. Any advice, route to go's, tips on how to get a mortgage hassle free as a first time homebuyer. I rate high!! Thank you so much (link)
|
My boyfriend and I actually paid a little extra to go through an Independent Financial Adviser, who did all the legwork for us. It cost around £150 extra but it meant he could find the cheapest mortgage for us, with the best rates and he will help us in a year and a half when our fixed rate term ends, so we can find another fixed rate which will suit us.
I would especially recommend this with hindsight because no matter whether you go to an estate agent that offers mortgages or a bank, you will never get impartial advice. They will all say that theirs is the best offer around because they want you to take up their mortgage. So try to get an independent opinion from an adviser. They might cost a little extra but they will save you in the long run.
|
|
I am mad at my best friend. I don’t want to be but I am. She has a new friend that I don’t know I guess I like her and I’m fine that they are friends and all. But lately shes been ditching me for her other friend. We were supposed to hang out and she ditched me. she has ditched me twice in the last week for her. Now she is doing cheerleading with her, and before she started being friends with her new friend she used to tell me how she would never do it. shes changing a lot. I know I cant live without her because she has always been there for me and she knows more about me then I know about myself and vise versa. we are “not friends anymore” and its killing me. to tell you the truth all I really want from her is an apology and I guess we could move on, but I have a feeling she wont say shes sorry because she is the type of person who wont admit they are wrong. for the past two years she has been ditching me for her boyfriends and I haven’t done anything about it. Now that shes ditching me for “her new best friend” im really fed up with it and I did something about it, but it seems sooo wrong. (link)
|
I hate to say it but this sort of thing happens a lot when you get older and at some point, you too will change without even realising it.
The problem is that your friend has probably - in her mind - matured and in a sense 'left you behind'. This is not at all nice but it's something that does happen and it's normally the people that aren't worth your friendship that do it. The clues that she might develop into something less than a worthy friend have been there for some time. A true friend would never ditch you for a boyfriend, for example and I bet she wasn't always there for you when you truly needed her but expected you to be there for her when she was upset?
You probably won't get your apology and while you have every right to want and expect one, it won't even occur to her to give it.
It's always sad when a friend leaves us behind. It's happened to me before and it does really hurt but you move on and you get other friends. Good friends who will stay with us for years, at least but next time you will be able to recognise the warning signs and call your new friend/s on them before they end up doing the same as your now ex/friend.
More to the point, being downtrodden like this teaches you how to be a good friend. You know what it's like to feel left behind so now, when you start getting boyfriends that you want to be with all the time and so on, you won't forget the feelings of your friends like she did.
Try not to dwell on it too much. I know it's horrible to be treated the way you have been but try to accept that she just isn't the person, the friend you once had and try to move on and make new friends. Don't worry, the new friends you make will be much nicer than she has been and you will have a much stronger friendship with them for what you have been through.
|
Can you lose weight by not eating just for one day? I'm not going anorexic or anything, just wondering.
Another question, what are the foods to eat that will slim you down the quickest? Like salads with no dressing or croutons...
Thanks, I rate everyone 5!! (link)
|
Tricky one. Technically speaking, it takes more than a day. If you are ill for example and don't feel up to eating for a few days you can lose weight but I doubt one day would make a difference.
To this I would like to add that really it's academic because this is NOT a safe way to lose weight. I know saying you're not going anorexic but deliberately not eating for one day is just how anorexia starts and I really don't want to see another girl lose herself to such a horrible illness.
If you want to lose weight the safest way possible, try to eat a balanced healthy diet and do moderate exercise two to three times a week. You can treat yourself to some chocolate when you are doing well, so don't deprive yourself because that can have a negative effect. Also, try eating wholegrain foods, which are more filling and eat as much fruit and veg as possible (I recall that broccoli is a good one to help you lose weight and that eating celery burns more calories than it actually contains - even if it does taste disgusting!).
Most importantly, try to find out what your average weight for your height should be and don't stray beyond this. I have been in hospital and forcefed before through losing too much weight and TRUST ME you do NOT want to go through it so know when to stop.
|
|
simple question: what kinda girl do guys like most?? like what should they be like??? do they really have to have a big ass and big boobs??? soooooo what do guys see in girls? what do they want? (link)
|
That is what they call the $64m question!
There really isn't a standard type of woman that all guys like. It's too much of a generalisation and the fact is that guys are much the same as girls, in that every one is different and every one has their own 'type'.
To some guys, having a girl with big breasts is a big deal, others couldn't care less as long as the girl has a good personality (this is the kind you want!).
The only way you will know what sort of girl a guy you like wants, is to look at his past girlfriends, ask him what his type is or just plain ask him out!
|
I love and believe in God and have my whole life. I come from a religious family but recently it's been really hard to believe. In the past month, I've lost my Aunt and my best friend's Dad to cancer.
My Aunt was just about the best person I've ever met. Honestly, sometimes I can't stand my extended family but she was different. She was always sweet, energetic (when she wasn't in the hospital) and optimistic.
My dad is always working so I almost never get to see him except on Sundays. My best friend and her family live next door so I was always around them and her father. He was such a great man and acted like a great father figure to me considering I don't have any older brothers and my dad is always working or busy with clients.
It's not fair that they get sick and die when there are murderers and such running around everywhere. It's not fair that God does this to me, my family, and my friend's family. My Aunt and her dad were great people and it's not fair that God takes them from us like that. I want to still believe that it all happens for a reason and that God loves me, and he know what he's doing, but I can't. I don't know what to do.
(link)
|
I have to admit I'm not religious but looking at it from your perspective, I can see exactly why you would begin to question things like this.
Truth is, most religious persons question their faith when going through something like you are right now. The fact is that perhaps it isn't God that's doing it to you. Perhaps it's God that is giving you, your family and your friend's family the stregth to get through this difficult time.
I know that what happened to your Aunt and your friend's Dad is awful but sometimes it's just our time to die and when it's time for us to go, in whatever way that is, there's no choice but to go. It hurts the people we leave behind but ultimately, it is God that has taken them to Heaven and away from their pain and suffering.
Try not to question your faith too deeply at the moment because there is a reason for everything and even though I'm not religious, even I believe that. Try to be there for your family and for your friend. Cry when they cry and support them when needed and remember that God will help you through it.
|
I'm worried that my daughter, who's just turned 16, is talking to strangers online. Against my better judgement, I accessed her computer while she was at school. I didn't find much other than a short instant message from a male with whom she was just speaking to like she would a close friend but some of the things he said were fishy and he had asked her a lot of strange, personal questions in the conversation (like who she lived with, what her friends' names were, what the name of her school was, etc).
What are signs that I can look for that my daughter is in trouble? If I continue to access her computer and find more instant messages, what can I look for to determine for sure that this person means my daughter harm?
Thank you. (link)
|
There are a lot of things you can look out for but they can be easily misinterpreted and it might be she is just talking to a decent person who is interested in her. Not to mention, there is really nothing to be gained but her eventual lack of trust in you. Suppose you did find something suspect and confronted her about it? At 16 she will not forgive you for breaching her right to privacy and chances are she will go out and do whatever you tell her just to be rebellious and defiant.
The best thing you can do right now is to sit her down and have a chat, as best you can on the subject. Do NOT tell her you looked at her messages but start off by saying something along the lines of "Now you have access to the internet, I just wanted to have a chat with you because you need to understand that it's a good thing but opens you to a lot of danger at the same time." Then explain to her that there are a lot of men online, dangerous men, who use the internet to take advantage of nice girls like her and that you need her to trust you enough to tell you if someone is asking her for photos of herself or wants to meet up with her. More than anything right now, you need her to trust you with things like this. Blow it and she'll just do it behind your back. So stress to her the dangers (don't threaten to take it away if she messes up because she'll be less inclined to tell you) involved and that you care about her so you need to know if anything like that happens. Leave it at that and she should feel reassured that she doesn't have to go behind your back and that she can tell you if something happens without consequence.
|
hi! ive seen that people said washing your hair everyday is soo bad for it?! but i have to lol otherwise the next day its really greasy and icky because my hair is really thin. i want it to be healthy tho..i bought head and shoulders shampoo..i dont know if its working yet? or helping it but i also use a straightener..yeah i know very very bad for my hair but i have to straigthen it everday because it doesnt curl/scrunch! and yeah im trying to grow it out long im just dying to have LONG hair..i have a lot of layers and i hate it..i really want all my hair one length..my longest length is about to the middle of my back..but the shorter layers makes my hair look shorter i hate it!! i get my haircut often to try and make it healthier but i just dont know what to do! my hair doesnt grow..and i have to wash/straighten it everyday
:[
what do you think i should do?? i dont really want to go buy anything new ..my mom wont let me! such as an expensive straightner, shampoo, etc.
i'll give 5 to anyone who answers!
thanks (link)
|
What you've done is unfortunately get yourself into a vicious circle because the more frequently you wash your hair, the faster it becomes greasy. You wash it every day so it gets greasy every day. I'm not entirely sure of the reasons for this but understand it has something to do with your body replenishing the oils in your hair that washing strips away.
I know it sounds like a horrible idea but you need to get to washing your hair just two or three times a week and the only way you will do it is to leave it for a couple of days a time while it is greasy because it doesn't matter what you use at the moment, it will still feel the same.
As for the issue with straightening your hair, I had the same problem. Couldn't do anything with it so straightened twice a week and it took me between 2 and 3 hours each time but you HAVE to stop straightening it so often. Try visiting a salon and asking what would be good for unruly hair that doesn't scrunch or curl. The best thing I have found is Well Shock Waves Curl Shaping Mousse but I don't know if you can get that where you are. I would recommend, however, that you do find a good mousse. Bear in mind your hair might not take to it to begin with so you can't give up if it doens't look great the first time. The damage you will have done to your hair when straightening it will be what is making it so hard to do anything with. I looked awful the first few times I moussed instead of straightening it but it's calmed right down and I haven't touched my straighteners since November so it's really worth a go.
By the way, as for the price thing, it'snot necessarily the price that determines how good something is. The mousse I use is £2 something for 200ml and it works perfectly but there are more expensive serums, creams etc that I have tried which don't work at all! So if it's a little cheaper, just give it a try and you might find your miracle cure.
|
|
I have two lovely cousin brothers but there are times when they ger overly critical of me,put me down sarcastically .....how do i deal with them,i don want 2 be rude but i cant take it no more either (link)
|
As long as they are nice guys, as you seem to believe they basically are, if you let them know how you feel then it should stop, or at least lessen.
At the same time, try to realise that when they are being critical of you, they might be doing it with your best interests at heart. We tend to criticise people to their faces as a way to help them improve themselves. I'm not saying you should listen to everything they are saying, but realise why they are doing it and if they have good reason, take heart and see if there's anything you can do.
In the meantime, just ask them to be more tactful in their criticism because it hurts you when they say things like that all the time.
|
im 14/f and my boyfriend is 15/m (im almost 15 hes amlmost 16) and we have had sex.we have known eachother for 13 years and been going out for 3. and i really care about him but lately hes been..."aggresive" and he yelled at me a few times..he NEVER did this before and im scared there is somthing wrong..what should i do??!!
(should i break up with him) (link)
|
He's at an age where hormones and sexual urges will be starting to appear and it looks as though he's starting to find it hard to control himself when you are kissing. As for the shouting, I wish I knew what to tell you but there could be so many reasons for this.
I don't think you should break up with him just yet but I do think you ought to try talking to him about all of this. You need to be able to talk to him about these things so give it a go. Sit him down and explain that you don't like the way he clambers on top of you when you kiss because it seems that he wants something you aren't ready for yet. Also say you're worried you might have done something to upset him or that something is bothering him because of the way he shouts.
After this, if he still doesn't listen, especially when it comes to the problem with kissing, you might need to think about letting him go.
|
|