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Can she do that?
My Mom read my journal/diary and found that i had had sex before, (not anymore) and she went ballistic. She is now taking me to a gyno tomorrow, and i really dont want to go, (besides, im not haveING sex, I had it once before) and shes putting me on birth control. I was wondering , does she have any right to force me to do these things? She cant force me to go to the gyno, and she cant force me to have birth control right? (Birth control being a shot of hormones) I dont want these things to happen.. Do i have a say in what happens to me? 14 yrs old and obviously female if that helps.
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Umm.. Your 14 hun.
And your having sex?
Your mom have EVERY right to go ballistic about this. Your lucky you have a nice mom. If i were your mom..you would have been dead. You could get so many STD's from having sex scince your not married. I think that it is outrageous that you had sex at such a young age, and you have already lost your virginity so it wont be "special" when you have a husband. You should have though long and hard before you go off and have sex with someone. Sure it might have been an invasion of privacy that your mom read your diary but, why the heck would you put that in your diary in the first place?! Just because you had sex once doesnt mean that it no longer matters .. it still happend and you lost your virgingity because of it. Next time, be a LOT smarter before you go off and have sex with someone.
Bailea
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Oh dear!! Okay well let's start at the beginning here.
She shouldn't have read your journal/diary. In doing this she has quite possibly lost your trust and it's very unlikely that you will ever feel you are able to confide with her again. All parents want to know their children better than they do but this is not the way to do it. You really need to explain to her that you understand you made a mistake in having underage sex before but that she can't expect you open up to her about anything after destroying your trust in her. If she can't respect your right to privacy, she can't expect to be let in again.
However, try to see things from your Mum's point of view at the same time. She might have known something was up, perhaps she noticed a change in you and was concerned, which was why she snooped. No, she shouldn't have done it but she needs a little reassurance that her 'little girl' is okay. I understand you probably don't want to tell her anything after this, but you can hold off her urges to snoop if you promise to be more open with her in the future. This doesn't mean you have to tell her everything but tell her the important stuff. Meeting a guy you like enough to have sex with is a big one. Anything that worries you is another big one. She just wants to know what's going on with you so open up to her a bit and you shuold see things improve.
Unfortunately, yes she does have the right to force you to a gynaecologist. Not terribly pleasent but the fact is that although you had sex before and aren't now, you don't know the sexual history of that guy and her concern will be that you might have picked up and STI or STD. If you don't treat these things quickly, they an have nasty long term consequences, so try to remember it's for your own good to go through with it. As far as birth control goes, you should be on it if you have been sexually active and are likely to be again in the future. Also it can help to control your periods and PMS, which will be a good thing for you.
I know it's hard but try not to be too hard on your Mum. She probably already feels guilty for having snooped and scared for you for what you did. Sex underage is NEVER a good idea and you've probably scared her half to death by doing it!! So go easy on her. Tell her that she betrayed your trust and it's not likely to make you more open with her but you want to try as long as she promises never to snoop but to just ask you questions straight out. You will also have to promise to answer truthfully. Hopefully, this should resolve the current situation.
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Since you are only 14, she can force you to do that. If you were 16+ then she couldn't. Keeping a diary or journal is a horrible idea, but good at the same time. If you really want to keep one then just get one with a lock and keep it in your purse.
-*mayonnaise-
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This is why keeping a journal is a terrible idea. Somebody always reads it. In the future, either try to keep your journal less personal, or start using an online journal, a journal with a key, or something a little more secure. I actually made up my own symbol language to keep things secret from others. Yes, you can laugh, but, hey, it worked.
I think your mom's reaction, however "ballistic" it seemed, was justified. I'm sure you know, at least now, that having sex at a young age is an irresponsible and dangerous thing to do. In her place, you'd probably react in the same way. The thing is, you've already realized your mistake and probably won't do it again. She has just discovered it and hasn't come to terms with it yet. Try to keep this in mind: she will calm down.
I doubt that she will force you to take birth control. When you talk to the doctor/gyno, tell them that you realize that you made a mistake and have since become more mature and won't make those decisions again. The doctor will probably advise your mother that you don't need birth control. Why suffer the side effects for no reason? I don't think you have any power in making the final decision, but you do have a LOT of say in the matter. Just make sure that you are completely CALM, MATURE, and HONEST when talking to the doctor and you should be fine.
Your mom forcing you to get a pap smear and other tests involved with seeing the doctor/gyno is a little different than her forcing you to go on birth control. Yearly visits to a gyno should start right after you begin being sexually active no matter what age you are. This isn't a punishment, it's to protect you from things like cervical cancer. Don't fight this. It's very important that you go for your own health. Don't refuse or resist just to spite your mother. You could be putting yourself at risk!
I wish you lots of luck and remember to stay completely composed no matter what is said when you are talking in the presence of any professional. It will help your case a lot. :)
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14's a tricky age for that sort of thing. Obviously technically you're not an adult so what your parents say still matters but I'd be very suprised to find many doctors who are comfortable literally forcing you to have this injection. Frankly, what is he/she going to do? Hold you down and jab you while you're kicking and screaming? More than likely, if you make your objection known the doc will ask you to go away and talk about it before doing anything.
That said there's really not much reason for you not to get these things done. I know gyno appointments can be embarrasing but it's good to get a check up and they've seen it all before. And as for birth control, tho you might not be having sex right now it saves you having to mess about with all that stuff when you do want to.
Plus if it'll get your mum off your back it sounds pretty worth it to me. x
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well, since you're under 18, she has every right to take you to a doctor, but she can't force you to take birth control, that would be completely up to you. It's your body, and you decide what you put in it. (like surgery, you sign the consent form before a procedure, its the same kinda thing I think. Plus, as long as you're not having unprotected sex, there's really very little chance of you getting pregnant, and birth control can, in some cases, have side effects (both good and bad): It can control severe acne (though I highly doubt this is why your mom wants you to take it) but it can also cause weight gain (which hasn't been proven, but almost any drug can cause water retention, which will make it seem like you're gaining weight.) & the usual nausea, headaches, etc. that can happen as your body adjusts. It'll aslo throw off your cycle somewhat, cause it'll change from what you're used to.
Anyway, you're probably not going to get out of going to the gyno, but insist that your mother leave the room (at least at the beginning) and explain the situation to the doctor, she'll probably talk to your mother and try to compromise. While you're there, you can get any sensitive questions you have answered (this visit might not be all bad!)
Plus, if you DO get a prescription for birth control, you can always PRETEND to take it.. it'd kinda be a waste of money but it's your mom's fault for forcing you to take it!! (and she read your diary for absolutely no reason, which sucks and alsolutely constitutes a financial loss on her part!) Plus, you've lost all trust in her because of this, and she's gonna realize that eventually.
hope I helped, and good luck!
♥ Laura Michelle
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Wow its great that your mom is like that and just would let you go and pretend like she never saw your diary.I think its a very good idea even though your mom forced you into it.You already have birth control and your prepared to when the next time youll have sex even if its a few years from now.I just read that its the shots kind of birth control,i would just talk to your mom about this and say youve only done it one time and that you wont have sex for awhile and if if you do start to have sex again that youll tell her and she can get your birth control pills instead of the shot if it really bother you that much.Its a good thing for your mom to take you to the gyno to see if anything went wrong or if you have any dieases down there.Your lucky to have a mom who is there for you and watches out for you.
♥ danielle
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Since you are only 14 then yea, she does have a say so in these things. If you were 18 that would be a whole different story. Honestly though, I don't think it would hurt just to do all this.
♥
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Honestly, you have no say in your moms decisions. You have to understand the reason she's freaking out. I mean, you had sex and that's something a mother would never want their child to do until they're older. I know it sucks that she found your diary and read it, but she's your mother and you have to understand that she only wants what's best for you even though you might not see it that way. She doesn't want you to get pregnant or anything so she's if you do it again, you'd be safer. She can't force you to go but you have to. You're only 14 and you can't make your own decisions and look out for yourself until you're 18 so right now, she has a say in what you do. I know you might be angry and I would be too, but you just have to understand how she feels about this. Birth control isn't all that bad. Your mom will probablly have a hard time trusting you, so right now just respect her and try to gain her trust back.
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Since you said you were 14, I don't think that means that you are 18, so, yea, she can control what you're doing. However, I don't think it's fair of her to be reading your diary, either, but personally, I just think she's trying to to help. ( I don't think you should be having sex, but who am I to say?) So, no, to answer your question. Good luck!
♥
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I think she does. She has control over what happens to you until you are 18.
I'm sure finding that her daughter of such a young age was having sex, even if you aren't any longer, was quite a shock. She is doing a great job in getting you on birth control to prevent you from possibly changing your life forever...before you are prepared to deal with it.
Having sex that young is irresponsible behavior. I don't say that to upset you, it is just a fact. As a mother she just cannot assume you aren't going to do it again.
I know you aren't understanding what shes going through at the moment, you will someday. Don't fight her on this. Instead use it as an opportunity to stay calm and ask questions. Talk to her about it.
As far as reading your diary goes, in this day and age you keep track of your kids any way you can. It may not be the popular opinion but its mine. I did however warn my kids that anything in thier room was subject to search. :)
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no i think your mom is totally wrong! she cant read your diary seriously that sucks! well and its her fault she's freaking out now cause if she never read your diary all this would never happen! i really dont think that your mom is right talk to her about that that you only had sex ONCE and it's not gonna happen again blablabla (you know) and that she should trust you and it's really wrong to read diarys from other people!!!
yeah =) i hope i helped
good luck
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