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confused
Hey, right about now I have no clue what to do with my life. I am 16 and just had a baby last August. The man I thought was his father turned out not to be, it turned out that the guy that raped me is my sons father. After this all came out and I have the results on paper that the man I love is not the father and the one I despise is his father I do not know what to do with my life anymore. My sons father hasn't talked to me since we found out he was the father and I just don't know what to do. I also am trying to get things together with my ex, who was the one I thought was the father but I just don't know what to do. We were together for 2 and a half years, so I mean I am still in love with him. HELP ME SOMEBODY!!
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The real problem that you have to address is the relationship between you and your ex. Forget your baby's father- you don't want a rapist in your child's life. Be thankful that he doesn't want anything to do with your son-it would be more of a problem if he wanted visitation rights.
I don't know what to suggest that you do to mend the relationship between you and your ex, since you don't mention why you split up. You are so young that it would be remarkable if you did form a lasting and solid relationship(although I'm not saying that that never happens). Really, you need to assure your ex of your love for him, and tell him that you don't think of the other guy as your son's father. I warn you though, you may not get through to him, as he may not be crazy about standing as father to another man's child.
As to the legal postion, I don't know how it works in your state, but I should imagine that your baby's father is obliged to pay child support. I don't think that gives him automatic visitation rights, but to get the exact legal position, contact your state department.
In all of this, don'y forget yourself and your wellbeing. You have gone and are going through a very harrowing experience; are you in regular contact with a doctor or clinic? Remember to take care of yourself, for your child's sake as much as for your own. It might be an idea to ask your doctor to recommend you to a counselor, just to keep yourself sane.
Good luck, and take care,
Lucretia.
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Your ex should be there for you and understand how hard it would be to hear news like that. You need to tell him how much you need him right now as this is a very hard time. If he loves you enough and feels you are the one, he will lend a hand and help you out.
If not you need to build a life for yourself and your baby. Dont take anything out on your baby, You decided to have the baby, so thats what you need to concentrate on now.You must do the best for your baby. You have a very long life ahead of you, and im sure you will find someone who will treat you right. But you need to start thinking about building a life with your baby now.
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I just want to start out saying that I am truly sorry that the results didn't come out the way you wanted it.
I know this news is really devastating, but it doesn't mean that you can't turn your life around from here. I'm not sure why you and your ex-boyfriend are no longer together, but hopefully it has nothing to do with the fact that he's not your son's father.
However, it would be tough to take that in and still stay together knowing this child isn't yours. It's a really complicated and sensative situation and it may take a long time to repair it.
I think what you should do is have a talk with your ex-boyfriend and see if you can maybe get things right again. This isn't you or his fault that you were raped. It's not you or his fault that this child is not his and you have to realize that. You have to remind him of this.
I think what you really need is your family and/or friends as a support team behind you in this. There isn't anything that anyone can say to you or this guy you love that change the results or make you feel better. The only thing that can truly heal all of this is time. Raising your son, watching him grow as time passes by. I would also suggest seeing a therapist or counselor that can help you sort out your feelings. Or maybe even have your ex come with to help work things out. You have to remind yourself that everything will be ok and you can make things better. Life isn't over for you because of rape.
If you have anymore questions or concerns, don't hesistate to privatly ask me in my inbox. I am here to help.
-TheTeenGirl
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