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Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!
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we've been dating for about a year things have been good but sometimes i question why he hasn't officially said we're in a relationship? mind you he's one of my good friends younger brother my guy always chased me through the years until i finally decided to give him a chance. well we really clicked and now i feel like we could have a future together. he's a bit younger i'm 34 and ready to settle down he's 31 and still drinks and apparently smokes weed and likes to flirt with girls when he's out with the boys something i found out last night from my other best friend (male) who i think secretly has a crush on me who also happens to be friends with my guy ( we all grew up together). now i'm sad hurt confused and angry. I don't want to lose him but i don't want to get played and risk yet another heartbreak. please help.
You've got to have a different viewpoint on dating. Most everyone wants to end up in a steady on going relationship with someone who is the best possible partner for them. Others want it to progress to being a committed relationship for life, whether married or not.
Keeping that in mind, the proper use of "dating" is to meet with as many guys as possible so you have a good base to make comparisons on as to what you like and don't like in a guy. What will you absolutely not tolerate long term if you are really honest with yourself. What compatibility is there? The list goes on including discovering what your needs and wants are. A need is a must have, such as someone with same beliefs and outlooks on life, and a want might be a desire for brunettes with long hair but even a guy with a shaved head could win your heart.
Too many look at dating as trying to find the first person who (whether right for you or not) is willing to date you and pay you some attention on a somewhat regular basis so that it may seem like he is as committed as you but that isn't necessarily the case.
I'm 14 and have terrible periods, bad acne, and sexually active. My mom has mentioned putting me on birth control before, I said no because weight is a very big concern of mine. I am going to the GYN soon and I want to ask her about it. But, knowing her, she will be stubborn and prescribe me a kind that makes me gain weight . Therefore, I would like to be able to ask her for a specific one. Any recommendations?
Zane mentioned the Mirena IUD. I don't know if it has the side effect of making someone gain weight but it could easily do so because this IUD has hormones on it too. Its the hormones that cause the side effects among which weight gain is one of them.
The best thing out there then is the copper IUD, and you can read up on it at www.paragard.com
This article mentions not to use if you have a history of pelvic inflammatory disease which at your age is most unlikely or if you get a lot of infections. The most common infections are yeast or vaginitis. Both of which most infections can be prevented by understanding what the most common culprit is. Using of douches and soap getting in there is most common causes. So if you can relax and allow your body to naturally cleanse itself, it should be fine. too much washing kills the good bacteria that keeps the bad bacteria from growing out of control and causing infections.
So other than that, side effects could be cramping but the females in my family all used it including me and we never had that problem.
Read up on the copper iud and how it prevents pregnancy. Good luck dear and kudo's to you for wanting to take the control of your reproductive system into your own hands. I was 20 and getting married when I tried it. As far as I know, i havent heard of an age limit. If they're giving out the Mirena, there's no reason why the Paragard can't be used either.
and we have sex and did can I get perg form having sex with this guy
Periods aren't always predictably on time. There are things that can change it's routine making it earlier or later. Lots of time spent with a female on her period can cause yours to come earlier. Having been sick or stressing out can delay it. It could be as simple as having trouble with a friend or stressing over a test you have to take. And lastly, when a gal has sex and had no precautions, or maybe just condom for birth control...the worry over whether she could have become pregnant will delay period.
You didn't mention dates like when the sex was, how long ago compareing around ed to today.
If you think there is a chance any sperm was on your or his hand, fingers from precum and was near or in your vagina, or a condom slipped off or ripped, etc.... then yes there is a chance you could be pregnant. But depending on how long ago it was, it may still be too early to take a pregnancy test because the hormones that such a test are looking for in your urine are not going to be built up high enough in number to be detected yet. Also if its somewhere within 72 hours since you had sex, there is Plan B, the morning after pill to take as a precaution. If taken after that point, its too late. You may not be old enough to buy it on your own. Some states may require you be 16 or 18, so mom may need to help purchase that. The best thing you can do is go see your gyn. Dr or go to Planned parenthood for a checkup.
The best thing you can do in the future, is to be on a reliable birth control. If you've only had sex once or twice, once you've experienced it, even if you dont want to again with current boyfriend, now that your know what it is like, when the guy comes along that gets you feeling sexual attraction, you'll be active again so its important to already be on something, the pill, the shot or the IUD.
Ok so my first day of eighth grade is coming up, (August 21) and I'm super nervous!!! At least 15 kids (out of 60 in 8th grade) left last year, so a lot more are coming in. Basicaly, I need advice on how to get people to like me on the first day (how to leave an impression). I have short blond hair, I'm white, I get strait A's, I'm 5'2, and 89 lbs, (I have health issues so I need to eat or I'll get really sick, but I just end up losing weight) and I'm 13. Ps: I reallly want a boyfriend this year ! I've had one before, but we broke up like 2 years ago. And it's really hard to get one because I 'hang out with a slut', and they notice her and not me :× ---Thank you!
I remember this time of life well, us girls have bodies which have been developing for a while and we crave and need some feed back on our femininity.
Your friend may truly be trying hard to get the attention of guys the only way she can think of,the wrong way. It cant be totally rewarding. Why?
Because at your age, you also want not just the attention but want to experience the feeling of having a crush on someone, how it feels when a guy pays you attention, and the feeling of attraction, chemistry and love. My answer will focus mostly on guys since that is a big thing for advice girls are writing in about.
Boy at this age are so driven by their hormones and being horny that a good majority are going to be attracted to the barbie doll girl, the model type or the 'slut' as you put it. Men at all ages, even senior citizens, all always going to respond to what they see. It's just that as they get older, they may enjoy the scenic view, such as you might enjoy a scenic view of a sunset beach in Hawaii, but their heart becomes tied to the one female who is the only one they love. So they wont act on what they see and cheat or have affairs. But many guys do at all ages because they never learn and grow up. Wanting to date or marry a girl doesnt mean they have learned how to make and keep a commitment. Their words and vows and promises do not have the strength of their character and good core values behind them.
Once teen boys leave early teenhood and the newness of staring at girls, they will begin to relax and fall into a pattern normal for them of what is attractive to them personally. Some guys will be attracted more to a chubby girl because their mom is a bit over weight and that 'feels' normal to them. It would feel awkward to them hugging a thin, 'stick' of a girl...like she's a breakable china doll. Thats one example...I kid you not. Men will develope their own personal tastes. Some young men once 18, will actually date older women because the girls their age aren't mature enough in how they act.
So if you think it all about looks...it's really not in the end. It is for a guys first couple years as he is first experiencing his sexuality.
So you may have to be patient and wait for guys to grow up a bit and start to realize what they personally are attracted to. Some do indeed like the natural look, no makeup or fancy hair cuts and dyes.
The popular outgoing guys, the jocks, are going to be the ones that catch your eye first too. But they may not be the best ones to look at right now for a friendship with a male.
The quieter, shy types, are not always shy and quiet all the time. Many seemingly shy boring people, once they get to know you, start out shy but warm up quickly, becoming their normal outgoing fun selves once they are comfortable with you. I was like that at your age. So I didn't attract guys in high-school as a rule, just one guy in 9th grade and that was it. But I didn't date him, he was too goofy for me, wanting more to show off than really be my friend.
So my best advice is to look for the more quiet polite and shy guys and get to know them. Often these kinds of guys are the ones who end up in healthy loving long term committed relationships, and are wonderful supportive male friends. Why is this so?
The male who knows he doesnt have the looks or flashy personality of the popular boys, also knows he is not going to attract a female that way. So he understands that if he were to meet a female, he would have to have other ways to impress her...this seems to be a natural instinct in these guys...so they begin to learn how to treat a girl right, compliment her, be there for her, make her one of his priorities...besides homework or job of course, and he is supportive and wants to be around her and really cares when shes happy or when sad wants to cheer her up, does little special things for her and pays attention to what she likes, the list goes on.
Not all the pretty boys once older are shallow and may be as nice as the initially shy guys. The basic thing to learn is that looks can be deceiving.
I was shocked at my 10 yr high school reunion to see the handsome jock guys going bald and having put on weight and not looking as good anymore. And one guy I knew as being one of the nerdy guys I talked to often had become an extremely handsome man. If I wasnt married at the time, I would have asked him out!
So here's your list of what to do:
Start observing the guys and decide which ones you'd like to talk to and learn more about. Pay attention to which guys tend to stare at you or look at you alot and look away quickly if caught. They aren't staring because you look bizarre. It is the natural human male nature even at this age, to look repeatedly at someone you are interested in. If you really like one, start talking to him. He won't talk first because he's shy and doesnt think he has a chance at all with a girl. At first make conversation about teachers or classes you have in common. Ask if he's seen a certain movie yet and find out what he likes to watch and slowly find out what other things you have in common. Once he's used to talking to you, if he opens up and realizes you are truly interested in him, he will relax and respond back and be a good boyfriend in return.
Next: work on your inner confidence. Pick a trait, your laugh, the sound of your voice, your eyes, nose or lips, something that you have in common with one of the teen actresses or singers that you think is cute and popular. When you are around the guys, imagine that you are her and that people, even the females, will notice that you have a beautiful laugh if thats what you chose, or beautiful eyes. I tried the eyes thing as an older adult once divorced from ex. and got lots of comments from both men and women about my eyes. I was shocked that it worked so well.
Also, look at pics on the web, of celebrities without makeup to realize that 9 out of 10 have no natural beauty. What you see on TV or magazines is just photo brushed or makeup magic to give optical illusions to the eye. You don't have to have that perfect look because its fake to begin with, there is no such thing as the perfect look. Guys who are attracted to that are attracted to a false beauty that is also only skin deep
Third: learn to dress in colors, patterns and styles of clothes that compliment the body type, your skin and hair color. Some styles can make a short person look shorter or look taller for example. Some colors are never right for a person to wear, no matter if it's cute and a latest style. Some colors will draw attention away from your face, you want ones that dont make you look pale, splotchy, weak or sickly. When you are dressed in what makes you look best, your confidence goes up a notch.
Lastly: work on your personality. Be the best person you can be on the inside. Polite, complimentary, forgiving, patient, tactful, etc...you get the idea. Understand that you may still be experiencing an overload of emotions from the flood of hormones in your system during puberty. You can experience it for several more years (i had 3 daughters, I know)
This can cause you to be feeling more sad, weepy even tho thats not normally you or cause you to get upset and angry and want to fight and argue with pretty much any female, mom, sister, best friends. And it doesnt stop there, it can affect how you treat a boy and expect more from him than is normal to expect. SO keep that in mind and do you best to keep yourself in control in that way too and work on overcoming any shyness. If you need pointers there, I have a document I can share with you. Just write my inbox on my column. I cant answer if you write in general comments. I hope this helps and there may be some things I forgot but if you have more questions, let me know.
I'm planning on getting a new number (Because I've had the same one for SO long, and I've gave that number to people I don't talk to anymore), but I'm kind of afraid of something happening...
The service recycles the number after 30 days of non-use, so I'm scared that my one friend that has my number (I only like to give my number to family) will text it. I don't want to be associated with her anymore. She's "bad news", if you know what I mean... That being said, I won't give her my new number.
Should I be scared? Or is it just me? Also, we don't really text anymore.
You just admitted that you dont text anymore. If you chose not to change your number and this "bad news" girl is the only one you are really concerned of hearing from, then the occasional call or text from her should be easy to ignore. Just because she texted or anyone whom you dont wish to associate with any longer has texted you, it doesn't mean you have to respond.
But let me explain one thing...even if you change the number, because in life you are going to experience this somewhere again.
If you start a relationship with a girfriend, or even a dating relationship with a guy... and over the months as you get to know them, they let down the false identity they showed you and know you realize you don't like them at all, then you need to end the realtionship.
So for the future here's how you end a relationship as peacefully as possible without causing problems for yourself.
When someone stops talking to you, don't you get curious and wonder why? If you just stop seeing someone without some explanation they are going to be curious too, maybe even angry and upset.
Can you tell them the truth as to why you don't want to associate with them any longer?
Nope! It won't work. If a person thinks there's nothing wrong with their behavior and you tell them that there is and thats why you dont want to hear from them any more...then that will just make them angry, vindictive and they may want to make your life hell by phoning and texting multiple times a day. I've heard of people writing in here who've experienced that.
So, if you can't tell them the truth, what can you say? Place the reason on yourself as you thought that maybe you had a lot in common with her/him and have discovered over time that you have less and less interest in hanging out cus it's just not fun. Tell them, maybe that you have changed and are looking for a different type of friend. With a guy its even easier, you just say that you've given it plenty of time cus he's a very nice person (even if he's truly an A--hole) but you don't feel any chemistry with him.
The reason you don't piss someone off these days by letting slip that there might be something deficiant in their behavior is because there are more people these days with mental health issues, and there are more over stressed people or very depressed people around that you may not realize are ready to 'snap' or 'explode' and do something rash. Think of all the 'road rage' out on the streets and highways...thats explanation enough.
I hope this helps you dear. If I can help with anything else and you wish to hear from me specifically,then you can go to my column and write to my inbox.
Is it was goid to mastubate a male daily?
No its okay. It won't harm you in any way, not even several times a day. The only time there's an indicator that it is excessive is when it interferes with your ability to lead a normal life in other activities, like having time for school, work, sports, friendships, etc...
[ /!\ sorry for my mistakes, english is not my mothertongue]
So... I'm a girl and I'm 20. Recently, during a "literary event" I ran into a guy I had first met a few years ago. He is twice my age. I have always liked him because he was nice and interesting, but I have never been attracted by him in any ways. He asked me to have a drink with him and he insisted a bit. At first I was worried because I felt it was going to be weird (I mean come on, he is forty !) but my best friends were like "no, it's totally ok to go, don't be paranoid". So I went. And the simple innocent drink transformed into a 6 hours "almost date" with lots of ambiguous moments. He invited me to dinner in a restaurant, we talked a lot, he wanted to offer me a rose (which I refused), etc.
I was wondering if he was really interested by "me", or by the fact that I'm younger, or even worse the fact that I am simply a woman ? (in other words, is he desperate ?) I lack self-confidence, which is also probably the reason why I accepted to have a drink with him. Even though I gave him lots of negative signs (i kept "escaping" when he touched my shoulders or when he took my hand), I wasn't brave enough to simply go and he asked me again two days after that (I refused).
I'm only hesitating about this because I have some curiosity towards him... he seems to epitomize the average man in his forties that hasn't been married, that is a bit desperate, that dislikes his job, etc. I have so many questions I want to ask because I want to find out who he really is, what he thinks (not only about me, but about his life, his achievements, etc.) It's almost a sociological interest.
Even if I'm dying to discover all these things and to investigate (it's also because i'm in holidays and i'm bored, let's face it haha), I know that I can't have these information without letting him come closer... I'm not afraid of him, I don't think I would be putting myself in "danger", but I'm afraid this might raise his hopes / expectations... Is it immoral to accept to see him again ? is it cruel to led him into thinking I might be interested in a relationship when I'm not ?
I dont know how much dating you've done before now, if any. But I'd like to give you a good perspective about relating to the opposite sex, friendships, dating, and relationships. No one is born just "knowing" how to understand the opposite sex. Since everyone had their own differing personalities, some more quiet some more outgoing, introvert vs extrovert, and other differences, you won't do as well with one as with another. Think about girlfriends and what type of females you made friends with and what types you couldn't stand.
It will be the same with males except that it goes further. Males and females are driven to want to find sex partners (the male) and females seek (lovers).
So that makes things more complicated than just the experience you have with girlfriends.
Most people are afraid of change so they try to make the first one or two relastionships work and so they lack experience. The process of being friends with the opposite sex, dating them and when ready, being sexual with them, is
Point #1:all about the experience, to learn what you like and don't like, can you handle a person on their worst day, do they respect and support you? Point #2:Any successful relationship also needs both parties to put in equal effort, and maximum effort to make a relationship work. If one person is not a complete whole person and lacking in some way, they are going to rely on the other to make up for their lack. Low self image contributes to this. Those relationships don't work. Likewise a person who is lazy and doesn't put any effort into the relationship has added a relationship to his/her life as a spice or flavoring instead of the main course.
Point #3 People have different needs and desires sexually. What the libido of one is, won't necessarily be the same as the next. One can be happy with sex once or twice a week and another wants it every day or every other day, or more! And none of that is abnormal. It only becomes a problem when it interferes in ones ability to do other things in life, a job, keep up with family and friends. Also on the topic of sex, those who have dated and explored their sexuality enough, often older people too, may have sexual preferences or fetishes. Some like a partner who is younger, some want someone older. Its important to be aware of possible problems when some guy wants an older woman, he coould be looking for someone to take care of him, someone to be his mommy even in sex. Some have deep seated subconscious desires they may or may not be aware of to have a mommy to make love with, or others have a desire to have daddy-daughter flavor to sex. None would ever think of acting on it in real life, so they turn to other people than their relations.
Your male friend is trying to seduce you. The rose, the reaching out to touch you. Will a man his age be completely satisfied with just a friend?
Right now he thinks he still has a chance to win you over to being his girlfriend and hopefully lover too.
You're 20, I have a daughter a year older and two more older than that...so I have heard much from them as to what they are experiencing with guys. Even thou i have shared much info with them, i could not prevent them from learning by the school of hard knocks...meaning going through the experience themselves. Once you learn what the signs and behavior is like or what it feels like to have not just a little attraction but a strong chemistry with, you'll never want to settle for less. Like my daughters, you may feel very adult at 20. I married at that age. But I lacked life experience and that marriage was a big mistake. However I learned from it. You lack dating experience yet. that's okay...we all did once. But don't stay there.
Now to your question: Is it immoral to accept to see him again ? is it cruel to lead him on when not interested.
Think, why are you doing it? It's out of a natural want to learn how to relate to men, find what you like and who treats you best and the end result is that this knowledge will help you at a future date to find the best healthy long term relationship which may be marriage. It's normal.
He is older so either he's not needing to learn and knows what he wants and is targeting you or the guy is so dense that in 25 years of being old enough to date, he has never learned how to do it right. That points to some major psychological stuff or mental health issues or personality disorders that are not easy to spot on the surface.
At this point I thought of another pointer for you dear...a person upon meeting someone and wanting to impress can put on a false persona, do an act so they seem normal and nice. It takes lots of personal energy and focus to keep it up which is easy to do when just doing the occasional dates but it becomes increasingly hard to maintain the more you are around the person you wish to win over. So when you're living together or seeing each other daily, there comes a points after a few months when a person can no longer expend the energy to keep up the charade and their normal self begins to come through. You've heard the girls who said, He was so sweet for the first 3 months and then all of a sudden he changed and became a nasty person. This is what I am talking about. I know from talking to other women, and from personal experience.
If you want to learn about men and what you like, you may be safer with someone your age, but then again not.
Keep in mind that if you wish to continue on with this guy, you need to be upfront and say, "I am not ready to be serious about any relationship with the opposite sex. Since I haven't had enough chance to date around and discover whats best for me, I am not promising you anything. The gestures you show towards me suggest you want something more than a friend. I do not plan to date exclusively but will date whomever I come across that I wish to learn more about. So if you are looking for someone to settle down with or be in a committed relationship with, it's not me, not at least at this stage in my life."
Believe me, guys will have no problem with you saying you aren't ready and that you won't date exclusively. I think its important to say so they don't get their hopes up. Don't feel like you need to learn what you need to know in the hurry or chances are you'll make some mistakes you might regret later.
If you do wish to hang out with the 40 yr old, are you ready to have sex with him? Frankly, you need to entertain the possibility. Are you attracted enought to allow it to go that way, and if so...make sure you are on birth control. I know you said you aren't interested in him. But theres such a thing as friends with benefits (sex on the side) which he may suggest to you as acceptable to him if you're not ready to be in a serious relationship.
Don't let your sexual needs force you into a sexual relationship with someone you have no sexual chemistry with. From what youve described, you dont have it or you wouldn't said certain things about how you feel around him. If there's sexual urges, take care of them on your own. Sorry to be so frank but I feel all this information applies at your age. You may have thought of these things and I am sure you have as you sound very intelligent to me and your English is better than some Americans who write for advice. But it doesnt hurt for me to give the advice that may help.
I wish you the best of luck in your dating experiences. If you have further questions you'd like me to personally answer, you can go to my page and write to my in-box.
One of my friendsnthinks shensaved my life from sh prevention, but not reallyhow do I tellbher?
If someone thinks they saved your life and it makes them feel good, I see no harm in letting her continue to think so. To tell someone that you disagree with them is not necessary and doesn't really count for anything unless they voiced an idea to try something real stupid that you know for sure would get them hurt, injured or dead.
Other-wise, all people (including yourself) are entitled to an opinion or beliefs on anything.
Others don't have to agree. No one should ever feel forced to believe what someone else believes. Its the free will and choice we've been given by God. People can go through life choosing to be short sighted, mistaken and not want to learn or grow or mature. But that is their choice. No one can "make" them see a different idea, choice, opinion or path.
If I misunderstood you hon, I am sorry but thats how i understood what you wrote. So if this didn't help, just explain better in my inbox on my page, but not where you leave comments.
I have a sore throat right noww, it hurts a lot and I can't stand it. I'm taking a medication ,but the strange thing is that this it happens to me often. My throat gets better and after about a month it appears again. What may be happening? It's awful since even when I'm walking the pain gets even worse.
Ditto on seeing a Dr. My coworker had two kids who kept getting sore throats. The doctor said they were having repeated cases of strep throat. They had tonsils removed and it got better.
You said you are taking medicine. If it's something you got at the drugstore, taking more of it isn't gingn to help.
If its something your doctor gave you, I'd ask him/her if they checked for strep throat. If so and the medication he gave you isn't working, he/she will need to be aware that the medication isn't working so they can schedule you to have tonsils removed.
25/f. I'm just curious as to what you guys think about this.
I'm a long, complicated mess, but here's the story as short and sweet as I can make it: I've been in two abusive relationships, and was cheated on in the last one (I don't count it as abuse because the coercive control tactics were missing). I'm so done.
All that said, I just don't look at guys the same way anymore. I've been single and far over the last relationship-fail for a good eight months. I even saw my ex after we broke up and was completely indifferent to him. He looked like a different person to me in the sense that I no longer found him attractive. It was like someone had flipped a switch in my brain.
Apologies for the graphic, but I don't seem to get wet anymore. Like... it used to be that I'd actually be attracted to attractive guys, and occasionally get turned on by them. Now it's like nothing stirs in me. I don't fantasize sexually (not in the usual sense anyway), I have no desire to masturbate - at all, which is really odd for me. I used to have a pretty high sex drive. What's more, the few times I have tried touching myself, I've felt wrong about it, like it was crass and inappropriate. I do NOT feel that way about masturbation. I think it's a great way to get to know your body and pleasure yourself, and really how can you be intimate with someone else if you can't be intimate with yourself?
I know it's normal for people to kinda be "off their feed" in a sense, after a relationship goes badly. But I'm not even off... I'm just kinda... not. I'm a straight girl, and right now, the male gender is about as attractive to me as a water bottle. I have a mild crush on a celebrity, but I think the appeal in that is that he is unattainable and safe because of this fact. I have my theories around that/him. Anyway...
Sometimes, though, I have sex dreams. VIVID sex dreams. I have actually woken up mid-orgasm from these dreams without touching myself.
...Mind over matter?
I don't really know what my question is, but I am thoroughly confused by this cognitive dissonance going on with my lack-of-conscious VS subconscious sex drive.
Anyone have any insight? Better, has anyone had this experience, or something similar?
All I can share is what little I know of the subconscious mind and how I interact with mine. It's almonst like having a separate person inside of me, two really different personalities becauese the subconscious is where all our emotions and feelings are from, good and bad ones. So anything that happens in life, the subc. is going to try to protect you. But unlike your conscious mind which is more logical and realistic, the subc. is also where I believe my inner child resides and like a child can over react with fears, or even imagined fears, or just be upset and angry about something.
My guess is your subconscious doesn't want you getting hurt again so it shut off your normal sexual wants and desires while you are awake and conscious and when more likely to get into trouble with a guy. But it recognizes the sexual need in you for orgasms and decided on its own to give you vivid sex dreams because it is safe...its just a dream. Its all coming about as the subc. way of dealing with protecting you.
How to fix it?
Well, there are people who have the degrees and can counsel you but counseling takes lots of time for the counselor to get to know you well enough to be able to make suggestions. A hypnotist would work a lot faster and instead of making suggestions to your conscious mind, which isnt causing the problem to begin with, they will make the desired suggestions to your subconscious mind.
You can request it be specific that you are able to enjoy your sexuality normally on your own. You don't have to ask to have sexual desires for men.
I have talked to myself all my life since a kid. Only in recent years with my new husband were my eyes opened to realize why when I talked to myself, it felt like someone else inside me was answering. He's done lots of reading on the topic. He had a name for his subconscious self and asked if I knew what mine was. I was in the middle of answering, "I don't have a clue." when in my mind an indignant thought registered, "My name is Selena! My subc wanted to be known.
Now I work with her even more closely. So If I were in your shoes, I would be having a talk with my subconscious to try to reassure her that I won't go rushing into any relationship and I agree with her I should be kept safe and right now it means, swear off men. But I want to self pleasure not just rely on dreams. Sometimes its simple and you can talk yourself into it, other times it calls for a specialist. If you have never really talked to yourself alot, then it would be a could thing to learn for the future but won't address your current issue.
Best bet I'd say is a hypnotist. But listen to your inner voice, your gut feeling, often that is your subc. trying to get through to you. It can be helpful in the future for anything. Hope this helps a little. Sorry I haven't got anything like a quick easy fix. I had an abusive first marriage. I know what kinds of issues a woman can have to deal with. Anything else you'd like to share on the subject, you can just write to my inbox, not the comment box.
I am 14 and a virgin but I have been fingered several times... I have a certain odor down there, I'm not sure if it is normal or not and it really worries me. I've tried certain washes, creams, etc and nothing seems to help me. I am very scared to go to a gynecologist, I am just a teen and I'm not sure of my mom's reaction if I were to ask. Should I try asking my regular doctor? Or is it normal? And also, in the days of my ovulation, I have a worse smell and alot of discharge that lasts for a week. I'm not sure what that means, I've came across similar problems with down there and my mom thought I had stds. I never looked into it much further than going to a regular doctor why couldn't tell me anything. I'm very nervous about gynecologists and I'm not quite sure what to do or exactly what, "down there" is supposed to smell like.
There are good odors from your private area and bad odors. The bad odors may indicate that you have vaginitis, yeast is usually just more itchy and painful than smelly, I've had both. I don't get either very often any more. Women can get it if they use too many douches, washes, sprays, anything like that will wash away the good bacteria which keeps things in balance. When it's missing, the bad bacteria has an easier chance to take over and thats when you get those infections. So no one should be thinking you were having sex to get an infection if you truly have one.
Seeing a Gynecologist is something every woman needs to do. it is part of good health for your vaginal area.
During a period, the blood inside that is released, is fresh smelling. It is only when it comes out and hits air that it can develop a fishy odor. Make sure to change pads often, and wash the labia and your general bottom area gently with a warm wet washcloth....No Soap. Soap is a no no as are bubblebaths.
Vaginitis can cause a fishy odor. It's like that overwhelming odor of fish when you go past the area of the store that offers "supposed fresh fish".( Fresh fish doesn't smell, only old fish does.) Any other musky odors you smell if you touch yourself and finger yourself, will be your normal musky odors. In a world where we have become too sterile and worried about the slightest scent, some folks could be mistaken and assume any odor at all coming from this region is something you need to get rid of. Get familiar with your body and explore your sexuality. It's nothing to avoid. I will give you a link to a site that talks about what I've just gone over and has many more short videos by a peer, who educates on sex dating and relationships. Please watch. And go see a Gyn.Dr. to rule out infection. If you do have one, you will likely be given antibiotic pills to take.
Here's the links:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K6oKSz-IBSs
That was the specific one I wanted you to see. Here's the main page of the you tube site:
https://www.youtube.com/user/lacigreen/videos
is it weird I am not feeling too bad and actually kind of "Excited" Not in a malicious type of way but more in a teasing type of way. Not because I hate her or dislike her. On the contrary I had a good relationship with her but I definitely find it kind of funny that my mom is in the punishment situation now and is taking orders from others and it might give her a different perspective on certain things. Also because I know she is coming back in six months and is not going away from forever or for years and years. I guess it is kind of childish to think that way but I cannot really help it lol . I actually told my dad some of these things and he said it was OK and he was glad I was instead not acting hysterical about it and even joked back "maybe you;re mom will understand how it feels when she punishes you, maybe when she comes back things might be different". People might look at it and think we hate her but really it is just a different way of dealing with it.
I will share this bit. All of our emotions and feelings are controlled by our subconscious mind.
Take a really sad part in a movie, like for me, a mother whose child died. My awake or conscious mind knows its just a movie and actors and some kid didnt really die and it wasn't my kid. But my subconscious mind silently taking in the input from the movie, a book or some life event i am going through will be what has a reaction to the sad part in a movie and I will cry. On the other hand, if I have experienced something that I am confused about, the subconscious will reserve a response of some emotional kind til later or maybe never, not wanting to feel vulnerable which is a possibility in your case.
So long story short, yes it's just as normal to not feel much of anything about mom being in jail as it is to be very angry, sad and feeling betrayed. I think it boils down to this thought, "The adult who is supposed to be the example of good mature, adult decisions, did not make a good decision." So look at it this way, when a little kid does something wrong and the punishment is no dessert, or TV that night or early to bed, it doesn't mean the parent stopped loving you. Our creator is like the parent over us. He gives us a free will to make choices. Some we make are good. All of us make some bad ones too. Does he love us any less? no but He hopes we will have learned by our lessons, the same like a low grade on a test at school. It's not the worst thing, it mean's you didn't understand well enough to get a passing grade. You're not a failure. We haven't failed until we are dead. Before that, we have a lot of time to learn from our mistakes, not matter what age we age. I am still learning some little things here and there. What is sad I think is for God to watch us choose to do something wrong over and over when he knows that in our hearts we know better but we choose the wrong way. that must hurt his heart. I think it also hurts the hearts of family members who stand by totally helpless when a loved one choose the wrong path over and over. Right now it was just the one mistake. Mom deserves a chance to prove to everyone she can do better now when she gets out. If this was not part of how she acted all the time and very out of character, then very likely there'll be no repeat of such mistakes with her.
I asked a version of this before but I added some more details and wanted to see some more opinions
my mother is currently in jail the next eight months for a financial crime(if she serves her full sentence it will be about next April when she gets out). I might get flack for supporting a criminal but you know since her crime wasn't against me I guess it is OK to support her in this way. I was wondering what are some good books or magazines to send to an inmate, I honestly don't read much and I was thinking maybe there were some good specific books you can send to an inmate
Something I forgot to make clear last time. The types not allowed are things inciting racial hatred, rioting, making drugs, violence or escaping from jail but that's nothing to worry about she would never read that kind of stuff anyway.
Does mom have any hobbies like gardening, bird watching, baking, crafting. Best thing is to ask her when you finally go to visit her instead of trying to surprise her. Or ask dad. Maybe he knows.
Does she like cats, or dogs? Anything mythical like Fairies. What about natural health. There are some great cat lover, fairy or natural health magazines out there. Don't worry so much about having something for the first time you go. Have her give you ideas what to get and bring it along next time.
All will be well.
Please read School and friends advice help?
The story is confusing I asked this question twice and no one answered because it was too long.
So I am going to try and make this really short.
School is starting up I am going into 4th year and this Is a really important year I have exams ! So I am going to study ALOT this year and last year was the first year we all got different people in different classes that is when It all changed and me as a person. I drifted from my best friend and during that summer I got a lot closer to one of our friend and we have been friends for like over a year. Everything changed it use to be me ,lara ,morgan and then lara started speaking from our old friend from primary and then she got close to me now and now she's my bestfriend.
Also the old 3 of us I speak to them now and then in school it was me and lara joint to the hip and morgan was our best friend aswell but we were closer and this was a year ago and we have admitted its not the same between us because I have changed so much. But I don't mind but my best friend and lara are in like all the same classes this year and they will get a lot closer. But I really want to speak to more people this year make new friends because its only me my bestfriend and lara and my bestfriend will get close. But I don't mind I guess but last year I just didn't speak to anyone at all but my best friend and I don't want it to be like that this year.
I want to get close friends with more people instead of just the one person because we just speak about her love life I do not mind that at all because im helping but I never get to talk even though there is nothing to talk about I just give advice and we have a good laugh. I don't want that too change ! But I would like to speak to more people.
But I dontknow who my type of person is. The school is **** theres the Popular ones so far up their own **** there is the nerds omg me hanging with nerds im too stupid no , then the neds smoking in the back of the school nah , the one me and my bestfriend stand with the crazy/emo group and we have decided were not standing there again there annoying we will go now and then but nah we looked like lost puppies !
So I just want some friends and get close to a few people id prefer a boy just a good guy friend but I dontknow what type of person I fit into and how can I speak to them and should I just block everyone out again like I did last year I shouldn't have done that last year but my classes were full off bitches and neds and probably the same this year . So where do I start what will I do ?
Also today my bestfriend was telling me lara asked her to go too a concert she asked me to go too and said that we haven't been speaking we did until she sent a message complaining and me and my bestfriend for not inviting them out so shes fell out with me and not her
When we are young the big stuff and even the small stuff all seems like life or death issues and it's hard to make decisions and know we are making the right ones.
You have a deep feeling of the need to "belong" somewhere, and the easiest way for you is to find a group that hangs out together and has been labeled "such and such" by others.
When I was your age, I felt much the same. I did not belong in any of the groups you mentioned either. There were plenty of kids like me but I didn't have anything in common with them to want to hang out. I wish I had thought of doing some volunteer work. What I did was turn toward religious groups. Tried the Jobs daughters cus dad was a Mason but didn't like it. Too strict ritualistic and no fun. So I ended up with church youth groups. I attended two different ones at the same time. That satisfied my need to connect with others. You don't have to become a church member or even believe it all, but I found it a better place to find kids who didn't fit into the catagories you mentioned. Oh, there were a few, yes whose parents forced them to go. I can't say if it will be much the same today. At school people are going to act a certain way to be popular when thats not really who they are. Pretending to be something they are not. Away from school at other venues, community teen activity centers or youth groups, they find it easier to be themselves. You may find it easier to find people you can connect with as friends in other places. Think about it. Ask the parents. Ask at the local pool or recreations center if there are teen related groups to hang out at. Thats my best advice dear. Good luck!
So I have a party tomorrow and I'm on my period but I HAVE to wear white jeans! I've tried tampons but I tend to tense up so I don't think I should use them. My white jeans are a bit see through and I'm scared that I might stain them. What can I use or do so that I don't stain them?!?!?!
Other than thicker pads to wear, which of course the lump of it may be visible through tight fitting pants, you need to become more comfortable with your body so you aren't as tense and can use tampons or sponges or the moon cup.
I know this won't help you for tomorrow.
But for the future, here's a video where a gal talks about the different options available to use when on period. There are some new things I didn't even know about til I saw this.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?annotation_id=annotation_616334&feature=iv&src_vid=e1x5xvHmhqo&v=Ualuem6zFT0
Good luck dear.
13-f
So yesterday I was in the restroom, and I was kind of wasting time by playing on my phone and sitting on the counter near the door. I had the shower running, but it was right in the middle, so it was just room temperature water. There wasn't any mist or anything, because the mirror wasn't fogged up, and I had the fan on and my 'eva-dry' machine was on. (I was alo only in my panties)
I was texting when all of a sudden I kind of felt sick, like a 'I feel like I'm going to puke sick', and I set down my phone because I almost started gagging-- this was after about 15 minutes. And thats when I stood up. You know when You stand up too quickly and everything goes black for like 5 seconds? Thats what happened to me!! But wayy way worse. I was facing the counter and My legs felt wobbly and I collapse and busted my chin open on the counter, so I triend to stand up, but I was in a bit of shock and couldn't really stand up right (everything still had that dark look to it, too) and I fell on my bum and hit my head on a cabinet, so I just kinda fell asleep for a few seconds. When I eventually got up, I still felt that feeling where I stood up too quickly and everything had that black frame around it, so I got into the shower, and it was cold, but it felt good because I was really really hot.I put in shamppo but I put in wayy too much and dropped the bottle, and I kindof washed out, but I couldn't really tell. Then I got out of the restroom quickly and walked to my room, and collapsed on my bed and fell on my bed, and I put on a blanket and the feeling went away. I looked at the clock and this had all happened over 33 minutes. What happened???? more info- I'm 13 ,female, 5'2, around 90 lbs., and this has never happened to me before, also it was right in the morning at 8:00 and I hadn't eaten yet.
I worked as a caregiver for a while with a gal who was diabetic and on meds. Thats exactly how she described feeling on a medi bus ride home when she collapsed on the bus. The Dr and pharmacy didn't catch the fact a new drug was cancelling out her diabetic drug and her blood sugar dropped too low.
I also experienced the same on 4 different occasions in my life,two unexplained when blood sugar dropped, after a really a painful shot, and bleeding probs after childbirth made my body experience extreme shock which made me see spots and see grey or the color go out of everything, the best thing you can do at that moment is sit down immediately with your head down between your legs while you still have a second or two of control over your legs yet. Knocking your head and chin like that brought on shock which compounded whatever originally caused it.
The best thing you could do is to tell your parents about it and asked to go be checked by a doctor to ensure that you don't have the onset of childhood diabetes. I know of a teen in church who got it at 14, 15, when there never were symptoms before and no one else in family had it.
Since you had not eaten yet that morning, it could be a one time oddity and won't happen again. But the teen i mentioned had such a severe shut down that she ended up in the hospital, was diagnosed and put on medicines and finally was okay to go home.
Don't wait for another incident to happen, you could black out at the top of a flight of stairs and fall the wrong way and badly injure yourself or die from the fall.
Not trying to scare you. Often there may be nothing wrong. Just rule out diabetes and any other factors so if it happens a couple times over your lifetime, you won't have to freak out, just sit quickly and let the blood go back to your head.
my mother is going to jail for six months for forgery related charges. I am handling the situation fine because she will be back and her visit to jail might make her go easier on me now. Even though it is only six months, My dad asked if I want to visit her sometime because he said she would appreciate a visit and it could be interesting and an "educational experience" (What does that mean? Please give your opinion on that)
also, my dad said I still have to listen to my mother when she gets out. I don't understand how he can do this. I mean like I said I don't hate my mom or anything and had a good relationship with her but now that she is a criminal, her telling what to do might be hypocritical
I have no problem with my mother and other than this misdeed she was a good mother but I don't know if I should subject myself to go into a jail just to see her for a while. Does anyone know what it is like there and how the visiting works? I am a 14 year old girl by the way. Also, what can we talk about in the short time we probably have? Also is it really going to be that bad for her in there, I mean she has six months of not having to worry about anything.
I am sure your dad has visited her and can tell you the details if its like you see in the movies or not. Ask him if you get to see her in a private room and how much time do they give you to visit?
Your dad is at a loss as to how to encourage you to go see her so he said the lame thing about it being an educational experience.
Nobody ever gets the idea, Hey I think I will go visit a prison for the educational experience. No.
They go there because they are visiting someone who is family or friend. If you have never had any one you know go to jail, then likely you've never seen the inside of one. Like me, never been there to visit.
Something to think about: regarding the relationship between you and mom and her right to still have any input into your life---
...the crime she did was not against you personally (ie physical abuse) but something against the law for financial personal gain. You can still use mom as a sounding board for decisions in life, she's had more experience in life and relationships than you have.
So talk to her about the guy you cant tell if he likes you or not, girlfriends being jealous of you getting attention from a guy, where you think you want to go for college, or what profession you want to study for...she knows you better than any one else and can give you some thing to think about that you may not have considered in making your choices, so that you can then make the best ones.
Going into the prison to visit mom can be an un--nerving feeling and may cause your mind to go blank. So write down points of topics that you'd like to share with her from your life.
What would you normally tell her after school after your day or talk about in the evening and on weekends? I don't know if you had a good conversational connection to mom before this. I can only give examples between me and my 3 daughters. They'd tell me about a guy at school who was talking to them more and more and what he'd talk about, a girlfriend stole a top from her bedroom, the girlfriends cat had kittens and how she's been going over to play with the kittens a lot, how she hates her math teacher but her English teacher is really and bought LOTR bookmarks and knowing how great a fan she is of LOTR, gave her first choice to pick as many as she wanted while everyone else later only got to pick one....
Thats the kind of stuff a mom wants to hear so she doesnt feel she is missing out on your life.
Take pics on your cell or camera to store on your pc to show her things as well that she missed while away the 6 months. Maybe a pic of you at a school dance with your girlfriends, the dress you wore, and how your hair looked after the girlfriends mom fixed it up pretty, pics of the kittens you've gone to visit and which one you want for a pet, a photo of a hummingbird.
Above all, right now, you're doing the visit more for her sake than yours...she'll be feeling you might hate her now and she'll be missing out on the little things in your life. Later you may discover that visiting her was a good thing for you as well because you don't have any feelings of guilt for not doing so hanging there between you. If there's anything more specific about concerns you have, let me know. Otherwise, go enjoy a visit with mom...well...you may not enjoy it as much as she does. But good luck sweetie. A mom and daughter relationship is too precious to lose over something like this. I have 3 lovely daughters and great relationship with each.
Later once she is out again, you may realize that visiting her was also a good thing for you
Hi. I'm the freshman girl who has asked a couple of questions (from now on just call me Guard-Girl) and someone posted some advice ont he last question about the junior guy I like. They said that i should leave him alone because he will be 18 and i will be 15 and he could be up for Stautory rape if we did anything. But I wouldn't want to do 'that' with ANYONE not even a boyfriend. I am to young for that.(I would NEVER even think abou tdoing that with him!) But i really like him... I don't know what to do now!! I'm kind of scared to like him. I need some serious advice because i will be with him in school for the next two years and I really like him!!! HELP ME!
~Guard-Girl
Hello Guard girl,
I can see where that would scare you. It might also be the reason some 18 yo guys don't date the younger girls.
It is okay to just date someone who is younger, as long as there is no sex. So who's to say there was or not.
Because it would likely be the word of one person against the other, a guy would not want to get messed up with an immature female who might just say he forced sex on her because she is pissed at him for something. You know that you both are not like that. So no worries there.
Next, the age of consent varies between states from 16-years-old to 18-years-old. So look up your state on line. So like put a search for example "Age of consent in Alabama" just put in your state. That way you'll know if your state says - its okay once you turn 16 to have sex with an 18 yo or older. You still may not be ready at 16 to have sex with a partner. As long as you are exploring your sexuality on your own and learning to become comfortable with your own genitals and exploring them, then all is good.
Since both of you are shy, you most likely will move slowly and the year to 3 years time shouldn't be a big deal to either of you. Both of you should be taking care of your sexual urges if any on your own in private. When together, holding hands, hugging, cuddling and kissing are not considered rape so you are safe there. Just enjoy your male friend and don't focus on those naysayers. I think you have a possible wonderful guy there.
I have also heard that is it easier for people who have never had sex with a partner to resist having it with one because of the fact that they having experienced it yet. There are extra factors that come into play that are wonderful feelings and experiences that masturbation falls far short of. So if both of you havent had a sex partner yet, it should not be a bodily memory fighting your mind to do the stupid thing. Two people can love each other or fall in love without having had sex yet. Nice to hear from you again GG.
Hugs from Dragonfly
For the past few weeks, I've been unable to stay asleep (waking up frequently throughout the night) or if I've been able to sleep for a few solid hours, then I wake up around the same time every morning, between 8-8:30.
It doesn't seem to matter what time I go to bed because I'm awake at the same time, unable to fall back asleep. I'm usually woken up by this anxious feeling in the pit of my stomach even though I'm comfortable and content with my life. (This morning, I woke up at 5:30, unable to go back to sleep, but I went to bed at 2 AM.)
I've had a history with anxiety so it doesn't surprise me too much, but my anxiety has gone down a lot in the past year, so it DOES surprise me that it's all of the sudden come back so drastically...
These past few weeks, a lot of changes have occurred in my life. I started a new job, I broke up with my boyfriend of 2.5 years, and I met somebody new. I understand how these changes may keep me awake, but to be honest, I'm happy with my life so I don't understand the anxiety in the pit of my stomach.
Do you think that maybe this is something subconscious, something I could overcome myself, or should I consider sleeping medication or talking to a doctor? Has something similar happened to anybody else?
I understand perfectly. Your conscious mind is okay and even happy with the changes in your life because they are good.Almost all
Humans are creatures of habit, we don't like change. We like what we are used to. Our emotions are closely tied to changes in our life. Our subconscious mind is where are our emotions and feelings come from. So your subconscious mind is overwhelmed with the changes, even though good. There's that training period in a new job and the learning of things about the new relationship, starting from scratch with a new relationship that also can be overwhelming. You might try having talks with yourself, talking to your subconscious mind as if it were another person inside of you. But its hard to get the attention of your subconscious mind except for one way. It also controls your breathing...it's automatic, you don't have to think about it cus the subc mind takes care of it. If you take that job away from your subc. for a bit by focusing intentionally on breathing and changing how you breathe, deep breathes and holding it or slower or faster, etc. Thats what spiritual masters do to get the attention of their subs. If that doesnt work for you, a trip once to the hypnotist should help if your sub. mind is able to take suggestions. There are a few people who can't be hypnotized. A hypnotist is easier able to get the attention of your subc. mind and give it a new set of commands to run on as far as anxiety due to change and waking up at night not allowing you needed sleep. Hope all works out well.
hey how do I get my boyfriends attention???
I saved something I saw about relationships and it was helpful to me when I was divorced and dating again. It was from a male relationship expert:
Does he make you a priority in his life? Guys have more than one priority...things very important to him that will take his attention,but you should be one of top 3.
What he does for you or how he acts can't be faked easily because it's hard to lie with your body. Things he does without having to be asked, making dinner, picking up something for a collection for you have, making time for you, even if it's a walk or going to a movie. If the guy likes you, he'll make time for you at least a quarter of the time.
So I suggest you have a conversation with him. Let him know how you are feeling without accusing him of neglecting you. If a happy compromise can't be reached that you can live with, then you may need to re-evaluate whether you would be asking too much of any man, trying to find your self esteem in him. Or is he just not that into you and it's time to move on.
More words from the relationship expert:
It's impossible to love others and be loved by others unless you love yourself first.
Don't look to a man for all your self esteem and self worth. Have it already before relationship..
If you have any other questions or maybe you didn't explain in depth enough so my answers don't relate, then update me on your situation in my inbox on my page, not the comment box.