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Self Termination After Wife Deserts Family
I am a retired member of law enforcement in my late 50s. My wife of 35 yrs left me suddenly last month. No discussion, she just was gone. A few days layer she called saying she needed a break. She suffers from major depressive disorder. My kids, late and early teens live with me. My son has shut her out of his life as this is the 2nd such departure she has made in the last yr. My son is angry and hurt by her actions. My young daughter is confused. I know i must care 4 my kids and do so but i am so down. These were to be my retirement yrs,instead it is hell. I am not interested in starting over. But i refuse to get old and eventually be alone. There are no 3rd parties involved here unless u count depression. On the job ive seen how these things can and do play out. Im not going to be sitting all alone staring at the walls or making umteen trips to a therapist. This will end badly 4 me no matter what.But at least i can end me. There is no other options. I feel very sorry 4 my kids. Mayb this way they can find a way to reconcile with their mother.
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I've been where you are. I'm younger than you, but I've had a wife throw away everything we built over years of being together including our family which included a son, and was helpless to stop it.
Self Termination is selfish and stupid.
I think you probably know that.
If I had eaten a bullet or something similar when my wife left me, I would have missed so much with my son. Starting over sucked, but once I got rolling with it, things started to feel normal again. I met a woman, I'm falling in love, life is different than I imagined it a few years ago by far, but different is not all bad. There are still things worth living for.
Never do that to your kids. They'll never get over it. Maybe you're so hurt right now you don't care. If you deal with the realities that life has presented you like an adult, in a few years you'll be glad you're still alive. That's inevitable. The story of literally everyone who hasn't committed suicide is "it got better"
Get some therapy. Go get some exercise. Pretend you're not in your 50s. Try to remember what it was like to not be tired of life all the time.
Yeah, it sucks man. 35 years later... There was no way to plan for or predict this. You can't just throw in the towel. There's still life left to live, things to experience, and things left for you to do.
Don't leave now and leave it all undone.
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So you want to eat you gun is that what you're saying. Not a good idea, it's the cowards way out, with 35 years as a cop I don't see you as a coward. I've been a firefighter for just about as long as you've been a cop and I know what you've seen and what the outcomes can be. I emphasize the word CAN; it doesn't have to be.
The right thing to do is to make your wife feel the pain. She is the one who has run off leaving you behind, twice. If you eat you gun she gets to come back and live off your hard work. I say don't let her. She's done this twice; screw her. File for divorce, rewrite your will, cancel the credit cards, change the bank accounts and change the deed to the house. Then she is truly on her own.
You're a young man with plenty of years ahead of you with 2 kids there will be hopefully lots of grandkids to help raise. Have yourself a very short pity party. Then get you and your kids some therapy to help all of you get over this. This is your wife's problem not you and the kids problem and not something worth dying over.
Then get out there and find a good women to help you enjoy your retirement. You have spent 35 years fixing and dealing with societies problems. You have earned the right to enjoy the rest of your life. Dying will only cause your children more harm and rob you of what you have earned the right to. Don't give her the satisfaction of proving herself right. Live and prove her wrong.
Find a good women to enjoy your retirement with. Then make sure that your ex sees what she missed by running off. This will insure her pain for many years to come. Death is final and gotten over very soon. So live.
I also suggest you call this hotline for help, 1-800-273-8255. No matter what problems you are dealing with, they want to help you find a reason to keep living. By calling 1-800-273-TALK (8255) you'll be connected to a skilled, trained counselor at a crisis center in your area, anytime 24/7.
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So you want to end your life because of this?
I understand that this is a hard time for you. My father went through something close to the same thing, except he never wanted to end his life.
You obviously are rocking back and forth between this decision or you wouldn't have written here.
So many people go through what you have gone through and have made it out and are happy now. They don't always end up sad and depressed, unless they choose to be.
I don't know if you realize this or not, but you're just going to make things worse for your kids. I also don't understand how you think that they can reconcile with their mother if you do this. I mean they'll most likely blame her for it and not want anything to do with her, which isn't a good thing at all.
Your son is also not handling this well. And you have to be there for him. It's understandable for him to be hurt, but he shouldn't shut her out of his life. So you need to help him get past this.
If you feel sorry for your kids, you wouldn't do this to them too.
Anyways, you need help and your life will get better. Go talk to someone and get the help you and your family deserves.
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Sir tell your son that I know how he fills my dad did the same thing but never came back, tell ur daughter that her mom lover soom much.I was taken from my mom.
My name is Amy Allen I am 17 the only reson I am still here is God & Jesus.
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Sir, you did not ask a question. You only told us your story. If you felt this was something to take your own life over, then why write to an advice column if your mind is set . . . unless you don't see options but are hoping that we might have some options or ideas for you?
If you would like for me to share some viewpoints you may not have thought of. Just in case your grief has you not thinking of all possible consequences, I'd be glad to talk on here. But you need to write back to my column and leave a message in my in-box if you do want me to share. I have been through some equally devastating stuff, not exact same scenerio, but I would hope it could give you something more to think about and something positive to focus on. No, it won't take away the ache of despair or loss. You will need to go through grieving. Anyhow, let me know.
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