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First day of eighth grade. ???
Ok so my first day of eighth grade is coming up, (August 21) and I'm super nervous!!! At least 15 kids (out of 60 in 8th grade) left last year, so a lot more are coming in. Basicaly, I need advice on how to get people to like me on the first day (how to leave an impression). I have short blond hair, I'm white, I get strait A's, I'm 5'2, and 89 lbs, (I have health issues so I need to eat or I'll get really sick, but I just end up losing weight) and I'm 13. Ps: I reallly want a boyfriend this year ! I've had one before, but we broke up like 2 years ago. And it's really hard to get one because I 'hang out with a slut', and they notice her and not me :× ---Thank you!
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I remember this time of life well, us girls have bodies which have been developing for a while and we crave and need some feed back on our femininity.
Your friend may truly be trying hard to get the attention of guys the only way she can think of,the wrong way. It cant be totally rewarding. Why?
Because at your age, you also want not just the attention but want to experience the feeling of having a crush on someone, how it feels when a guy pays you attention, and the feeling of attraction, chemistry and love. My answer will focus mostly on guys since that is a big thing for advice girls are writing in about.
Boy at this age are so driven by their hormones and being horny that a good majority are going to be attracted to the barbie doll girl, the model type or the 'slut' as you put it. Men at all ages, even senior citizens, all always going to respond to what they see. It's just that as they get older, they may enjoy the scenic view, such as you might enjoy a scenic view of a sunset beach in Hawaii, but their heart becomes tied to the one female who is the only one they love. So they wont act on what they see and cheat or have affairs. But many guys do at all ages because they never learn and grow up. Wanting to date or marry a girl doesnt mean they have learned how to make and keep a commitment. Their words and vows and promises do not have the strength of their character and good core values behind them.
Once teen boys leave early teenhood and the newness of staring at girls, they will begin to relax and fall into a pattern normal for them of what is attractive to them personally. Some guys will be attracted more to a chubby girl because their mom is a bit over weight and that 'feels' normal to them. It would feel awkward to them hugging a thin, 'stick' of a girl...like she's a breakable china doll. Thats one example...I kid you not. Men will develope their own personal tastes. Some young men once 18, will actually date older women because the girls their age aren't mature enough in how they act.
So if you think it all about looks...it's really not in the end. It is for a guys first couple years as he is first experiencing his sexuality.
So you may have to be patient and wait for guys to grow up a bit and start to realize what they personally are attracted to. Some do indeed like the natural look, no makeup or fancy hair cuts and dyes.
The popular outgoing guys, the jocks, are going to be the ones that catch your eye first too. But they may not be the best ones to look at right now for a friendship with a male.
The quieter, shy types, are not always shy and quiet all the time. Many seemingly shy boring people, once they get to know you, start out shy but warm up quickly, becoming their normal outgoing fun selves once they are comfortable with you. I was like that at your age. So I didn't attract guys in high-school as a rule, just one guy in 9th grade and that was it. But I didn't date him, he was too goofy for me, wanting more to show off than really be my friend.
So my best advice is to look for the more quiet polite and shy guys and get to know them. Often these kinds of guys are the ones who end up in healthy loving long term committed relationships, and are wonderful supportive male friends. Why is this so?
The male who knows he doesnt have the looks or flashy personality of the popular boys, also knows he is not going to attract a female that way. So he understands that if he were to meet a female, he would have to have other ways to impress her...this seems to be a natural instinct in these guys...so they begin to learn how to treat a girl right, compliment her, be there for her, make her one of his priorities...besides homework or job of course, and he is supportive and wants to be around her and really cares when shes happy or when sad wants to cheer her up, does little special things for her and pays attention to what she likes, the list goes on.
Not all the pretty boys once older are shallow and may be as nice as the initially shy guys. The basic thing to learn is that looks can be deceiving.
I was shocked at my 10 yr high school reunion to see the handsome jock guys going bald and having put on weight and not looking as good anymore. And one guy I knew as being one of the nerdy guys I talked to often had become an extremely handsome man. If I wasnt married at the time, I would have asked him out!
So here's your list of what to do:
Start observing the guys and decide which ones you'd like to talk to and learn more about. Pay attention to which guys tend to stare at you or look at you alot and look away quickly if caught. They aren't staring because you look bizarre. It is the natural human male nature even at this age, to look repeatedly at someone you are interested in. If you really like one, start talking to him. He won't talk first because he's shy and doesnt think he has a chance at all with a girl. At first make conversation about teachers or classes you have in common. Ask if he's seen a certain movie yet and find out what he likes to watch and slowly find out what other things you have in common. Once he's used to talking to you, if he opens up and realizes you are truly interested in him, he will relax and respond back and be a good boyfriend in return.
Next: work on your inner confidence. Pick a trait, your laugh, the sound of your voice, your eyes, nose or lips, something that you have in common with one of the teen actresses or singers that you think is cute and popular. When you are around the guys, imagine that you are her and that people, even the females, will notice that you have a beautiful laugh if thats what you chose, or beautiful eyes. I tried the eyes thing as an older adult once divorced from ex. and got lots of comments from both men and women about my eyes. I was shocked that it worked so well.
Also, look at pics on the web, of celebrities without makeup to realize that 9 out of 10 have no natural beauty. What you see on TV or magazines is just photo brushed or makeup magic to give optical illusions to the eye. You don't have to have that perfect look because its fake to begin with, there is no such thing as the perfect look. Guys who are attracted to that are attracted to a false beauty that is also only skin deep
Third: learn to dress in colors, patterns and styles of clothes that compliment the body type, your skin and hair color. Some styles can make a short person look shorter or look taller for example. Some colors are never right for a person to wear, no matter if it's cute and a latest style. Some colors will draw attention away from your face, you want ones that dont make you look pale, splotchy, weak or sickly. When you are dressed in what makes you look best, your confidence goes up a notch.
Lastly: work on your personality. Be the best person you can be on the inside. Polite, complimentary, forgiving, patient, tactful, etc...you get the idea. Understand that you may still be experiencing an overload of emotions from the flood of hormones in your system during puberty. You can experience it for several more years (i had 3 daughters, I know)
This can cause you to be feeling more sad, weepy even tho thats not normally you or cause you to get upset and angry and want to fight and argue with pretty much any female, mom, sister, best friends. And it doesnt stop there, it can affect how you treat a boy and expect more from him than is normal to expect. SO keep that in mind and do you best to keep yourself in control in that way too and work on overcoming any shyness. If you need pointers there, I have a document I can share with you. Just write my inbox on my column. I cant answer if you write in general comments. I hope this helps and there may be some things I forgot but if you have more questions, let me know.
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You should be yourself. I mean even though you'll hear that a lot, it's true. You don't want to be a fake you throughout your eighth grade year right?
What I've noticed throughout my middle school and high school years was that there was two types of "popular" girls. There was the cliche kind that had her own group and was mean to people she didn't like. The other was the girl who was nice and friendly to everyone. Everyone wanted to be her friend because she was a good one.
So basically, you don't want to be the first one. They normally end up with fake friends and lots of enemies. So be nice and friendly to everyone, even if they aren't nice to you. You don't need to be friends with those kinds of people. Don't gossip about other girls or guys either. That will probably be one of the hardest things once you get later into the school year because there will be people you don't like.
As for the boyfriend, he'll come when it's time. A guy that would be worth your time won't be looking at your friend but at you. In the end, personality will overcome looks.
So take care of yourself, take care of your friends, do well in school, be nice and friendly, and your eighth grade year will be great.
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It's cliched as hell but the old "be yourself" slogan is true. If you want people to like you the best way to do that is to treat EVERYONE the way you want to be treated no matter how different they may be or annoying befriend anyone lacking one for whatever reason.
Be who you KNOW you already are and don't compromise for anyone no matter what. If people don't like you for you so be it. Hang with whomever you want. What people think of your friend really shouldn't reflect on you any. Trust me, the guys who she attracts aren't the ones you want as they likely don't like her for her but rather for physical appearance and bad choices she makes with guys.
Also-unless she's sleeping around with guys don't call her a slut or treat her like it. She will make her own mistakes and learn from them. The right guy for you is out there but stop trying so hard and let him come on his own. People can see you trying and it looks bad.
What you should do is if you like a guy ask if he can use a friend and then try inviting him to a group event ie bowling etc. and see if you hit it off. If he doesn't want to go it means he doesn't have interest. You want to hang with the right not the wrong type of guy.
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Just be yourself. You don't want the other 8th graders to like the person your not. You want them to like you for you. Just be yourself. Nice and friendly. People will like you if you're nice and approachable. I'm going into my Freshman year and I totally understand what you're going through! Have a wonderful 8th grade year. I hope this helped, Good Luck!
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