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Guy that I work with.
So there's this guy that I work with. I'm 18, he's 22. He's a sarcastic person but I've noticed that his sarcasm toward me is mean but his sarcasm toward everyone else at work is nice or funny. He found out that I think he's cute so I was beginning o think that he was mean to me because he was trying to make himself look ugly to me or something. But today, I was working self checkout and he came over and asked if I could ring out his lunch, so jokingly sighed and he said "it's a shame that I make you work while at work, huh?" I bet you really hate me." I didn't answer him and he said "I'll take that as a yes" so I was a sarcastic bitch back and said "I mean, I've always hated you" but I smiled and he said "you're so mean. all you have to do is talk more. I get that you're shy and everything but you can be nicer" and I said back that he's mean all the time so I don't have to be nice and he walked away and didn't say anything. I was just wondering what that was. Like, I not shy toward him, I just don't talk much. So, was he dropping a hint at something, that if I talked more, he'd be nicer or what? I'm so confused.
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I get the same stories from kids who are 12 and 13 years old. Neither the girl nor guy has any experience at that age in how to hold normal conversation with the opposite sex let alone in how to let the other person know they are interested in getting to know them better to see if its someone they might like to date.
I am guessing that by the type of conversation that you and he are having that whether or not the two of you have had some experience or not, neither of you know how to nicely approach another person for conversation, especially someone you are interested in getting to know a little better.
Subconsciously, without even realizing it, you two are using snippy remarks, sarcasm and meaness to hide the fact that you both are feeling very uncomfortable, inexperienced, not knowing what to do. It's a wall of defense you're hiding behind because you both feel vulnerable. Like I said, you may not realize that this is whats really behind both your and his behavior.
You're both adults now so time to step up to learning what a proper mature adult way of handling this might be. I am not putting you or him down hon. Everybody has a learning curve when it comes to this. The only dumb thing would be to totally want to avoid getting better at communication with the opposite sex.
It may take putting down your pride and just admitting to him next time you see him that you don't have much experience with how to talk to guys, or how to let them know you are interested enough to want to get to know him better. Yes it's scary. But adult have to go through with lots of things that may be scary to them thru out their lives. Its part of life and growing and maturing. I am still learning at my age. We all learn things our entire life and keep getting better and better.
Now being aware of what you are doing, give yourself a little pep talk. Let your subconscious know (this is just talking to yourself) that you aren't going to jump into any abusive relationship whether its just friendship or dating. But you won't get to know his true character until you let your guard down and begin to act friendly and approachable. Tell yourself that it is okay to be friendly and approachable for this purpose and all should go fine.
If you have any future questions, post again for us all, or if you have anything specific to ask of me, you;ll need to go to my column and write my in-box. Good luck dear!
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I think he was trying to get a rise out of you.
It's not too nice of him, but if he is being meaner to you, it might simply be an attempt to get to know you by provoking you to responding or talking to him. He *might* be trying to push as you to find out more about you - including where your boundaries are.
Maybe you don't like him anymore. Maybe he's a douchebag. But he has also given you a constructive piece of advice: You are coming across as aloof and distant. It's fine to be shy, but you probably would be well served by being warmer and more responsive at work. Even if you don't give a fuck what he thinks of you, it'll serve you well in the long run at work if you can find more common ground with fellow workers.
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Maybe if you're just normally a quiet person he's sarcastic to you to try and get you to talk. He might not realize that you think he's being mean to you. He may even think that because you don't talk a lot that you're the one being mean. (not that you are.)
That interaction didn't sound totally mean but it didn't sound nice either. Perhaps you could try and talk to him normally without the sarcasm and see how it goes.
Usually I find that sarcasm and joking is a way for people to talk that don't know each other very well. It's not the "real" person, so to speak. You may actually like each other and get along well if you just have a conversation!
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