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should I visit my mother in prison?
my mother is going to jail for six months for forgery related charges. I am handling the situation fine because she will be back and her visit to jail might make her go easier on me now. Even though it is only six months, My dad asked if I want to visit her sometime because he said she would appreciate a visit and it could be interesting and an "educational experience" (What does that mean? Please give your opinion on that)
also, my dad said I still have to listen to my mother when she gets out. I don't understand how he can do this. I mean like I said I don't hate my mom or anything and had a good relationship with her but now that she is a criminal, her telling what to do might be hypocritical
I have no problem with my mother and other than this misdeed she was a good mother but I don't know if I should subject myself to go into a jail just to see her for a while. Does anyone know what it is like there and how the visiting works? I am a 14 year old girl by the way. Also, what can we talk about in the short time we probably have? Also is it really going to be that bad for her in there, I mean she has six months of not having to worry about anything.
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Having a mother in jail is never a pleasant or easy experience, fortunately she didn't commit something much more serious. What I believe your father means by it being an educational experience is that you will get to first handedly witness and understand how unpleasant jail is. Its like punishing you when you misbehave, it shows you how actions have grave consequences. As for you deciding whether to visit her or not, she is still your mother and everyone makes mistakes. No matter what you do wrong or what mistake you will make in life, your mother and father will always love you, this is in some respects reciprocated by you visiting. It shows support and would give your mom an ease of mind that as your daughter you still love and respect her. It's definitely an experience a 14 year old let alone anyone should have to go through, but family is forever and 6 months in the long run will seem like nothing. 20 years from now when you're thinking about getting married and having kids, the 6 months your mother has spent in jail will simply be a lesson learned, and hopefully just a past memory for you and your entire family. Also, as far as your mother being a criminal, it is technically true, but try to sympathize when she tells you to clean up your room or when she grounds you for talking back to her (every teen goes through this stage) because after all, she still is your mother, and it will only enhance your relationship if you keep the rhythm of your family functioning the same. In 6 months, she will have paid her do's for her crime so it won't be worth bringing up over and over again. I know I would feel horrible if my mom still brought up all of the mistakes I have made when I was your age (I'm 21 now). Anyway I hope this helps! Let me know if you need anymore advice or have any other questions. Again I'm sorry you have to go through this tough time, but your family will be back to normal before you know it. :-)
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I am sure your dad has visited her and can tell you the details if its like you see in the movies or not. Ask him if you get to see her in a private room and how much time do they give you to visit?
Your dad is at a loss as to how to encourage you to go see her so he said the lame thing about it being an educational experience.
Nobody ever gets the idea, Hey I think I will go visit a prison for the educational experience. No.
They go there because they are visiting someone who is family or friend. If you have never had any one you know go to jail, then likely you've never seen the inside of one. Like me, never been there to visit.
Something to think about: regarding the relationship between you and mom and her right to still have any input into your life---
...the crime she did was not against you personally (ie physical abuse) but something against the law for financial personal gain. You can still use mom as a sounding board for decisions in life, she's had more experience in life and relationships than you have.
So talk to her about the guy you cant tell if he likes you or not, girlfriends being jealous of you getting attention from a guy, where you think you want to go for college, or what profession you want to study for...she knows you better than any one else and can give you some thing to think about that you may not have considered in making your choices, so that you can then make the best ones.
Going into the prison to visit mom can be an un--nerving feeling and may cause your mind to go blank. So write down points of topics that you'd like to share with her from your life.
What would you normally tell her after school after your day or talk about in the evening and on weekends? I don't know if you had a good conversational connection to mom before this. I can only give examples between me and my 3 daughters. They'd tell me about a guy at school who was talking to them more and more and what he'd talk about, a girlfriend stole a top from her bedroom, the girlfriends cat had kittens and how she's been going over to play with the kittens a lot, how she hates her math teacher but her English teacher is really and bought LOTR bookmarks and knowing how great a fan she is of LOTR, gave her first choice to pick as many as she wanted while everyone else later only got to pick one....
Thats the kind of stuff a mom wants to hear so she doesnt feel she is missing out on your life.
Take pics on your cell or camera to store on your pc to show her things as well that she missed while away the 6 months. Maybe a pic of you at a school dance with your girlfriends, the dress you wore, and how your hair looked after the girlfriends mom fixed it up pretty, pics of the kittens you've gone to visit and which one you want for a pet, a photo of a hummingbird.
Above all, right now, you're doing the visit more for her sake than yours...she'll be feeling you might hate her now and she'll be missing out on the little things in your life. Later you may discover that visiting her was a good thing for you as well because you don't have any feelings of guilt for not doing so hanging there between you. If there's anything more specific about concerns you have, let me know. Otherwise, go enjoy a visit with mom...well...you may not enjoy it as much as she does. But good luck sweetie. A mom and daughter relationship is too precious to lose over something like this. I have 3 lovely daughters and great relationship with each.
Later once she is out again, you may realize that visiting her was also a good thing for you
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