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is he ready for a serious relationship or am i just wasting my time
we've been dating for about a year things have been good but sometimes i question why he hasn't officially said we're in a relationship? mind you he's one of my good friends younger brother my guy always chased me through the years until i finally decided to give him a chance. well we really clicked and now i feel like we could have a future together. he's a bit younger i'm 34 and ready to settle down he's 31 and still drinks and apparently smokes weed and likes to flirt with girls when he's out with the boys something i found out last night from my other best friend (male) who i think secretly has a crush on me who also happens to be friends with my guy ( we all grew up together). now i'm sad hurt confused and angry. I don't want to lose him but i don't want to get played and risk yet another heartbreak. please help.
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
You've got to have a different viewpoint on dating. Most everyone wants to end up in a steady on going relationship with someone who is the best possible partner for them. Others want it to progress to being a committed relationship for life, whether married or not.
Keeping that in mind, the proper use of "dating" is to meet with as many guys as possible so you have a good base to make comparisons on as to what you like and don't like in a guy. What will you absolutely not tolerate long term if you are really honest with yourself. What compatibility is there? The list goes on including discovering what your needs and wants are. A need is a must have, such as someone with same beliefs and outlooks on life, and a want might be a desire for brunettes with long hair but even a guy with a shaved head could win your heart.
Too many look at dating as trying to find the first person who (whether right for you or not) is willing to date you and pay you some attention on a somewhat regular basis so that it may seem like he is as committed as you but that isn't necessarily the case.
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Good lord. You got with the guy who idolized you as the hot older chick he always wanted growing up. That is such a terrible idea I have to give you kudos for having the stones to go through with it.
I'm baffled how you made it a year without a "where do we stand" talk. It's weird when someone is insecure and asks constantly, it's way weirder to never have that conversation in the first year of dating someone.
Mostly it sounds like you're overreacting to something you haven't managed to communicate about that's coming as a surprise after a year together. How, exactly, do you discover things about someone if you never talk? And I don't mean mundane conversations about your day or likes and dislikes or even future plans. I mean conversations where you figure out who each other are a little bit and how you both think.
Also the slightly depressing thought that maybe you're with a guy who you've had a relationship talk with more than once in a year just occurred.
Please tell me you haven't been bringing this up to him for a year and gotten nothing back...
Ask some questions. Be a little more up front and honest than you've been. If you can't, the relationship is over. If he won't, the relationship is over. If you talk and commitment isn't what he's into right now, well balls in your court at that point.
You really need to work on your relationship communication skills.
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Here are my 2 cents
Judging by what was written, He sounds a bit immature. I know you are not me but this guy certainly wouldn't be my cup of tea.
Anyone who smokes weed and flirts around would raise concerns to whether they would be mature enough. It all really depends, What are your expectations in a relationship and what do you want from a partner? You are asking us if you are wasting your breath but the real question is does this man satisfy what you are looking for? Is he the ideal man for you? Are you okay with him smoking and flirting? Only YOU know what you want.
If it bothers you, Talk to him. Tell him you aren't comfortable with the idea of him smoking and you are bothered with him flirting with other women. Either he reapects your boundaries or you need to go fishing for a new fish.
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