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Best Friends or More?


Question Posted Sunday August 11 2013, 4:01 am

(Im a 22 year old girl.)This one feels complicated. I met my now best guy friend, who is a 21 year old guy, at work at the beginning of the year and we bonded through his breakup with his long time girlfriend. We're a lot alike in a lot of ways and talk easily about pretty much everything, including our dating lives, family/personal/work problems and secret future dreams. Over the past like three months our friendship has gotten deeper and deeper, I guess you could say. Out of the blue one night he told me I was his best friend and he felt closer to me than to his best guy friend that he grew up with. Then he told me he loved me as a best friend. Then he started relying on my fashion and relationship advice to get back into dating. He kissed me on the forehead once to tell me goodnight and I was completely thrown back. Then he started flirting with me jokingly, when at the beginning of our friendship this was just not done even as a joke. Now he's calling me babe and flirting with me hot and heavy-mostly when we're around other people-while telling me he loves me (without saying as a friend like used to always specify) A LOT-around other people and not. All of our coworkers and friends say they see something there and after his comment tonight "what if we're like those friends that in 15 years realize they can't live without each other and get married?" I'm starting to wonder what to make of all this. Any insight?

[ Answer this question ]

Additional info, added Tuesday August 20 2013, 7:19 pm:
So I basically have an update, because once again, I'm lost. I thought maybe the answers I got were right and was prepared for whatever might happen between us, but last night has thrown me for a loop again. First off I'll start with the night before last when I announced to all my friends that I had a date with a guy I've been talking to, to which my best friend asked me why I don't ever ask him to take me out. I laughed and he told me he was serious and said that if I picked a place he would take me out to the biggest nearby city the next day-the day I had a date-I said ok, and he next day, as I expected I didn't hear anything from him about going out together. I went on my date, had a great time, and then went to a party at his house-where he rooms with other friends of ours-and he asked me about my date and then asked why I didn't have him take me out instead and I told him-I knew he wasn't serious about it. Holding me to him and making me like slow dance with him he told me he did want to take me out and said that when he got back-he was leaving to go somewhere that he refused to tell me about-we'd plan something for the next day(today). After he left my other friends told me he'd gone on a date and didn't want me to know but when he got home he was gloating about it and went as far as to sit next to me, throw his arm around me and pull me into him to tell me "yeah, the date was awesome. I had sex with her." When it was time for everyone to go to bed a friend made a comment about my best friend and I sleeping together and how something was going to happen and he responded, "No, she's like a sister to me. I just like to joke with the people at work and tease her." I told him that it wasn't cool for him to joke like that if he wasn't serious and went to sleep on the couch. The next morning he left without a word to me, but our other friends informed me he'd gone out to the city to eat at some nice restaurant. Now our friendship seems strained and I don't know what to do. .

Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?


amyallen answered Wednesday August 14 2013, 8:56 am:
If you love him then do it/ go for it, I am 17 and I am getting married.
PS he is younger then me but not much.

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WittyUsernameHere answered Monday August 12 2013, 5:05 am:
You're both blind (but you're worse) and he's in love with you.

If you like him that way, tell him, kiss him, go from there. If you don't, the friendship is over, because he's in love with you and keeping on being his friend is going to send him signals which give him hope to keep after you until one of you goes nuts.

How can you wonder what to make of this? It sounds exactly like two people in denial. Wake up and do something about it before one of you spontaneously combusts.

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adviceman49 answered Sunday August 11 2013, 10:39 am:
I think this guy is falling for you. Now the question is: Is this a rebound love on his part or is he truly falling for you. The next question is do you have feelings for him other than a platonic co worker friend ship.

If the answer to the second question is you do not have loving intimate feelings for him and do not see those feelings developing. Then you need to talk to him and let him know how you feel about him.

I can't say if his feelings for you are rebound type feelings or if they are true; I'm in love with you I want to spend the rest of my life with you feelings. One thing for sure is you can ruin a perfectly good friendship by trying to make it a lover relationship and going to the next level and having sex.

Once a couple share a bed together it is almost impossible to go back to just being friends. Sex becomes a deal maker or deal breaker between friends who try to force a relationship other than friendship. So this is where you need to tread lightly. He I think is wanting to go to the next level, at least by what you have written for whatever reason he has. Rebound or otherwise.

If you do not wish to go to that level he has to realize it is because you value his friendship more than you need a lover right now. So tread lightly when you and he discuss this which is something you two need to do.

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