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I recently found out one of my friends has bed bugs. I sleep over at her place often so when I found out she had them I was freaked out. (I know cleanliness is not necessarily a factor) Since her house is practically like mine too I need some advice on how to get rid od them.
She said:
- none of her roomates have any signs of them in their rooms
-NOT an infestation...yet
-She has used some sort of powder to get rid of them
We already known some tips on how to get rid of them but if anyone has advice to offer that would be helpful (link)
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If she's noticed some, she may have an infestation. Use Diatomaceous earth to create barriers around sleeping areas by creating a small mound around bed legs. She'll probably want to do the same to any dressers or any other place they can hide, which is just about anywhere. Make sure it's food grade Diatomaceous earth. She'll want to unscrew just about everything on the walls, all the outlets light switch covers, etc, and place some Diatomaceous earth inside.
What Diatomaceous earth does is it cuts their bodies, causing them to dehydrate and die, but it can take a number of days. Food grade is pretty much harmless to people. I should note that it isn't easy to clean diatomaceous earth. It might damage vacuums, so I wouldn't go crazy with it.
Carpet can be an issue as that provides almost limitless hiding places for the bedbugs. She might want to get rid of whatever carpet she has. Wash any clothes and blankets on the highest heat setting you can without damaging anything. She might want to buy certain mattress covers to keep bedbugs out or to trap the bedbugs trapped inside.
If you want to use pesticides, Phantom and Gentrol I've heard are good choices. Many bedbugs have developed an immunity to common pesticides, even those labelled as bedbug killers. Gentrol will prevent bedbugs from reproducing, Phantom will kill them. This can take several days. These insecticides aren't repellents, which makes it more efficient. They won't be afraid to get in this stuff, so don't use it thinking it'll drive them away.
There's a homemade bedbug trap she can make pretty easily. This doesn't capture all bedbugs. This is largely just to see if she still has them. Each night for a week or so, she'll want to set this up near the bed. Get a dog dish and place it upside down so that there\'s a canyon that they'll fall into. You'll want to rub a bit of talcum powder (some baby powders are just 100% talcum powder) in this part so it'll be harder for them to escape. On the outside, you'll want to rough up the edge or tape paper to it so they can climb into it. At the center of the dish, you'll want a Thermos full of dry ice. You can find some videos of this on youtube by searching "bedbug dry ice trap" for easier instructions. You'll probably want to do this twice to make sure. If she goes through a few of months without being bit, she probably got them all. It's not easy though and this isn't a certainty. Bedbugs can survive for several months without eating.
As for you, you'll want to check inside everything before you get home. Any bags, the lining of anything you bring home. Bedbugs usually only come out when they're feeding, so you probably aren't bringing them home, but if you are it's almost impossible to get rid of them.
If she can afford it, it's probably less stressful to just have professionals handle it, though many aren't experienced at properly handling bedbugs and it may require multiple treatments.
If she rents an apartment, she should find out what her landlord's policies are regarding pests before she really does anything. Her landlord might be obligated to get rid of them.
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So Im 16 ive been with this guy for months. And I really like him. But lately everythings been off. We haven't talked in weeks. So I mssged my ex telling him I still like him. Which I do. And then it hit me that my bf might be busy, so now im not sure what I should do. Because im panicking. My boyfriennd has been my guy bestfriend for years, I would hate to lose him because I messed up. :( pls help. (link)
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Yes, you\'ve made a mistake. What you need to do is decide if you can live with telling him or not. Of course, being completely honest is the right thing to do. But telling the guy your seeing what you\'ve done will likely kill the relationship. If you want to maintain the current relationship, you\'ll probably have to hide this fact. Could you live with this? Personally, I couldn\'t keep something like that to myself. If I were in that situation, I\'d probably end things with the guy you\'re currently seeing.
This is assuming there\'s a relationship at all. You haven\'t heard from him in weeks and you\'ve only been dating for months. Find out where you stand with him. Call him and ask him why you haven\'t heard from him, then go from there.
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I'm friendzoned by a friend. We are really close to each other and one time when her boyfriend left her I was by her side when she was really hurt and sad. And now she said that she is now looking for another love. And I volunteered but of course I made it a joke cuz I'm afraid I might be rejected. But then she said I must nit volunteer because she doesn't want to lose me cuz she treasures me as her brother. Wtf? I really like her and loved her but she just think me as her brother. Please help (link)
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Honestly, she\'s probably just not into you. You can\'t activate her romantic interest by acting distant and trying to make her long for you. It just doesn\'t work that way. What you\'ll accomplish is her confused, hurt feelings. This\'ll probably lead to a confrontation that\'ll be difficult for either of you to handle.
You are her friend, right? So I\'m assuming her friendship is valuable and not seen as just a tedious step toward relationshipland. If that\'s true, I\'d just let it go and be there for her. No tricks or attempts at manipulation. Maybe she\'ll have a change of heart later on, but I seriously doubt it. No one can simply choose or change who they\'re attracted to.
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Okay so im 14/f and since i was 11 ive identified as a lesbian (that was when i figured it out) but now im starting to question myself. I know im definitely not straight, 0% chance, and i highly doubt bisexual, i dont know it just doesnt quite feel right, neither does pansexual but it does sound closer to what im looking for. Im romantically and sexually attracted to girls, but sometimes i meet a boy, (and when i say sometimes i mean this has happened twice in the past 3 years) and im just like, "You. You are sweet and really cute and i want to be really close with you and hug you but i cant necessarily see myself with you or anything" but its just confusing me bc it *feels* pretty freaking similar to a crush but im just not attracted to boys?? I dont think I am?? I feel like I might be maybe homosexual and panromantic? does that sound right or am i just confused with all the labels? Thank you in advance to anyone who helps (link)
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It is what it is. Attachments can feel similar to crushes because you find yourself thinking of said person a lot in both situations. That doesn\'t mean you want a romantic relationship with them. Maybe you just want them as a very close friend. Maybe you want intimacy from them. Maybe you are a lesbian. It\'s difficult to say.
Pinning oneself to a label is a common issue. People want to be able to say, \"I am ___sexual\" and a lot of people can, but it\'s not always that easy. People often don\'t fit into the little boxes that labels provide and that\'s OK. People also find themselves strictly falling into a certain label and suddenly realizing that they\'ve changed and the label no longer suits them. That\'s OK, too.
I agree with the others. Don\'t stress about putting a name to what you are right now. No feelings are wrong.
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21/f, he's 27/m
I met this guy, he's 27. We expressed interest in each other when we first met (but it was online). I was nervous about meeting him in person at first because I felt like I would be too young or too naive for him. I know that's not right for me to assume but I guess that's just how I feel.
After our first in-person meeting, I realized how much we had in common and he makes me smile, in the longest time, I was actually nervous. And even afterward, he seemed to actually still expressed interest in me but I can't help but have doubts in my head.
For example, I have an older sister that is a year younger than he is and even though she has a boyfriend, I sometimes fear that if he ever met her, he may like her instead just because she's closer to his age. Another is that our lifestyle is different. I obviously still live with my parents and I'm trying to get into graduate school; whereas, he already has a career going.
I have already had two relationships that has ended because my lifestyle and my family issues was "too much to handle." (Money issues, parents aren't getting along, etc.) My mom thought my last relationship ended because my boyfriend's parents didn't like the fact that we made less money than they did. Maybe that's why I may have doubts in my head?
He's aware that I have a 26 year old sister and he still seems to "like" me, I guess? He said he wanted to see me again but I'm afraid to appear in front of him, even afraid to show him my car just because of our lifestyle is so different.
Doubts in my mind. Maybe I'm not good enough? (link)
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21 and 27 aren\'t that different. And if they were, it would be because you\'re of a more transitional age, where people tend to change. In that case, he would be the one worried that you would leave.
You are good enough. These fears you have would only be a factor if the person you were with wasn\'t worth your time. Maturity doesn\'t have an age limit and only jerks think money is a factor in someone\'s worth.
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My boyfriend and I are in our mid-twenties. We have been together for about a year and a half and I've never had a reason to feel like I can't trust him. Yesterday evening, he went to bed and left his phone laying out on the counter. Now, looking into each other's phones is something we promised we'd never do. Neither of us get jealous easily and we've always gotten along SO well because we're both laid back.
Well, what I found hurt me a lot. There were two different girls that he had been texting from time to time over the course of the past few months. With one girl, he would text her randomly and tell her that she looked beautiful in her new Facebook photo, and then a few weeks later he would say that he wished he could come see her. The other girl, he'd call her sweet names and he said he'd be off work for a few days and thought that they should meet up. From what I could tell, he never met up with either of them. But seeing him flirt and sweet talk other girls hurts so bad and I don't accept that. Plus, if he's willing to say those things, what else has he done that I wouldn't find in his phone?
I don't know what to do. I don't put up with cheating but if it IS just words in a message, it is different from physical cheating but still is a betrayal of my trust. What I don't understand is that our whole relationship has felt like it's in that "honeymoon" stage. I've never felt like he's been unhappy at any point. We constantly have so much fun together and have rarely had even the smallest of arguments. He brags about me to all of his friends, his family loves me, we've made plans for our future... and then I discover he texts random girls every once in a while. They're never ongoing conversations but still very inappropriate.
I left him while he was sleeping and went back to my own house. Since then we've briefly discussed the situation but I really don't want to talk to him because there's nothing he can say to justify what he's done. He keeps apologizing and saying how bad he feels, and that he'd never actually cheat on me, the texts are just an ego boost for him and he only sends them when he's drunk, that's why he quits replying. It makes sense, but at the same time, I will not tolerate cheating and I'm just hurt so bad that I feel like I will always have doubts in the back of my mind.. but beside this situation, we are SOOOO good together and I don't want to throw that away. (link)
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Flirting is not cheating. Flirting can be anything from this to a certain kind of smile given to a waitress in a coffee shop.
That\'s not to say what he did was harmless. What matters is how well he understood how you feel. Did he think that it would upset you if you ever found out about the texts? Probably, therefore he did something wrong.
I would give him a second chance, but not a third. It seems likely that he was telling the truth and this was just an ego boost without any attachment for the other two women. That\'s something to keep in mind. The type of connection that you two share isn\'t shared with these other women. Really, the type of connection you describe isn\'t commonly found in general, so I would put forth the effort to keep it.
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May a girl get pregnent if i enject sperm in her hips hole (link)
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Yes.
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I'm 15 and my friends(a little older than me) have been dating all that stuff.
I'm homechooled,and I live in a really small town so I don't really know any guys, and I really don't have much of a desire to date.
My family is Christian(I even live across the street from my church) and conservative.
I was wondering about when I have a boyfriend. I would have no idea what to do since I've never dated before, And considering that my freinds have already done sexual things, I'm worried he'd pressure me.
I would much rather wait to lose my virginity(preferably till marrage),I don't want a relationship to be all about sex and making out and stuff, I want it to be like we're best friends and all I really need is a guy who is nice, has a sense of humor, and treats me well.
I don't know...I guess I'm just afraid that when I do get a boyfriend he'll try to pressure me to do stuff I'm not ready for and I might not be able to say no... I'm really shy and I just don't know how to talk to guys either... (link)
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Your fears are valid as this does happen. First and foremost, someone who pressures you into doing something they know you don't want to do is at fault, not you.
To clear up misunderstandings, tell your future boyfriend what you aren't comfortable with at the beginning of the relationship. Explain that you don't want to have sex until you're married. Make sure he knows what would cross the line. After this, if he tries to pressure you, it should be easier to turn him down as that would be a complete lack of respect. If he doesn't respect you, he's not worth it.
If you can't bring yourself to do this and you know that you might cave under pressure, then you might not be ready for a relationship. Wait until you're comfortable expressing yourself. Not having a boyfriend for awhile is a lot better than living with regret.
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Boyfriend 20m
Me 18f
Little siblings are 8 and 9
I'm gonna say that I need advice on understanding if I'm in love because there's a side of me that always says yes and other says no. My boyfriend loves me completely he is willing to do anything to make me happy, but I have doubts that go through my head because whenever I see his flaws I end up getting really annoyed by him and when we hang out all he wants is to kiss me I like it but there's times where I don't, it just gets old and so do his jokes:/ I know that only I can fix my emotions and figure them out but I have this feeling of braking up with him whenever I don't like something maybe I'm selfish or something I don't really mean to though. in the beginning I really loved him and we even agreed to just be friends for 2 weeks but I end up giving in with his nice honest words he says that he thinks I'm gorgeous and he can't keep it in and wants to be more so bad. I love it when he's like that but when I go back with him I'm scared of having these doubts about it again. Maybe I might need space from him but when I do get it I really miss him because he's like my best friend pretty much no one would ever hang with me so many times like he did. But when we are friends it gets really hard to fake it. I don't know what to feel.. Does it have to do with the my mind says no and my heart says yes or the other way around... I've been with him for almost 2 years. I do have much going on at home my mother is a single mother with a boyfriend that's nice but she struggles a lot with my little siblings. But that's not part of it I'm just saying I got stuff going on and i don't know if it has to do with my emotions with my boyfriend... Me and my boyfriend meet in high school and we talked on the phone for a long time before hanging out we would talk about how bad his depression was and I would always be there to help because I knew how it felt too. He was my first kiss and I was his by then we always hanged out we did kind of went fast in the relationship because I was never honest with me or with him because I didn't know if I wanted to be with him I mean I had a huge crush on him but I wasn't sure of dating him but when he told me he liked me and wanted to date I said yes even though I wasn't sure. In the beginning it was perfect but then I hated how he would be forgetful yes I know guys are like that but it wasn't that hard to forget something about us hanging out you know but whatever I will never forget how bad I held in when he didn't arrive for our 1 year anniversary because some girl was asking to meet up because she had problems and stuff well that's it guys I just need advice thanks... (link)
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I wouldn't consider this love. But does that mean you should break up with your boyfriend? It's hard to say.
As far as his faults go, keep in mind that no one is perfect. Even people in seemingly perfect relationships have doubts on occasion. You aren't going to find a relationship without issues. At the beginning of most relationships, both people are too self conscious to be their true selves. Because of this, you don't really see their faults until later on. And considering how strong initial infatuation can be, it's easy to think that your significant other is perfect at the beginning of a relationship. They aren't. People are too different for a perfect relationship to be realistic, so I wouldn't use small annoyances as a reason to break up with someone.
At the same time, if you are generally unhappy with someone, it's best to end the relationship. People often change and grow less compatible as a result.
Also keep in mind that missing someone when you break up doesn't necessarily mean that you should stay together. People often miss someone that's wrong for them just because of how accustomed they were to the relationship. Even a good change can be painful.
How does he make you feel in a general sense? When he first pops into your head, is it a nice feeling? It sounds to me like your relationship has run its course and you'd find more fulfillment elsewhere, but it goes without saying that only you know for sure.
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I am looking to upgrade my dvd player to a blue ray player, but I am confused about a couple things. Will the blue ray thing also play dvds or do I need to keep my dvd player also? Another thing is that there are SO many choices for players that I don't know which one I should get. Can you give me any advice or at least tell me which brand/model you have and how you like it or hate it?
Thank you all so very much! (link)
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I bought a Sony, which was cheap and does its job fine, though there are probably better ones out there with higher price tags.
They play DVD's as well, so you don't have to worry about that. It even plays your DVD's with better quality than your usual DVD player.
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I have been living by my ideas of love, comedy ,and how to live life which has served me well up till now. Now I have had a really bad day and I was sad(feeling like I've been forcing myself to talk too people and from the few people I did talk to I can basically read that there saying I'm being awakward aka forcing myself to talk) but a friend cheered me up a good amount (I've learned she has a crazy side so I'm liking her more). About an hour ago I stared feeling bad for no reason so I started to take a look at a good look at myself and started to think about how I intreact with some of my lady friends and some people in general . (no idea how this came about) Oddly a couple of lady friends I have talked with each other and agreed I am a flirt (This took place in a chat room).So one day I asked my girlfriend and she agreed that I was a flirt so I embraced her and said no matter how much I flirt she IS my number one. so apparently I am a flirt , however I do have a code with what I'm doing (I'm not looking to cheat im looking more to play and\or get a rise out of them)and honestly its the only way I know to fluently talk with women (generally), it's fun, and I think the women I "flirt" with enjoy the teasing and niceness (none of the compliments are ever empty).In all honesty I forgot what my question was but I do like to hear some opinions about what you think.
And as a pre-strike to some people:no have never cheated nor will I ever do it I prefer to talk out what's bugging me and see if my other has an issue and if those issues can't be resolved I would rather end the relationship and say thank you for being so nice and such. Not an a joke like some people can be.
Also yes my girlfriend is real.
(link)
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It's good you have a code to live by. The only thing to be aware of is making sure your girlfriend shares that same code. I'm not saying you're doing anything wrong. I'm just saying make sure you're fully aware of what your girlfriend is ok with while you flirt with other people.
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So me 17and my boyfriend 18 have been dating for 1 year.He decited he wanted to try anal.which I agreed to but the only problem was he couldn't get it in and ended up raming it on my butt but he didn't get it in.we are both virgins and have no Idea what to do so if someone could help me and tell me how it works that would be great.Also what's your opinion on anus because I have no idea on how it feels. (link)
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Don't do it if you aren't comfortable with the thought of doing it. If you feel you are absolutely ready and comfortable with it, don't start with his penis first. Work your way up to it by starting with his finger. And if you find that too uncomfortable, don't do it. Follow the advice of Dragonflymagic.
Really, I advise not doing it at all on the premise that he's a virgin and lacks the experience to know what he's doing. There could be serious problems if he doesn't know exactly what he's doing.
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I am a 42 yr old male from Asia. Recently i met a woman of my dreams and we've been together for 2 months already. The problem came when she started telling me about her previous sex life before me and she confessed that she loves sex and has slept with over a hundred men (she is 30 by the way) since age 18 (including men she pick at at clubs/bars, strangers, friends, gigolos). While I am no spring chicken myself having bedded more than 150 women in my life, what bothers me was all this happen for me during my younger days and after awake up call, i stopped all my "activities" at 27 while she openly admitted that she cheated on her ex just 2 months before we got together because she wanted to break off with him but yet still had sex with her ex on the day of break up. Also, she keeps telling me that she enjoys having threesomes with two men all the time. Not to mention, she told me that if we were ever to split up, the first thing she will do is pack her bags for a holiday and go find herself a couple of gigolos. Yet, at the same time, i can't say she is not devoted to me as she really takes care of me well (physically and mentally). Things got to a high when i spoke to her a couple of days back when I told her i was pretty "shameful" about my past as I realize what i did in the past was nothing to be proud of. She in turn accused me of trying to make her feel guilty and shameful and she retorted that she is not the least bit "shameful" about it and if the chance arises she will do it again (after we break off that is). furthermore, she added that she ever slept with 6 different men in six days consecutively. Every time we broach on this subject, she will always have new things added like how she told me that even during the time i was courting her, she had 3 different sex partners waiting at her beck and call. She also said that i was only acting to make her feel shameful when I told her i wasn't and that I was really uncomfortable with my past. She keep displaying the "sex is just sex, love is love" kind of attitude which really sometimes make me feel really uncomfortable. Also, the thought has crossed my mind that some of the men she had sex with might be friends or acquaintances of mine. Now, as a guy in conservative Asia, who likes to hear his own friends say that I had bonked your girlfriend before" or "your girlfriend is a slut or whore where anybody can bonk her"? She even sometimes tell me in details about how she had sex with the different men in her life. I know I am in no position to question her as I myself was such before and it really didn't really bother me anyway, but to me now, I can't decide if she really is promiscuous and is our relationship really only based on sex as the primary issue? I need advice or opinions on really how to handle the issue. (link)
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The past isn't important. What someone would hypothetically do if the relationship should end isn't important. Almost none of this is important.
My advice is to let it all go. You are negatively effected by some of the things she says? Explain that it makes you uncomfortable and ask her to stop sharing. Honestly, this relationship sounds rocky and will take some effort. Obsessing over things that happened or that might happen could cause you to sabotage it. It can create problems that aren't even there. Don't assume the relationship is based on sex. Don't assume the worst. Just try to enjoy what you have while you have it.
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Thanks for helping… I am a 21 year old Female. I met a guy in the Army online almost a year ago. We have met before; however majority of our relationship has been long distance. He is in Hawaii and I am in Florida. He has 3 more years in his contract and he hopes to reenlist.
My dilemma is that I want to move to Hawaii and be with him and hopefully get married one day. WHAT IS STOPPING ME? 1. I just got accepted to a master’s program to become a teacher. Long story short, we stopped communicating for a while and I tried to move on with my life. The program is going to take about 2 years to complete 2. Hawaii is so far and I've never moved so far from my support system/family. 3. I'm scared, and honestly couldn't see myself making such a huge leap.
However, I love this guy. I’m young and I feel like these should be my happiest years. Even though I am about to accomplish a huge goal in my life (graduating with my bachelor's in Psychology) I’m still not happy. I feel alone and empty, and simply by talking to him I feel like I mean something that I’m important. Being a psych major, I know that all of our feelings and action derive from somewhere.
I don’t want it to seem like I need a guy to give my life meaning. I have goals and dreams of my own. I want to work in education so eventually I plan to get me doctorates. I just feel like life is too short to continue doing the same thing when I’m not happy. He wants me to come to Hawaii, but he also wants me to do what’s best for me. Which would be staying in Florida to get my master’s.
My ideal course of action: Graduate in May. Find a job in Florida and work, so I can save money. Also, so I can gain experience, so when I move to Hawaii finding a job would be less difficult. Before this year is over I move to Hawaii, work, and continue my education. I want to spend my life with him, so marriage will fit in somewhere.
(link)
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What's the hurry? Ask yourself if your education is worth the empty feeling. I think it is. You're relationship, assuming it's worth what I imagine it is, will be there at the end of it. Do what you need to do. Build a support for yourself with your education and start your life at the end of it. They say life is too short, but you can find yourself with regret more easily one might think.
Keep in mind, yes, you're young, but I'm 29 and I'm still considered young. You may not realize it now, but you have plenty of youth to get through before you run out of it. You have time, so I'd use it to prepare for the future. You're relationship sounds strong, it can certainly survive the wait.
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Please help! I'm a teenager and my parents just got divorced. While they were still married, I found out that my dad had been cheating on my mom, and she knew this too. He had been calling 'the other woman' in secret and buying her lots of fancy things we can't afford, taking away from my childhood needs such as the books I wanted for my birthday but never got. (I also asked for these for Christmas but still didn't receive them). This other woman knew that my dad was married but went on cheating with him. I am so mad about this; as a parent, who can say that they did this? Imagine the hurt on the kid! How can I get revenge on the 'other woman'? Please help. BTW, my mom is really hurt by this. So, once again, revenge ideas, please? Thank you. (link)
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Your dad kept calling the other woman.
Your dad cheated on your mom.
Your dad kept buying her fancy things.
You'll notice a sameness to all of this. Divorces are hard and I'm sorry you have to go through this, but why blame someone else for your father's poor choices? It's natural to want to inflict the hurt you feel on someone else, but it's not worth the risks and it ultimately won't help you.
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I am talking to a old bf i used to have 5 years ago. We have been talking for about a month and the sparks are flying high for one another. A couple of days ago he had asked me for a picture, so i gave it to him. Yesterday he had asked me for another one, I said no because I had 0 and he had 1. He of course pleaded and begged me to give him one. So I asked for my friends advice and she said just to give him one. I ended up giving him 3 pictures b/c my friend said they all looked nice. I was waiting for him to give me one of him but he never did. that night he called me just wanting to talk. While we were on the phone he was texting someone, for some reason I have the feeling that he was texting another girl because what guy at night while he is talking to a girl be texting a guy? Am i right?! LOL I pretended like it didn't bother me or i didn't notice. While i was on the phone with him all of the sudden it went silent like i was placed on hold...so i just hung up ...After my night shift ended and i was driving home thinking about what happened last night i feel like the idiot that gave him 4 pictures in total when i don't have any! and the texting thing while i was on the phone also bothers me....I'm so mad and so hurt that i just started to ignore him...well i guessed he noticed because now his text says why are you ignoring me? and idk what to reply!!
Please help...btw I know for a fact he doesn't have a gf (link)
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You are making conclusions when none are there. You're putting too much thought and feelings into pictures and a text you know nothing about. This is causing you to punish an ex you seem to like and that seems to like you.
Are the pictures really that important? If so, tell him. Is the text really all that bothersome? If so, tell him instead of ignoring him. I can pretty much guarantee you that you are the only one putting all this thought into this. He likely doesn't know why you're hurt and he is asking you why you're ignoring him, so he at least cares that much.
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I have been married to John for 2 years. This has been my experience: Within the first 6 months of our marriage my father passed away. I had to fly across the country to attend the funeral, and stayed for 2 weeks. Upon my return, I found out that John had cheated on me with a prostitute. To make a long story short, I forgave him and we worked really hard on our marriage. Another 6 months went by, and while I was doing laundry, I found 2 movie tickets in his pants pocket. I looked at the date on the tickets, and it happened to coincide with one of the nights he told me he had been “working late.“ Again, we worked on the marriage and got counseling, and things went better.
On Jan. 1st, 2014 he left me. He packed up all of his belongings and left our home. He moved into an apartment with a girlfriend he had been having an affair with for the past 2 months. They lived together for 4 days before he called it quits, and made her move out.
The excuse he gives me for all the cheating incidents is: (in his exact words) “you are a beautiful person, with a beautiful soul. But my sex life with you has always been bad. In fact, it is sh*t.“
He told me that while he doesn´t want to say goodbye to me forever, he wants me to begin seeing other people. When I ask him if he will come back to me, he says he is not ready.
I don´t know what to do. I thought marriage was supposed to be a sacred union lasting for a lifetime. I certainly went into it that way, and I feel that I have done everything possible to make it work. Now, I just feel used. Is there any hope for this marriage to ever heal?
Thank you very much for your attention. (link)
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I'm going to start by saying it seems you put him in higher regards than you do yourself. I could be wrong, but if that's true, understand that he's not more important than you. When it comes to relationships, no one should be seen as more important.
I agree with the other columnists' summation of your husband.
Maybe your husband is right. Maybe you should see other people.
He's not satisfied with the sex. Is that your fault? If you two are doing something that isn't amazing for both of you, is it solely your doing? No, it isn't. If he enjoys sex better with someone else, maybe they're just more compatible. Of course, regardless of how compatible two people are, things can always be improved with effort. He could learn things that would help, but it really doesn't sound like it's in him to want to.
He's looking out for himself, primarily. That isn't necessarily a bad thing, everyone's in charge of their own happiness, but he isn't showing you enough respect while he's doing it. When he cheats, he knows he's risking your relationship and that doesn't stop him. This is a huge problem for more than one reason. It means he isn't as invested as in you as you are in him, for one. If you're going to be as happy as you should be, you need to be with someone who needs you about as much as you need them. Another big problem is how important his sex life is to him. In the grand scheme of things, there are things that are so much more important in a marriage. Besides, infatuation and sex will fade in time regardless of how good it is.
Leaving him would be difficult. It's understandable as attachments for people can be stronger than just about anything. In cases like this, I think it's important that people look at their situations with an unbiased opinion. To do that, pretend that you have a friend that is constantly cheated on. What advise would you give that friend?
The truth as I see it is you are missing out one something important that everyone should have in a marriage: respect. Because of this, even if you two try to make it work, I don't see anything stopping an issue like this from happening again and again. You truly deserve more than he seems to be able to give you.
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I have been married twice, and can only orgasm by myself. Never with my former or current husband. My current husband has cheated on me because he says that I am a bad lover, and if I don´t orgasm with him he will divorce me. (link)
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Sex. You are there to enjoy yourself and share in the enjoyment of your partner. He probably feels inadequate and, honestly, maybe he is. Everyone's body is a kind of like a unique puzzle. Some people can have orgasms more easily than others.
Now, the wrong course of action is to place blame on anyone. This is what he's doing. He's blaming you for everything. Is anything at all your fault? Did you intentionally do anything wrong? Of course not, so this situation is entirely unfair to you.
The right course of action is to learn, communicate. Why can you only have an orgasm alone? Is is a psychological issue or a physical issue? Did you touch yourself differently than they touched you? There is a plethora of things that could help you reach an orgasm, but mostly it comes down to communication. What do you like to do alone? Ask the other person to do it. Try to reach an orgasm via foreplay before sex. It'll take some time and patience, but it should heighten your sensitivity during sex.
If it's NOT about the touch and you just aren't comfortable with the person you're sleeping with, then that's a far more complicated issue. It could be that you have issues that prevent you from enjoying yourself that require psychological help or acceptance. It could also be that you simply weren't comfortable in bed with either of your husbands and need to find someone with which you are comfortable.
Regardless, there needs to be respect and understanding in order for sex or a marriage to work as well as it should. And he's the one that's not fulfilling this, not you.
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Sorry about the lame title, but I don't know how else to word it. I had considered myself a Christian for most of my life until about two years ago. I don't put any particular label on my beliefs, but I'm leaning toward atheism. My family, who are all conservative Christians, have absolutely no idea. I don't want to ever tell them what I believe, because I wonder if this is just a "college-age phase" or something. It would hurt them so much, and I know without a doubt I would lose love from them. But let me get down to the real question...I am trying to find my first job, and my mother keeps telling me to apply for Lifeway, which is a Christian bookstore. Needless to say, I would be quite uncomfortable working there. How can I tell her that I'd rather not work there without revealing too much? Thank you. (link)
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I'm going to be completely honest with you. If this happened to me, I would just apply. However, I would apply in such a way that wouldn't get me the job. I wouldn't call the place about job possibilities (which I advise doing at other places if you don't already), I'd half-ass the job application and make it almost illegible, etc. This would stop your mom from seeing too much about your lack of faith and you probably won't get hired. If they call you about the job, which they probably wouldn't, you don't have to go to the interview.
I'm in a similar situation. My entire family is extremely religious (they do a group prayer at family gatherings, etc). I'm a very firm atheist, but I still have an appreciation for religion. Specifically, I remember what it was like to be a Christian and I have respect for it, so I don't go out of my way to avoid it. So, honestly, worse comes to worst, I'd probably even work at a Christian bookstore. I mean, the work wouldn't define me, it seems like a pleasant enough environment, and a job like this wouldn't be permanent.
It's about keeping civility and love in your relationships with your family. And who knows, maybe your mother would accept you. My mother is very religious, but I eventually came clean about everything. I did so because it can be quite lonely living in the atheist closet. I told her I don't believe in a heaven and hell and nothing changed between us. All she said was, "Oh. Well, I still do." I'm not saying that would happen to you, I don't know, but that did happen to me. No one else in my family knows and I'm keeping it that way because I don't think they would be as understanding, much like your situation.
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Ok. I'm a girl, he's a single gay guy. We've been friends for 2 years now, he even calls me his soulmate all the time. We always hang out and we do almost everything together. While I find him very attractive and a lot like me, I've respected his sexuality and refused to even consider to think of him romantically. That being said, I've noticed he's been getting REALLY friendly with me. He's always saying things like, ''I love your hair, it's so soft and long,'', or ''you have the prettiest eyes'', or ''you look beautiful today.'' He only does this to me.
We were going to his house to just hang out and the entire time we were walking home he held my hand and we didn't say anything. He let my hand go to open the front door and when I took my shoes off he slowly walked towards me and I kept stepping back until I hit the table and he leaned in really close and he was just staring at me for an entire minute! I didn't know what to do and he just kept coming in closer and closer and he was going to kiss me but then he stepped back and we were both awkwardly standing there and he muttered "sorry" ... I honestly don't understand, he told me he was 100% gay and he didn't have any interest in girls. I've never seen him act this way towards any other girl.
I guess my question is, gay men: do you ever find yourself against all odds, falling for a woman? Is it possible? What do I do? Do I just ask him directly? (link)
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Sexuality can be extremely unpredictable and that can be confusing for anyone involved. It's often not 100% one way or the other. Sometimes people are strictly into one sex their entire lives, sometimes it changes over time, some people don't have an issue with gender at all. A gay man can suddenly find himself attracted to a woman.
So it's possible, but it's also not something that one should assume will definitely happen. I think the best course of action is to ask him if he's interested in you romantically.
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