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My best friend is gay, but he acts like he's hitting on me.
Ok. I'm a girl, he's a single gay guy. We've been friends for 2 years now, he even calls me his soulmate all the time. We always hang out and we do almost everything together. While I find him very attractive and a lot like me, I've respected his sexuality and refused to even consider to think of him romantically. That being said, I've noticed he's been getting REALLY friendly with me. He's always saying things like, ''I love your hair, it's so soft and long,'', or ''you have the prettiest eyes'', or ''you look beautiful today.'' He only does this to me.
We were going to his house to just hang out and the entire time we were walking home he held my hand and we didn't say anything. He let my hand go to open the front door and when I took my shoes off he slowly walked towards me and I kept stepping back until I hit the table and he leaned in really close and he was just staring at me for an entire minute! I didn't know what to do and he just kept coming in closer and closer and he was going to kiss me but then he stepped back and we were both awkwardly standing there and he muttered "sorry" ... I honestly don't understand, he told me he was 100% gay and he didn't have any interest in girls. I've never seen him act this way towards any other girl.
I guess my question is, gay men: do you ever find yourself against all odds, falling for a woman? Is it possible? What do I do? Do I just ask him directly?
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Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
I'm a female and only know of stories on the opposite side of the coin. Females I've known who believed they were gay...until one day they meet a guy, the one and only person of the opposite sex they are attracted to, they still have no attraction to men in general, only the one they got married to, but they are still very attracted to and find themselves needed female sexual partners/lovers as well. I am sure this can work as well in opposite situations too. And these women all called themselves bi-sexual after that. It didn't mean that any guy other than her husband ever would have a chance to have a relationship or sex with her. I got to know several of these husbands in coversation, and not a one of them was interested in other women or men, just her and quite comfortable with the idea.
So in your situation, it may be that initially when hormones came into the picture, the first attractions he ever felt and has until now were for guys.
What I can't say is whether that means he will only have an attraction to you or if over time he will develop attraction to other females and choose to have several males and females that he is in close relationship with.
Before talking to him about whats going on inside of him, you have to be clear how you feel currently about this. You may be under shock and may feel differently in time. But for right now, can you handle knowing he finds you sexually attractive, wants to date but also is attracted to and might want to date guys? Just because lets say you agree to date him and he becomes a great boyfriend, this doesnt mean you can tell him that he can no longer pursue any guy he is attracted to and try to deny that part of his sexuality.
So it means you have to be okay with the fact that he may end up with other sweethearts too.
In this situation of one being bi-sexual or in heterosexual polyamory of more than one love, it is a very hard concept for many grown adults to get their minds around and be able to truly be comfortable living out. I was in that poly community with my ex. Thats how I know of these other people and their sexuality. If older adults failed at emotionally handling it, (I witnessed lots of crash and burns/broken hearts) then its even harder, when the person is younger, say if you're teen or college age.
But two mature individuals can make it work. It takes a lot of trust. Disease is an ever present issue so there would have to be ground rules and you'd have to known who he has for his other partners, nothing done in secret secrets are equivalent to cheating/breaking the rules...etc. Thats a hornets nest you may not want to get involved in even thinking about but you still need to say something to him.
Perhaps you could say something like:
" it seems to me that you are having attraction now to not just guys but females now, at least in me. I know it's possible for people to be bi sexual and you might be."
Then depending on how you feel: 'So lets talk about it." or "But I am not ready to even begin thinking about that possibility yet and how I fit in the picture so can you give me some time? Lay off the romantic gestures and we'll still be friends, Okay?"
Or course, use your own words. Good luck dear.
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Sexuality can be extremely unpredictable and that can be confusing for anyone involved. It's often not 100% one way or the other. Sometimes people are strictly into one sex their entire lives, sometimes it changes over time, some people don't have an issue with gender at all. A gay man can suddenly find himself attracted to a woman.
So it's possible, but it's also not something that one should assume will definitely happen. I think the best course of action is to ask him if he's interested in you romantically.
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Not being gay myself I can't say for certain what is going on with your friend. I do though know several gay and lesbian couples and have noticed in each relationship there is the female and male role in the relationship.
Your friend may be allowing his female side to come out. IT would not be out of bounds for one female to complement another in the manner he is doing so to you.
If he does see himself as the female in a same sex relationship. Then he may be confusing himself when around you because of his comfort level with you. This is only a guess on my part.
If you are young, say as young as early teenagers then it is possible he is still confused as to his sexual identity. Either of these answers are possible. I would suggest you find away to speak with him about this for if he is confused about his sexual identity then he may not be gay.
A person who is gay is born gay. It is not something you decide to be. You can decide to be bisexual. Gay and lesbians are, according to scientists are conceived that way it is in their DNA make up and something they are aware of early in life. Well before puberty and sexual awareness.
If your friend is confused about his sexual make up he needs to talk about it. preferably with a professional therapist who can help him. He could also be fighting who he is. A good therapist can help him with this as well.
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