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Confused about sexuality
Okay so im 14/f and since i was 11 ive identified as a lesbian (that was when i figured it out) but now im starting to question myself. I know im definitely not straight, 0% chance, and i highly doubt bisexual, i dont know it just doesnt quite feel right, neither does pansexual but it does sound closer to what im looking for. Im romantically and sexually attracted to girls, but sometimes i meet a boy, (and when i say sometimes i mean this has happened twice in the past 3 years) and im just like, "You. You are sweet and really cute and i want to be really close with you and hug you but i cant necessarily see myself with you or anything" but its just confusing me bc it *feels* pretty freaking similar to a crush but im just not attracted to boys?? I dont think I am?? I feel like I might be maybe homosexual and panromantic? does that sound right or am i just confused with all the labels? Thank you in advance to anyone who helps
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Want to answer more questions in the Health & Fitness category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Mental health?
It is what it is. Attachments can feel similar to crushes because you find yourself thinking of said person a lot in both situations. That doesn't mean you want a romantic relationship with them. Maybe you just want them as a very close friend. Maybe you want intimacy from them. Maybe you are a lesbian. It's difficult to say.
Pinning oneself to a label is a common issue. People want to be able to say, "I am ___sexual" and a lot of people can, but it's not always that easy. People often don't fit into the little boxes that labels provide and that's OK. People also find themselves strictly falling into a certain label and suddenly realizing that they've changed and the label no longer suits them. That's OK, too.
I agree with the others. Don't stress about putting a name to what you are right now. No feelings are wrong.
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I'm going to echo Adviceman here; don't bother with the labels. It took me until after I was married at 25 to figure out what exactly you would call my orientation. You're way too young to know exactly what you're looking for at this point, simply because you haven't had the experiences to confirm it. You've got a lot of growth and development to go through before you'll really know for sure.
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As I understand things if you truly are a lesbian you would have had or have known this or had signals of this long before you were 11. What I believe happened at age 11 is puberty started and you have become confused by all the labels as to which one you are.
When it comes to being a Gay or Lesbian this is the way you are born, it is not something you wake up one morning and decide you are. Being bisexual is something that may be more of an acquired sexual prefference. The same is true of being pansexual and panromantic as it is believed these are more of preference and lifestyle practice then an inherent trait in DNA.
What I would advise for right now and the next few years is not to try and stick a label on your sexuality for now or the next few years as you go through puberty. Labels mean absolutely nothing and at your age can cause you to be shunned, bullied or worse.
There is nothing wrong with being Gay or Lesbian. This is your life you live it as you are most comfortable. The problem is, especially at your age, is others are not very tolerant of difference. Meaning if you are a Lesbian, Pansexual or Panromantic you unfortunately need to keep this to yourself for your own safety while in High School. It is unfortunate that you cannot even tell your best friend, but that is the way things are today and it is so wrong you don't even want me getting on my soap box about it. I will just say as a society we need to learn to be more tolerant then others.
There is nothing unusual for someone your age to be more comfortable with their own sex. It is my belief that as you become more comfortable with the new hormones and the changes in your body; you will have less confusion with your sexual identity. Until then worry less about your sexual identity and just enjoy who you are today.
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Hi! Hello! Sooo, coming from a pansexual/panromantic person, I would say that if you best identify with being a lesbian and are most comfortable as being out as that, or just adopting that label for yourself for whatever reason than by all means do so!
I have a higher leaning towards men with sexual attraction, but a higher leaning with women for a emotional attraction, and a higher leaning for queer/non-binary people with psychological attraction! Kinda confusing huh?
Simply put, I'm more attracted to masculine features, feminine mannerisms and queer personality.
I guess I like a mixture of everything!
So what I am trying to say is, don't worry about labels unless you are wanting to really make it known to everyone. Now if people ask reply with what you are most comfortable with, besides it's really non of their business and you have no reason to explain yourself.
The three guys that you met and felt some sort of attraction with them I will assume it's more of a personality attraction than sexual attraction, a mental/emotional connection so to speak. And if you found them attraction physically/aesthetically well then that's not a problem either!
Just be happy and comfortable with yourself and with whatever label you want to use. You don't need to use any label if you don't want to.
People are people, and honestly we have both testosterone and estrogen in us, so we have masculine and feminine things about us! Some people have a bit less of one or the other, as well as some having more than others!
So don't rack your brain about it and just be who you are. Besides you're only 14 and have much more time to figure yourself out and grow and just have fun and see how you feel and react with all the different sorts of people life has to offer!
Just stick with those who respect you and give respect as well and everything will be alright. I hope this helped (:
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