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Q: hello. he told me that he hates me. he told me he is tired of the "sh*t" But I dont understand what he is talking about because I do not talk to anyone about him I have been keeping to myself so that there isnt any problems caused. I havent spoke to him in over a week. the last time we did talk he was so nice and he was the one who was talking to me and then all of a sudden he just told me he does not love me, does not ever want to be my friend again and he wants to forget about me.
Its messed up because he is acting like he is the victim when I have done nothing wrong:S
That is really immature of him to act like the victim here. Ask him what he means by he is tired of the things going on and why it is he hates you. It sounds irrational for him to just blow the whistle on everything like that for no reason at all. He hates you? That would answer your question as to why he doesn't want to speak to you or be your friend. But still, why does he hate you? It doesn't sound like you've done anything to deserve it.

Confront him about it and ask him why he hates you and what you did to deserve this. If he doesn't give you real reasons then just move on. Its immature of him to do that after three years of a relationship. If even that was too much for him then obviously he couldn't handle anything more. Besides, if you did do something that upset him or made things tense between the two of you, then he still shouldn't have called everything off and said he hates you. If he couldn't handle you at your worst then he certainly doesn't deserve you at your best. Give it another shot and if it doesn't work, then its his loss. Hope that helped.

Q: This is for either girls or guys.

What are your standards for someone you would date?

Sometimes I think my standards are a little too high, so I was just wondering about other people's. Looks; type of personality; color hair; height; style; family; beliefs etc. Not really your ideal person, but rather (Put bluntly) what MUST they have or be?

Thanks
I can't personally speak from experience in terms of dating numerous amounts of people. However, I will say that dating isn't so much about finding the right person to love, its about learning how to love.

It isn't all the fun times spent together that alone hold together a relationship. It's also the rough times held out and all the problems encountered and dealt with.

In terms of standards of others, try to set some for yourself. Ideally, you would want somebody who shares the same values as you anyways, right? Since I never really had standards to begin with, but have been in a long term relationship, I can say that they remain to be that she has to be smart and pretty. If they are willing enough to love, the rest will fall into place. Hope that helped.

Q: hello there, i am an 18 year old female. My boyfriend of three years broke up with me a month ago and recently told me that he does not love me anymore. I was really hurt at first because I do love him with all my heart but I realised I would rather be his friend than not in his life at all. He then told me that he did not want to be my friend, did not want to talk to me and wanted to forget about me. I dont understand why he wants all of this. if he does not love me then why does it bother him to talk to me. I dont talk to him about us. I talk to him about the world and things in life. Do you think he might still love me and it is hurting him to talk to me? Maybe if I leave him alone like he wants he will realise that he loves me too? I just want this pain in my heart to stop. I lose my bestfriend and boyfriend all at one time and it hurts so bad.

please help
Very difficult. I'm sorry to hear all of that. OK well if you were best friends and dated for so long, then he should at least grant you the decency to talk to you about why he does not want to speak with you at all or remain friends.

One possible reason for why he does not want to keep talking to you is because some people feel it better that when a relationship ends, so does communication with the person. Others, usually after lighter termed relationships, maintain contact, but are a bit awkward and not as good of friends as before dating. Still, other couples break up but still act very friendly towards each other and don't have too much of a problem when the other is dating someone else.

Its very tough. You should talk to him and ask him to explain not why he doesn't love you anymore, but even just why he does not want to be friends or speak with you ever again. Does he feel regretful? Perhaps the pain is just too much for him and he doesn't want to be reminded of what he is missing out on. Please, don't give up just yet. You don't seem to be clingy If he doesn't want to explain and after telling him how you feel he still does not want to talk to you or be friends, then maybe it would be best to move on. Does he dislike you now? If its that he just doesn't love you, thats still different from him disliking or even hating you. It might complicate and make things worse if after he asks not to communicate you keep going at it, but you should still give it a try at least for a bit more.

Try to get a feel for things. Sort your feelings out and if he doesn't want to accept you into his life, then do your best to move on and not let it get to you. You should learn from experiences, but don't let them scar you and stop you from moving forward. If you've gotten this far with someone, which is quite an accomplishment, then you are fully capable of achieving something even better. Hope that helped and good luck.

Q: I want to get Sims 2, but when I was reading about different Sims games, I read about The Sims Stories which said it could be played on a laptop. I gathered this meant other Sims games couldn't be played on a laptop. Do you know if Sims 2 and it's extension packs can be used on a laptop?

Thanks, xxx
I don't see why there is a reason a Sims game can't be played on the laptop. If it has sufficient hard disk space for installation and a decent processor, which anything bought in the last 4 years will have, then it should work just fine. If anything just make sure it is compatible with Vista if that is what you are using, but if you have XP and at least a Pentium 4 proccessor (check this by right clicking on the My Computer icon), then it should run be able to work. Hope that helped.

Q: I don't know what else to do, this might be long but I really need help.
I'm 18/f and my bf recently broke up with me since I decided to respect my religion and not "do" things with him when he comes to visit my country next. (We both have diff. religions). So when he was breaking up (he did it online, he lives in another country, he studies there), he threatened me with things like "i will f*** you up so bad", "you will SO regret this", "i will show you what it means to get me angry", "you SO will suffer" and so on. And he will do those things when he visits his family (his family lives where I live..). He knows which uni I go to, and knows where my house is. He beat up his ex-gf before and told me the story as a "warning" not to piss him off.. I'm terrified, I think he plans on physically hurting me. There's about 13 more days till he gets here.. I've already planned on talking to my uni counselor about this but I need help from people around my age. I'm not strong to cope with this, I haven't slept for days getting nightmares of him coming after me, I've considered calling the airport and notifying them not to let him in the country but if I do that, I'd just make a fool out of myself. Please please please, I'm really panicking =*(

Thanks for your time, I appreciate it greatly.
=*(
Tell someone about this. Speak to counselors, even your parents if you have to. If somebody is threatening to hurt you, its serious. Don't be afraid to do anything you need to do to stay safe. If it means contacting police or other law enforcement then do it. If you still have any conversations or e-mails saved, or will talk again and he brings it up, save it. You don't need to panic about this, but just be prepared. He could be just bluffing to make you feel bad, and to make him feel better about himself.

Actually, I really respect you for sticking to your religion. For that, you really won't suffer, no matter what he or anyone else says to you. You did the right thing. Tell other adults, and your close friends if you trust them with this. If you still don't feel safe, then make sure you can find away to be with your family, friends, or law enforcement with you when he arrives. Please, don't panic and don't be afraid to defend yourself. I hope that helped and good luck.

Q: my ex boyfriend, brandon, cheated on me. he told me he was going to an nba game and went to stay with a girl in a town 2 hours away for a week. well i found out the truth and we broke up... not in a bad way. we both just agreed we didnt work out. but we really liked eachother. well we went to prom together still and then never talked. i didnt even get pics. well i got a myspace and he added me one day. i was so stoked to talk to him again. then he started messaging me everyday. he asked for my number and told me he was comign home from college in a couple days. well he wants to hang out but i know im still gonna want him, but what if he just wants to be friends. how do i know or find out with out being obvious.
Well without being obvious, you might not even find out the truth. Honestly, just straight out asking "hey do you like me as just a friend or is it more than that?" sounds tough, but it draws the line and makes things a lot clearer for the both of you. If you are trying to find out before he comes you should ask him. If you really feel uncomfortable with asking him, then ask what he would have in mind to do and if he would mind you inviting some of your friends. If he is leaning towards just spending time with you alone it could be a more-than-just-friends kind of thing...but still no guarantee. If you decide to wait for him to be there to find that out then just focus on the way he talks to you and the way he treats you. Be a bit cautious though, since he did cheat on you before. You can be fair and give him a second chance, but always be aware of what you might be getting yourself into. So ask him what he wants to do, focus on the way he treats and talks to you if he does come over and even before he does, and if you are confident enough you can straight out ask him to find out the truth. It isn't a bad thing for girls to ask a guy that. Hope that helped and good luck.

Q: hello, so i have the verizon chocolate (the older version not the newer one) and i was wondering if it had that feature where you can put a lock on your text messages like a password..?
You can lock your entire phone by going to the settings an enabling that feature. The password, unless changed by you, is your four-digit PIN, which is defaulted as the last four digits of your phone number. Locking a text message will keep it from being automatically deleted until you unlock it.

From what I know, there isn't an easy way to just lock a text message with a password...unless you are willing to become tech-savvy and trust a DIY guide that will walk you through encrypting and using codes on your phone and downloading weird programs.....well it just becomes a hassle. If you are still up for it, try Google. Hope that helped.

Q: im sorry this is dumb-but i went over my text messages ALOT! this month and im really scared for the bill to come, if i have like 1500 messages, how much is each one that i went over on going to cost me?!
You can check for free how many text messages you have sent by dialing #DATA (#3283). You will receive a free text message with that information. Pricing will vary depending on what plan you have. Overage charges for domestic texts (messages to people in the U.S.), is $.10. Hope that helped.

Q: My ipod has many many songs on it, all of which have different volume standards. One song may need the volume turned almost all the way up just to barely hear it, and then the song switches and I get my ear drums blasted out of my head if I leave it turned up so loud. I never know how high or low the volume needs to be so I can hear it nicely.

Anyway, is there a way to regulate volume for all of your songs on itunes so their volume standards are the same? I've heard of doing this, but I'm not sure how to do it.

Thanks a bunch!
Enable the sound check on your iPod. Next time you connect your iPod and sync it, it should work fine. Here is what I found on www.apple.com:

Question: Can I standardize the volume for all the music tracks in my MP3 player?

Answer: Music CDs are all mastered differently, with large discrepancies in volume between songs on different albums. With iPod for the Mac, you can standardize the volume of all the songs in your music library with the Sound Check feature in iTunes 3 or later. You can turn Sound Check on or off by choosing Sound Check in Settings in the main iPod menu.

Hope that helped.

Q: this story is kinda complicated, but i dont know what to do.
the guy that i like, who is one of my best frenz, said that he has an issue wit alot of my close girl frenz, and that they get on his nerves.
bt i neva had a clue, until he told me to my face. i was rilli upset, and the thing is...
i think he likes me....
and i like him too....
but i dont want there to be an issue between him and my friends if we go out...

i love my girl frenz nd him too. i mean they are my best frenz.
ugh...wat do i do??????
If he has an issue with your best friends, then why doesn't he have an issue with you? I'm sure you and your best friends are somewhat similar and have the same likes/dislikes. Its not always a positive sign when a guy doesn't like most or all of your close friends, but you need to find out why he feels that way. If he can't give you a good enough reason, then I don't see why you should ditch your best friends just for him since I'm sure you've known your best friends for much longer. If you do decide to go out with him then make it clear to him that it means accepting you AND your friends, even if they do get on his nerves, and that he shouldn't expect you to ditch them just because he gets annoyed with them. Hope that helped and good luck.

Q: i love this guy, we talked and he was talking to me like a guy would talk to a girl he might like and he told me i was cute and everything then one of my best friends came into the picture and ever since then hes been talking to her the same way and talking to me more just like a regular person and im really upset, how should i handle this? 14/f
Are you still friends with him? I think it would be best for you to move on and not keep brooding over it. If you two were dating it might be a different story. You shouldn't feel at lost for something like this. I know that a lot of girls love to just have that guy there who tells them all those things they want to hear (believe it or not, even if its somebody other than their current boyfriend). I'm sure you can both stay friends and still stay best friends with her, but if was saying all those things to you and is now saying it to your best friend, then who else has he said it to and who's next? Get the picture? I don't mean to say that he was making anything up or just says these things to be nice, but some guys (yes they actually exist) might go out of their way to say nice things to girls they might consider better friends, or are just comfortable saying it to. Don't hold a grudge or be jealous about it, because if you do get that way it might interfere with the friendship you have with your best friend, besides the fact that she probably never even meant to make you feel this way in the first place. Hope that helped and good luck.

Q: 16/ f

Im really into the Beatles, the Kinks, and the Beach Boys and a few others.. Im really into classic rock/alternitive, never metal, i love up-beat music. Ive been listening to these since I was born; my parents introduced me to them. What are some other bands that i might like? What are some other oldies I might like, and what are some new, modern bands that have similar sounds that i would like?
Classic rock!

I'm not sure if you have heard of these artists, but you probably have...so just to name a few:
Led Zeppelin, Jimi Hendrix, Pink Floyd, The Doors, The Clash, The Rolling Stones, Lynyrd Skynyrd, The Allman Brothers Band, Nirvana, The Eagles, The Who, Queen, Guns N Roses, Jethro Tull, and cream.

If you really like classic rock, try listening to a few of these songs I found online.

http://www.q1043.com/pages/top1043/2007.html

That radio station listed the top classic rock songs for the year of 2007. These are the songs you are probably most familiar with, so any ones you haven't listened to, try it because I'm sure you'll like it.

Similar bands might include just about anything. It really depends what your tastes are. Try listening to: Arctic Monkeys, The Hives, The White Stripes, Rage Against the Machine, Bloc Party, Coldplay, The Fratellis, and Something Corporate. Those bands are pretty spread out, and some you will like more than others. If you have a few artists and bands you really do like, then try this site: www.pandora.com The point of that site is you give it songs and artists you like and it will generate a random selection of songs with similar tastes. The more you rate the songs you hear, the more it works for you. Hope that helped.

Q: 15/f
ok so i used to date this boy--Brent. we were together for a year and a half on and off. he was my first love but he was also a pothead. well one night at our school's homecoming game bonfire, he got high and decided to blurt out to my step-sister Brittany that he had cheated on me. at least thats what she says; he denies it. well this was about a year ago. since then ive dated his friend--Cody. and Cody and i had this thing over the summer where we were talking and long story short-he turned out to be a complete butthole. well im still not completely over Cody but lately Brittany has been trying to get me to give Brent another chance and he was myspace-messaging my best friend; Amber trying to find out if i still liked him. so i messaged him and asked why he was bugging my friend. well we had this big long talk about how hes still in love with me and he was begging for another chance; even tho i told him i couldnt go through that again. well i dont like him anymore but i dont know how to tell him. but on the other had, i kinda want to give him another chance. Brittany and Brent both say that hes done with pot and everything but im scared. thank you if you took the time to read this long question and please help!
Drugs? Eww... I can understand why you would want to give him a second chance. You don't seem to have the same feelings for him as he has for you. If you are scared about him with pot then thats a clear sign of whether you should give him another chance. You could try it, but things could also get messy. I would steer clear of that and just find somebody else. I'm not sure how old he is, but still even around that age drugs causes too much damage. I won't judge him for it, but just use caution if you do decide to give him a second chance. If you go through with it, make sure that it is because you really do want to try things again with him, and not because he and your sister are making you feel like you really should. Hope that helped and good luck.

Q: my bf nd i just recently started going out like a couple weeks but we have been best friends for a yr and liked each other for a long time. we have already kissed a couple times a couple times before dating and after. but i really want to kiss him a lot but i dont know if i should. i have made out with other guys but i dont want to be too fast. i doubt he would care but i just dont want to rush everything but the wanting to is def. there. what should i do??? please help and thanx so much! :]
Try to bring it up with him and find out if he is comfortable with you kissing him. If he is, then I don't see why he wouldn't want to. He may not be comfortable of doing it in public or in front of friends/family, so find out about that first. And don't be afraid to take things a bit slower, there is nothing wrong with that either. Hope that helped and good luck.

Q: Sorry but this is going to be long!

Okay so everyone has their little crushes but yeah! I'm crushing on this guy and I just like him so much. He's tall and hot and i dont know... there's just something about him that really makes me happy. I never get to see him. We go to different schools. Plus he's 3 years older than me which is kind of a lot. Anyways like he came all the way out of his town to see me. He drove all the way to where my cousin lives to see me. I guess... but I don't think he likes me because he didn't talk to me when he came over there he just checked me out a little bit and kind of followed me. Is he shy or what? I don't really know. And he always gets off myspace when I get on. So he doesnt really even attempt to flirt. He's driving me crazy. I mean he always tells my cousin to come get me but I think he doesnt really like me that much. Any advice on what I can do about this? thanks soo much in advance!
I'll be honest with you...I think you should let it go. Unless you know theres a good chance of you two becoming friends, seeing each other more, and actually talking more, then let it go. Three years is a big difference and might be too much for some people. Don't get your hopes up yet if you aren't even good friends with him. You could keep daydreaming if you want, but if nothing ever changes or happens then you're left with nothing. Try to see if you can get to know him a bit better, but for the mean time just try to not think about him as much. If he's not making the effort to talk to you it could be because he is shy, but of somebody three years younger than him? It could also be that he doesn't like you or isn't thinking anything of it. You won't know what it is until you become friends with him and talk to him enough to find out. Hope that helped and good luck.

Q: Okay so I'm 15 and a girl and I've never had a boyfriend. I mean I don't think I'm very pretty but I'm not hideously ugly or anything. Guys like me and I've gotten asked out every now and then but it's never the guy I want or could potentially like. I guess it's cause I always fall for guys who are out of my league or whatever but how can I get more attention from guys? Especially guys I like?
If its for a guy you like whose attention you want, the best way of doing that is just being his friend. If you just casually talk to him here and there, sure, you might get noticed. But to get his attention and have any chance of creating something more than just friends...well you have to start out by being friends. If you have to change too much to be asked out or noticed by other guys then it may not be worth it. Oh, and please don't think all guys really do go for looks. I'm sure you wouldn't want to date one if he liked you just because of the way you looked anyways. So really, it might take some time but just trying to be really good friends and getting know your guy friends will eventually draw them closer to you and from there you can choose which ones might develop into something more and which won't. Hope that helped and good luck.

Q: Thanks for the advice for practicing! It was great.

I just wanted to ask a question about composing music... I don't really know where to start.

I sort of have an idea... but then I end up not writing down what I had in mind... can you help me on that? How can I get my ideas from my mind onto paper so that I will be able to play it?

Thanks again!
-Andy
Hey Andy. I had that same problem, especially when I started to play jazz and I had to solo several times.

OK, what really helps is deciding how you are going to write music down. What worked for me was sitting down at a piano, remembering the tune, and trying to play it on the piano. I would keep playing it over and over in my head until it was engraved. Then I would find the right keys on the piano, and write down the notes on looseleaf. I actually didn't write down the music notes, just the letters, like G2 (2nd G above middle C), F#1(first F# above middle C), etc. So for me that was useful since back then I had no idea how to actually write music down for piano.

If you can try also playing part of the tune on the French Horn. This is what I was talking about in my rant about playing around at practice. Once you know the tune or ideas you have in mind, play around on your instrument to see what sounds good. If you like the sound of it, keep playing it over and over and over. Until you get tired of it. This will help you at least remember what most it is supposed to sound like. If you can't actually figure out what the notes are or how to write it right away, get to actually play it enough so you know it by heart.

As for writing music again, you could do it by hand or on the computer. If you have the money, you can get programs that actually help you with writing music. The best one I found after weeks of research was Finale 2007. It is VERY expensive though. So I asked my teacher and other band players around if they had that program or a similar one and found a friend who had Finale 2004, which is still very good. I'm not sure how much that one costs, but he let me install it and it works great. You start off with picking what instrument(s) you will write music for, and it gives you a blank score. When you click to add any kind of note (whole, eighth, triplets) on the staff, you will actually hear what the note sounds like played on that instrument! Amazing huh? It gets better... You can print out any music you write and it looks like real sheet music. Once I played around a lot with the program trying different things like crazy, I managed to get a few instruments going, then I hit play and heard some nice music with some drums, guitar, piano, sax, everything. So if you can find someone who has that program or a similar one, writing music on the computer might actually be easier and funner. I know there are also much less expensive programs that you can buy if you wanted to write out music on a score sheet to just print out, but they might not be as sophisticated as Finale. Hope that helped!

Q: i had a verizon cell phone which i lost back in late October. I have been trying to look for it ever since and my mom has been paying the bill every month. I've looked everywhere and can't find it and i have insurance on my phone but i dont know if it will cover it. what can i do? Im not rich btw so i cant just like spend 2493495 dollars on a phone.

thanks=]
Call the company and tell them its lost. If it has been found and used by somebody else, you should have to pay what they are using your phone for. There are some online websites you can visit and browse to purchase an older phone for a low price. You should be able to go to a Verizon retail store and have them activate it for you. Hope that helped and good luck.

Q: Ok guys i just need some tips on how to choose between people. There are a few lads who i like and i really dont know who to choose. They are all great
and its just really hard :\ I would appreciate a few ways on how to choose one lol. Thank Youu x x
Spend some more time with them. Try to take notice of important details like: how he treats you, how he talks to you (if he curses a lot and that bothers you), how he treats your friends, how he reacts to a bad situation that happened, if he listens to what you have to say, and if he makes it a point to make sure you are comfortable and/or having a good time. If most or all of these guys fall into the right category for that question, then it gets tough. Most likely they are a bit different in each aspect. Its up to you to decide which values and questions mean more to you. Which one of them can you trust the most? Which one of them trusts you the most? It might take some time to decide all of this, but in general try to look for which one is being your friend the best. If it helps you can make a list of different questions or things to look out for so that you can actually see what you need and what to look for. Hope that helped and good luck.

Q: How do you tell someone who is totally in love with you that you want to go on a break from them ? :| I mean i do like my bf .. but i just need abit of time on my own. I dont want to finish with him forever i dont think, but i just want to go on a break from him. How do i tell him ? :\ Thank Yuu x x
Why do you want a break?

If it's to have more time to yourself, then maybe you don't need to actually break up with him. Try talking to him and explaining to him that you feel like you need some time for yourself and if he would mind that. I'm sure he wouldn't. If you need to be alone a bit more or even just hang out with other people, then go for it...but that doesn't necessarily mean you have to break up with him to do it. Just arrange things with him so that you still talk to him and see him, even if its not as much as before. Also, let him know that it isn't a permanent thing either, and that you are just trying to get yourself together.

If it's because you want a break from love, as your title says, and you don't actually want to be in a relationship, then that might be a bit different. If the relationship feels to be taking too much of a toll on you, first you should try toning things down and taking everything on a lighter level, like talking less or not seeing each other as much, doing things with other people, etc. But let him know that though, because if you just start to do that without saying anything he might think he is doing something wrong.

If taking things lighter at first doesn't give you the time or results that you needed, then talk to him again and let him know that you feel like you need a break. Saying it directly and not beating around the bush is probably be best for something like this. Ask him how he feels about doing that and if he is OK with it and make sure you make clear if there are going to be any 'rules' set in, like "oh we are on break but not allowed to see other people either". If you plan to get back together and don't draw lines about things like that, it can get really ugly later on... So think over and sort out your feelings on what it is you need and would like to do, talk to him about and get his feelings on it too so you know if you need to slow things down between you too, break up, or just spend more time alone. Hope that helped and good luck.

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HectorJr
Feel free to ask me any questions or for an alternate way of contacting me through my inbox.

I really like giving advice, so thats why I have a column here. I've been inactive for a long time, but I'm back and will do my best to catch up. Advicenators is a great site and it is what we make it. Having my own advice column helped me learn a lot of new things, even about myself, while giving me the chance to help others along the way. Thanks.

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