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Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.
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The Question
Okay, I have this friend, Charles, and he is kinda my exboyfriend I guess. But since the day I met him and to this very second, he has changed a lot. He used to be caring and sweet. Now he's mean and an asshole. I don't know like what to do because he blames it on me saying I'm the asshole. So today I told him we should pretend we don't know each other for awhile and he's all like "well I know what's gonna happen, it'll be awkward to talk and we'll drift apart." Which personally is what I wanted because I want my old life back. And I told him that, and I also told him that I don't want him talking to my friends becuase he would have never known them if it wasn't for me. I know it sounds selfish, but he talks about me to them everyday and says all this stuff, which mostly isn't true, then they all like ask me questions. I'm like arghh!! Like I'm totally sick of it and I need help because now he's all like, "no that ridiculus, I'm not gonna stop talking to them." And tonight all of my friends got into a fight. I just stopped crying. I'm tired of it. I've had like major breakdowns where i just have to sit or else I'll kill someone. It's horrible. What should I do? Please help.
*I rate 5's for good answers*
♥ Broken, Lost,and Confused but not giving up.
The Answer
You have every right to choose not to speak to this guy agian if he makes you miserable.
You don't however have any right to tell him he can't speak to your friends!
The better thing to do about this would be to tell your friends that you don't want to speak to this boy agian and ask them not to talk about him to you.
You might have to remind them once and a while but if they are truely your friends they will respect your choice and reasons and you wont have to hear about him anymore.
Eventually, your friends and this guy will get bored with talking about you, if you cut off contact with him and stop giving him new things to whine about.
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The Question
I have a friend who is over weight and is always saying Im so fat!! Even though she kind of is I dont want to be mean so I say no your not.I dont want to keep lieing to her but I dont want to just say Yeah you are.How can I just make her stop saying she is fat and ugly without hurting her feeling.I rate high..PS If we say something mean to her she freaks out and says omg I cant belive you just said that.
The Answer
You are absolutely right not to just be nice and tell her she isn't overwieght. Next time she goes on about how fat she is just agree with her.
Good responses to the "I'm soooo fat" whine include "Yea, so what are you gonna do about it?" or "That can't be a nice way to feel."
You can't solve her problem for her, but you aren't helping her by lying to her either. If she keeps whining or getting angry with you, you might simply want to resort to saying "I don't want to talk about this with you" because you just can't get anywhere with someone who only wants to whine and complain and be comforted but not take any action to accept themselves or improve themselves.
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The Question
I am a sophomore in high school. I have been playing volleyball since I was in 5th grade. I have played on my school team and a travel team for the past 3 years. I've also had asthma since I was 3 years old. Having asthma makes it very hard to do most of the stuff we have to do. This year, we have a new and very hard coach named Beth Ann. She expects us to be Olympic athletes. If we make one bad pass, she makes us do like 3 suicides. I can't handle that. The first day, I puked twice. Plus, the coach underestimates me. The back row passers can't make a decent pass, and I'm a middle hitter, and i make more decent passes. She doesn't tell us how to fix our mistakes, she just makes us run. We run more than play the game. I can't handle it anymore. I've just lost interest in the game.
This is the tricky part. My dad is big on watching me play volleyball. I don't want to quit, but I really think I should. My sister quit her sophomore year also. How can I break it to my dad nicely that I don't want to play anymore? I don't want to piss him off. Asthmatics shouldn't even be playing sports. Ya konw? I don't want to be a quitter, but I want to be able to breathe. Someone help! Sorry about the length! I'll rate every good answer a 5.
The Answer
Is it really the sport you have a problem with? Or is it just the coach? It sounds like you've put alot of heart into the game and I'd hate to see someone throw it away because of nasty coach.
If you've grown tired with the game, or think it's putting your health at risk then by all means quit. Your father will be dissapoint but will probably understand, people grow up and thier interests change.
Don't let this coach run you out though, talk to her, your school, other teammates and even your parents. With enough feedback from parents the school might force her to change her style.
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The Question
I just had surgerey earlier like at 10:45, and had anastesia. My dad and I were supposed to go to another city quite a few miles away. Do you think that I could go? We would go at like 7 or 8 tonight. Oh, did I mention we're going on his motorcycle? Yea, we are. So..do you think this would be alright? I need answers as soon as possible. Thanks
***Jess***♥
The Answer
Call your doctors office and ask. No one here will know for sure based on that information. Chances are that a nurse or even a receptionist could give you better advice on this one than any of us.
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The Question
alright well im leaving for college in 2 days.. im bringing my laptop and i need to know if im gonna be able to get my internet hooked up when i get there or how long its going to take. does anyone know? i kinda needa know before hand. thankkss !
The Answer
Your specific college will be able to answer this question far better than any of us. Chances are it will take some time to get online with your laptop. You will probably need pay to use the wireless internet that many colleges have, and will need to make sure you have a wireless card installed in your laptop.
It might take up to week for them to get everyone online who wants to be online, as the campus internet services get a little flooded in September. But don't worry too much, there are computer labs and probably lots of internet cafes around too. You wont be completely internetless.
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The Question
For some reason my vagina burns when I urine, and sometimes it starts to itch and burn. Could it be allergic to my pads or tampons, please help asap
The Answer
Go see a doctor. There are a few things that could be wrong based on your discription, urinary tract infection, bladder infection, yeast infection... None of them are terribly serious, and can be solved with a few pills or creams, but you wont know untill you see a doctor, so hop on it, cause it most of those cases the pain will get worse the longer you leave it.
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The Question
my daughter(19) has a abusive boyfriend (16).
He is at this point only verbally abusive, but i fear it could turn physical . Tonight they went out with her brother (who is twice the boyfriends size) and her cousin and friends. My son came home very angry telling me how this boy was rude, mean , and hateful to his sister. My daughter begged her brother not to say or do anything. His comment(my sons) to me and my husband was "If the boy behaved this way in front or her 6' 5" 230 lb brother, how did he treat her when they were alone? " This is a great point and scarey thought. My husband is ready to step in . What should we do? I discussed this with her and she admitted he is verbally abusive. I am afraid it will turn into physical abuse. Remember she is 19. She is of age to do what she wants, but has never exercised (or even spoke) of that right. She has always been a good easy child. How can we get her away from this boy? Should we demand she not see him. I have a parental gut feeling he could hurt her. We are also friends of his parents . They are very nice people who would never think their son did any wrong.
My husband wants to talk to them and
end it. What should we do? HELP!!!!!
the relationship is 9 months old and I am positive they are not sexually active. If it turns into a sexual relationship, it could REALLY get bad, and since they are both virgins he will never want to let her go. We Must Act Now!
The Answer
The sad fact is that your daughter is 19, and that makes her old enough to make her own choices, even the choice to get into an abusive relationship. I think demanding she not see him would either cause her to laugh at you or hate you for interfering.
But from the sounds of your question you have a great thing going for you, a relationship with your daughter with open and honest communication. So try another approach. Tell her how wonderful she is, how smart and wise, how in control she is, and how much it angers you too see anyone speak to her as if she wasn't. Focus on her strengths, not her boyfriends shortcommings.
In subtle ways you could persuade her to see less of him, by providing alternative activities, or helping her re-connect with friends who show her respect and love.
Lastly, connect her with people or books that discuss verbal or physical abuse. Helping her to recongize and label her boyfriends behavoir might strengthen her agianst it and stop her excuses for it.
As a teen girl who went through a few relationships my parents didn't approve of I can tell you the best thing my parents did for me was focus on me. How strong and intelligent I was, and not what a loser I was dating. That I came to realize on my own.
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The Question
OK, my problem is a bit weird. I'm 16, and that's normal, at least I hope. Anyways, I relised on my vacation last week that I never want to get married. And this isn't one of those "Oh, you're still too young to decide" things. It is one of those impulses that I know I'll have for the rest of my life.
Yet, I still want a child when I'm older. A few years back, I had another one of these impulses which told me that I do not want a child of my own, but I want to adopt.
I really don't know. Is this normal? Or is something wrong with me?
The Answer
This question sounds so much like me I almost laughed out loud.
I've always known I rather adopt a child and give one a good home rather then bring another babe into this world, and I don't have much of a desire to get married, even though I would like a life partner.
My advice is to just be openminded. It's great to know yourself well enough to know what you want! You are definately not to young to start thinking about your life seriously, just don't get so set in your ways that you can't accept a good thing if it should come along.
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The Question
I've been with my boyfriend almost a year... and we've been having unprotected sex and usually doesnt pull out. but I'm also on birthcontrol.. I know that thats not always effective.I'm 18 also... But for my question.. Recently I got sick with a cold and was put on Amoxicillan... I was told that when your on one of those it messes up your birthcontrol and it doesnt work right. We have sex a couple times a week.... My period is due like... Tuesday Or Wednesday.. Is there any chance that I can be pregnant... I spotted a little yesterday... Sorry Soo Long :/
The Answer
You should *always* ask a doctor or pharmasist if the medication you are taking will effect your birth control. Alot of medications can and do.
And No, your appointment was a month ago, you could still be pregnant.
The lesson is, when in doubt, use a condom.
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The Question
I'm 15 and one of my inner labias is about three times the size of the other. However, this wasn't always so. It started about 2 years ago when I started masturbating with the showerhead. (Could this be the cause of it?) Anyway, I figured it was just swollen, and the swelling would go down. However, as time went on, it only got worse. It's now a more purple-ish, darker color, and bigger. Anyways, point being, instead of it getting better like I assumed it would, it only got worse. And it's now two years later, and I haven't told anyone about it. I would really like to, but I am too embarrassed. Also, I'm afraid if my parents take me to a gynocologist or anything of that sort, they will find out I'm not a virgin anymore, WHICH CAN NOT HAPPEN. I've been a huge emotional wreck ever since, and I really need to find out more about this. Any advice, information, help, or ideas would be SO greatly appreciated. I rate 5's for any attempt. Thank you.
The Answer
There is probably nothing wrong with you. Labias come and very different sizes (at the risk of giving too much information, mine are probably as different in size as yours and I know there is nothing wrong with me! I'm embaressed of it too, but my boyfriend thinks its cute for some bizzar reason)
Bring it up casually at your next doctors appointment or check-up. YOUR DOCTOR CAN NOT TELL YOU PARENTS YOU AREN'T A VIRGIN! They can't do it, cause they can't really be sure just by examining you and because it is all kinds of illegal!
But seriously, just relax and let it go. You are fine.
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The Question
i went out with this guy like 5 months ago, but we broke up after 1 day because this girl from my school started a rumor that i was using him even though i wasn't, but then 2 months ago, he asked me out again and i said yes, and now we're still going out, but i don't really like him anymore because i got to know him a lot better and now i know how he really is. i was going to brake up with him yesterday, but before i did, he gave me all these presents and said that he was so glad that we were going out again, and that he hopes it lasts really long. and he still sort of doesn't know if i used him or not, and if i just brake up with him right after he gives me all this stuff, then he's gona think i just used him again, so what should i do? should i wait for like a month or something so that it's not right after he gave me all the presents and he doesn't think that i used him, or should i just go ahead and just brake up with him? i don't want to wait because i don't like him, but if i don't wait he'll think i just used him, and it'll also hurt his feelings because he's liked me for 2 years now and he's been trying to get me to go out with him ever since.
please help, i rate high for peeps with good answers!!!
The Answer
Give the gifts back and tell him you aren't interested. Keeping the gifts just makes you look selfish and like you used him, and really why do you want them? Just to remind yourself of a guy you don't want anything to do with anymore?
Take the highroad and get out of a relationship you're not happy with. You'll feel much better about yourself if you can walk away from this knowing you acted in the kindest way you could.
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The Question
I've always dreaded the first day of school just because I don't deal with change very well. I know that it's not as bad as I think it'll be, it's always fine. But I still get panic attacks and get really sick the night before and that morning. Any advice on how I can overcome this?
The Answer
I've suffered from panic attacks for almost ten years now, and quite seriously, medication saved my life. When every little unpleasant thing made me start hyperventilating and ran my temperature up, I was convinced my life wasn't worth living. It started out as just being nervous about school and became being scared of just about everyone and everything.
When I was in school I actually used to take Gravol during really stressful days, because it kept my stomach calm and made me a little tired too. I would still suggest this to anyone. It is not habit forming and can be a great way to keep the physical symptoms at bay.
But it's the thoughts that are the real problem, not the symptoms and the best way I've found to deal with them wasn't medication or doctors, but was Cognitive Behavioral therapy. You know the thoughts and feelings of fear aren't right, but a behavioral therapist can actually help you defeat those thoughts.
I barely ever have attacks anymore, and even when I do, I can manage them much better.
That’s my story anyways. Good luck! If you need anything, or just wanna talk, drop me a line.
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The Question
well first i am 14/f, and anyone makes fun of my question in anyway, i will report you and get you banned. and well people who are willing to help, please help i need help ASAP. my problem is this. i am crushing on a gay guy. i just met him and he first denied that he was, but today he told me and my friend that he is gay. but he is fits so perfect for my dream prince. he likes stuff i like, and such. not to mention he is sooo hot.
so please, is there anyway i can turn him straight? i know it will be really hard and i can't help it because its like hormon, but i have heard of few stories that it can happen. but i dont know how, and please dont say give up, because i know most of you will try to do that but i already know that , but i have to try at least!! so please please help me.
i rate 5 if it helps even a little.
The Answer
So this guy is perfect for you, except you need to change the part where he doesn't want to be for you, but for some other guy. Have I got that right?
If he asked for your help my advice would be different, but he hasn't. Instead he has come out to his close friends (ie, you) probably hoping for acceptance and support. That is not what you are doing by plotting behind is back to hetro-ize him. Don't be so selfish. If you really like this guy, like him for what he is, not for what your 'dream prince' ought to be.
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The Question
Okay, I know you're going to roll your eyes and say "oh no, not another period question" but please read before you do that.
Well I started my period for the first time in March of this year, like the last week of March. I had it for 6 or 7 days, I think I started the 20th, and I know for a fact I ended Easter day. Anyway, I'm kind of worried because I know your period is random the first few years, but so random that you go without it for almost 5 months?! I've talked to my mom about it, and she said if I still don't have it, then when I go for my physical I can ask my doctor about it, but she's not going to schedule me an appointment about it or anything like that, and the thing is, my physical isn't until October and I honestly don't want to wait that long.
I know you all aren't doctors, so you don't know 100% whats going on, but I'm looking more for "This happened to me...etc" I've NEVER had sex, I'm NOT pregnant, Okay, well I'm thanking you in advance, I do rate everything, and leave feedback, depending on the answer depending on the rating.
Jackass=1s and 2s
funny/sarcastic/unhelpful 3's (depending on how much maybe even a 4)
and well thought out, well writting answers= 5
Go ahead now, answer!
The Answer
Please get a physical sooner. Although I'm one of those girls who can go a month (or two or three and once almost four) between her periods, it still sounds to me like there might be other factors at play here.
Your body not ovulating could mean it's lacking the nutrients or strength to do so, or any number of other things. So please see a doctor just to make sure you are alright. If they say you are okay, then don't worry about it anymore, but be on the safe side and get checked.
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The Question
Dear Advicenators,
Okay. Here's the deal. I'm a girl about to start college, and I've got problems with trust. I don't trust even my closest friends, don't trust that they actually want to be my friend. It's quite horrid, because it makes me feel like I have no friends.
Reason behind my distrust of people? I've been repeatedly burned in the past by trusting too much.
How do I allow myself to trust people who I somewhere deep down know that they only care about me and don't have ulterior motives for my friendship?
Signed,
Untrusting.
The Answer
Lets be perfectly honest. Everyone *gets* something from friendship. It's a give and take situation. With good friends, this give and take is balanced in a way that makes both people happy.
People have their standards for their friends, and they have their expectations for that give and take. Being ‘burned repeatedly’ tells me that either you don’t have standards and just try to love everybody or you don’t stick by your standards and think "They are my friend so I'll just let it slide" when a friend does something you don’t think a friend should.
Take responsibility for your friendships, pick your friends, and don’t let them pick you. Break off or at least back off from friendships that don’t give you what you need. Take the time to build trust with people who seem like attractive friends to you. You will find it much easier to trust people if you realize you are in control and become more active in choosing your friends. Just go with your gut instinct and cut the untrustworthy ones out early on. There are plenty of people in the world! It is okay to be choosey!
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The Question
Hi i am a 23 years old muslim girl from leicester. Nowadays i am recieving numorous witheld number calls and threatening text messages. I have had a relationship with a guy who i have no contact with. First when i recieved the text i thought they were send to wrong number. But it's everyday now that i recieve them. Each one has threatening message like "i will kidnap you" unless i do what he wants. Now he has warned me that he is going to send pictures of my relationship with the guy to my parents. I am very scared and confused and can't even sleep. I don't want my parents to know because my dad has recently had an heart operation and i can hurt them.
Please help me find a solution to this problem as i can't go to the police or tell family or friends.
Thankyou
The Answer
Although I can sympathize with your fear about going to the police, I have just got to advise you too.
At 23, you should be able to deal with a harassment issue without involving your parents. It sounds like this is a person who knows you rather well, well enough to know about your relationship, which will only make it easier for the police to catch him and stop him.
Even if the truth does come out to your parents, about the boy you are seeing or the harassment, and as scary and painful as it will be for your family, think of how much more painful it would be for them if something happened to you! If you just went missing one day, and no one had any knowledge about these calls.
Protect your parents by protecting yourself.
(If you are really worried that for some sick prejudiced reasons the police in your area wont help you, reach out to a woman's group, even a group for young mothers or rape victims, because they will understand and will put you in touch with people who will act.)
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The Question
has anyone here graduated early, or is trying to? see, last year i took a class most people in my grade didn't, and will take next year. so i'm already ahead in math for most people in my grade, so i don't have to double up. but i'm thinking of doubling up on a lot of stuff. i might take 2 maths next year as a freshman (geometry and algebra 2) and whatever i need to do to graduate early. so, how do i go about doing this? i'm really not sure. and if you have, how much earlier did you graduate? is it really hard?
the reason i want to graduate early is because i moved here a few years ago (from Florida to Maine) and I really really hate it here. I've tried to like it, and it didn't work. And while you're young, you're supposed to really enjoy it, and this is supposed to be the best time of my life, supposably. But it hasn't been since I moved here. So I just need to get out of here asap. Like, I'd rather go to high school back down in Florida, but my parents obviously aren't going to move back down there just because I want to, so I have to wait until I'm out of high school and everything, I guess. Yeah, help?
The Answer
Talk to your parents and guidance about this, cause graduating early isn't a promise of getting away. Your parents might feel you were too young to leave, or any schools you might want to apply to might not want to accept you a year younger.
It might not even be possible. I graduated a year early by taking extra courses, no spares and some summer school. I certainly couldn't have done it without the help of a few teachers who made sure I had exactly what I needed to graduate and helped me with all the paperwork.
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The Question
Okay, I'm sorry, but this is going to be REALLY long.
I was at summer camp last week, and i went with a bunch of my friends. We were having oodles of fun, and there was this guy there that i have liked for EVER! He lives near me and i see him alot, but he has never acted interested in me before. Now, at camp on...Tuesday, during the night game he sat next to me (on a loveseat) and started to poke my knee. So i poked him back. then he took his elbow and dug it into my hip so i jabbed him really hard in his side....it was kinda funny. Then he took his hand and kept putting it on my knee. I wasn't comfortable with that so i kept pushing it off but he wouldn't stop. Then on Wednesday he asked me to play tetherball with him, i so won. then we played pingpong, and i definitly lost. Then on Thursday it got REALLY weird. First I was in crafts and he was in pingpong. Those two games are in the same room. He lost in pingpong so he was sitting down. He called me over and told me too sit on his lap. I did not!!! Then I sat next to him in the chair next to him. He asked for my hand and i said "why" he said he wanted to see somthing. So i held out my hand. Then he just started holding onto my hand and stuff. I was really uncomfortable with this. After that my team and his team were assigned to go to the pool togeather. So while we were at the pool i did NOT want to go swimming. He kept splashing me and trying to push me in, and i was in my cloths! Then i got sick of it so i just jumped into the pool, cloths and all, and dunked him. Okay. He kept holding my hand all day and stuff and on friday, I was really uncomfortable with it. Then on friday everyone in camp catchs him making out with this girl!!!! Now i dont know what to think!!! I dont want to yell at him or anything, cause he is going through alot of problems and he has always been able to talk to me about them and no-one else. So i dont want him to think he cant. what should i do!!!!????
The Answer
So far you've been doing the right things, trying to smooth things over even though his behavoir makes you uncomfortable. That is really good of you, but it sounds like it is time to speak up.
Tell him you are still his friend and are willing to listen and help him in anyway you can, but if you don't like the flirting, tell him that too. It can be very painful to have someone flirt so much with you at the same time as they make it painfully obvious they aren't interested in *only* you.
No matter what kind of problems this guy is having you are still allowed to speak up and say you are uncomfortable, and even hurt, by his silly behavoir. Keep up trying to be a good friend, you seem to be doing a good job, but don't compromise yourself.
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The Question
my husband is an alcholic, he promises to stop drinking but i always seem to find bottles of beer hidden in different places how can i help him stop he seems to think he is not hurting anyone but i dont like the drunken behaviour in front of my kids even though they are grown up but now he has his first grandchild and yet he still wont stop, you see he stopped drinking for 22 years and for the last 5 he has been secretly drinking cause everytime i find his bottl es we argue can you advise me please.
The Answer
It is nearly impossible to help someone who doesn't realize they have a problem. The sad fact is your husband must choose to change; you can't make him, no matter how right you are.
Talk to your children and your close friends. Urge them to share their experiences of your husbands drinking in a non-judgmental way with him. It can have a very powerful impact to change your statements from "You shouldn't be drinking" to "I feel frightened of you when you are drunk" or "I lay awake and worry about you because of your drinking"
Then get yourself some professional help, even if your husband won’t attend counseling with you. A counselor will be able to give you better advice on how to approach your husband and help you deal with your feelings about the drinking. This situation, especially having lasted as long as it has, has certainly had a profound impact on you. Lead by example and take care of your mental health.
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The Question
ok so sex is suppose to be good and a great expiernce I get that, but I dunno. Why did mine just suck so bad?? Now that is over, I cant seem to stop crying or wanting to stay in the shower or something.. I dont want to even be near family members cause I feel so disgusted with myself. I feel like I let myself down; if you havent got the impression. I have high expectations for myself, sometimes I think too high.
What am I suppose to be moving on to? What does it feel like once these feelings going away? Will they just one day go away? Will I wake up and feel all nice, clean and better?
p.s. if you want to get my b/fs aspect on things, he wrote his question on here. he says i harassed him for it.. I said he was a tease twice and that he should either give me what we are working for or stop exciting me. didnt know that was harassment.
The Answer
This is really tough for me to answer, everyone is a little different in how they deal with this. So if you don't mind, I'll try to answer your question by telling you my story.
My frist time was awful too, with a guy I didn't know all that well, cause I felt like I really ought to have sex by my age. Like you I was raised to believe sex was only right between married couples (although now I don't think I've ever believed that) and I held myself to an impossibly high moral standard.
Afterwards, I cried for days, wore sunglasses everywhere, and it was probably a week before anything I ate tasted any good agian. I couldn't shower enough and felt horribly used, even though I had gone along with it.
I'm afraid I didn't just wake up and feel better for a while. I got into a few bad relationships because I figured I had nothing to loose, and I let other guys use me for sex. I was horribly uncomfortable with my own sexuality so I let the guys lead, and tried to be what they wanted. Needless to say I ended up doing a few things I would rather not have.
So what should you be moving on to? I would hope you can move on to be comfortable with your body and your sexuality, whether you wait untill mariage or not. I would like to think you wont go through the shit I did to be able to like yourself and have confidence in your choices agian.
As for the guys perspective. That is a scummy thing to say and definately not harassment! You weren't 'teasing' him. Both of you, him and you, were fooling around. You are smart enough to know you are both responsible for what happened but he's trying to blame it all on you and that is just immature and mean.
(If there is anything else, or if you just want to vent, drop me a line at my email addy: purplemaidenmanda@hotmail.com Take care)
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