|
Trust
Dear Advicenators,
Okay. Here's the deal. I'm a girl about to start college, and I've got problems with trust. I don't trust even my closest friends, don't trust that they actually want to be my friend. It's quite horrid, because it makes me feel like I have no friends.
Reason behind my distrust of people? I've been repeatedly burned in the past by trusting too much.
How do I allow myself to trust people who I somewhere deep down know that they only care about me and don't have ulterior motives for my friendship?
Signed,
Untrusting.
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
I understand how sometimes it's hard for people to trust other people ; especially if they've had a bad past in that area. What you have to do is just go slowly. Just talk the your friends and get to know them on a more personal level and share your thoughts and feelings and memories with them as they will with you. And whenever you feel like you can tell them anything, then that shows that you are starting to trust them. Because you have to trust people sometime in your life, because then they'll feel like they can't trust you back. Just keep talking to your friends more and more and slowly you'll start to trust them more. I hope I helped!
Love,
MELii
]
Lets be perfectly honest. Everyone *gets* something from friendship. It's a give and take situation. With good friends, this give and take is balanced in a way that makes both people happy.
People have their standards for their friends, and they have their expectations for that give and take. Being ‘burned repeatedly’ tells me that either you don’t have standards and just try to love everybody or you don’t stick by your standards and think "They are my friend so I'll just let it slide" when a friend does something you don’t think a friend should.
Take responsibility for your friendships, pick your friends, and don’t let them pick you. Break off or at least back off from friendships that don’t give you what you need. Take the time to build trust with people who seem like attractive friends to you. You will find it much easier to trust people if you realize you are in control and become more active in choosing your friends. Just go with your gut instinct and cut the untrustworthy ones out early on. There are plenty of people in the world! It is okay to be choosey!
]
trusting people is a difficult thing to do if you got hurt in the past. you need to do it by steps. don't totally let them in, but you need to trust people eventually. take it slow and careful. get to know the person a lot and tell them how you were hurt in the past and explain that you don't want to be hurt again. that way they'll know how you feel. if they think that they'll hurt you they'll step back, but if they know they won't you guys can have a good friendship.
good luck!
]
im in my second year of collage and i am the same way, but you have to find away to test them to see if they r true or not. if they r you can put them in a possition that they will have to show how much they care about you. or if you dont want to bead around the bush you could just go up to them and ask them if they r really there for you. or if you dont want to do that you could find sum1 you really do trust like a relitive bro sis mom grandma consuler they will help you find sum way to do help you stop doing that.
hope i could help if you have any more questions or just want to talk put sumthing in my inbox.
~christina
]
More Questions: |