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humorist-workshop
ok so sex is suppose to be good and a great expiernce I get that, but I dunno. Why did mine just suck so bad?? Now that is over, I cant seem to stop crying or wanting to stay in the shower or something.. I dont want to even be near family members cause I feel so disgusted with myself. I feel like I let myself down; if you havent got the impression. I have high expectations for myself, sometimes I think too high.
What am I suppose to be moving on to? What does it feel like once these feelings going away? Will they just one day go away? Will I wake up and feel all nice, clean and better?
p.s. if you want to get my b/fs aspect on things, he wrote his question on here. he says i harassed him for it.. I said he was a tease twice and that he should either give me what we are working for or stop exciting me. didnt know that was harassment.
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This is really tough for me to answer, everyone is a little different in how they deal with this. So if you don't mind, I'll try to answer your question by telling you my story.
My frist time was awful too, with a guy I didn't know all that well, cause I felt like I really ought to have sex by my age. Like you I was raised to believe sex was only right between married couples (although now I don't think I've ever believed that) and I held myself to an impossibly high moral standard.
Afterwards, I cried for days, wore sunglasses everywhere, and it was probably a week before anything I ate tasted any good agian. I couldn't shower enough and felt horribly used, even though I had gone along with it.
I'm afraid I didn't just wake up and feel better for a while. I got into a few bad relationships because I figured I had nothing to loose, and I let other guys use me for sex. I was horribly uncomfortable with my own sexuality so I let the guys lead, and tried to be what they wanted. Needless to say I ended up doing a few things I would rather not have.
So what should you be moving on to? I would hope you can move on to be comfortable with your body and your sexuality, whether you wait untill mariage or not. I would like to think you wont go through the shit I did to be able to like yourself and have confidence in your choices agian.
As for the guys perspective. That is a scummy thing to say and definately not harassment! You weren't 'teasing' him. Both of you, him and you, were fooling around. You are smart enough to know you are both responsible for what happened but he's trying to blame it all on you and that is just immature and mean.
(If there is anything else, or if you just want to vent, drop me a line at my email addy: purplemaidenmanda@hotmail.com Take care)
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