NinjaNeer's advice column

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Q: i need a decent paying job. so i can get my apratment n its bout 350-600 a month and i want to know how many hrs do i need to work so i can pay my apartment n other stuff like food, elctricity, n cable.. I NEED HELP!!:) please help

Food: $30-50/wk
Entertainment: $20-50+/wk
Transportation: $0-450+/mo (car insurance, gas)
Other (medical, clothes, gifts): $0-200/mo
Savings: $0-?
Emergency Fund (in case car breaks down, etc.): $0-?
Cell phone: $0-?

So for variable expenses, you're looking at anywhere between $200/mo and upwards of $1000+. That doesn't include your other bills.

Electricity is often covered by the rent. If not, rates and usage depend on your location. If you live in Florida, you'd use a lot more for electricity. For our 3 bdr semi, it's about $200 every 2 months, but I live in Canada and rates may be higher here.

Cable is a luxury. For a phone/cable/internet package, you're looking at somewhere in the neighbourhood of $50-100. You can save some money by forgoing the television part of it and just getting a Netflix subscription and a digital antenna (that's what we do). Shop around if you can. Some apartments are limited to one provider.

How many hours you need to work depends on your priorities. If you don't feel it's important to save for an emergency, you're going to feel the bite when your car breaks down or you lose your job. If you feel that it's important to have that cell phone with an awesome data plan, you're going to have to be willing to fork over an extra $50-70 a month, or 5+ hours at minimum wage.

I would suggest that you make up a spreadsheet. Make a list of what your expenses would be (food, cable, etc), then next to it put in what you think you would be paying. Do some research. You can always readjust your budget if you find out that you're going to have to work 23 hours a day to have that lifestyle.

Q: What does it mean to see a future with someone? As in your significant other. Does that mean marriage and kids?

And I understand that for different people it means different things, but I hear people throw this phrase around all the time so I'm asking what it means in the mainstream sense.

Some people don't believe in marriage, and others don't want to have kids.

Basically, it means that you see this person as someone you can build a future with. It's not that they're in YOUR future. It's that you have one together, sharing goals and building a life. It means that you can imagine yourself brushing your teeth next to that person for the next 60 years of your life without cringing.

Q: Hey im 19/f and im 5'7 and weigh 160 pounds.. most of my weight i've gained within the past 3 months which im not too sure why. But I want to start doing some exercises that will help tone my legs and thighs. Also i feel like i retain a lot of water weight. I know theres diurex but i'm not sure if that'll help. Is there anything over the counter i can take to help with this? Also what type of foods should i stay away from.. salty food seems to be my weakness. So i know i need to work on that.. but yeah 2 main questions. what are some good exercises i can do and is there anything otc i can take for bloating/water weight. Thanks and i do rate :)

And I can help with the water weight.

1) STEP AWAY FROM THE DIURETICS. I mean it. Those things dehydrate you and make you retain more water if you don't actually need them (like for high blood pressure). They're actually pretty dangerous.

2) Start monitoring that salt intake. Find a food-tracking website (like SparkPeople or MyFitnessPal), or even just write down what you're taking in. Make sure that you're keeping your salt intake below 2300 mg at the very most. I try to keep it down to 1500 mg.

3) No more pop. Especially diet pop. They're full of salt.

3) Drink water instead. It sounds counter-intuitive, but drinking more water will make you lose water weight. I aim for a minimum of 6 cups, maximum of 12 cups a day. If you happen to take in more salt than usual, drink extra water. Don't be too disheartened if it doesn't work immediately. Sometimes it takes a while to kick in, and you may temporarily gain weight if you've been constantly dehydrated before. For me it was always the second day that I would drop the weight. Bam, 3-5 lbs gone.

Q: Okay so after my first appointment with my psychiatrist I wasn't feeling so good. Like with counselling which I thought wouldn't do much, it actually helped a lot and I thought that psychiatry would like be the ending but no it just flipped everything upside down!

First of all, it was akward and with the fact that she has my counsellor's notes on me with her, she wouldn't ask same questions that she knows answers to but she did. Nothing was comforting; she asked me a lot of questions like how a police would interrogate thier suspect.

She kept telling me to increase my dosage because the average dose is 15mg but I take 5mg and she told me that nothing's wrong with taking more meds; it depends how deep you're in (if you're really thirsty and one glass of water isn't enough, you're not addicted to it). But she wanted me to like increase my increase by 5mg per week! So I said that in a week I'll increase by 10mg and she looked kind of ticked that she didn't get her way but said that it was fine since I was meeting it in the middle with 10mg.

And she asked me what I thought was wrong with me and I told her that since I was very little till now I think I have depression and anxiety but I don't know what kind. And she scolded me a couple of time for using medical terms, especially when I describe my symptoms because I would use terms rather than normal words which she says is a bad habit of patients. But I think that somehow she probably thinks that if you don't have a medical degree you shouldn't use medical terms or something.

And well one of the questions she asked kind of struck a chord in me and I started tearing up (I hate crying) so I grabbed a tissue to wipe my eyes and she just went on asking me questions without pausing or anything and the counsellors I've talked to would at least push the box of tissues forward or hand me the box but she didn't and at times I had to bend over to read for another tissue at the end of her desk!

And well nto much was done but like she wanted me to be specific and it took me 10 years to finally get help so don't you think I tried to solve it myself by asking the same questions? It's so specific like when I have a stomach ache, she wants to know where exactly but I really don't know.

And so at the end she thinks I have social phobia and asked if I think that's what I think and I said no (because I know what I've been through and to push that all into the social phobia category is just not it) and she said that well she has her opinions and I have mine and that if I disagree with things it's okay to voice it out but I don't think so and at times I was secretly fuming and frustrated that I couldn't talk because my throat felt so bloated.

And to end the appointment she told me that since I like to look up so much stuff on the internet, perhaps I could look up social phobia. I don't think she meant it as anything rude but she does sound monotone so I wans't sure if she was being sarcastic or something but that comment still peeves me off and my appointment is tomorrow (3 weeks went by so fast!) and I totally forgot! I don't know what to say if she asks me to incrrease mroe dosage because I want to be a nurse (haha) and my hands are like really precious to me and the meds make ym hands shake and the mroe I have the mor weak my hands get and I can't be a nurse if my hands don't work! And she told me that it doens't matter WHAT I have (because I told her I just really want to know what exactly is wrong with me throughout all these years. I need a LABEL) but honestly how can you treat me if you don't know what's wrong with me? All my counsellors suggested her and said that she'd be great for me because she gives extra time and nto only does psychiatry but gives a bit of counselling too but so far I don't agree to that.

So sorry for making you read all of that but how was your first appointment and what was your opinions of it and what do you think about mine? Could you share your feelings of what you felt like through the first appointment and afterwards too? And do you think I should stop seeing her or something?

I could describe my first psychiatric experiences, except I think you just did it for me!

I was forced onto antidepressants at age 12 by my family doctor. I went to a psychiatrist at 20 who diagnosed me with depression and anxiety, then put me on antidepressants that made everything worse and refused to believe that they weren't working, increasing my dosage instead. That same psychiatrist was often forceful and rude when asking questions.

Even my current psychiatrist isn't anything to write home about. Fortunately, I got involved with a really great community mental health program that pairs me up with a nurse, an occupational therapist/counselor and a psychiatrist. I've only seen my psychiatrist 3-4 times in the last year, when I needed an official diagnosis or when I needed a medication change. It was the nurse who suggested that I might have bipolar disorder and OCD rather than just general anxiety.

Bottom line: if you don't like your psychiatrist, find a new one. If your gynecologist made you incredibly uncomfortable and dispensed bad advice, would you keep going back? Psychiatry is a very intimate profession: you have to be able to fully trust the person you're dealing with. If you don't like the medication you've been put on, demand to be put on something else. I was on one mood stabilizer until a few months ago that made me incredibly drowsy. I started missing class because I would sleep until 2-3 in the afternoon. I thought it was just something I had to deal with, because it was helping my mood. Turns out, I was wrong. There are other options out there with different side effects, different efficiency levels, and different compatibilities, ESPECIALLY when it comes to antidepressants. They actually tried to put me on NSAIDs, because some of them are effective in treating bipolar disorder. I flat-out refused to take anything like that, because I'd already been on 3 different types and all of them had made things worse for me. (Antidepressants are uppers, basically. Imagine giving uppers to someone who is already on an emotional high. Not pretty.)

Now, I can see her getting a little huffy about what she perceived as 'self-diagnosis'. Dr. Google causes a lot of problems for real doctors. I went into therapy convinced that I was schizophrenic. Fortunately, they were able to talk me out of it. One good thing that came of it was that it brought to light some of the previously hidden symptoms of bipolar disorder, stuff that I hadn't brought up because I thought it was just me being weird. I've had doctors tell me off for assuming I've got strep throat when I have... strep throat. Sometimes what you think you have is what you have. The internet does equip us in some ways to assess ourselves (if you hadn't done some research into it, would you have gone for help?) but it can also convince us we've got cancer when it's just a tummy ache. So that's just a doctor thing.

I also had a real diagnosis withheld from me for all of my teenage years, because they didn't want to 'burden' me with a lifelong label. I had to demand a label with my most recent psychiatrist. I have OCD. I like things to be labelled and organized, even in my head. I want to be able to research what is wrong with me, learn more about treatment options and connect with other people dealing with the same thing. I can handle a life sentence. It sounds like you're the same way. You can demand that from them.

So, yes, I would stop seeing her if I were you because you're getting nowhere with her. Let your counselors know what your problem with her was, and ask for another referral to someone more... compassionate? Human? If you don't agree with a diagnosis or a medication prescription, fight it kicking and screaming if you have to. It does sound like you're doing everything that you can be doing. Keep working with the counselors, because that is an enormous chunk of the process of recovery.

Q: so im 13 and i have gone through a lot of crap in my life, a lot. not really gonna go into detail, but basically what happeened in a nutshell is my life went upside down from being fun-loving girl to being confused, depressed and suicidal. thankfully i am not any of the last three discriptions anymore. I have lifted a weight off my chest and i feel very releived, but when i did lift the weight off my chest, it was the most pain i've felt in a long time. before that i was kinda numb or depressed you could say, but when this happened i exploded out of rage and anger. and i did cut. but i promised i would never do it again. how could i? it was basically the worst thing in my life that ever happened. things can only get better. i have been seeing a therapist. it is helping me.now is the time im trying to go back to being that fun-loving social butterfly i was before, even before i was depressed. so im determined to get my happy back with the help of going to therapy once a week, not cutting (which i only did 2x)and being optimistic, and improving myself by maybe who knows? becoming a nicer person, doing yoga and eating right? i think this is a great start for me to being myslef again. the weight i lifted off my chest recently happened about a month ago. and i feel the need to smoke, and drink, and do pot. Now i know it is not legal i am aware of that. and i know its not coming from a "normal" place, bc kids my age do not start that until maybe 16-18 yrs old. and i now realize that its coming from a place of hurt, since i said its the most pain i've felt in a long time. if i get over the hurt, since the weight has been lifted, and work on myself, will it pass? will the pain pass just like the drugs? i was also wandering if i were or did do drugs of some sort will it help ease the pain, on top of me working on myself? if u watch the movie Thirteen its almost identical what i went thru. so thank you sooo much xoxoxo im sry it was long. please give AS MUCH ADIVCE AS POSSIBLE THANK YOU.

Alcohol is a depressant.

Marijuana is a depressant.

Both will mess with your mood. They will not make things better. In fact, using Thirteen as an example... aren't drugs and alcohol what made her go off the deep end? (Love that movie, by the way)

Look, I've been through some messed up stuff and I know what it's like to want to self-medicate. It doesn't help. If therapy alone isn't cutting it, ask your therapist for a referral to a psychiatrist who can evaluate you for legal medication.

Yes, pain sucks. It's no fun to have to deal with the past. Drugs are not the way out of it. It's not 'normal' to start at any age.

Q: I recently went on to lostzombies.com just to check it out. and i was continuously mad fun of and had a lot of rude remarks about being gay, which im not, and about my mother. Now I did say a little bit back, in defense, however the admin chewed me out and nothing was done about those who made really personal rude remarks. I think this website should be shutdown. Immediately.

Much as I like the idea of us as World Internet Police, we aren't. We can't shut down a website.

The internet can be a foul, filthy place, full of things that will offend, disgust and anger us. That's the joy of freedom of speech, baby. It's how the Westboro Baptist Church continues to exist and spread their message. The owner of that site has the right to allow offense to as many people as he wants, just like DN has the right to kick people off of this site for being offensive. Their site, their rules.

Unless they've actually broken the law, you can't get them shut down. They haven't. The best thing you can do for yourself is to forget that the website exists and never visit it again.

Q: im not saying im scuicidal but just wondering what other people think on it. Do you guys see it as a person going thru so much that decided to end his misery. Or do you see it as some shallow uncaring jerk that decided to end it. I dont know i just kind of want peoples opinions on the subject whatever it may be.

I see it as someone who has been through so much that they don't care if they hurt other people, because they need to get out of the situation they're in. At least that's where I was a while ago. I also see it as an avoidable action. If every suicidal person would take a few hours to talk to people about it, most could be prevented. There's always another way out.

It's like a mouse in a glue trap chewing off its foot. It's an act of desperation with harmful consequences. The average suicidal person is just unable to really fathom the consequences because their mind is fogged.

That said, there are some people who use suicide as an aggressive act, to "show" someone, or to hurt someone.

Q: my name is Rachel and iam a 22 year old female and lately i've noticed that Iam fine during the winter but when it gets closer to the summer iam more depressed and iam not depressed at all during the winter or could it be that I have a lot of bad memories during the summer time like a week before I turn 22 which is on april 4th I was molested by my dad 19 years ago. my best friend died on father's day,my dad died when I was 12 and father's day is coming up, my dad's b-day is in may and my best friends birthday is in july.

It is very possible, but we can't diagnose you.

If you think you have a mental illness, talk to your family doctor and see if you can get a referral to a psychiatrist and a counselor. Some people do both. A psychiatrist can prescribe medication if it is needed. A counselor will do the hard part; helping you work through your issues. It's 25% medication, 25% counselling, 50% homework (what you do once you get out of your therapy session).

Q: This is difficult to admit. Usually on when posting this on a different website. I will expound on my past life, and explain how depression and social insecurity have plagued my existence from an ealy age. A lack of social contact leads to a lack of social contact. A pattern emerged where in my younger and more formative years I was focused more on not committing suicide that I was figuring out how to date or having sex. Essentially, thats what happened. When I left for university I burnt all of my bridges at home in the hopes for a better future in another state. I spent the first semester getting drunk with my fraternity. I had to leave the next semester due to dropping out of the fraternity; the story is complex. The old pattern of depression and isolation of high school repeated itself. To say that I hated the dorms would be an understatement. I succeed in moving out last year. Its a year that has been good to me; to say nothing of my anti-depressant prescription and yet. I am still a 23 year old who had never had a girlfriend and totally and utterly inexperienced at the arts of courtship or intimacy. I feel like I have to pack what should have been 10 years of learning into 1 year. Keeping in mind that in the dating marketplace I am horribly undervalued due to my inexperience. In essence: I realize that my life has been rather unusual for a scion of upper middle class parents who is attractive, well off, and (frankly, thank you books!) highly intelligent. I've coped by burying my past; all of it. While continuously not satisfied by my present conditions. Perhaps I have unrealistic expectations? Perhaps I don't have any idea what happiness, or normalcy, or satisfaction mean? But I want this, this simple one thing. I want a relationship. I deserve one. I want to kiss, fondle, love, stare into the eyes of another human being...the things that I deserve just as I deserve my scared dignity! But how?

You need to get your life sorted out before you can include someone else in it. I know from experience, having dated while dealing with mental illness. It worked out by a fluke, but I am not the general rule.

Burying your past is not coping. It's surviving. It's saying "I don't want to deal with this, so it never happened". Thing is, it did happen, and it molded you into the person you are today. We are the sum of our past experiences. You can't cut out a 4+ year chunk of your life and expect to be a whole person again.

Yes, those years were terrible, and we would all prefer to forget them. It won't do you any good. You're on antidepressants, but those are maybe 25% of the entire treatment. You need to find a good counselor to help you learn how to deal with the fact that you have a mental illness, not just learn how to deal with it. It's hard for us, because we drop out of society for a time and have to find ourselves again. There's no shame in needing help with that. Your school should provide counselling services.

As for courtship and intimacy, that isn't something that everyone is an expert in at 24. I know a lot of people who are about as good at courtship as your average 13 year old, with a bevy of failures under their belts. Inexperience can be a good thing. It means you haven't had time to develop bad dating habits.

How are you on the friends front? Try focusing for the time being on making friends. It's a lot easier than finding your soul mate. Talk to girls, talk to guys, build relationships. That will help ease you into intimacy on a limited level. Then you can move on to the more complex stuff. Dating relationships take a lot of work and energy. It's not something you want to leap into when you're on a shaky foundation.

It's not like dating circles are this mystical secret society that you can only get into once you know the handshake. Once you're ready for it, intimacy will come to you naturally. Finding the right person is just a matter of talking to others with the goal of finding out about them (not the goal of dating them).

Q: Is the National Youth Leadership Forum on Medicine a scam? I got an email today saying I was nominated, but then googled it and people are saying it is a scam. It says its only the top 1% of high school students, and I'm only a freshman so I'm confused how I got accepted and the upperclassmen didn't?

Some people say it's a scam, but it does have an A from the Better Business Bureau.

From what I've gathered, it is a legitimate program, but their manner of advertising is a little iffy. It's not nearly as selective as they make it sound. In fact, entire schools have received notification from the program.

Those who have done it say that it is a lot of money, but very interesting. It won't get you into college, but it could be good for developing an interest.

Q: Hi.

i am 14 yrs and am 1mth preggers and dont know what i should do. i hate the thought of an abortion and adoptipton but i am only 14 and am still a kid... what should i do, is an abortion the right chioce?

Yes, adoption and abortion both suck. It would be incredibly hard to have a baby and give it up, or to end the life of a baby that's growing inside of you. You know what else is hard? Raising a child with no support and no education.

The idea of the 10-10-10 decision is pretty good... but that only takes you to age 9. How about 10-10-10-20-30-40-50-... You never stop being a parent. It's not about what you're most comfortable with. It's about what is best for the potential child.

I am pro-choice, but I would never have an abortion personally. I'm not one of those people who throws the idea of abortion around casually. It is ending a life that you have started, but sometimes it's better than ending a life that's already begun (yours).

It's been discovered that abortion is actually safer than carrying a baby to term and giving birth. I have had friends who have had them, and they've moved on with their lives with a tiny stinging regret in the back of their minds. Even so, it meant that they could finish university, support themselves, get themselves in a more stable situation for future children. None of them are permanently scarred.

Adoption is difficult. I've never known anyone who has given up a baby for adoption, but I do know a few adopted kids. Some of them turned out just fine, others have serious abandonment issues. I think it has more to do with the age at which they're adopted out. You can make a couple very happy by giving them what they can't make themselves. You can also arrange for an open adoption, where you get to have contact with your baby on a limited basis. That can ease the whole "I'm abandoning my baby" feeling slightly.

Keeping the baby would be the most difficult thing. Are your parents supportive? Will you be able to continue high school? Can you afford a baby? Write up a budget for what you'll be able to afford. Remember that you should be saving for college for your kids. Not a whole lot left after rent, food and diapers. People can raise children on very little. Is it the best situation for the kid? It means that they are kept out of good schools. It means they have to live in low income areas. It means that they don't get to have nice things. Money isn't the only issue. You have to realize that your youth stops now, if you keep it. You don't get to go to high school like a regular kid. It's GED courses for you. You won't be able to go to university. Community college at best. No party phase in your life, because you have a toddler at home. You lose out on the experiences of age 14-25 and skip ahead to the part where you're a responsible adult. That is no easy feat. Some parents try to get that still, but they are sub-par parents, and your baby deserves the best, as all do.

It's easy to say "Oh, once you hold it you'll want to keep it", but that's being selfish. You may want your baby, but does your baby want a 14 year old mother? Choose carefully, because this is the entire course of another person's life that you are choosing.

Q: My daughter is 13 and I'd like for her to start paying for her new clothes, accesories, and basically everything. Of course I would still pay for her food and keep a roof over her head. She doesn't have a job but she gets $5 a week for allowance. Do you think it's okay to make her start paying for stuff?

At $5 a week, that gives her $260 a year to purchase clothes, shoes, pay for extra-curricular activities and save for college.

Personally, I would say that's not enough. However, if your daughter is proving to be rather extravagant in her tastes, it's very reasonable to say that she has to pay for her own entertainment and 'wants' out of her allowance, and that you'll pay for her 'needs' to a certain limit. Keep in mind that she'd have to save for 3 weeks to go to one movie and get popcorn. That's pretty tough for a girl her age, when social gatherings become more important.

When I was 13+, I had a part time job, so my parents gave me about $200-$300 a year to refresh my closet, replace things that were worn out, etc. Every year, I was to go through my clothes, make a note of what I needed, give it to them so they could judge whether I was being reasonable or not, and then from that they would decide what my limit would be. Some years I needed more, if I was going through a growth spurt (which your daughter will likely experience in the next few years) or if I was starting a new job with wardrobe requirements. That way, if I wanted a pair of $200 jeans that was all I got, so I learned how to budget.

Q: Im 19 female, my boyfriend is 20.. we've dated a year. past week we've been broken up, but last night he called to tell me why. basically he cried (which never ever happens) cried really hard and explained to me how id be an amazing wife and that i was the most perfect girlfriedn and perfect relationship ever and im an amazing person. He said since he's only been with 2 people in a relationship his whole life, and slept with, that he feels he can't say im the one until he experiences other things. The same time though he kept saying how much he hates himself but he doesn't wanna lie to me and start pushing me away later because of this feeling. He kept going back to how he's torn because he does not wanna let me go at all but he doesn't wanna feel this way being with me, but he still has his options open for me he just needs to get rid of that other feeling.

Obviously, this other feeling means experiencing other girls. I somewhat understand i suppose, because how can you say you know someone is the one when you've only been with one or two people, but how can you expect to move on if someone means that much to you? Once he get's with other girls way down the road, I dont know if ill be able to take him back in the future, so is there anyway now for him to know im the one without being with other people?

I need a males feeeeedback on this one please!

I'm not a male, but I am engaged to one.

My fiance and I started dating when he was 19, I was 18. He had only ever been with one other woman, and that was a one night stand and he was really drunk. So basically, for all intents and purposes, I'm the only woman he's ever been with. Never has he told me that he needs to have sex with other women to feel sure about me... and I've asked! Heck, I offered, because I've always heard that men can't make a decision based on one experience. It's not true. Guys can keep it in their pants if they really want to, and be happy while they're at it.

He wants to have his cake and eat it too. He wants to be able to screw around for a bit, do the young playboy thing, then come back to his faithful wifey. That really doesn't fly with me, and from the sounds of it you aren't really a believer either.

If he is sure about you, he won't need to screw around. It's called a sacrifice. By giving up the screwing around part of his life, he gains a wonderful, faithful, loving partner (you). By trying to have both, he could ruin what you have.

If you're not comfortable with it, tell him that if he walks out the door to another woman, you're gone. He's got to make a choice here. It's not your responsibility to indulge his immature desires. If he resents you for it, he's not ready for a real relationship yet.

Q: I have been with my boyfriend for a little over 2 years. We get along pretty well, to be honest. We see each other a lot and we hardly ever fight. Thing is, I just feel sometimes that he can be a bit too honest with me about stuff. It's never, ever been an everyday issue but it's been almost constant for the past couple of weeks for some reason.. For instance, he'll tell me something like "You have a zit", or that "your breath smells". It's annoying because I don't know why he feels the need to tell me stuff like that. Today, which is what really set me off, is that he said something about my drawings. He tells me a lot that I'm a good drawer and that I make good artwork, but today he decided to point out flaws about my current drawing. He said that it looked bad because the bottom looked unproportional, which annoyed me because I'm not even done with it. He claimed that he's "just being honest because the people at my art college will be too". Although he did point out something he liked about it, it made me feel crappy because art is something i feel really good about. I told him how it bothered me and he couldn't understand why it was a big deal. We're both critical of ourselves, but if I point out a flaw of his, he doesn't care. And he would tell me if it did.. He just feels like since it wouldn't bother him, than it shouldn't bother anyone else either. He's never tried to change me at all, or make it seem like I'm not worthy, he's just too honest sometimes. I love him, but I hate how he is unable to see this from my point of view

Welcome to the other side of the honeymoon period.

You're at a point in your relationship where you start to feel comfortable with each other. For him, this means that he can bring up some things that he might not have before.

I'll tell my fiance if he has dragon breath, because then he'll do something about it and I don't have to smell it any more. It's just something that happens once you're out of the "he/she's perfect" zone. Nothing personal. You probably had bad breath before, he was just too nervous to say anything. Believe it or not, this is a good thing.

As for the art thing, it sounds like it was a legitimate piece of constructive criticism that you took way too personally. I think it's great that he's taking an interest in your activity, and wants to help you get far in your work. You've got to get over this if you want to go anywhere in art, because people will criticize, and may not say the nice things to go with it. It's not like he said "this is crap". He made an observation, and instead of trying to see it from his perspective, you've stomped off in an e-huff.

Loving a person isn't about telling them they're perfect. It's not about making them feel good all the time. It's about being happy together. If a comment about your art could make you a better artist, you should embrace it no matter who it comes from. If a comment about your breath can make him happier for the next half hour because you go and brush your teeth, then embrace it, because a tiny bit of embarrassment from you will save him the fun of smelling your onion sandwich all day. More kisses for you :)

Q: this site is typical right wing bunkum. people come to these sites for quick an relatively painless ways of committing suicide, not to be told "no, don't do it, u have so much to live for!!!!!!!!!!" Believe me, most of us have already thought through the alternatives, been to numerous councellors, tried antidepressants etc. these treatments just don't work for everyone. Just offer practical solutions for those who have made the moral right to choose to end their lives, or shut the hell up and stay off this forum!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm a liberal, so I'm not right-wing.

When someone asks us a question, it becomes our business.

Look. I tell people not to kill themselves because I've been there. I found this website years ago because I was looking for a way to kill myself, pain-free. I thought I'd tried everything. 10 years of counselling, 7 years of antidepressants, etc. I was at the end of my rope.

Fortunately, I took the advice I was given and held out a little longer. It's taken a few more tries, but I now have a treatment that works. And yes, because of my diagnosis I'll be on medication forever, and I'll never be perfectly 'normal'. But I have a lot to live for, and every day I thank those people who had the balls to stand up and challenge my decision and tell me that I was being stupid and giving up too soon.

Everyone has a chance at happiness. Everyone has multiple chances. Just because what you've done so far hasn't worked doesn't mean that you should give up, because life isn't chess or baseball. You can't pick it up later once you've quit.

You have the right to do as you please. We have the right to advise you as we please. Remember that.

Q: Hey.
I'm a thirteen year old girl, who needs ideas of what to eat for breakfast. I don't usually have breakfast (i know its bad) cause I get sooo sick of just eating boring cereal.

What are some healthy recipes I can make in around 5 minutes. 10 mins would be the maximum time it could take to make.

Any recipes will be appreciated

Thanks :D

I love oatmeal. Not the instant kind, that stuff is nasty and gritty. The quick oats are easily cooked within 5 minutes.

Basic oatmeal is easy. You just follow the recipe on the package. I add the oats and the water at the same time and bring to a boil, that makes it creamier.

To make it more fun, I'll add any of the following combinations:

- Apple chunks and cinnamon
- Raisins and cinnamon
- Raisins and maple syrup
- Frozen berries (raspberries, blueberries, blackberries or mixed)
- A banana, sliced up
- A tablespoon of peanut butter and a banana
- In a pinch, a spoonful of jam

Super healthy (minus the one with maple syrup) and it keeps you full for a long time. It's also really quick.

Q: if a women has hair on her upper lip should u shave it off or wax?

I always wax (Italian heritage). Shaving tends to come back after a day or two, and it's kind of weird to have prickly stubble. It doesn't actually make hair grow back thicker, but because the end of the hair isn't tapered and the shaft is newly exposed and hasn't had a chance to be lightened by the sun, it will LOOK darker and thicker.

Waxing isn't fun. It's easiest if you have someone else do it, but I'm a broke student and can't be bothered to head out to a salon and pay the $10 a month, so I do it myself. You can get pre-waxed strips at just about any drug store. Make sure you follow the instructions, and brace yourself. It doesn't hurt all that much, pretty much like plucking your eyebrows or peeling off a bandage. Just count to 3 and make sure you do it in one quick motion, because slowly peeling it off is agony.

Q: Okay so I have to run a mile for cheerleading tryouts at the begining of august 2011. Right now I have about a 7:55 mile and I want to be able to run it and feel better at the end. I am NOT a long distance runner. I did track the last 3 years but I can't do it this year. I need things I can do that take like 5 miinuets to do everyday to improve my leg strenght and endurance. Any tips? I need somethings to help me be able to run a mile and not be so tired during or after. I don't have a lot of time after school because I have stuff to do after school till 6 then hw till like 8:30 and I can't go any where after that. Soooooo.........

•what are some conditioning things I can do to strengthen my legs?
•how can I get more endurance with out running everyday?
-------I have all star cheer eery wed. And sun. For like 3 hours and it's a big workout but I need some more things to do.
• what are some things I can do so a mile is easier to run for me?

Sorry this is so long. Lol :) thanks soooo much though!!!!

:))))

If you have 20-30 minutes a day, 3 days a week, there's a program I'm doing (free, the outline is online) called Couch to 5K. I've never been a runner, so this is a new thing for me. Basically, it gets you from not being able to run at all, which it sounds like you can, to being able to do 5 kilometers, or roughly 2 miles. It takes 9 weeks to complete.

The nice thing about a program like this is that it's the same length of time, and you slowly build on your abilities instead of really shocking your system.

http://www.coolrunning.com/engine/2/2_3/181.shtml

Q: Hey, I really respect your advice and I'd appreciate it if you could take a look at this question for me..

http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=591421

Thanks

Done and done. Sorry for the delay, I was on vacation for a week. No need to respond to this answer, just wanted to drop a personal note to thank you for asking me. It's always nice to hear that someone appreciates my input!

Q: 19/f

I started university in September which meant living away from home for the first time. The lifestyle here makes it so easy to go out, get drunk and bring someone back with you and I've become really promiscuous. I'm starting to get a reputation and I've found myself lying to friends about whether or not I've had sex the night before because I'm scared of them judging me. Usually I use condoms and I'm on the contraceptive injection but there have been times when I've been too drunk to bother and have had to worry about STI's. I know it's stupid and I'm putting myself at risk but I can't seem to stop.

I really want to meet someone and have a proper relationship but guys never seem to want anything more than drunken sex with me. When it's happening I feel attractive and wanted but afterwards I just end up feeling worse.

How do I change?

I'm going to second Razhie's suggestion of a sabbatical.

I found myself going down a similar path for a while in my first year of university. I had never been the subject of male interest before then, and all of a sudden guys seemed to want me. So I started being more promiscuous than I was comfortable with, and ended up in some bad relationships culminating with a 'boyfriend' of mine announcing his intentions to start dating another girl right after we'd just had sex on my birthday. Not an ego booster. So I decided to swear off of dating and sex for a while. Oddly enough, the day after was the day I met the man I'm engaged to now!

If you're finding yourself unable to control your actions while drinking, you need to cut it until you can limit yourself to a degree where you can trust yourself not to make bad choices. If your friends only like you when you're drinking, they're not real friends. Surround yourself with positive, happy, healthy people. Find what makes you feel good about you without depending on other peoples' opinions. Try joining a club or activity (yoga classes, art classes, outdoors club) that makes you happy. It'll help remove you from those gross barfly guys and put you in better society. Another idea is to take the money you would put aside for drinking each week, save it up for a few months and then blow it on something fantastic for yourself. You'd be surprised at how quickly even a few dollars (or pounds, I suppose) a week will add up.

You're probably not going to find love in a bar. People go there to put on beer goggles and get freaky, not to learn about what sort of person you are, what your likes and dislikes are and what kind of future you want. Getting in with people in a different environment gives them a chance to get to know you, rather than depending upon a shallow image they get from across a crowded room.

Don't be down on yourself. You're at a point where you're discovering yourself and who you want to be. Having the strength to look at yourself and decide that you don't like where you're headed is a good thing. Most of all, take care of yourself. Hit up the school clinic and get tested. See a counselor if you can't get past shameful feelings, or to find out what drives you to seek attention in this way. And you always have us :)

bio

My Personal Forum

My name is Amanda and I'm 26 years old. I'm currently studying electrical engineering. Armed with a fairly odd sense of humour and a sunny outlook on life, I'll take on just about anything. I'm also cussedly stubborn, which has its ups and downs. Things get tough sometimes, and I've never been one to run from it.

In my last 8 years with Advicenators, I've gone from honours student to failing out of university (and getting back on top again!), from single to married, from tenant to homeowner.

Until lately, I have been struggling with a diagnosis of bipolar disorder and OCD, which had basically ruined my life and taken just about everything from me. I'm thankful every day for every experience I've had because of this ordeal, because it's helped to make me who I am today. Things like that really make you appreciate what you do have. Now that I'm back in work and school and starting to become myself again, I couldn't be happier. I credit Advicenators with saving my life back when I was a teenager, which is a big part of why I'm still here.

I won't necessarily give you the answers you want to hear, but I'll always be honest and do my best to help.